Chapter Nine

Flashes of a Life not Empty

Mandy stood there and watched. She watched what she could not believe she was seeing. It was her house, her house on a spring morning. The sun was shining and birds were singing their morning tune. She walked across the quiet street to her house and went to open the door. But when her hand reached for the handle, something strange happened. Her hand fazed straight through the door handle. She quickly recoiled in shock.

"What's going on here?" she thought to herself. Suddenly she heard soft feet approaching from behind her. She stepped aside and off the path that led to Mandy's door. She then looked at the child walking to the door.

"Wait a minute," Mandy thought, "that boy…it's…Billy, when he was just a toddler … I remember this day."

And it was true; the boy was a young Billy. He walked up to the door and began to ring the doorbell repetitively. Suddenly the door flew open and a young Mandy stood there, looking at Billy with a surprised and slightly aggravated look on her young face. This however didn't stop Billy from ringing the doorbell.

'What are you, some kind of idiot?' the young Mandy said. Billy stopped and looked at her; he then smiled with his simple smile.

'You ain't got's no nose,' the young Billy stated. Mandy just slammed the door in his face. The older Mandy leap to hold the door open but as it got slammed in her face, she just fazed through it like her hand before. Getting over her momentary shock, she quickly looked around for the young Mandy and found her leaning against the door. Her eyes were wide open and she looked stunned.

"This was the day we met," Mandy thought.

Suddenly a flash of light shone in the older Mandy's eyes, forcing her to close them and put her hand in front of her face. The light faded and Mandy slowly lowered her hand and opened her eyes. She was no longer standing in house; instead, she was in her kindergarten classroom. She looked around in shock and saw herself sitting at the small table next to Billy. She had her usual, stern expression planted on her face, a completed sheet of very simple maths on her desk. The older Mandy smiled, no matter what year she was in, she always finished first. The five year old Mandy turned to look at Billy next to her. He was there concentrating on his sheet of paper as if he thought that it would complete itself if he stared hard enough.

'So you are an idiot are you?' the young Mandy asked Billy. She then leaned over in front of him.

'Just watch, it's easy … think of the numbers as pies …' A sympathetic face slowly made its way onto the older Mandy's face as she watched her former self commit to an obvious act of kindness towards Billy.

She winced once more as the blinding light shone again. The beam temporarily blinded Mandy and she was forced to shield her eyes. The bright beam dulled down once more and she opened her eyes to find herself in yet another new place. She quickly ignored the fact that she wasn't where she was before and went straight to looking around.

"Where am I now?" she wondered to herself as she looked across the blacktop. She was standing in the middle of a basket ball court, watching her younger self standing between Billy with the ball, and the basketball hoop. Other children were also running around, but the younger Billy and Mandy didn't take any notice to them. Mandy's mind snapped to the moment as she realised.

"This is year three P.E." she thought with shock running through her mind. "Why am I here now?"

'Just make a shot Billy,' the former Mandy said.

'Just you wait Mandy, this shot will make Michael Jackson proud,' Billy replied as he dribbled the ball in front of him.

'You mean Michael Jordan, Billy,' Mandy corrected.

'Whatever Mandy … here I come.'

Billy made moved to the left hoop and Mandy quickly jumped in his path, ready to take the ball from him. But he suddenly did a full one-eighty to the right, to get around Mandy, but he did it too early and collided into her face first, knocking them both down. Billy landed on top of Mandy as the ball rolled away. The older Mandy walked a bit closer to the two kids as they lay very still, she bent down to see her former self's face. A chill ran down her spine as she remembered exactly where she was. She smiled sarcastically as she spoke.

'Ah…yes, now I remember.'

The younger Billy and Mandy just laid there, staring at each other, both their lips warm. Billy had fallen on Mandy in just a way that their lips connected, and now they were too shocked to move. The older Mandy pinched the skin between her eyes, she remembered this moment very well.

'Hey look,' the voice of another student called out. 'Billy and Mandy are kissing.'

Slowly the rest of the students turned and started jeering and wolf whistling. Mandy quickly pushed Billy of from on top of her and sat upright, wiping her mouth with her arm. Billy did the same as they both blushed a bright red. The older Mandy shook her head in embarrassment. She then looked up at the sky and yelled.

'Okay, I get it, Billy and I are close friends … now can I go home!'

'I don't think you do get it,' a sharp and familiar voice toned from behind Mandy, making her jump. She quickly turned around and saw something quite strange. She was standing across from herself. This other Mandy looked exactly the same except for her clothing, which was completely different. Instead of Mandy's usual pink clothing with its signature flower on it somewhere, the girl was wearing all black, with a skull in the middle of her shirt. Mandy studied the identical girl.

'And who are you supposed to be?' Mandy finally asked.

'I am your inner self,' the other Mandy replied. 'I am everything you are inside.'

Mandy looked at her inner self with lazy eyes.

'That's great, now can I go.'

'Not until you realise why you're here,' Mandy's inner self said calmly.

'I already get it, Billy is my closest friend, and I care for him.'

'But you don't only see him as a friend, do you,' Mandy's inner self raised her hand and clicked, and at that moment the blinding light flashed once more. Mandy closed her eyes lazily and reopened them once the light died down.

She glanced around at her surrounding's and instantly new exactly where she was, she was in her room. She glanced over to her bed to see her former self sitting on the edge of her bed, looking out the window. She wasn't much younger then Mandy was now, less than a year she guessed. She had a very sad and sympathetic face on, the kind of face she only displayed when she was alone.

"There's only one thing I would be looking at through that window," Mandy thought to herself. She carefully moved over to a spot where she could see out the window. She looked across the moonlit street and straight into the window of Billy's room. She looked on as he sat on his bed, his head buried in his hands, fresh tears slowly leaking out of his eyes. Mandy sighed as she saw this.

"The day Billy's parents left," Mandy thought. She looked back at her younger self as she moved on the bed, leaning over to grab her mobile. She hit speed dial one and looked across to Billy's house, the older Mandy's eyes following. Mandy watched Billy look across at his phone, dry his eyes and clear his throat, then pick up his mobile.

'Hello,' Mandy could just here Billy's voice through the younger Mandy's phone.

'Hey Billy … it's me,' the younger Mandy replied.

'Oh … hey Mandy, what cha doing?' Billy said, trying to sound normal. Mandy sighed and continued to talk.

'Hey Billy, you want to sleep over at mine tonight?' Mandy asked. Billy wasn't aware that Mandy could see him through the window, so he didn't look at it.

'A sleep over at yours,' Billy said almost sleepily.

'Yeah, it'll just be the two of us; I've got the house to myself tonight.'

Billy sniffed back a dripping nose as he replied

'Okay Mandy … that sounds good.'

'Alright, I'll see you in a bit.'

'Yeah … give me a bit to get my stuff together and I will be over soon,' Billy finished. Mandy hung up the phone and fell flat on her back on her soft bed. The older Mandy just looked on at her, a small smile on her face.

'Do you see know?' Mandy's inner self said.

'What!' Mandy snapped. 'The kid's parent's just left because they couldn't stand him, he needed this kindness, and anyone would have done it … and besides, we're friends, we sleep over all the time.'

'Ah, but there are so many problems with what you just said,' Mandy's inner self interjected. 'You never ask Billy to sleep over at your house; it's always the other way around. And would you have offered this kindness to any other person?'

'I …' Mandy stopped. She thought she had an argument, but her inner self had a point. Mandy hated asking anyone for anything, yet she offered for Billy to stay at her house with her. And her inner self was right. She wouldn't have extended her arm to anyone else like this. Mandy looked back up at her inner self.

'This still doesn't prove that he is anything more then a friend to me,' Mandy said flatly. Mandy's inner self just laughed.

'Why try lying Mandy, I am you, I already know how you feel about him.'

'Prove it,' Mandy said. Mandy's inner self smiled at her and clicked her fingers. The bright light flashed once more and Mandy covered her eyes, once more. She quickly recovered once the light died down and she glanced at her new setting. It was Billy's room. Another Mandy was in the room, folding Billy's cloths and neatly placing them in his draws.

'This was only a couple of weeks ago Mandy,' Mandy's inner self said. 'Can you explain to me what you are doing at the moment?'

Mandy looked at herself, and then at her inner self.

'The guy was living in a pig sty; I was just cleaning up abi–'

'But you hate any form of cleaning Mandy,' Mandy's inner self interrupted. 'You even started using Grim Less for your chores once he became Billy's Guardian.'

Mandy looked on at her inner self with disgust. She hated it when she wasn't right, even though ironically, she was right. The younger Mandy looked at the door as Billy came in. she quickly threw the cloths in her hand back into the pile that they came from before Billy could see her holding them.

'Hey Mandy, I'm ready to go to the circus now,' Billy said, exited.

'It's about time you idiot, it's like your slower then a snail,' Mandy said as she grabbed his arm and led him out of the room and to the front door.

'Admit it Mandy, you need him,' Mandy's inner self said sharply.

'That's an over exaggera–' Mandy was interrupted.

'You feel for him Mandy.'

'I don't need!'

'You couldn't live without him!'

'Your twisting my.'

'You love him!'

The room went silent as Mandy's inner self said her final sentence. Mandy bit her lip and clenched her fist's. She didn't look up at her inner self as she continued.

'And you can't stand it …' Mandy felt her blood boil and her face began to blush. 'How can you, love someone … it's a sign of weakness,' Mandy's inner self mocked.

'So what!' Mandy snapped. 'Who cares if I … love, him … and I'm not saying I do, but … it doesn't matter now.'

'Oh, why do you say that?' Mandy's inner self asked curiously. Mandy calmed down as she started her sentence.

'I'm dying anyway, aren't I?' she said glumly. 'And this whole experience was supposed to be some lame ass version of my life flashing before my eyes … am I right?' Mandy had worked it all out by the third flashback. And she willingly accepted her fate, though she didn't like it.

Mandy's inner self slowly smiled.

'And this is what you believe is it?' She asked. Mandy nodded.

'And this whole time you've been using this excuse to channel some bogus story about my whole life revolving around Billy.'

Mandy's inner self smiled on at Mandy and it made her feel uneasy.

"Looks like I didn't expect myself to be smart enough to work all that out," Mandy thought to herself. But something about her inner self's smile made her feel unsteady and confused. The silence between them was only broken by the sound of the younger Billy and Mandy clicking the door shut behind them as they left the house.

Mandy stared at herself, and she stared back with mischievous eyes. Mandy's inner self finally broke the silence with an offer.

'Okay then Mandy, if you're so sure that you're not in love with Billy, then how about we make a little wager.'

Mandy looked at herself with content in her eyes. She hesitated, but eventually replied.

'What kind of wager?' she asked.

'It's very simple really,' Mandy's inner self said, 'you can travel onto the next life, keeping your memories and more importantly, your memories of Billy … as you normally would when you cross over … or … I can revive your life. You would wakeup and continue to live in the mortal world.' Mandy's left eyebrow slowly raised at the proposal, but she didn't stay that happy once her inner self finished her sentence.

'But you would lose all of your memory's of Billy!' she finished. Mandy gasped out loud unwillingly. She looked on at the darker version of herself, shocked at her offer. She slowly brought her hand up to her heart … it wasn't beating at all.

'Well Mandy … what will it be?' Mandy's inner self asked, impatiently tapping her foot.

'I …' she couldn't force a word out. She welcomed the prospect of another life with open arms. There were so many things she hadn't done yet. She hadn't seen Paris, caused a mass riot, driven a car, and though she hated thinking about it, she hadn't had sex either.

But the thoughts of Billy weighed down heavily on her.

Mandy was so lost in her thoughts that at first she didn't even notice that the room had faded away and she was now standing in nothingness.

"Life … or Billy?" were the words Mandy's mind kept repeating, each one backed up with a convincing argument.

"I can't die now, I'm just too young, there's too much I haven't done," she thought. "But then that would mean forgetting Billy … can't I bring myself to do that. He's been around for as long as I can remember and I … I like him … maybe … even … love."

Mandy's thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

'Well … I'm waiting, what's your answer?' Mandy's inner self asked.

'I … I …' Mandy couldn't bring her self to say her answer.

"Life … or Billy … Life … or Bill –"

Her thought patters were invaded as a picture of Billy's smiling face entered her mind, filling Mandy with strange feelings. She clenched the clothes around her chest tighter. For some reason she wasn't wearing her large winter clothes anymore, she was just in her normal clothes. She felt her shirt tighten as she increased her grip on it as she thought of Billy. And then –

Bump.

Her heart beat a single time. And it was then that she knew what she had to do.

'I can't do it,' Mandy said. 'I can't just leave Billy, leave everything about him behind. I … care, about him too much.'

Mandy felt warm water trickling down her face. She raised her hand up and slowly picked it of her cheek and held her finger out in front of her.

"A … tear … But I never cry."

Mandy started to wipe her eyes clean as she sniffed back more tears.

'So go ahead,' Mandy said. 'Send me to the next world. I'm ready'. Mandy stopped wiping her eyes and stood very straight. Tears still rolled down her cheeks, but she ignored them. Instead she just looked at her inner self with stern eyes.

Mandy's inner self looked back at Mandy with the same serious face. But a smile slowly made its way onto her face, until she was smiling almost evilly. Mandy was confused.

'Mandy,' she said, 'sacrificing your life just for the memory of Billy is exactly what I wanted to hear.'

She raised her hand once more until it was next to her face.

'Don't forget what you learned here Mandy, just in case you ever want to … tell Billy something,' and with that she clicked and the bright light beamed into Mandy's eyes, much brighter then before.

And that was chapter nine. Mandy's inner experience. Sorry there was no authors comment at the end and start of the recent chapters. But it builds up dramatic effect. You know, it's so serious that there is no comment.