Second Story: The Three Little Largos
I do not own Repo, but I do own this idea…came to me in a dream…I need to stop eating ice cream before bed. These crack dreams are killing me.
Once upon a time there were three spoiled piggies- I mean siblings named Largo. There was Luigi, Paviche, and Amber Sweet. One day, Papa Pig (yes I do mean pig. Make the connection please!) got sick of their whining and bitching and threw them out of the mansion. Cold and hungry, the three had nowhere to go. That was when Paviche had an idea.
"Let's-a build a house-a!" He cried with glee, obviously pleased with himself for coming up with the idea.
Luigi nodded, agreeing for once with his younger brother.
"Yeah, let's build a fucking house!" he responded enthusiastically.
Amber Sweet giggled and started biting her arm, completely Z'ed.
Ignoring her, Pavi continued with his idea.
"We'll-a make it out of-a straw!" he crowed. He was on a roll.
Luigi froze, obviously disagreeing.
"Are you a fucking retard" he yelled. "Straw is fucking expensive! We're gonna make it out of sticks you fag!"
"No-a." Pavi disagreed. "Sticks are-a so passé! Straw is what's-a going on!"
Amber Sweet, disturbed from her daze, got pissed very quickly.
"Go and make it on your fucking own then! JUST SHUT UP!"
The two blinked, and made a tacit agreement to stay away from Amber when it was THAT time of month. Smart boys, very smart.
"She's-a right fratello. I'll-a go make my-a house, and we'll-a see whose is the winner."
As much as it pained him, Luigi had to admit he agreed.
"Fuck yeah. My house'll beat your fag house's ass you pansy!"
And with that, Luigi sprinted off to go build his epic house. Pavi ran off in the other direction while Amber sat peacefully, gnawing on her arm.
At that moment, a fangirl known only as Shovel glanced up from her yaoi…and saw opportunity. A wolfish grin spread across her face. "Pavigi…" she giggled to herself, drooling already. Time to gobble up some yaoi!
Pavi had finished his amazing straw hut, and was sitting on the ground, playing with himself when he heard someone call from outside.
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
Ouch…a pig? He wasn't that fat,was he?
"Not-a by the-a frilly silk-a shirt on my-a flawless-a skin!"
A little sad and angry by the rejection, Shovel decided to exact revenge on the hut.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!"
Pavi began to giggle.
"Oh do-a. Please-a blow my-a house down-a!"
He heard the sound of someone blowing wind wildly from their mouth. The straw barely rustled and Pavi began to laugh once more. That was until he heard the leaf blower. His house was suddenly blown away, and he found himself staring up at the fangirl's face.
Screaming like a little girl, he ran as fast as his expensive loafers could carry him to Luigi's stick hut. Annoyed by all the screaming, he opened the door to see his little brother chased by a rabid fangirl.
"PAVIGI!" she roared as she chased him.
"Not again…" he groaned as he let Pavi rush into his house.
He slammed the door shut, holding it closed with his back.
"What the fuck?!"
Pavi was too busy crying in a corner, scarred for life by the mere mention of Pavigi.
"Little pig, little pig let me come in!" she cried.
Luigi was suddenly filled with sudden anger at being called a pig.
"YOU BITCH!" he roared, throwing the door open. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME?!"
With a squeal, Shovel dove for the opening in the door. Pavi, coming to life at the sound of the door, slammed it shut in Shovel's face. With a loud smack, her face hit the door. It was indeed the next level up from face-palming, and was indeed what the author felt like doing while typing this. The house shook, and the sticks fell in a pile around the two. After a moment of disbelieving silence, they were chased fanatically through the streets until they reached a glass house made out of Zydrate filled vials. Amber opened the door, curious to see who was screaming. At the sight of her idiot brothers, she slammed the door shut. Ignoring their desperate pounding, she went back to her arm chewing. She had found Graverobber's secret stash, and had looted it without his knowing. She would pay him later when Papa Piggy let her have her cash back.
The pounding stopped, as well as the screaming. Curious, she opened the door a crack, and peered out.
"…what the hell are you doing?" she asked, annoyed.
Shovel was trying to make Luigi go on top of Pavi without breaking the camera in her hand.
"I'm making a porn video!" she squealed, still attempting to make Luigi enter Pavi. Pavi was in a state of pure shock now, rocking back and forth while muttering the word "muffin" over and over under his breath.
A sudden stomping made them all look up to see a throng of druggies rushing towards Amber's house.
"Oh shit." She swore, ducking back into her house.
It didn't matter. In a matter of seconds, the house was demolished with barely a drop of Zydrate left. The druggies ran off, without a second glance back.
"GIVE ME BACK MY HOUSE!" she screamed after them, and began to go in a state of comatose.
And so Pavigi finally became real and everyone got rid of the most hated character: Amber. And all the fans were happy. (except for the author…she hates Pavigi but hates Amber too.)
The moral of the story? You can never outrun a rabid fangirl.
The End.