TITLE: Five Firsts
AUTHOR: ponderer
SUMMARY: Five firsts with Ron and Hermione. Not the ones you may have thought of.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had no idea where this would go when I wrote it. It's much more angst filled than I planned, honest. This was the hardest section to write however, and I hope that it was worth the pain.
So sorry, but this is a cliffhanger! I'm so into this story that I can't seem to stop writing it! So watch out for the upcoming Part the Fifth B! As always, please review!
Five Firsts: Part the Fifth A
The first break-up.
Harry and Ginny had been engaged for a little less than six months before they finally set a date. Hermione counts it at exactly 150 days since Harry proposed, so it was at least 151 days that Ron knew about Harry having a ring. Hermione also knew that Ron was never going to propose.
Hermione loved her boyfriend dearly, couldn't wait to spend the rest of her days with him in a small house with a large yard, with a wooden swing that they could sit on and watch the fireflies and sun go down. However, her boyfriend was a complete dolt sometimes. Nevermind the sweet things he would do for her, which would be almost anything, but really, was it so hard to get down on one knee and do things the proper way?
Never considering herself an actress, Hermione had perfected the fake. "Hermione, what do you think of the color rouge for the bridesmaids? I think the red would reflect Harry's eyes beautifully," Mrs. Weasley gushed, but Ginny actually sided with her mother. For Ginny had that glazed look in her eye that Hermione wanted since Ron captured her in his arms during the war. "What do you think about that Ginny? The color would remind Harry of you, I think. It's very romantic."
Ginny nodded, simply glowing. "Mum, it's perfect. Hermione, don't you think so?"
Hermione was thinking of how a pale blue would offset Ginny's skin, along with the other bridesmaids; herself in a cream, lacey gown and she'd walk down the aisle with her father dressed elegantly in a tuxedo, her mother crying in the background, and at the archway her future husband was waiting; Ron.
"Hermione?" Ginny looked at her urgently.
"It's perfect Ginny." Satisfied, the mother and daughter turned through the magazine, stopping to comment on flower arrangements. Hermione, on the other hand, heard a lonely chime and felt its company.
-
"I don't know what's wrong with her, Harry. She hasn't been herself for the past weeks," Ron explained to Harry over lunch at their old apartment. They were in the middle of packing Harry's belongings to be moved into his new home with Ginny. The wedding was mere days away and everyone was on their last nerves with Mrs. Weasley's planning.
"Who?" asked Harry, a bit of soup falling down his stubbled chin. Ron handed him a napkin but followed on.
"Hermione. She's been off with me. We go out to a picture, get a bite, and then kip back here for a bit."
"That doesn't sound off to me, Ron," Harry replied but Ron was already shaking his head.
"No, it's like… she's there, but she's not. She did this earlier when school was still in session, when she was anxious about an exam, but never this long. I've tried talking to her about it, but she just looks worse afterwards."
"And you don't have any idea what's wrong?"
"No. But I thought maybe she would have mentioned something to you on your lunches together," Ron said, pointing his spoon at his best friend. Harry shook his head and took another spoonful of soup into his mouth.
"She hasn't said anything to me about it. But, I suppose I know what you mean. She has been out of sorts, since I've been asking a lot of the questions lately," Harry said, shrugging.
"Maybe I should ask Ginny? They've been planning a lot lately, with Mum, so they might know something," Ron said, putting his head in his hands. "I just wish I knew what was wrong so I could fix it. This whole thing is worse than fighting because I can't apologize. Maybe I should say sorry anyways, just in case that's what's wrong with her."
"Ron, you can't apologize every time Hermione has an issue, especially if it's not your doing. I'm sure she'll come around. You've both been really great together, so I'm guessing she's just researching a way to tell you," Harry thought out loud. Ron nodded nonchalantly, reaching towards his tea. "If you want, I could try and talk to her for you?"
But once Harry saw the gleam in Ron's eye, he knew he should have never bothered to try.
-
"Hermione, you look nice," Harry complimented his other best friend as she reached their regular table at the pub in Muggle London they frequented every Wednesday evening. Hermione blushed, looking down at the sweater her mother had purchased for her graduation present.
"Thank you Harry." She gave him an eye as he pulled her seat out, helping her push in to the table before he made his way to his own chair.
"How are you doing? I haven't seen you since Sunday's dinner at the Burrow," Harry asked, watching his friend as she read through the menu they both knew she had memorized.
"Just fine. Work's been keeping me fairly busy with any extra time your future mother-in-law gives me. I swear, I wouldn't have accepted Ginny's maid of honor position if I knew it would be more work than actual work." Harry chuckled at Hermione's smirk. He knew that she loved his future wife, but he could sense a tenseness to her shoulders at the topic.
"You look quite tired from it." Hermione shrugged, but didn't comment further. "I can have a word with Molly if you'd like. I realize she's been taking over some of the duties too much…"
"But it's her only daughter Harry. I'm truly happy to be a part of this day for Ginny, and you for that matter," Hermione explained, grabbing a hold of his hand across the table. He squeezed her hand in response.
"I love that you feel that way Hermione. You know I'd do the same for you," he said, smiling. Hermione however frowned slightly and pulled her hand from his slowly. Immediately, Harry sensed what Ron was talking about. "Are you really okay? Is it a fight with Ron?" Hermione looked up in shock.
"Heaven's no! Did Ron say something to make you think that?" she exclaimed.
Harry shook his head. "No, but he did mention something about you being different lately. He's worried about you."
"He shouldn't be worried. Nothing's wrong."
"You would tell me, though, if there was, right?" he asked, concerned.
"Of course," she asked as the waiter came to take their order. Harry watched as Hermione ordered her usual course of a Caesar's salad in respect; for he knew she was lying through her teeth and had been. He knew that Ron was right and felt it his duty, for payback for all of the years that they helped him, to help them.
"My usual, please," Harry said, handing both menus to the waiter. He nodded and smiled before leaving their table. Hermione was already playing with her napkin, fraying the edges. "Out with it, please."
Hermione looked up at him, already having tears in her eyes. She took a large gulp of air and finally spoke. "I suppose this is our last lunch together." Harry's eyebrows crunched together.
"What do you mean?"
Hermione explained, "Well after this weekend, you'll be a husband. Then you'll be away on honeymoon for over two weeks, and with work and having a new family and house and life, you won't have time for this."
"Hermione, I'm always going to want to have lunch with you," he started but she stopped him with a shake of her head.
"Harry, it's going to be different and you know that." Harry couldn't disagree with her statement so he just looked at her. "I understand that things have changed, and it's wonderful, and I'm so happy that you got your happy ending. I think in my own way, I'm giving my brother away." Harry grinned at her and Hermione brightened a bit at that. She wiped a stray tear away from her cheek, looking bashful.
"I suppose it is like that in a way," he agreed. "But you'll always be my sister no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing or where I'm at. Maybe we won't be able to do this every week, but we'll find the time. Besides, I think Ginny will be kicking me out once she sees my living habits and will be begging you to take me out of the house."
Hermione laughed and sniffed and Harry handed her his handkerchief. "I love you Harry. You're my best friend," she said and he nodded affectionately, reaching once again for her hand.
"I love you too, Hermione. I don't know what I would have done without you all these years."
"Kill Ron, that's for sure," she quipped, dabbing at her eyes.
"Yeah, but he loves me too, the big git," he laughed and Hermione looked down. "He loves you too, you know. It's sick really, the way he goes on about you sometimes." Hermione blushed, looking down at their hands, but she had the same sad look in her eyes again. Harry began to realize why. "If I can get my happy ending, so can you."
-
Mrs. Weasley had both Ron and Harry running errands right up till the eve of the wedding to gather materials for the big feast she was preparing for the rehearsal dinner. Ron was completely ready for the wedding to be over, and was wiping his brow when an equally tired looking Hermione entered the kitchen carrying a large box full of dusty dishes.
"Oi, let me take that," he said, reaching for the box from her arms. She looked grateful, and murmured a quiet thank you. "What is all this?"
"It's just some dishes your mum found out in the shed that we'll need for tonight. She asked me to wash them for her," Hermione explained with a sigh.
Ron set the box down on the counter and turned towards his girlfriend. "I'm really sorry about all of this." He walked toward her from behind, reaching his arms around her and placing a kiss on her bare shoulder.
"What do you mean?" she asked, relaxing into his embrace. Ron couldn't remember the last time she'd allowed this closeness. He realized he'd missed this too much and wanted to correct it.
"Mum, the wedding, everything. I knew she'd go crazy about it and I'm sorry you got roped into it. Mum should see how tired you are, to give you a break."
"It'll be over tomorrow, Ron. And honestly, it hasn't been that awful. It'll be worth it to see Ginny's face tomorrow," Hermione admitted, turning from Ron's arms and busied herself with the box she had brought in.
"But I feel like I've barely seen you since they decided to set a date. You've just graduated and you're working now, and with the wedding, I'm lucky to see you maybe once or twice a week, but it's only about the wedding," Ron frowned.
"Ron, not everything can be about you. Aren't you at all happy for your sister and best friend?" Hermione huffed, pulling out the dishes and putting them in the sink to wash.
"Of course I'm happy! But am I not allowed to pine after my girlfriend?" Ron grinned, trying to pull Hermione back to him. She held fast and frowned.
"I really need to do this washing. We'll have plenty of time to ourselves later on." Ron groaned and Hermione watched him with a pointed eyebrow.
"Take five minutes away from it, please! It's a bloody wedding!" he exclaimed.
"A bloody wedding? Is that what this is to you?" Hermione yelled. She shook her head, closing her eyes. When she opened them, Ron could see something bursting in her eyes. "This is the most important day in your sister's life, Ronald. Her first and only wedding day. And it should be perfect and amazing and as the maid of honor, it's my duty to make it the best to my ability. Now maybe this ceremony isn't that important to you, but it is to me."
"Why is it so important to you? It's not your wedding!" Ron said and he could almost see the dam finally break.
"How could I forget?" she spat, striding from the room. Ron watched her leave in shock, a stray dish smashed on the floor; his heart.
-
Hermione dressed in Ginny's room for the rehearsal dinner. She had planned on wearing something that would shock Ron to get her mind off of the whole wedding, and try and think of the positives in her own life. However, with the recent bickering between the two, all of her thoughts were furious rather than confused. So, she pulled out the low cut black shirt and white skirt in disdain, but slipping the outfit on nonetheless. Ginny stepped into the room right as she finished zipping up her skirt.
"That's lovely, Hermione," she smiled, pinning her hair back with a clip. Hermione nodded without thinking. "Is something wrong?"
"No, everything's fine Ginny," she lied, paying attention now. "Oh, let me help you with that." She reached forward to clip Ginny's necklace in place on her neck.
"Harry said he had a nice talk the other day at lunch."
"Yes, Harry and I always have nice chats," Hermione replied. Ginny watched her friend in the mirror with concern. She finally turned in her vanity chair and grabbed her hand.
"I just wanted you to know that I love that even though I've been all about this wedding that you can still talk to me about anything. I'm sorry I've been so distracted throughout all of it, I hadn't realized I'd gotten so wrapped up in it," she apologized with a sad look on her too beautiful face. Hermione smiled a small smile.
"Ginny, I'm glad that you're so invested in this. This wedding is going to be beautiful because of what you've done. I'm glad I could have helped." Ginny squeezed her hand in reply. "But as for me, I will be rather glad when tomorrow comes."
"Have I been that horrible?"
"It's not you, Ginny, I swear it. It's your git of a brother," Hermione grimaced and Ginny's mouth fell into a straight line.
"What's he done this time?"
Hermione looked at her female best friend and couldn't hide her hurt; what she had been trying to do, to hide this from her happy bride to be friend. Ginny frowned as she saw Hermione's eyes fill with tears. "He hasn't done anything, I'm afraid." Ginny stood quickly, wrapping Hermione in her small arms. The elder shuddered, letting her emotions consume her being. Ginny shushed her patiently, patting her hair and rubbing her back consolingly.
"He's a right git, isn't he?" she murmured, shaking her head as Hermione pulled away.
With a sniffle, she replied, "It's not all him I suppose." Hermione looked down at her arms that were folded on her chest. Ginny reached over for an old hanky she had and handed it to her crying companion. "Thanks."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
Hermione chuckled. "No, nor do I intend to. This isn't the right time, I know that. But, I'd just hoped that well, maybe if he was at least thinking about it. Because I have, thought about it, that is."
"Of course you have! You love him; it's only natural to think about marrying him. Why you chose him is beyond me, though." Hermione laughed, allowing Ginny to smile. "He's a bit slow about things, but if I know my brother, he'll come around."
-
Ron helped his mother and father bring out all the plates for the feast to feed easily a hundred, with only more than twenty people actually in attendance. Hermione had appeared to busy herself with other matters of the evening, almost never leaving Ginny's side. He knew as best man that he should have been with Harry, but his best friend was seemingly boggled down with a massive pile of Weasley members that even he didn't want to be around. Ron figured that staying and helping his parents would be his safest bet.
However, this did not stray his eyes from watching his Hermione all evening. She was simply gorgeous in her attire of black and white, with her hair pulled elegantly in a low ponytail, a pearl necklace accenting her long and achingly beautiful neck and collarbones. All Ron wanted to do was place kisses along the exposed skin that her blouse allowed, but knew that from their earlier fight, he had other responsibilities.
"This will do fine Ron, right here," his mother instructed, so he set down the large pot of stew down where she pointed.
"You've outdone yourself yet again Molly, dear," his father said, his mother blushing.
"Oh it's nothing," she said, lifting up her apron to dab at her already moist eyes. "I have one more thing to grab in the kitchen." His mother bustled right back into the house without a backwards glance. He took a gander around the group outside, the beginning of summer weather settling in nicely. He didn't notice that his father stood beside him until he spoke.
"She's beautiful tonight," he commented. Ron immediately glanced towards his sister who was grabbing onto Harry's arm to lean in and tell him something. She was beaming, anyone could tell.
"Yes, Ginny does look nice."
"Well, yes, your sister, but I meant your Hermione," his father chuckled and Ron's gaze went back to the beautiful woman who had captured his head and heart for as long as he could remember. Ron didn't comment, but he could feel his father's eyes on him. "She's very special, that girl. Everything that she's accomplished, everything that she's doing now," his father shook his head in wonder. "I can only imagine what she'll do in the years to come."
"I wonder that myself sometimes," Ron said quietly, taking a sip of the champagne from the table.
"But what makes her so special, I'd say, is that she picked you." Ron choked on his drink and sputtered his response.
"Picking me? That's what makes her extraordinary, Dad. I have no idea why she's with me. It seems lately that all I do is bullocks things up so far that I can't see straight. It's a wonder she's still with me."
His father laughed heartily. "I thought that too when your mother and I began to date many moons ago. But, as time went by, I realized that she cared about me like how I cared about her."
"I know she cares for me Dad, I do, but, it feels so much like my heart will burst whenever she's around. She's all I think about when she's gone, and even when she's sitting right next to me."
"What makes you think things are going wrongly? You two always bicker. I'd almost say you're a replica of your dear mother and me."
Ron laughed at that for a moment, and then sobered when Hermione caught his gaze. She kept it briefly, but then turned back to Ginny, fixing a piece of her hair. "She's upset with me. I just wish I knew what I did wrong. What I said that would upset her so much."
Arthur placed a hand on his son's shoulder and squeezed. "Maybe it's what you haven't said to her, son."
"What am I supposed to say to her?" Ron asked as his father began to walk away.
"You'll figure it out my boy, you always do. Just remember there was a reason why she chose you. That's for her to know, and for you to continue doing. Good luck," he said and walked back into the house. Ron turned his attention back to where Hermione had stood previously, but Ginny's side was empty.
-
When Harry found Hermione she was upstairs in Ron's attic bedroom, staring out through the window. Hands in his pockets, he crept forward to his friend slowly. "He's going mad, you know," he murmured and Hermione nodded.
"I know."
"Ginny told me, Hermione, what you said earlier. I wish you had spoken to me about it."
"Harry I couldn't burden this with you. It was bad enough that I unloaded everything onto Ginny, the bride!" Hermione cried, tugging at the old throw blanket on the bed. Harry let her continue without interruption. "I'm not a very jealous person, Harry," she began and at his nod, she went on. "But I see the way you and Ginny look at each other and how everything's coming together for you two. You deserve it, one hundred percent. But I guess that…"
"You deserve it too, Hermione," Harry replied quietly.
"Yes, I think so. I just feel like I'm at a standstill for the moment, watching everything else pass me by."
Harry shook his head. "But you can't just look at this wedding. Hermione, you've done so much! You went back to school and got yourself a fantastic job within a month before graduating. You've been my best friend for years, and that's no easy feat. You have everything to be proud of."
Hermione wiped at her face and looked up sadly. "That's all well and good Harry, but, there's only one thing I've ever truly wanted."
"Ron." He said simply and she nodded. "He's yours, Hermione. You should know that by now! He would do anything for you, fight, die, what have you. What else could you need from him?"
"I need forever with him," she replied. Harry huffed a smile.
"There's no doubt in my mind that you'll get that, even if I have to make him propose."
"It's not the proposal I want exactly Harry. It's what it represents." Hermione began to pace the bedroom while Harry perched himself in her vacated seat. "I know he loves me. But it's not enough."
"Why not?" a third voice asked quietly and Hermione looked up shocked. Ron entered his childhood bedroom with his shoulders hunched. Hermione wanted to be angry for his interruption but from the way his face set about his sadness of her words, she couldn't grunge up her earlier anger.
"Ron, let me explain…" she began, walking towards him. Ron stood still but made no move otherwise.
"Explain what? Clearly you want me to shove off," he said sadly but very calm; like he had already accepted this fate.
"Shove you off? No, that's the last thing I want to do!" she cried, placing her hands on his forearms. He made no move to comfort her. Harry watched from his seat quietly, unsure of what to do; leave or stay.
"I'm clearly not making you happy Hermione. And your happiness means everything to me. And if I'm in the way of that, I'd hope I'd have enough dignity to back away and let you have what you deserve."
"Ron, please, you don't mean this," she sobbed, desperately trying to get her arms around him. He grabbed her arms and placed them at her sides. He looked down and smiled the saddest expression she'd ever seen.
"I love you 'Mione." With that, he placed a lingering kiss on her forehead and left the room without a sweeping glance. Hermione yelled out his name but before she could chase after him, her knees weakened and she was left a pile of tears on the floor. Harry went to her side slowly, kneeling down beside her trembling form and wrapped himself around her.
"It'll be okay," he shushed her, but Harry wasn't so sure of it himself.