Sorry if you got an alert for this chapter twice, I accidentally deleted it once, lol. Oh, if you're a scarr fan, check out my profile for a link to the Scarr message board, we'd love to have you join us!

Chapter 3

Late that night, Schuyler was lying on his couch in silence, not having to struggle to think over Stacy's blaring music for what felt like the first time in weeks, but as he stared at the phone in his hand, the battle of wills he was having with himself somehow seemed just as loud.

He shouldn't even have a student's cell phone number, so that was another mark in the 'don't bother her' column. On the other hand, this…aching inside of him seemed to grow worse every minute, and Schuyler knew the sound of her voice was the only thing that was going to stop it.

God, he needed a sponsor, just like he'd had for the drugs; somebody to call who could talk him down from the ledge when he got too close to her, when he couldn't stop thinking about her; at this rate, though, he was going to be on the phone with them 24/7.

For a brief moment, Schuyler almost wished the events of the dance had never happened, so he wouldn't be in this position, so he could call Starr without a second of thought, but he instantly erased that thought- it just wasn't true. Even after everything that had come afterwards, Schuyler selfishly couldn't bring himself to regret that kiss.

He had just set his phone on the table so he could restart the process of staring at it contemplatively for the next five minutes when he was drawn out of his thoughts by an unexpected knock at his door. Schuyler glanced up, confused, rising to answer it with an irritated sigh as he realized who it must have been.

"Stacy, I swear to God, if you-"

Schuyler slowly trailed off as he opened the door and came face to face with not Stacy, but Starr, the very girl who had been haunting his thoughts all night. Schuyler felt the usual tightness in his chest at the sight of her. Her arms were crossed over her chest protectively, as if she was trying to physically hold herself together, her eyes watery and nervous.

"Starr," he breathed in surprise

"Um, hi," she said weakly, her voice faltering as her shoulders slumped. "I'm um…oh God, I'm so sorry, you're expecting Stacy, and I know I shouldn't be here, I'll just go."

Shaking her head, Starr turned to leave, but Schuyler reacted quickly, shutting off his head and just letting himself react instinctively; he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Starr, wait, don't go, please. I'm not expecting anyone, you're more than welcome here."

She slowly turned to him, her eyes filled with a hesitant sort of hope.

"I…I don't want to bother you."

Schuyler would have laughed if he wasn't so worried- if only she knew.

"Starr, I want you here," he admitted quietly. He couldn't lie anymore, he just couldn't. "Please, stay."

Starr stared at him for a moment, studying him, and then slowly nodded, stepping through the doorway. Schuyler nervously licked his lips as he shut the door behind her.

"Starr, what are you doing here? Did something happen?"

"Yes," she sighed, ruffling her hair. "Well, no; I…uh, I don't even know how to explain it, I don't know why I'm here. Everyone just kind of lost it when they heard what happened, and they were asking me all these questions that I didn't know how to answer. And then Marty- uh, Cole's mom- showed up, and she was just losing it, and she and John got into this big fight, and it was just way too much and I couldn't take it," she choked out, voice straining. "I left with John and asked him to take me to see Langston, but after he dropped me off, I realized that I just knew she wasn't going to understand. I knew she wouldn't understand and that she would be on Cole's side like she always seems to be lately, and I can't deal with that right now, so I just left, and I didn't even know where I was going until I wound up here. I guess I just…knew I needed to be with someone who would understand, and you always do," she finished in a soft voice, perching on the edge of his couch and bowing her head shyly.

Schuyler took a deep breath; there were a lot of things he wanted to say in response to that, but she still seemed so jittery, and he didn't want to mix her up even further or scare her into leaving.

"I, uh, heard from Mrs. Lane," he said, clearing his throat. She glanced up curiously. "She told me what's happening to Cole. Apparently Tea got involved, and after a lot of smooth talking on her part, got Cole out of jail time; he has to complete an intensive detox and rehabilitation program, and he'll have to stay at the center 24/7- Marty can't even visit the first week."

"Good- maybe this will finally do some good for him; he obviously can't do this on his own." Schuyler nodded and sat down next to her, anxiously rubbing his hands together as he prepared to ask the question that couldn't wait any longer.

"Starr, what did Cole do last week?" he asked heatedly. "What did he do to cause this?"

Without giving himself time to think twice and stop, Schuyler gently brushed his fingers across the bruise to clarify what he meant. Starr shut her eyes, feeling a shiver race through her spine, and fought not to lean into his touch.

"Um," she stammered, desperately trying to think around the haze his brief touch had momentarily left her mind in. "It started out kind of like today did. The night of the dance…" Or, as Starr had come to think of it, the night she'd ruined her entire freaking life. "I was so furious at Cole for what he did to you- for everything he did, really, and for just getting worse and worse with every day. I left him this really horrible message, and I even said I didn't care what happened to him anymore. I felt horrible about that later, and when I ran into him at court- uh, explanation for that is coming up too- I tried to apologize, but he didn't believe me. Turns out, he listened to the message in the hospital, so now I felt even worse. So, I tried again Thursday, after school, and he seemed to notice how upset I was and actually heard me out.

"He seemed a little strung out, but he was actually listening to my problems and being nice and everything, and he just really seemed like the old Cole for the first time in forever, so I wasn't…careful like I usually am with him these days. I was rambling on about everything else, and it just kind of slipped out- I said that one of the things I was depressed about was…" Starr suddenly hesitated, glancing at Schuyler nervously; she didn't want him to pull back again now, she couldn't take that. "Was something he didn't want to hear. He freaked out, and we got into an argument, and he threw his books everywhere without thinking like he did today, but that time one of them hit me in the face, hence…" She trailed off uncomfortably, gesturing to her face. Schuyler glowered, clenching his fists painfully tight as his stomach twisted and turned. "It immediately made him come back to his senses, and he honestly seemed like he was so horrified by what he did, and so I thought…maybe this is his wake up call. I should have known better, though, because if Matthew wasn't, I don't what the hell is going to do it," she spat.

She looked to Schuyler, waiting for his response, and slowly frowned in confusion; his head was cradled in his hands and he was staring at the floor as he breathed heavily.

"Schuyler?" His name came out as a question, and she cautiously touched his shoulder.

He startled as she touched him, and Starr's eyes grew wide as he dug his fingers into his hair, wildly shaking his head for a minute before shoving himself off of the couch, pacing around frantically. He muttered something that Starr couldn't quite catch, but she was pretty sure she heard 'fucking idiot' at some point, and her already widened eyes all but grew to the size of dinner plates; oh god, was he having a nervous breakdown or something?

"Schuyler?" she tried again and his head finally snapped up to look at her.

Starr felt a rush of surprise and pain at the overwhelming guilt and self-directed anger she saw in his eyes; it was the exact same way he'd looked when he'd told her about his history with drugs, about all the ways he'd done his mother wrong. What was going on? What could he possibly have to be angry with himself for right now?

"Starr," he began, his voice shaking. Starr felt a sense of disbelief; the only time she had ever seen him shaken up was during the incidents she'd just thought about. Otherwise, she was always the mess while he was the calm, assured, unflappable one. "You two got into an argument over the same thing you did today, didn't you?"

"Yeah," she finally admitted with great reluctance, licking her lips. "I. um…I told him that one of my problems was that…I missed you," she sighed.

"Oh God, Starr, I'm sorry, I am so sorry," he moaned, his tone thick with self-loathing. Starr shook her head, utterly bewildered.

"For what?"

"You shouldn't even want to be around me, Starr! Considering who I am and everything I've done to you, you shouldn't want anything to do with me."

"Okay, but I do," she replied in frustration, tired of being told by other people what she should feel. "I want to be around you, no matter what you might think about yourself, and I'm not going to leave, not now, so will you please just…explain? Why are you sorry, why are you freaking out?"

"Starr, this, what happened to you, is all my fault," he choked out. "Because of my own lack of willpower, I lied to you, I abandoned you, and I tried to push Cole onto you, and it led to all of this!"

"Schuyler, it is not your fault!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. She couldn't believe she was hearing this from him, of all people. "You should know that! You, better than anyone know that we all only have ourselves to blame for our actions. Cole made his own choices and his own mistakes, and they have nothing to do with you! If we hadn't fought over you, it just would have been over something else, because when Cole is high he's just looking for any possible reason to blow up- you just happen to be convenient because he knows…how I feel about you," she breathed in a rush, hurrying past the issue before he could try to convince her she didn't, shouldn't, or couldn't feel anything for him again. "And because of the kiss at the dance which was my fault anyway, not yours. Please don't blame this on yourself."

"That's not true," he sighed weakly, shoulders sagging.

"What isn't?"

He looked up at her quickly, seeming surprised, as if he hadn't even realized he'd spoken aloud until she asked. Schuyler hesitated, on the verge of saying something but holding back, and Starr grit her teeth in frustration, going over the last minute of conversation herself; she froze suddenly, replaying something he'd said, and gazed up at him with wide, startled eyes.

"Because of your lack of willpower?" she repeated questioningly.

"What?"

"You said…you said you lied to me, and tried to push me on Cole because of your lack of willpower," she said, her voice growing stronger and more urgent with each word. "What...what are you talking about? Your willpower? What did you lie about? What's not true?" Schuyler bowed his head tensely, and Starr took a deep breath; this was not the time to get emotional, she knew that, but he was killing her. "Schuyler, please. If you've been lying to me, just stop now and tell me the truth."

Schuyler was just tired at this point; he was tired of trying to pretend Starr didn't mean everything to him, that she wasn't the best part of his day, that he didn't feel a little empty everytime she was gone, that pushing her away hadn't ripped him apart, and her pleading tone broke the already weakened remains of his resolve.

"It's not true that what happened at the dance and everything that came after was your fault, because…because I wanted that kiss too, Starr," he breathed, finally feeling like he could do so easily now that the pressing weight of his lies was being lifted. Starr gaped at him, her jaw dropping slightly- you truly could have knocked her over with a feather. That was the last thing she'd been expecting to hear.

"You…what?" she choked out in a dazed voice, not daring to believe this was really happening. Schuyler wasn't even close to done yet.

"Starr, I was lying to myself before the dance, and I've been lying to you ever since. I tried to pretend I didn't have feelings for you, because you're seventeen, and you're my student, and it's wrong for a thousand different reasons, but I couldn't keep it up when you kissed me. I couldn't show it, but I wanted it as much as you did, if not more; even knowing that it would get me suspended from my job, if I could go back in time and keep it from happening, I wouldn't, I don't think I could bring myself to."

"I, but, you…" Starr stammered wildly, shaking her head as her heart thundered so wildly she couldn't believe he didn't hear it. "How could you not?!" she blurted out, the guilt she'd felt over that night rising to the forefront of her mind. "Schuyler, I almost cost you your job! I know I freaked out when you said it, but you were right, I am a problem for you. How can you even-"

"Oh God, Starr, no," Schuyler said instantly, taking her by the shoulders and speaking firmly, hating to see this proof that his lies had done their job. "I need you to understand, I didn't mean one word of that; you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, not a problem, you could never be a problem."

Starr gazed up at him in a dazed manner, hope starting to creep into her eyes. He was gazing at her with such raw honesty, like he was laying his heart out in his hands, and it made her own flutter.

"That's what I meant when I said I lied to you, and abandoned you. I just…I couldn't take being around you after that, I wanted you too much, but I knew it was wrong for me to feel that way, and that somebody like me is the last person you need in your life, and the only option I could see was to push you away. Everything I said to you that day was a complete lie Starr; I practically just thought about everything I felt for you and said the exact opposite! I couldn't bear to be around you, but I was too weak and too much of a coward to just tell you or stay away myself, so I took the easy way out. And is if that weren't enough, I tried to push you towards Cole because I thought he'd be better for you," he spat, tone momentarily thick with anger and irony before instantly fading as he returned his attention to Starr. "And I…thought he was who you really wanted anyway. What I did just seemed better for everyone in the long run," he muttered lamely. "I can see now that's not the case. I'm sorry, Starr. It doesn't make up for what I did, it doesn't even begin to, but I don't know what else to say."

Schuyler waited anxiously as Starr went silent, slowly taking a step back as she bowed her head. Taking a deep breath, Starr rubbed her temples, desperately trying to take that all in, sort it out; he'd just dropped one hell of a bomb on her and left her feeling about a million different things, and her heart and her head were in the midst of arguing over which was most pressing.

"You didn't mean it?" she asked slowly, needing to hear it just once more.

"Not a word," he whispered intensely, eyes heavy.

"And you…you feel the same things I do?"

"Yeah, I do, for better or for worse," he confirmed, slowly feeling a smile tug at his lips. "Starr, I think I've been falling for you since the first day we met, and I just can't lie to you or fight it anymore. I still think that you are a lot better off without me, and I know this, us, might be next to impossible, or that I might have messed it up beyond belief, and a thousand and one other problems, but when you're around, I just…forget all of that, along with every other bad thing in my life- kind of the reason I tried to push you away, actually. But I'm selfish, and I just don't think I can stand being away from you anymore because it literally feels like it's killing me, so if for some reason you still want me…" Schuyler took a deep breath, then smiled at Starr calmly, feeling more sure of this than he had about anything in a long time. "Then I'm yours."

Starr felt a lump in her throat, and for a second seriously thought she was going to lose it and either burst into tears, throw herself at him, or manage some combination of both, but despite her heart's desperate, screaming insistence that she do something to acknowledge the fact that he had just admitted he was falling for her and was hers if she wanted him, which was so beyond thrilling and intense and mind boggling and unreal that the only words she had were 'ohgodohgodohgodohgod', she stubbornly swallowed it, focusing on the other things he'd said first.

"Schuyler, you are an idiot!" she shouted in disbelief. The smile instantly fell from his face, but he didn't looked surprised; she just knew he was thinking about how he deserved this, which somehow just served to upset her further. "Okay, me being your student, fine, that's a fair point, I'll give you that one, but everything else you said is so…stupid that I'm wondering how you even became a teacher!"

In any other situation, Schuyler might have laughed over the spluttering insult, delivered with flailing hands and all, that was nothing he'd ever expected to hear from Starr, but nothing seemed funny right now.

"'Somebody like you'? Like what, Schuyler? Somebody who gets me and is always there for me? Oh, no, how awful! You have no right to decide who I should be with, who's better for me. Look, I get it, because I get you too- your past with drugs pretty much destroyed your sense of self-esteem, but whether you want to believe it or not, you are a good person. I would never feel this way about you if you weren't," she cried, clutching at her heart, feeling like it was about to burst out of her chest at this moment. "And you're good for me. Sometimes I feel like nobody understands, and it's like I'm just drowning in loneliness, but when you're there, I feel like I belong with somebody, and you give me something to hang on to. And I'm happy around you, Schuyler, so much, you don't even understand; sometimes, it feels like my heart is just going to burst or something because it can't take it."

He understood perfectly, actually, because Schuyler felt the exact same way.

"And, for the record, I think I would know if I wanted Cole! Again, despite what everybody else seems to think, I know my own heart! Did you think you were, like, a phase, that I was using you to act out? Because I got really close to you and let you in pretty far if all I wanted was a way to act out."

"Starr, I was just-"

"And, you know, if had told me all of this stuff you were thinking, we could have figured it out! You didn't need to lie and leave me in the dark. Did you just think I was a stupid kid or something?"

"Of course not, Starr," he replied sharply. "I have never thought you were stupid, or childish, or anything like that, ever. But I think I needed to believe your feelings weren't real and that you were only going to move on in the end, and I needed to push you away instead of just talking to you because I needed you to hate me. Otherwise, I don't think I could have stopped myself."

"From what?!" she demanded, breathing heavily. Schuyler gazed at her heatedly for a moment, the thought that Starr looked particularly beautiful when she was worked up crossing his mind, and at that moment, Schuyler felt every small remain of his self control crumble.

"From doing this," he murmured, closing the minimal distance between them and bringing his lips crashing down onto hers.

Starr instantly sank into his embrace, eagerly responding as Schuyler kissed her hungrily, every feeling and desire the two of them had felt and tried to suppress being poured into the kiss. His hand gently grazed her cheek before moving back to tangle into her hair, as his other hand slipped down to her hip, before slowly moving to the small of her back, leaving Starr feeling like her skin was burning in the most pleasurable way possible where he touched her. He crushed her to him tightly as he tilted her head, deepening the kiss even further, and Starr wound her arms around his waist, somehow feeling like she still wasn't close enough. Her lungs ached for air, but Starr ignored it, because frankly, she wanted this more than she wanted to breathe.

Eventually, the need for oxygen couldn't be ignored any longer, and the two pulled away, continuing to leave barely any space between them. Starr's eyes flickered up to his anxiously, knowing she wouldn't be able to handle it now if he had a change of heart, but he gave her a heart stopping grin, seeming every bit as exhilarated and happy about the kiss as she did, and he pressed his lips to hers again. She smiled into the kiss, eagerly returning it once more before they separated.

"Schuyler," she said his name, practically panting. "What does this…this means something, right? Where are we going from here?"

"I know that I can't handle being without you anymore, Starr," he murmured, brushing her hair back. She shivered. "I want to make this, us, work."

"I want that too. And, you really don't mind what you said earlier, about how this hard is going to be?"

"I don't; being with you is worth anything." It may have sounded like a line, but he meant that to his very core. Starr blushed happily, nodding.

"We're worth fighting for."

He couldn't agree more. Schuyler was good at fighting; he'd fought to hang on to drugs when people had desperately been trying to save him, he'd had the fight of his life getting off of them, he'd fought to piece his life back together afterwards, he'd fought to help others off the path he'd once been on, he'd fought to keep himself away from Starr, and now he had every intention of fighting just as hard to be with her.

Cupping her cheek, Schuyler tenderly kissed her once more before pulling back to speak softly.

"Starr, I'm-"

Starr rose up on her toes and cut him off with a soft brush of her lips, smiling.

"Don't, okay?" she asked gently. "I don't need or want anymore apologies or explanations or anything. We're here now, and what it took to get here doesn't matter anymore. We're good. Well, better than good, so much better than good," she amended, giggling.

He grinned brightly, and, finding that no words could fully encompass how he felt, instead just initiated a hug for once, drawing Starr into his arms. She sighed peacefully, and the two just held each other in silence for several minutes, both finding comfort in each other. Every time something had gone wrong during their separation, this was the only thing the two of them had wanted, and now they finally had it.

Starr was just starting to think that she could stay like this forever, when suddenly, she remembered something else Schuyler had told her that day and felt a cold rush through her chest, causing her to quickly pull back.

"Oh, no," she muttered to herself.

"Starr?" Schuyler asked with a furrowed brow, his tone thick with worry. "What is it, what's wrong?"

"Stacy!" she exclaimed. "I completely forget about her. Did I just-"

"No, Starr!" he said quickly, clenching his eyes shut, frustrated with himself. "You didn't-"

"Oh, God," she moaned, digging her hands into her hair. "What is going on, Schuyler? You love her, you told me you-"

"I do not love Stacy!" he interrupted, loudly and firmly. "Trust me, not even close; I don't even remotely like Stacy at this point. That was just another one of the lies I told you to try and keep you away. I don't care about her, Starr, you are the only one I want. I am so-"

"Don't apologize again, remember?" she interrupted, biting her lip as she took in his words, relaxing. A warm smile crossed her lips as she thought about him saying he wanted only her. "Does, she, um, still live here?"

To be completely blunt, that last sentence made her want to sweep him into another kiss and never let go, but it probably wasn't the best idea if Stacy could come strolling in at any moment.

"No. Actually, I kicked her out."

"What?" she asked, startled. "Why, did something happen?"

"Stacy is not the person I thought she was. Stacy is…y'know what, I'm not gonna mince words," he decided, still so reluctant to talk about the girl he'd once loved this way but knowing it was the honest truth. "Stacy is an evil bitch."

"Woah," Starr laughed. "Okay, I have to know what brought that on."

Schuyler took a seat on the couch, and motioned for her to do the same. She did, and he reflexively wrapped an arm around her waist once she was next to him; Starr smiled, cuddling into his side as he told her the story he, Rex, and Gigi had all heard from Roxy, about Stacy's plan to use her own nephew's disease to steal Rex away, as she'd been obsessed with him since she was fourteen. Starr listened in horror, unable to understand how somebody could use an innocent boy's life as a bargaining tool to destroy her sister's happiness, steal a father away from the mother of his child as their kid struggled with cancer.

"Wow," she breathed simply when he finished, shaking her head. "I can't even believe someone could do something so…evil."

"I can't either," he sighed. "I'd say this isn't the Stacy I knew, but just the fact that she's capable of this makes me think it's more like I just never really knew her at all."

"I know what you mean," Starr muttered quietly. He glanced at her curiously, but quickly got it.

"Oh, Starr, I don't think it's the same," he said gently. "The absolute last thing I want to do is defend Cole, believe me, but Stacy chose to do this all on her own; Cole isn't even Cole right now, everything he says or does is just the drugs taking over. I know, I've been there; I want to hate to Cole for what he did to you, but I know I can't because I did things just as bad, if not worse." She nodded heavily, and Schuyler could see she didn't want to talk about her ex any further, so he quickly changed the subject. "Hey, so what were you at court for?" he asked, recalling her mentioning that earlier.

"Oh, God," she groaned. "Well, my dad found another way to let me down in the most spectacular manner possible. When my mom was still in the coma, he took advantage of that to try and get custody of me and my brothers back; even when I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn't want to live with him," she spat, shaking her head. Schuyler squeezed her hand sympathetically as he felt a rush of anger and disgust towards that man, still unable to understand how the hell someone like Todd Manning could have created someone extraordinary as Starr. "Somehow, Tea wound up being on our side, and she came up with a way we could win; if my mom married someone steady and loyal, who could take care of us."

"Someone like John," he filled in, understand. She nodded, starting to grin.

"Yeah. You should have seen your face when John walked in and she called him my stepdad," she laughed brightly. Nothing had seemed funny at that time, but the memory was now. He chuckled.

"I can only imagine. So, wow, you have a stepdad now; how do you feel about that?" he questioned curiously, comfortingly running his fingers through her hair. Starr paused; it was the first time someone had asked how she felt about this whole thing.

"No clue, really," she admitted with a tired laugh. "I've been trying to deal with everything else first, that's last on my list of things to process. John's a really good guy, though, I like him. My mom is really happy about this, I think she wants it to be real, and it kept us in her custody. I guess I'm good with it."

"I'm glad." She smiled, leaning against him peacefully. "Hey, can I ask you one more thing?"

"Ask me anything."

"What were you so happy about today? You looked like you were practically walking on air, and I just…wanted to know, be a part of it," he admitted softly.

Starr gasped, her hands flying to her mouth in surprise, and jumped to her feet.

"Oh my God, oh my God," she muttered. "Oh, damn it, Cole. I cannot believe I haven't told you yet, what he did just ruined everything and completely distracted me, I can't believe it. Okay, um…" Starr took a deep breath, covering her face, and Schuyler was shocked to see tears sparkling in her eyes when she moved them away.

"Starr?" he asked simply, rising to his feet. Her face lit up in a brilliant grin.

"Schuyler…Hope's alive."

For a moment, you could have heard a pin drop in the room, and Starr almost had to giggle at Schuyler's slack jawed, wide-eyed expression.

"Hope, your…your daughter Hope? Your baby, Hope, that you told me died?"

"Yes, that Hope," she said, the giggle finally escaping her as she felt a rush of euphoric giddiness at his words; every time she thought about it, all she wanted to do was jump up and down, dance around the room, scream; even now, she couldn't help lightly rocking on the balls of her feet.

"She's alive?" he choked out.

"Yeah, she's alive," Starr said with a grin, tears spilling over as she said the words. It was never going to stop feeling amazing to say that.

Schuyler just stared at her in stunned silence for a moment, then suddenly, emitted a strangled noise of complete joy, swooped over and swung her around happily, and they both laughed brilliantly, clinging to each other tightly once he set her on her feet, as Starr just cried happy tears against his shoulder, her smile never fading. This was the reaction she'd wanted from someone; she should have known she just needed to turn to Schuyler.

Starr pulled back a moment later, impulsively kissing him again as the adrenaline continued to swell through her veins, and Schuyler eagerly responded, kissing her with such enthusiasm that it left her dizzy. When they finally let go, Schuyler gently brushed her tears away with his thumbs, his face still lit up with a grin.

"Starr, that is amazing," he said, knowing what an incredible understatement it was. He knew how much her baby's death had affected her, and he knew how much this would do the same, but in a positive manner. "How did you even…how did she…how?" he finally just asked, making them both laugh again.

"It is a long, insane story, we should probably sit down again," she said, the giddy joy starting to fade as they did so, and she thought of everything she had to tell him. "Okay, well, let's see, where to start…my cousin, Jessica, the one I told you had her baby on the same day as me, has dissociative identity disorder."

Wow. Sometimes Schuyler wondered how Starr had even survived going up with everything she had, and then he remembered she was Starr, and that was how; she was strong enough to handle anything.

"She has another personality that takes over when she's going through really hard, stressful times that she can't handle herself, and she has blackouts when the other personality is in control, she doesn't remember a thing that happens. The way it was explained yesterday, which, believe me, was a very slow and very confusing process, Jessica's baby was stillborn." Starr sighed sadly, her heart aching; she knew what kind of agony that was. Schuyler kissed the top of her head supportively, and she relaxed. "When that happened, something inside of her just snapped; a new personality came out, realizing Jessica and her other alternate wouldn't be able to take the news about the baby, and so she took control, and switched Jessica's baby with Hope, and left Jessica with no memory of any of that."

"…wow."

"So you're where I was last night," she laughed, recalling just sitting there, saying that one word over and over for a very long time. John seemed like he was seriously considering taking her to the hospital for possible brain damage.

"How did you even deal with finding this out?" he asked softly. She shrugged, grinning.

"Because I was holding my baby. She was there, and she was alive, and she was safe in my arms, and nothing else mattered anymore."

"Of course," he replied, eyes still lit up just like hers. "So…what happened? How did you find all of this out? How did your cousin take it? What's going to happen now?"

"Well, another cousin of mine, Natalie, and her boyfriend, Jared, found out about the baby switch, it's a really long story how. When they told us about it, Jessica's memories from the time her alternate was in control came rushing back. What happened next was…not good," she told admitted quietly, her shoulders sagging. "When she found out, Jessica, she…she really lost it," she sighed. "She just completely blew up, and it was scary."

That was probably the most intense, frightening thing Starr had ever seen, even including Cole's blow ups at her. Starr's heart, which had just felt like it had grown several sizes due to having her daughter in her arms, had shattered for her cousin; she knew from experience that nobody should feel the pain of losing a child.

"She was screaming, we couldn't even understand what she was saying, and banging on the windows, shaking…" She trailed off for a moment, lost in that horrible memory, but Schuyler squeezed her hand and brought her back down to earth. He held her supportively, and she continued. "But uh, this guy that I think she's kind of got a thing with, Brody, was there with us, and at that point, he grabbed her and just held her to him tightly. She was still wailing and sobbing, and hitting him, and screaming at him to let her go, but he never once did," she recalled, smiling softly as she remembered the sight, remembered feeling like Jessica had found someone really good and that she just might eventually be okay if he always stuck by her side like that. "Eventually, I think she just exhausted herself, and she just kind of gave up and cried in his arms for a really long time. So, yeah, she freaked, of course, but she didn't lose control; neither of her alternate personalities came out, and that's what we were really terrified of. If we were any other family, last night's reaction probably would have been the most horrifying sight, but the fact that she was still Jessica through all of it actually makes me think she can be okay again."

"I'm sure she will be, Starr," he reassured her instantly. "Right now, she is going through the single most horrible experience anyone can have, but like you said, if she could remain herself at the worst moment, then she'll be okay. She is your cousin, afterall, and if she's anything like you, she's strong; she'll make it." Starr smiled.

"I think so too."

"So what's happening with Hope now?"

"I'm not sure, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'd already decided to give Hope up to Marcie when I gave birth, so I think she has legal rights to her; the courts made a quick decision to temporarily place her in Marcie's custody last night. But, I don't know… Jessica has been raising her, and she loves her, I know she does, and she's a wonderful mother; I've seen them, together all the time, and I know that for a fact. As far as I'm concerned, Jessica is as good as her mom, and I think it'd be good for them to stay together, Jessica is who Hope is attached to now.

"But I don't know if Jessica even wants her now, or if Marcie can take the issue to court if she still wants Hope, or what. I should probably be more worried or something, but… all of last night, I got to hold her, and be with her, and it just…it overwhelmed everything else so much. I didn't care about what was going to happen because I had her now, and it was all that mattered, and now, just knowing she's alive and that I can see her, and watch her grow up, I feel that same way. Is that really selfish?"

"No," he said instantly, firmly. "Far from it, and even if it was, you would have every right to be. This is your daughter, Starr, and you found out she was alive." Just saying it made them both grin like idiots yet again.

"You know, you were the first person I wanted to tell," she confessed softly.

"Really?" he asked, touched. His heart twisted happily over the thought that he'd been the first person she'd wanted to share this joy with.

"Yeah; I talked to you about Hope and how I felt about losing her more than anyone, and it just seemed right for you to be the first to know. I just couldn't think of anyone else I would rather have that moment with. But, I knew it was the right thing for Cole to know first," she sighed, frowning. "But he was too busy, off getting high, to pick up his phone and find out his daughter was alive," she spat angrily. Schuyler gently rubbed circles on her back, and she calmed down. "That's what led to the fight, really."

"What?" Schuyler demanded, horrified in his disbelief. How could Cole have twisted what should have been the happiest moment of his life into what Schuyler had seen in the hall? He instinctively clenched his fists again, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah," she sighed. "He reacted like I hoped at first, and I thought, maybe this will be what makes him wake up! But then, he started rambling on about us, and how we could be a family now, finally, and put everything else behind us. He thought this somehow automatically meant we were going to get back together, and keep her and raise her, and it was like nothing else, including his drug problem, mattered. When I told him that wasn't the case, that he was still a drug addict, that we were still broken up, that I still knew a couple of high school students couldn't raise a baby and that this didn't change the feelings I had for someone else, that's when he really lost it.

"I'm so mad at him. This should have been one of the happiest days of my life, one that I could always remember with a smile because I knew my little girl was alive and something I wanted that I thought was impossible actually happened, and instead, it's tainted, because I have to remember how upset and scared I was that he was going to do this again, on purpose this time," she said darkly, motioning to her cheek. Schuyler gently brushed her hair back, lightly kissing her bruised skin, and Starr smiled warmly, the tension evaporating from her body. "I still don't want Cole to go to jail or anything. I just want him to get help, so he can finally be happy again, like I am, but if hearing that Hope was alive didn't do it, I just feel like…maybe he's beyond saving," she said sadly.

"If it helps at all, Starr, a lot of people thought that about me too, once, and for good reason."

"You know," she began slowly. "As much as we've talked about it, I still just can't picture you like that, I can't even imagine it."

"I'm glad," Schuyler said instantly. "I know my past is part of who I am and so I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but I don't ever want you to see me the way I was then, even just in your head."

"That bad?"

"That bad."

"Well, you know what? It just makes the man you are now that much more amazing."

Schuyler smiled, his heart lightened by her words, and lightly brushed his lips against hers, inwardly celebrating the fact that they could do this whenever they wanted now.

"You should meet her sometime," Starr suggested quietly, eyes sparkling over the idea. "Hope. Once this is all worked out, of course; I'm sure I could figure out some way."

"I would really love that," he said, tone completely sincere. Starr grinned.

"If she's anything like her mother, then she'll adore you." He chuckled warmly, squeezing her hand. "Hey, Schuyler? I just wanted to tell you I am so sorry about what happened with our babies being switched."

"What? Starr, why are you apologizing for that at all, let alone to me?"

"Because, if your mom hadn't thought that Hope was dead, she might not have-"

"Starr, no. Don't you dare feel guilty for that, ever, especially to me. I don't know how that would have changed things, and it's the past, I can't dwell on it, it won't change how things are now. No part of what happened to my mom was your fault, okay?" he told her, hooking a finger and under her chin and tilting her head up to look at him. "Don't blame yourself, that is the last thing I want. If you don't think everything I did made my mother's death my fault, you certainly can't lay any part of the blame on yourself. Okay?"

"Okay," she said softly, leaning up to steal another warm kiss, before leaning further into his embrace and resting against him. Her eyes happened to catch sight of the clock and she gasped. "Oh my God, I had no idea it was that late!"

"Me neither. Do you need a ride home?" he asked reluctantly, not wanting to let her out of his arms, out of his sight.

"No, I told John I was sleeping over at Langston's, and I told Langston to cover for me when I left, nobody's really expecting me anywhere." Starr took a deep breath as she nervously combed her fingers through her hair, hesitating to say what she really wanted to. "I…I don't really want to go home tonight," she confessed quietly.

Schuyler's heart leapt into his throat at her words; he knew he should encourage her to go, his head told him to, but his heart wanted nothing more than to tell her she never had to leave, ever, to stay with him as long as she wanted to- ideally forever.

"Maybe you don't have to."

Starr looked up at him in surprise, slowly beginning to smile.

"I can stay here?" she asked hopefully.

"I want you here if you want to be here," he told her, giving into his heart completely.

Starr suddenly propelled herself at him, knocking them both backwards onto the couch. They both laughed for a moment before Starr kissed him passionately, digging her fingers into his shirt as he grasped her hips, all too happy to respond in kind.

"I want to be here," she said simply when she pulled away.

Schuyler just grinned, and Starr gently laid down against him, nestling against his shoulder peacefully as she began to tell him every last detail of the moment she'd been reunited with Hope.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hours later, in the middle of the night, Starr gently stirred from her sleep, slowly blinking and raising her head to glance around the darkened room in confusion, until the strong arms around her and solid body beneath her reminded her of where she was. She must have fallen asleep right on top of the poor guy at some point; Schuyler was still snoozing away peacefully, and a smile of utter contentment graced Starr's lips.

If she weren't so happy, the fact that she felt so content here would freak her out. He was her teacher, and even though they'd decided that what they had was worth fighting for, that didn't erase the fact that it would be exactly that, a fight. Nobody, not even Starr's best friend, could know about them; this was just about the only place they could ever truly be together the way they wanted to. They would both have to constantly watch themselves at school, making sure they didn't seem too casual, that they weren't seen alone together after the kiss incident. Unless he pleasantly surprised her, Cole was probably going to do everything possible to try and destroy this.

But…she didn't even care. She felt happy here; she felt safe here, for the first time in forever. Schuyler understood her in a way nobody else ever had or would. Being with him was effortless, like breathing, but just like breathing, she was certain now she needed him to survive; the way she had crumpled to pieces after he'd pushed her away was proof of that. He made her happy, he kept her safe, he just got her, and she needed him, but more importantly, she wanted him; she wanted this.

She'd been wrong before; she said she didn't want to go home, but right now, this felt like home, and there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

With that happy thought running playing through her mind, Starr settled down against Schuyler once again, resting her head on his chest, and shut her eyes. Even in his sleep, she felt him unconsciously tighten his arm around her securely, and Starr's smile only grew as she drifted off to the first peaceful night of rest she'd had in ages.