Thanks to Sue1313 and DeviousRobynno for reviewing the last chapter!!! :)

From Darkness to Light

A CM fanfic

Chapter 15

They'd been back for two hours and twenty four minutes. Spencer Reid's mind was in overdrive and he had to force himself to not count the seconds that they'd been back as well. He knew he needed go talk to J.J. before it got too late and she went to bed, but he'd attempted to walk across the hall three times already and only on the last time did he even get halfway out the door. Finally, after looking at the clock again did he gather up enough courage to get up and walk out the door. How he managed to get all the way across the hall he had no idea, but he suddenly found himself knocking on her door.

Jennifer Jareau opened her door quickly and as Reid stated that he needed to talk to her and walked through the doorway as she stepped aside he was suddenly reminded of the night in Ohio when he'd gone to talk to Elle. She had been his friend and he'd been hurt by the fact that he'd been there willing to talk to her, but she'd still chosen to track down Lee that night. Track him down and kill him. And then lie about it to the rest of the team. Reid looked around the room and then back at J.J., happy to see she wasn't drinking and he reminded himself that she wasn't Elle and he wasn't going to let her end up like Elle had.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about?" J.J. asked while crossing her arms.

"Emily told me, J.J." He said, to which she just stared at him, her eyes growing larger before she put the mask back on and said.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She was back to being the same J.J. that was always 'fine' and her face showed very little emotion even to the seasoned profiler.

"I saw your arms today. I saw the scars and the newer cuts." He said quietly. "I just want to help you, J.J. Please talk to me."

"I said I don't know what you're talking about!" J.J. shouted at him, waving her arms before motioning towards the door. "I think you should leave." She said.

"J.J…"

"Get out, Reid!"

He was about to give up, about to walk away when he saw it. A small drop of red on her shirt. One that hadn't been there earlier in the day so instead of walking out the door he walked closer to her and she didn't protest as he gently grabbed her arm and pushed the sleeve of her shirt up revealing two fresh cuts, one of them still barely bleeding. Reid looked at her, looked her straight in the eye and asked the only question that came to his mind.

"Why?" He said.

She was doing her best not to cry, to keep the tears in and her friend out, but one lonely tear managed to escape and make its way down her face as she said. "Kaylee. They said she probably wouldn't make it." Finally she looked up and her eyes met his. "We were too late." More tears came silently.

"Hey." Reid said soothingly, placing his hand on the side of her face, attempting to brush some of her tears away. "We don't know anything for sure yet. She could be just fine."

"Or she could die." J.J. replied quietly, before pulling away from his touch and walking to the other side of the room, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Reid followed her sat down beside her. "Yeah, but this" He said gesturing towards her arm. "Is not the right way to deal with it."

"I know." came her barely audible response.

"Then why do you keep doing it? When did you start?"

"The beginning of this case." She said. "I know I shouldn't and at first it was just something I did, but then it became more." Tears she didn't know she was holding came running down her face as she finished. "It grew into something so much more than just something to do every once in a while when things would really get to me. It became an addiction, Spence, and now I can't stop."

Spencer Reid pulled a crying Jennifer Jareau into a hug and only then, when no one else could see, did he let a tear escape and fall down his face.