Langston came rushing out from the living room the instant she heard the front door open, having been waiting ever since Starr left nearly two hours ago for her friend's return.
She'd been wishing she'd fought harder to stop Starr ever since she'd left, worried that things were going to turn out horribly, and the instant Starr walked through the doorway, Langston felt her heart plummet, and knew her fears had been confirmed.
Starr had only her camisole on, her jeans were still unbuttoned, her hair a complete mess, and she seemed completely unaware of these things as she just blankly walked to the steps without a word.
"Starr?" Langston asked, dying to know exactly what had happened.
"Just don't," she ordered without slowing her gait, her voice rough.
Langston did as her friend requested and didn't say a single word more, simply following her up the stairs and to her room, cautiously, just wanting to be certain Starr would be okay tonight.
She watched as Starr tiredly climbed into her bed without changing clothes and just lied there, miserably staring at the wall. It was somehow sadder than if she'd come up here and burst into sobs, and Langston felt a rush of anger on her friend's behalf; she was seriously going to kick Schuyler Joplin's ass for this.
"Starr-"
"Langston, I don't know if I can talk about it," Starr whimpered, feeling as though her heart had been brutally ripped right out of her chest.
"Well, can you just try? I mean, Starr, what…where's your shirt, what happened? Did you guys really…um?" she finished awkwardly, widening her eyes and tilting her head.
"No, trust me," Starr snorted, laughing darkly. "We definitely did not um. I threw my shirt off, almost took my pants off, and literally begged him to, but he…he just told me to get out, that it wasn't happening, and when I wouldn't leave it alone, he got so upset, and he…he told me that he didn't want me," she choked out.
"He what?" Langston demanded in shock.
"Oh, yeah; Schuyler said that the two of us being thrown together because of our grief made him feel something that wasn't really there, and that he doesn't want to hurt me because he cares about me as a friend, but he can't pretend to feel something he doesn't anymore, and then that's when he told me he doesn't want me," Starr spat, her voice trembling.
"Oh my God," she muttered in disbelief. "I'm sorry, Starr, I am so sorry."
"Yeah, me too," she mumbled disheartened.
"So, he basically said that he was confused about his feelings but realized he doesn't really love you, that he doesn't want you?"
"Yes," she snapped, on edge. Just saying it made her feel like she was being stabbed.
"Oh, that is such bullcrap, Starr," Langston snorted, rolling her eyes dismissively.
"What?"
"Please, he's so full of it! You don't risk your entire career- no, literally your friggin' life, like Schuyler did with Zach and even your dad- for a girl, if you're not pretty damn sure that you love her. Schuyler's just being all Edward Cullen right now, like when he tells Bella he doesn't want her and leaves because he thinks she's better off. Or like Angel in that episode of Buffy where he dumps her and tells her he doesn't want her life to be with him because he thinks she's better off. Or Stefan in the Vampire Diaries novels when he's making Elena think he hates her so she'll stay away because he thinks she's better off," Langston added, furrowing her brow slightly for a moment before smiling playfully. "Huh. Oh, look, here's our answer to his behavior; Schuyler is clearly a self-loathing vampire. Wow, he hides it so well, too," she remarked, shaking her head. Starr almost cracked a smile. "We just need to put your life in danger, that seems to be how everyone else solves it."
"Maybe we could come up with another solution?" Starr asked, trying to take her mind off of the horrible events by playing along with Langston. "Because I think I've had enough dangerous experiences for a while."
"We'll put our heads together, think of something," Langston promised, smiling. "I also promise it'll be better than the last suggestion I made to you." Starr sighed, the sorrow returning full force to her eyes, and Langston winced. "Starr, I really don't think you should act like this is a lost cause already," she told gently, her tone hopeful. "I mean, he's already done this once- right before you guys got together, remember? Told you were causing too many problems for him, that what you thought you guys had wasn't real, that he loved Stacy. He admitted he was lying then to push you away, and if you ask me, it's obviously what he's doing now; none of this is because he doesn't love you, it's because he loves you that much."
"I don't think so, Langston," Starr said softly, her voice haunted. "You didn't…you didn't see him. When he did all of that, back before we together, it hurt, yeah, but a part of me didn't believe it; I think something inside of me just knew something was up, that he didn't really feel that way. And that feeling's not there this time; it just feels like it's over," she choked out. "I keep picturing the way he looked when he said he didn't want me, and oh, God, he looked like he hated me, Langston, or like he was disgusted with me. Schuyler has never looked at me that way before, he's never sounded like that before."
Tears splashed onto her pillow, and Starr furiously rubbed her eyes; ugh, she was like a leaky faucet these days, it was pathetic. Was that how he saw her? If girls like Stacy were his type, that certainly must have turned him off.
"Starr, maybe he's just a really good actor," Langston tried weakly.
"Doubtful, but Lang, even if you were right, would it matter? If he's just made the decision to lie to protect me, he still seems pretty set in it, I don't think I can make him change his mind. Either he's extremely determined not to have me, or he honestly doesn't want me, and I just don't know what to do," she finished brokenly.
Langston nervously licked her lips; this clearly didn't seem like usual, high school girl, 'Oh no, my boyfriend didn't ask me to the prom and now we're totally over' angst, which she was good with; this was something a lot deeper, something she hadn't personally experienced, and she wasn't sure how to deal with this.
"Hmm, let's see, how to deal with the self loathing vampire in your life," she began playfully, deciding to go for trying to make her laugh. "Wouldn't that be an awesome self-help book? Well, I would say handle it like Buffy, because she rules, but you have no vampire slaying to pour your attention into and I really doubt you want to hook up with some random dude, so no. You already tried seduction like Elena, and phase two involves being assaulted at a graveyard by the jerk on the football team who's also a werewolf, so, uh, let's pass. Huh, guess that means we only have one choice- I'll go find you a Jacob now." Starr laughed quietly, her eyes lightening slightly.
"Who do you think you are?"
"Hey, before you get fresh, let's be clear on something- when I say I love you, I mean as a friend."
"Shut up," Starr laughed louder this time. "I just meant the whole personal sun thing or whatever. That's you. Thank you, Langston. I'm sure my constant whining must be annoying, but I-"
"No, it's not, and I'm always here to help, you know that, "she said with a smile, nudging her shoulder. "Just don't go jumping off any cliffs, okay? You already did that one."
"Promise."
"So, you've got a busy day tomorrow, right?" she asked encouragingly, figuring it would take her mind off the pain. "Aren't you going with Jessica to Hope's check up?"
"Yeah," she said, appearing a bit more cheerful. "Me and Cole; I think it'll be really nice. You wanna come?"
"Yeah, sure! Always fun to see my honorary niece, or…whatever Hope is to me," Langston laughed, shaking her head. Starr smiled slightly.
"You're not busy with Markko, right?"
"Nope, tomorrow's free."
"Cool, it'll be good to have you there. Hey, so, speaking of, what's going on with you, Markko, everything? Can we talk about you and your problems? I'm sick of me, I'm sick of thinking about everything, I'm sick of crying."
"Umm…you're gonna hate me for this, but I don't really have any problems, things are good right now. Lola and I have really been getting along, and so are she and Markko, I think the three of us are good."
"Wow, really?" Starr asked in surprise. "I gotta admit, I'm still not crazy about Lola. She just gives me a weird vibe."
"I know, I know, she can be a little off-putting, but I think she's just misunderstood. Maybe the three of us could have a girls night sometime, you two could get to know each other better."
"Sure; not like I have anything else to do now," she muttered to herself, miserably, the small light that had returned to her eyes instantly being extinguished.
Langston just sighed sadly, deciding even more firmly that the second school was out and he was no longer responsible for her grades, she was going to give Schuyler the ass kicking of a lifetime.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~
"Hope, who's that? Do you see who that is over there?"
The next afternoon, Starr's head shot up at the sound of the familiar baby talk and she grinned when she saw Jessica cradling Hope, feeling a flash of true happiness for the first time since Schuyler had climbed out her window that morning.
"Hey, Jessica!" she chirped, quickly getting out of her seat in the waiting room and walking over. "Hi, Hope," she cooed, rubbing her finger over her little hand. Hope giggled, grasping her finger. Langston followed behind her, lightly tickling the bottom of Hope's feet, and all three girls grinned when she laughed.
"Hey, girls; you're here early."
"So are you," Langston pointed out with a grin. Jessica smiled sheepishly.
"Just excited for my first big check up with my little girl here. Cole's not here yet?"
"No, he called to say he's running a little behind and will be here soon. Thanks again for letting us all come, Jess."
"Of, of course, I'm just- oh my god," Jessica reflexively blurted out as Starr straightened up; when she'd been bent over Hope with her hair falling in her face, she'd been unable to see the still pretty severe bruising along her cheek. "Wow; you went through even more than I heard. I'm sorry, sweetie." Starr just shrugged, trying not to think about that night too much. "Lucky your teacher was there, huh? I guess we're all kind of indebted to him now." Starr inhaled sharply, firmly telling herself to focus on Hope right now and ignore that throbbing sensation in her chest.
"Guess so," she replied tightly, clenching her jaw.
"Hey, um, so…how do you think Hope's gonna take to her doctor?" Langston interrupted awkwardly, shooting Starr a nervous look. "Is she going to be one of those babies that freaks out, or loves the attention?"
"Oh, knowing this little spotlight hog?" Jessica asked with a warm giggle, kissing Hope's forehead as they all began to walk back over to the waiting room chairs. "Definitely the latter."
"I bet you're right; she is quite the little ham, isn't she?" Starr asked affectionately, walking backwards as she talked to them
"Probably doesn't help that Brody already treats her like she's queen of the universe," Jessica remarked with a giggle. Langston and Starr exchanged a playful look, both 'ooohing' in unison.
"Speaking of, where is Brody?" Starr asked with a grin, singing his name in a cloying tone. Jessica rolled her eyes in good nature, laughing.
"He's with Bree right now."
"How are things with you two?" Starr asked, hoping hearing about somebody else's happiness would perk her up instead of backfiring and making it worse.
"Really great," Jessica said softly, practically glowing. "Really, really great."
"Aw, I'm so glad to hear that, Jess. You really deserve-"
Right before Jessica could warn her to watch out, Starr felt herself suddenly collide with someone, and she quickly whipped around, blushing and smiling sheepishly.
"Oh my gosh, I am so…sorry," she trailed off breathlessly as she discovered it was Schuyler, of all people, that she had just bumped into.
Starr's heart quickly leapt to her throat as Schuyler gazed at her for a moment, his eyes unreadable, and then gave a strained smile, bowing his head.
"Sorry, Starr."
Hope picked her head up from Jessica's shoulder in response to the familiar voice, peering over, and much to the shock of everyone in the room, she suddenly let out a happy little squeal when she saw Schuyler, stretching out her little arm.
For a moment, the room was still and silent, the tension so thick it could have been cut with a knife, as Starr and Schuyler both looked like they were about to break down, but it quickly passed. Schuyler swallowed roughly, stiffening, and just turned to walk away.
"See you girls in class," he muttered, his voice sounding agonized to Langston, but icy cold to Starr.
"Class?" Jessica repeated softly, glancing between them. "Oh, was that the teacher?"
Starr unconsciously clamped her hands over her heart, pressing her lips together so tightly that it hurt, as she focused on her breathing, willing herself to remain as unaffected as Schuyler apparently was. God, and Langston actually thought he was faking it? She was unwillingly filled with memories of that first time Schuyler had met Hope, and she furiously pinched the bridge of her nose, desperate to keep it together.
"Starr? Are you okay?" Jessica asked, furrowing her brow when neither girl answered her previous question.
"Yeah, I'm uh…fine," she managed to get out, though she sounded anything but.
"Okay, well, why don't we-"
"Um, I'll be right back," Starr suddenly blurted out; a small part of her wanted to know just what the hell she thought she was doing, but the rest was simply flying on instinct. "I'll be back before it's time for us to go in, I promise."
"Okay, that's fine," Jessica replied, obviously completely and utterly lost right now.
Starr spun on her heel, following after Schuyler, but Langston quickly grasped her arm, her face overwhelmed with concern.
"Starr, maybe you shouldn't-"
"No! You know what? He doesn't get to just walk away or ignore me again, he's going to hear me out whether he likes it or not," she hissed.
Starr quickly left, and Jessica watched her go with a confused frown.
"Uh, Langston, what's going on?"
"To be honest, I'm not completely sure myself."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starr had no idea that Schuyler was far from unaffected; actually, as he quickly stormed through the hospital, he was all but having a panic attack.
This had been a simple enough plan in theory; make Starr believe he didn't love her, let her move on, bury his feelings, there, done deal. But in practice, it was not so damn simple; ignoring Starr in class, having to treat her the way he had and say the things had did, had torn his heart to shreds already, and he had come so close to breaking right now, especially in the face of Hope. It was becoming increasingly obvious that he was not going to survive a month at this rate.
He never should have told Starr that 'of course' he'd meant all the things he'd said to her; he shouldn't have left the slightest chance for her to cling to; he should have done something to make her hate him so viscerally that they'd never be in this position- where their relationship couldn't be allowed to continue, but wasn't quite dead yet either, just sort of…suffering, gasping for air as it clung to life.
He supposed he could just leave town himself, but, truth was, he knew was far too selfish for that; even if he would always just pining, having to watch what he couldn't have, being around Starr was worth it; he couldn't bear the thought of not being in her life at all. He just needed to figure out some way to keep himself away from Starr, create some barrier between them, before he ruined everything.
"Oh, hey, Schuyler!"
Schuyler stopped, glancing up irritably as Kyle waved him over from one of the exam rooms. He'd never liked Kyle; he knew it was unfair, the other man really hadn't done anything to deserve it, but it was just a feeling he got from him.
"Hey, Kyle," he said politely, walking in; he promptly froze in his tracks when he saw Stacy standing near Kyle. She pursed her lips, looking away.
"Just wanted to ask how the hand is."
"Good," he muttered, absently tapping his fingers against the cast. Stacy continued refusing to look at him. "Hey, Stace," he said finally, waving in her general direction.
"Relax, I'm not stalking you," she abruptly snapped. "I'm just here talking to Kyle- the one person in Llanview that doesn't think they're Jesus, going by the way the rest of you constantly judge me!"
"Well, I'll just leave you two alone," Kyle muttered, quickly fleeing from the room at the first sign of confrontation. Schuyler rolled his eyes; anyone with eyes could tell Kyle had a thing for Stacy, but she would obviously eat the poor guy alive within the first week.
"Look, Stacy, I don't want to fight with you again, I just wanted…"
Schuyler slowly trailed off, cocking his head as it hit him. Stacy. Stacy, his ex-girlfriend, whom everyone, specifically Starr, knew he'd supposedly loved at one point. If he did this right, it wouldn't be so hard to make everyone believe old feelings had resurfaced…
Schuyler felt a rush of intense guilt and shame for what he was about to do; Stacy would be fine in the end- regardless of how he felt about the girl, he wouldn't even consider this if he thought it might actually hurt her, but, oh God, Starr…
No, no, he wasn't going to talk himself out of this; what might hurt her now was the kindest thing for the long run, he had to remember that.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for yesterday," he murmured earnestly, resisting the urge to darkly smile to himself; it had been so long that he'd forgotten he could put on just as good a display as Stacy.
"You know what, Schuy, you can just- wait, what?" she asked, startled. Schuyler took a breath and stepped closer to her, ignoring his stomach twisting uncomfortably.
"I said a lot of things to you that I didn't mean yesterday," he sighed. "I wanted to mean them, I wanted to believe I was over you, but I couldn't stop thinking about you after you left, it was killing me, and I think I realized I'm never going to be over you."
"If you didn't mean it, why'd you say it?" Stacy asked cautiously, already softened.
Had Schuyler been capable of feeling anything but this crushing anguish over the lie he was about to tell her, he would have felt bad for Stacy, he truly would have; the fact that she was obviously about to take him back, after just a few flowery words, all of one day after he had told her he loved another girl more than he ever had her, essentially called her a terrible person, and told her their former relationship had been screwed up and meaningless, was just incredibly depressing, really.
"Look, do you remember back when I asked you to pretend to still be my girlfriend, so I could send a message to one of my students?"
"Yes…"
"That's who the girl is, the one you were asking about yesterday, but-"
"Oh, what?!" she shrieked. "That's who you chose over me?! A fucking high school girl who probably hasn't even mastered missionary yet? That's great, Schuy, that's just great." Schuyler clenched his fists tightly, swallowing his instinctive response to that.
"I didn't choose her over you, that's the problem! Look, Stacy, you were still hung up on Rex, and Starr and I were thrown together because of outside circumstances, and it just seemed easy to turn to her."
Stacy instantly softened, the thought of Schuyler pining away for her, her breaking his heart because of her obsession with Rex, getting to her just as he'd known it would. Stacy thought she was the queen of manipulation, but a part of Schuyler that he was ashamed of was pretty sure he had even her beat.
"I wanted to love her, and I wanted to forget you, but I've finally figured out that...I don't know, the heart just wants what it wants. I only lied to you because I didn't want to hurt Starr, and I didn't want to be hurt by you again, but-"
"Oh, Schuy," Stacy sighed happily, lighting up. "I knew you'd come to your senses."
She suddenly threw herself at him, winding her arms around her neck and kissing him, and Schuyler violently fought his natural gut reaction to push her away, forcing himself to kiss her back like he meant it, even as it made him feel sick to his stomach. Closing his eyes and pretending she was Starr didn't even work; her frame was too boney, her skin too cold, her kiss too forceful.
Schuyler was completely unaware that while he was thinking he was just casting Stacy's part in all this, that the real work was still to come, in actuality, the show had already begun- because right outside the exam room door was Starr, watching in silent horror.
Rather than feeling like her heart was bleeding, broken, or stomped on even more, Starr simply could no longer feel it at all; there was just an empty, cold feeling in her chest where her heart used to be. It quickly spread to her lungs, choking her, and Starr quietly struggled for air, her mind going blank to accompany the numb sensation in her body.
"Starr? Everything alright?"
Starr managed to tear her eyes away from the earth shattering sight in front of her, and saw Kyle gazing at her in worry.
"Huh?" she asked slowly, the fact that her brain had just completely shut down keeping her from processing his question.
"Are you okay, Starr?" he asked again in concern. "I know you took quite a blow to the head, is it bothering you?" He reflexively put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture, but Starr flinched, quickly shrugging it off.
"I'm fine," she muttered tensely, abruptly spinning on her hell and storming down the hall and back to the waiting room, where Cole finally was now, seeming to be waiting for her.
"Hey, Starr! The doctor just came out a second ago, I just wanted to wait for you. You excited for our first check up with Hope? Can you believe she's already…Starr?" he asked slowly, finally picking up on how upset she was. "You okay?"
Starr stared at her feet and swallowed roughly, trying to remind herself how to speak; what she had just seen and heard had destroyed her so thoroughly that even basic, natural functions seemed impossible.
"Uh-huh," was all she managed. He furrowed his brow.
"Uh, yeah, 'cause you really look it. Starr, what's-"
Without a word, Starr abruptly crumpled into Cole's arms, holding him tightly as she burrowed her head against his shoulder, just trying to block out the world. Cole stiffened, seeming shocked for a moment, but then quickly reacted, holding her tightly and cautiously rubbing her back.
"Hey, it'll be alright, Starr, it's going to be fine. Just tell me what-"
"No," she muttered, pulling out of his embrace the moment he started to ask. Her voice was startlingly empty. "I can't, okay? Let's just go see Hope, that's all I want right now."
She quickly breezed past him, and Cole watched her with suspiciously narrowed eyes, having a damn good feeling there could only be one cause of that kind of pain for her. If Schuyler Joplin really had screwed this up after what Cole had done- swallowing his pride and agreeing to back off for the sake of Starr's happiness- he was really going to kill that guy.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Fearfully burrows back into hole* I'm going somewhere with this, I promise! Lol. I'm not crazy about this chapter, but I didn't want to make you guys wait anymore. I promise the next one is more exciting, and that I'll have it up MUCH sooner. To give you all a sort of sneak peek at what's coming; if I named my chapters, the next one would definitely be called 'Girl Fights.' ;)