Bullet Wounds and Broken Noses (Chapter 2)
Author: rcruz
Disclaimer:If I owned them, things would look a lot different. The characters, settings, established histories, and general Grey's Anatomy universe referenced in this work are properties of their respective owners. This is a work of fiction for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This is a very short piece that can be appropriately labeled AU. In this universe, the Stephens thing did not happen and Erica breaks up with Callie after she finds out about the whole Mark thing.
One of our favorite gals makes a crucial decision…
Sometimes a person moves too fast, running away at the first sign of danger and pain, moving so fast in fact that they miss important markers, those signs that warn of even bigger dangers ahead, like sharp curves that cannot be taken at top speed, lest you fall right off the cliff.
Chapter 2 - Erica
Walking. Walking. Walking. She needed to concentrate on the walking and not the implications of what she was about to do. Some part of her wondered if it was right, but she was used to making split second decisions and living with the consequences of those decisions, so she just turned that doubtful part off and kept walking.
But she knew it was there and for the first time in her life, the niggling doubt would just not go away. It was like being in uncomfortable clothes. You could get along and even forget about the discomfort, but every once in awhile, the body's movement caused unnecessary strain, a shirt pulling to close to skin, a seam a little out of place, causing irritation in inconvenient places.
She continued to walk trying to count steps as she went, trying not to think about what it would mean to leave here, to leave Callie. But she had no choice. She couldn't stay and run into her all the time, work with her, interact with her and most especially she knew she could not handle Callie and Sloan together.
She had seen them earlier, talking heads bowed, standing very close to each other. Mark had reached out to Callie, squeezing her shoulder in what Erica supposed was a show of support. It could have been something else, she knew. It could have been an invitation even. But she really preferred not to think about that. It had been hard enough to swallow her pride and accept that Callie had gone to Sloan for sexual advice just at the start of their relationship. That wasn't so bad, she thought, when Callie had started to tell her about it. But when it became clear how he had provided sexual advice, she had shut down completely.
She told Callie that everything was okay, something she would have never done in a relationship before Callie. But then, Callie had changed everything for her and the irrational fear of losing her had been too large. It was larger than her ego - as impossible as that sounded. It was larger than her discomfort, her jealousy, her pride. So she let it pass knowing that Callie was struggling with the implications of their developing relationship in ways that Erica was just not.
But then the fear was surpassed by the hurt and anger and she realized that she was not okay. Things were so not okay with them. How could they be? If Callie had been struggling with being gay, it would be one thing, but according to Callie - she wasn't. She wasn't gay. She had made that abundantly clear.
Callie was very straight and it appeared that while Erica had been opening her heart, reveling in the wonderful things Callie made her feel, Callie was after all just looking for a fuck buddy. Male or female? It didn't matter. Her or Mark? It depended on what she felt like that day. She had been such an idiot. She had confused her coming out and her friendship with Callie with love. It was stupid, but there it was. She couldn't take it back, but she could remove the problem. She could fix this. She knew how. That she could do. She needed to cut Callie out of her life and that meant leaving Seattle Grace. Besides, she wasn't really fitting in here.
She arrived at her destination and paused, staring at the Chief's office door, slightly ajar. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and counted to ten, preparing herself for the encounter she was about to have. The Chief would insist she stay. He was no idiot. She was a world class surgeon. He would muster all his best arguments to try and thwart her resignation. But she knew it was the right thing and she knew she could convince him that she was right. She really didn't fit in at Seattle Grace. She still needed to learn how to teach and in this environment there was really no learning curve for attendings. They needed to know or it would be detrimental to the program. She had no friends, had not been able to establish real professional relationships with anyone, except perhaps Callie, but that was always more personal than professional.
Part of it was Seattle Grace itself. People didn't have professional relationships without involving personal ones and she just didn't do that. She knew that and Richard knew it. She just had to convince him that it really would not get better. She knew that he had held out hope that things would gel. She would become a better teacher to the residents and they would warm to her. But it wasn't going to happen. She knew she could be a better teacher, but not in this environment where the residents involved their personal lives in everything.
She let out a breath and knocked.
*******
It was all over Seattle Grace within thirty minutes. Erica didn't know how that had happened. She knew the grapevine was pretty impressive at Grace, but this must be some sort of record. Derek had already spoken to her and tried in a half-hearted way to convince her to stay. World class surgeon, residents need the instruction, it would hurt the hospital, blah, blah, blah. His words were empty and he knew it.
No one really wanted her here. Sure she brought a certain amount of prestige to the place, but she really didn't fit in. She had never really gotten past sarcastic remarks with Sloan or Shepherd. She had tried to be a part of their little boys club, but only out of a sense of principle, precisely because it was a boys club, but that was not the basis for real friendship. She knew she scared the residents and while she liked the feeling, she also knew that fear did not equal respect and she reluctantly admitted to herself, it didn't make the teaching easier. In the end, she knew that the hospital benefited from her presence, but it had nothing to offer her in exchange and that made all the difference. This was not the place for her. She had nothing to prove here.
She was in her office, collecting the few things she had actually brought with her from Mercy glancing at the door every now and then. She was not conscious of it. It was just something she was doing.
A knock.
She paused debating whether to answer. Deciding she really didn't have a choice she spoke.
"Come in."
The door swung open, but nobody stepped in. Erica's eyes were on the box on her desk and the collection of things she was moving from her desk to the box. She felt the influx of air, but did not hear footsteps or the shuffling of clothing signaling approach and that made her scared to look up.
"What can I do for you?" she asked trying to sound nonchalant, trying to quell the quiver she could hear in her own voice. She absentmindedly tucked her hair behind her ear, still not looking up. She would force whoever it was to speak first.
"So...."
It was a male voice. She had braced herself for the uniquely female timber of a certain orthopedic surgical resident, but this voice she was unprepared for. Her head shot up, eyes fastened on him, confirming what her ears had already told her.
"What do you want Sloan?" she asked her voice cold and sharp.
She couldn't help it. She really, really, really hated this guy.
"So you're leaving?"
He was leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed in front of him.
"Yes, I am." she said focusing her attention back on the small collection of things she had to pack.
"I'll be attending rounds through the end of the week, but that's it."
"You can't leave." He was starting to sound whiny. She looked at him again, examining his face, his stupid little smirk, his relaxed demeanor.
"What do you want?" she asked not wanting to play games. That's all the people at this hospital were good at - playing games.
"You can't leave," he repeated sounding even whinier.
"I can and I am," she said still looking at him with cold eyes. She crossed her own arms. She would not let him get the best of her, not him, not this particular guy.
"No. You can't," he responded sounding just a bit more serious. "You can't do that to her."
She hadn't expected that. The change in his tone, the way his words seemed to soften, the vehement stress on the word can't eventually giving way to a barely whispered her.
And then her anger flared. She was not the bad guy here.
"I'm not doing anything to her. I've never done anything to her, but offer her...." she stopped.
He was doing it again, getting under her skin, making her lose her composure. She had never let his snide remarks or innuendo get to her. But then Callie happened to her and her shields failed her. Erica seemed to have no shields against him when it came to Callie. His relationship with Callie had irritated Erica even before things between her and Callie had changed. His very presence had a decidedly negative impact on her. It put her in a bad mood and made her want to bite off people's heads. So she had to stop.
"She just needs more time," he said almost pleading.
"More time for what? To get men out of her system? To get you out of her system? That's not how it works. She's made it perfectly clear what she wants." She paused because she needed to gain control of her emotions before admitting the next part.
"And she doesn't want...what I want."
"You're wrong," he said.
He pushed himself away from the doorway, uncrossing his arms and flashing her his most brilliant smile. Before she could object, he was speaking again.
"But let's not dwell on that. Since you'll be leaving our fine hospital, even though I don't think you should, we need to bid you a proper farewell."
He stepped closer, but never invaded her personal space.
"Whadda ya say? Joe's? I'll buy."
He was up to something and she was trying to figure out what it was.
"Come on. A few drinks and then you can go, completely guilt free. Just a few drinks. I'm serious, I'm buying. You can even drink that expensive wine you like."
"I can buy my own drinks," she said as if he had insulted her. He hadn't. She knew that.
"Come on Dr. Hahn." He paused looking at her, trying to gauge how far he needed to go.
"I won't hit on you," he said.
Erica raised an eyebrow. He was serious.
"Please?" he tried.
He was practically begging now and reluctantly she found herself agreeing. She would go, say her goodbyes and have it done and over with. Then she could do her rounds during the week without never-ending goodbyes and be gone.
He saw the acceptance in her eyes.
"Great! I'm going to grab my things and come back for you."
He was out the door before she could object. God she hated that guy.
She looked at the clock. It was almost 7:45. She had planned to be gone by this time in order to meet....
"Shit!"
She reached for the phone, dialing Sam's number.
After some pleading and whining from Sam, Erica extended the invitation for drinks to Sam. She would make Mark buy Sam's drinks too. She told Sam to meet her at Joe's in 15 minutes. She had wanted to just postpone the dinner and meet up with Sam an hour later, but Sam insisted that she could do pre-dinner drinks with her soon to be ex co-workers.
Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. She didn't really have any friends here anymore. It would be nice to have someone that was on her side, that didn't think she was some conniving, cold-heart, lesbian bitch, although the lesbian part of that would be a shock to Sam. She carelessly tossed more things in the box hoping to fill it before Mark's return. He could carry the damn thing to her car since this whole stupid thing was his idea.