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Jack watched as Ianto made coffee. His young lovers body was tense and his muscles looked as though they ached. Jack had a feeling that they did. Whenever Ianto couldn't sleep his muscles always forced into a tight grip, as though they were always waiting for something to happen. Jack had noticed this before and always thought it was because of the aliens, Ianto had an inner fear that aliens would creep up at him in the middle of the night and get him when he was least expecting it. Maybe not aliens but some other childhood fears. Jack guessed now that it was because of neither of these but because of James.

"Here you are." Ianto said and handed Jack his hot cup of coffee. Jack had sent Gwen a message saying she shouldn't come in unless he sent a text saying she had to. Jack wanted to talk to Ianto and knew he wouldn't open up if Gwen was around.

"Thanks, Yan." Jack smiled softly. "You know we're going to have to talk about this."

"I know." Ianto sighed. Jack had noticed that Ianto had been sort of avoiding him all day. Not him really, just conversation.

"How long were you together?" Jack asked gently pulling Ianto closer and onto his lap. Jack liked having Ianto in his lap it made him feel more protective over him, and he knew it made Ianto feel safe.

"Almost four years." Ianto said. Jack was more then surprised.

"So long." Jack mused.

"He wasn't always..." Ianto said in way of explanation.

"What was he like? In the beginning?"

"He was my hero." Ianto said softly. "My parents didn't know I liked boys too, and well I was brought up in a strict catholic house. So I guess when I told my mum that I was in a relationship with James she was shocked. Told my dad almost instantly. He got really angry and threw me out." Jack slowly started to rub soothing circles on Ianto's lower back trying to calm him down before he got himself riled up.

"I stayed with James." Ianto sighed. "He told me he wouldn't want me anywhere else. He was three years older then me and he had a job and his own flat so he could look after us. He always made it sound like a fairy tale really."

"You were happy?" Jack smiled, despite what he knew was about to happen in Ianto's story it was nice to think that his young lover did have some happiness.

"Yeah." Ianto sighed. "For about six months. By this time my parents had put all my stuff in black bags and pushed me out from the family."

"How old were you?"

"I was sixteen." Ianto mumbled. Jack sighed, that was far too young to be forced out of a family. "I stayed with James and finished at school. It was nice, i felt really grown up because all my friends were fighting with their loved ones I was living with mine." Jack smiled, he could almost imagine it in his head.

"Then what happened?" Jack asked eagerly.

"When school finished I was looking for a job, James told me that I should go to university because he always regretted not going. I told him it wasn't for me but he told me I should. Said I'd learn more about life if I went. So, I looked and got into a local one, nothing expensive." Jack frowned, he had read Ianto's file and knew that Ianto didn't go to University. "But then he lost his job."

Jack knew this was when everything went downhill because Ianto's body tensed up.

"He tried really hard looking for another job, he really did. But he couldn't find one. He didn't have any qualifications, just experience in the shop." Ianto shuddered. "He was looking for a job for four months before things started to get... bad. He called me names as the days wore on. Pathetic. Ugly. A mess."

"Yan..."

"Told me that I was taking all his money. Then he started drinking. When he wasn't drinking he was really nice, he was my James. He hugged me when I missed my parents and told me how wonderful i am. But then he would drink and all that would be gone. The first time he hit me was because I fought back. I told him to stop drinking. He didn't listen and got mad."

"Yan, it wasn't your fault."

"He told me it was." Ianto mumbled. "Always did. Even when he wasn't drinking I was still pathetic, ugly... he hit me more. He didn't have control over his alcohol addiction, and he couldn't find a job. I guess I was his toy. He wouldn't let me go to University, he was scared I'd leave him. But... I wouldn't have left him."

"You loved him?" Jack asked shocked. Human emotions of this time always amazed him.

"No, Yes. I think I thought I did. Truth was, if I left him I wouldn't have had any where else to go." Ianto said simply. His voice showed no emotion as though he was telling someone else's story. "He always told me that it was because he cared and no one else really did. So I stayed."

"But you were scared?"

"Yes." Ianto stated factly.

"When did you leave?"

"When I turned 20." Ianto sighed. "He beat me, too much. Sometimes I thought I was never going to wake up. I had a few friends from school. Chris being one of them. I told him what happened. Didn't really have a choice when he saw me. He helped me escape."

"What happened to James?"

"I don't know. When I went to London, Chris phoned me all the time he told me he had a go at James, they got into a fight and then James was gone. I never thought about where he was until now."

"I'm not going to let him hurt you. Ever." Jack promised.

"I'm scared, Jack." Ianto said quietly. Jack knew it must have taken a lot to admit that. Ianto never admitted his weaknesses, ever. "He always made me feel like I had no other choice. I always feel so weak around him."

"But you're not, baby." Jack said softly. "You fight aliens you've helped me save the world."

"I know, but... I always feel strong when I'm around you. When I think of James all I feel is weak, wrong, pathetic..."

"You're not pathetic." Jack said strongly. "You're amazing." Ianto shrugged.

"I want to stay here till he goes, I don't want to see him, I don't want to be the person I was when I was with him."

"You can't hide forever."

"I know." Ianto sighed. "But I can try."

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