Chapter 13 of This is Life
"Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life."— Leo Buscaglia
Author: Lily
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters. Gossip Girl belongs to Cecily Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage and the CW.
Summary: Post 1.10 — Takes place after Chuck sees Nate and Blair kissing. What would have happened, if Blair hadn't slept with Nate and Chuck would have apologized to her?
Rating: T / PG-15
Pairing: Chuck/Blair
A/N — A special thank you to Mel, for being ever helpful and again beta-ing this chappie for me. *kiss*
*
"Don't want to leave, but we both know sometimes it's better to go.
You're in my heart, so until then, smile, don't want to cry saying goodbye."
*
Chuck stormed into his room and slammed the door shut loudly behind him.
He was pissed. Completely, utterly pissed, infuriated… and hurt.
He remembered the nagging feeling he had had in his stomach when Bart had told him that Mr. Chen had agreed to let him be an intern at his burlesque.
A lifetime of getting screwed over had taught Chuck that when something seemed to be too good to be true, it usually was.
But this time, he had really believed that all of it was possible, that things were about to change, that he would finally gain his father's approval, and that he would be surrounded by people who truly cared about him.
He had been a fool to think so. It turned out that he had been right all along.
--
Blair was taken aback by the amount of people in the Van der Bass house.
What was going on here?
Then, she remembered that Bart had talked to Chuck about the business proposal just a few hours ago. She assumed that everything had gone well.
"Blair! Why were you at Nate's house?" Blair heard Serena's voice and turned around, spotting her making her way to her through the crowd.
"I can't talk to you now, Serena," Blair said dismissively as she turned on her heels, hasting upstairs to the first floor.
She knocked on Chuck's door and when he didn't answer, she just opened it.
He was sitting on his bed, a scotch in his hand, and didn't pay her any attention. She walked over to him and took the glass from him, noticing with relief, that it was still full.
Sitting down beside him, she smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress, not knowing how to begin.
"Chuck…" she started softly, but was interrupted.
"Why did you lie to me?" Chuck enquired. The quiet way he said it - the disappointment, the hurt clearly palpable - made Blair feel incredibly ashamed.
"I… Nate tricked me into going to his place," she started to explain. "He and Jenny - she made that video. I didn't do anything with him." Blair was determined to make this particular point clear.
Chuck finally raised his head to look into her eyes. "Did he ask you to go to his place before or after you sent me that message?" he repeated.
She bit her lip and looked at the ground. She knew she couldn't entirely blame it on Nate and Jenny. A part of what had happened was indeed her fault. Maybe she hadn't done anything with Nate, but she had lied to Chuck.
She didn't answer, but her expression told him all he needed to know. He stood up abruptly, leaving her sitting on his bed, and walked towards the window, turning his back to her.
The way he remained silent was even worse than if Chuck would have fumed and shouted at her and Blair felt her throat constrict uncomfortably.
Then, he finally broke the silence.
"You know… the crazy thing is I actually believed that I would be enough for you," his voice was cold and rigid and made Blair's insides churn. "Even though I've known all along that the only one you'll ever truly love is Nathaniel; that you'd keep running back to him whenever he wanted you again."
"Chuck, that's not true," Blair said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I went to him because I wanted you two to be okay again. It had nothing to do with anything between me and Nate."
She could see him clenching his jaw.
"Nothing happened. We just talked." She said again.
"You know… If you still love him, maybe-"
"I should go back to him? You know what? Maybe I will, seeing as you don't trust me at all!"
Chuck's body turned rigid and she immediately regretted her words, but there was no taking them back now that they were out.
"Then go." Chuck urged, turning around and gesturing his arm towards the door. The pain in his eyes overwhelmed her and she couldn't meet his gaze.
"Fine!" Blair grabbed her bag and stood up from his bed, walking towards the door. She had already turned the door knob and was ready to go when she heard him sighing.
Blair turned back to him.
"Bart told me that they accepted my business proposal," he looked at her, his gaze hard.
Why was he suddenly talking about this?
"I figured as much." Blair answered, unconsciously walking back into the room.
"I actually wanted to discuss something with you, but I guess we don't need to do any talking after all." He stared at her.
What…?
"I'm moving to Bangkok tomorrow, early in the morning."
Blair couldn't comprehend what she had just heard; what he had just said.
"Bangkok?" She repeated, her voice quivering.
He had indicated something about moving away if his proposal would be accepted, but… He had already made his decision?
Blair felt tears stinging her eyes.
"This is so typical of you, Chuck; running away whenever a problem comes along! No wonder Bart never trusted you!" she returned, trying to mask her hurt and her disappointment.
"Actually, I already decided to leave before I saw that Gossip Girl post about you and Nathaniel," Chuck spat out his name. She wanted to play this game with him? Fine, he'd play.
Blair was taken aback, but refused to back down. "You know what? I don't care. You can go wherever you'd like. As far as I'm concerned, you can go to hell!"
His face hardened and without sparing her a last glance, Chuck turned away, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door. He banged it behind him with such a fury that the entire room shuddered.
Blair sunk onto the bed, and burying her head in her hands, she finally gave into her emotions, and hot salty tears ran down her cheeks.
--
"Blair?" Serena peeked into Chuck's room concerned and when she saw her best friend sitting on the bed weeping, she quickly rushed over to her and took her into her arms, holding her tightly.
Tears kept flowing down Blair's cheeks as she leaned against Serena's shoulder, her body shaking from her silent sobs.
"Serena…we had a huge fight…"
"Shh…" Serena said softly, stroking her hair.
"Chuck is going to go to Bangkok tomorrow. What am I going to do?"
"We'll figure it out, Blair. I promise we will."
Eventually, Blair's tears stopped and Serena gently laid her on the bed. Blair had exhausted herself. She sat down on the bed beside her and squeezed her hand gently.
As much as she wanted to believe her own words, she had a feeling that Chuck's decision was final.
--
Blair woke up to the bright sunlight shining directly into her face. She yawned softly and wondered why her eyes felt so swollen and why she was in Chuck's room, lying in Chuck's be…
Oh God.
She sat up swiftly and grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand to check the time.
6:42 am
If there was any time to stop Chuck from going away, now would be her last chance.
But how? She had already told him everything the day before and it had just led to that stupid fight. She buried her head desperately in her hands.
"Blair?" She heard a knock on the door – Chuck's door – and looked up. Serena came in with a breakfast tablet.
Blair looked up at her quietly and opened her mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say.
"Blair…about Jenny…" Serena started hesitantly.
"Forget it," Blair took the tablet out of her hands, putting it aside.
Serena raised her head, surprised.
"What happened with Nate yesterday?" Serena asked carefully.
Blair looked into her best friend's concerned eyes and collected her thoughts.
"I went to Nate's house after school because he said he wanted to make up with Chuck and needed my help. I suspected something after he spent…hours in the bathroom. And then I realised he and Jenny had tricked me. I just…I thought…I didn't…" Blair closed her eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall again.
Serena reached out and wrapped her arms around Blair.
"I wanted them to be okay again, you know? Because I knew that it was all my fault…that they fought with each other."
"Then you did the right thing, didn't you?" Serena said encouragingly. "You just wanted the best for them."
Blair shook her head sadly. "You were right, Serena, when we talked about Jenny."
"But – Jenny did sent those posts…"
"No, I meant you were right about me. What happened yesterday just proves it. I was just being selfish once again. I…" Blair stopped for a moment and wiped her tears away.
"I didn't go there for Chuck or for Nate. I did it for me."
Serena looked at her, puzzled.
Blair sensed that she still hadn't understood her, so she continued.
"I thought Chuck would eventually realise that everything was my fault and… hate me for making him lose his best friend. And I don't know what I would do without him," Blair looked up at her best friend, hurt written all over her face.
"I love him… so much, S."
"Then fight for him, B. Where's the Blair Waldorf I grew up with?"
"I don't know. I… what should I say?"
"Tell him everything you just told me." Serena answered simply.
"I'm so afraid. I said horrible things to him yesterday. I would never forgive anyone for this."
"He wouldn't have risked his relationship with Nate if you didn't mean something to him, B. And if he didn't care about you, you two wouldn't have had that fight yesterday. Trust me."
--
Chuck checked his watch.
7:00 am.
His plane took off at 8:30 am, so he still had time to drop by Blair's.
He sighed and wondered once again what the hell was wrong with him. She had lied to him, met with Nate behind his back doing who knows what, and on top of that, had insulted him.
Why did he feel so fucking guilty?
He strode over to the door when he heard someone knocking. His brows furrowed. No one ever knocked.
He opened the door.
Except…
"Nate."
--
6:15 am
"Nate, where are you going? You haven't even had breakfast yet and school starts in less than two hours." Anne eyed her son, concerned.
"I have to go to Chuck's, mom," Nate replied, picking up his bag.
"Don't you want to have breakfast first, honey? He'll wait-"
"I don't think so. I'll see you after school." Nate said, giving her a peck on her cheek before exiting the house.
He had hardly slept last night as images of Chuck and Blair invading his mind. Blair running after Chuck desperately. Blair pleading Chuck to forgive her. Chuck pushing her away. Chuck walking away from her, pissed off. Blair crying in her room.
Nate took a deep breath to clear his head.
He did still love Blair very much. But how could he ever look at himself again after what he had done to her and Chuck?
She had been right about everything she had said.
They had already broken up when she and Chuck had gotten together. And he had also made it more than difficult for Chuck to confess his newfound relationship with Blair because of his constant 'Blair or Serena?' question.
It hadn't been right for Chuck to just go and sleep with Blair and then have a secret relationship behind his back, but people made mistakes; He should know.
After all, he had slept with Serena.
Blair had forgiven him for it. He just hoped she would forgive him again.
--
Blair looked out of the window concerned.
The taxi driver sensed her worries and was curious as to what was bothering her. "I'm familiar with that look on your face you know."
"Can you please mind your own business and concentrate on taking me to the Palace?" Blair shot him an icy glare to shut him up.
"No, really. I know what's the problem."
Blair raised her eyebrows sceptically.
"It can only be one of two things. Either your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend or it was the other way around."
"Both," she said eventually as they arrived at the Palace.
The driver looked at her in shock, disbelief, and pity.
Great. Blair Waldorf was being pitied by a taxi driver. Blair sighed and handed him the money, ready to get out.
"No, keep it. This ride's free."
"Well… thanks."
"Good luck," he saluted and drove off.
--
Blair's stomach grew nervous on her way to Chuck's. She still didn't know what to say, but she had to get through this. She bit her lip nervously and finally arrived on Chuck's floor.
Blair stepped out of the elevator just as Nate walked out of Chuck's room and took the stairs down. Neither of them saw the other.
Taking a last deep breath, she rang.
The door swung open and Chuck stood in the doorframe. Surprise was written over his face, but he covered it quickly and held the door open wordlessly.
Blair gulped and walked in.
"Chuck," she said quietly. "I'm… I'm so sorry. For what I did yesterday, what I said… I didn't mean it. Any of it. I was just… afraid."
He came closer, his face still unreadable.
"I didn't want you to hate me for making you lose your best friend… over a girl."
He was standing so close to her that she could feel his breath on her skin.
She looked up to him with her desperate, brown eyes and before he even realised what he was doing, he had raised his right hand and was caressing her cheek softly.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.
Suddenly, he dropped his hand and Blair opened her eyes, looking at him in irritation, immediately feeling cold and exposed.
"Nate just told me everything."
"What…?"
Chuck sighed. "He still loves you."
"Well, I don't feel the same way." Blair said emphatically.
"He's still my best friend." Chuck replied softly.
Blair looked at him and tears began to form in her eyes. She blinked them away.
"Please don't leave," she whispered and her voice and her expression were so pleading that he felt his heart breaking.
"I – Bart counts on me, trusts me, for the first time in my entire life. I don't want to disappoint him."
Blair's upper lip was trembling and tears were beginning to cloud her vision.
"I just think that maybe we should take a break… figure things out. And… give you time to let you become clear about your own feelings about who you want."
"I know who I want," Blair said desperately. "I want you."
Chuck couldn't look into her eyes anymore and Blair opened her mouth to say more to make him stay, but stopped. She could hear the finality in his voice. He had already made his mind up.
"Blair…"
She sniffled.
"Don't cry."
"I don't want you to leave," Blair pleaded silently. "Please."
The doorbell rang and Chuck groaned, but went to answer it. A staff member came in, taking his packed stuff downstairs.
"Go ahead., I'm coming down in a minute," he said to Arthur.
Blair, sitting on his bed, felt him tucking his finger under her chin and lifting her head, so that she was looking into his eyes. He had sunken down to his knees in front of her.
And she knew she was already too late. It was too little too late.
"You'll come back, right?"
"I'll come back as soon as my business is finished there," Chuck assured.
"Promise me."
"I promise."
Blair cleared her throat. "Chuck, I…"
"Mr. Bass, we need to get going. The helipad arrives in ten minutes." Arthur appeared at the door again.
"One moment," Chuck ordered Arthur out and then turned back to her, waiting for her to finish the sentence. She didn't say anything and he kissed her on her forehead. "I'll miss you," he said and stroked her cheek softly, before getting up and walking out of the door.
"I love you." Blair whispered as a tear slipped out of her eye.
--
A/N: First of all, I am so pissed that my internet connection got shut down for no reason, that's also, why it took me so long to get this chapter posted. I had to endure five days - five days! - without internet. I didn't even get the chance to read your reviews on the last chappie. *le sigh* But now I am finally in Paris (wee! :) and I've decided to take a break from everything anyway. Well, not an entire break since I have so many fics to catch up on an review, but I will take a little break from writing. No worries though, the next chappie will be posted in less than two weeks ;)
A happy belated birthday to ilovewaldass06, I hope you celebrated it properly and got to spend it with your friends and family (& with lots of presents;)
Oh, and yes. Chuck is going away. No hurricane to stop the plane from flying, no accident, no nothing. Are you angry with me now? I just need Blair to realize how much Chuck really means to her and to figure out why Nate is so wrong for her. Okay, okay? :) I never thought that they had a proper break up in the show, not even in the second season, so this is why I am doing this.
Comments, thoughts, suggestions? I would love to hear it all :)