"Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley"
By: Sophia Spring
Second Entry
I am exhausted this morning. Even after my hot shower I'm still feeling yesterdays hike. I didn't even feel like hanging out downstairs with my mom for breakfast. I just grabbed a granola bar and a glass of milk and came back up to my room so I could write in my journal. I was unable to make an entry yesterday during my hiking trip so I'm making it this morning. I don't want to forget one single thing from yesterday. The trip turned out to be more than I could have wished for.
When I stopped at the Newton's, I noticed Mike in the back of the store. I didn't make eye contact with him but, I saw out of my peripheral vision that he looked up at me and stared until I was out of his sight. I went about my business collecting the things I needed to sustain me through the day. I was looking for one last item when he came around the corn of the isle I was on and said hi to me. Even though I kept myself in check on the outside, inside I felt a tremendous giddiness. His presence and close proximity to me was very comforting. He asked where I was going, so I told him I was going hiking to my favorite spot in the forest. He knows where that is. We've made the hike there together a couple of times. I could not believe the next thing that came out of his mouth. He said, "Would you like some company today Jess?" Of course I wanted his company and I was sure to let him know that. He was making this so easy for me. I'm glad I started my day out without any expectations. He seemed happy with my response and zipped away. A few seconds later I heard Mike tell his mother he was going to take the day off to go hiking with me and she didn't give him any qualms about it. As I was putting my things by the register Mrs. Newton came around the counter and gave me a hug and asked how my family and I were doing. She was so sweet to me. I told her we were all getting along pretty well considering the circumstances. I couldn't bare to say another word about it, so I paid for my things and went out to my car.
It didn't take Mike long at all to gather what he needed. It was rather odd to me that he had his pack and was out to my car so quickly. I cocked my right eyebrow and gave him a crooked little smile. He said, "What?" "How'd you get your things together so quickly Mike" I asked? "I always have a pack ready for hiking, you know me better than that Jess. For heaven's sake look what my parents own." "Right," I replied with sarcasm in my voice and a huge smile on my face as I backed the car up into the street and headed towards the trail head. A silent awkwardness fell between us during the drive. I was wondering what he was thinking about and I was still in shock that he was beside me. The freshly sprayed cologne mixed with his body musk filled the car. He smelled so good. I wanted to reach out and grab hold of his hand but, I refrained from doing so.
We reached the trail head and I parked the car. As I turned the ignition off Mike suddenly had so much to say. "I've been thinking about you for several days Jessica. I've missed you. Are you excited about starting our junior year? I'm a little bummed that summer's almost over. It seems like I haven't even had a summer. Mom's had me tied up at the store most of the time. It's all good; I've made bank!" I stopped him from saying another word. "Yes, I'm excited about school starting. I need to get out of the house and I defiantly want to meet the new kids. Have you seen Dr. Cullen's family yet?" I reached into the back of the car and grabbed my backpack, threw it over my shoulder, and slipped my arms through the straps. I watched Mike follow the same motions slinging his pack over his left shoulder and slipping his right arm through the strap. I grabbed my bottom lip and tugged on it gently as my mind took five. Mike's short sleeve rose up above his right shoulder revealing his biceps along with the rest of his arm. "MMMMM, looks good"I thought,"And seems to be more muscular than I remembered in the past."Each individual muscle was raised and defined."It must be the results from all those boxes he's beenlifting at the store. How was I going to make it through the day without spilling the beans about my feelings for him?" It didn't take long for Mike to notice that I just happened to be staring at his bare arm. I was so dazed and deep in thought that I nearly jumped a foot off the ground when Mike yelled, "JESSICA!" "What the hell Mike! Why'd you just yell my name? I'm right here!""Well Jessica, I was answering your question about the Cullen's and I noticed you weren't hearing me so I said your name like three times and you still didn't hear me" he said, "so I had to yell to get your attention. I didn't mean to scare you." "Oh! I'm sorry" I said. There's no way I could reveal my thoughts to him, so I just told him I was thinking about my dad and how I missed doing these things with him. It wasn't a total lie. I really did miss hiking with Joe. We always had the best times together. He seemed to understand and didn't catch onto the fact that I was drooling in my mind over his muscular development. "Well, lets hit the trail, I want to wade in the creek and see if we can find some cool stones for my dad." "I'd like to get some sun on my skin; that is, if you don't mind me lying out for a little while in my bathing suit."Mike nervously stumbled over his words as he replied back with, "ya…um…that'd be… um great...sounds like a plan Jess!
We started walking side by side. Occasionally we'd bump into each other because we were so close until we got on the trail and I took the lead."By the way; since you didn't hear me...the Cullen's have been in the store several times since they moved in. They look completely consummate and they're filthy stinking rich man! Not that I care about that. The more money they spend in our store the bigger my college funds get. So I'm just thinking…bring it! According to what my parents told me, Dr. Cullen and his wife Mrs. Cullen adopted all of their children. What I don't get is that they all have a few things in common. I'm just a little confused by them. You'll see what I'm talking about when school starts and you get a good look at 'em." Mike defiantly spurred my curiosity about the Cullen's. "Humph, so what do you mean that they all have a few things in common" I said?"Well, for one, they all have very white skin and two, their eyes…they're a really strange color. Sometimes I think I've gone and lost my mind but, I could swear that on some days their eyes are almost as black as onyx and then other days their eyes are almost gold they're so yellow. I don't get it. All of them have the same eye color and the exact same color skin! What's up with that? I thought the kids were adopted!" Mike seemed pretty uneasy with them, the way he was talking about them but, I didn't care I wanted to see them for myself. Who knows maybe I'd like them and we'd have some new friends to hang out with. I liked Dr. Cullen, probably more than I should.
We didn't have to hike too far into the forest before we encountered the babbling creek I'd envisioned walking through bare foot yesterday morning. I heard it way before I saw it and it made me walk all that much faster. Mike was falling seriously behind and was relieved when I stopped and dropped my pack on the ground in the clearing. "Hey Mike, I've got to go pee so, if you don't mind could you turn around for a few minutes?""No not at all, I've got to go too so I'll just be over here." Well, at least we got that process started. Mike and I both knew about marking territory. This wasn't the first time we'd been hiking together.
After I'd finished and zipped my pants up, I practically ran to the closest bolder I could find and sat down on it. I started ripping my laces off the hooks of both my hiking boots at the same time. I got one boot off when Mike started in on me. "Jessica? Are you ok? What's the hurry? It's only 9 a.m. We have plenty of time to wade for awhile and lay out in the sun. We didn't have to run here and we certainly don't have to rush into the water like there is no tomorrow. What's going on? You didn't hear me speaking to you back at the car. I had to yell your name to get your attention. I was practically running trying to keep up with you on the hike up here, and now it's like you can't get into the water fast enough. Do you not want me here or something? You could have just said no when I asked if you wanted me to join you today."I sat on the bolder frozen by what I was hearing and my jaw fell open when he asked if I didn't want him here with me. Does he really think I don't want him with me? Have I really been so stand offish, I thought to myself? I had to let him know that it had nothing to do with me not wanting him here. There wasn't anything in the world I wanted more right now than to spend time alone with Mike and I had to get that point across to him some how without totally giving my secret affections for him away.
My mind went blank and for a few minutes. There was nothing but, silence. "Jess, did you hear what I just said to you?" "Yes Mike. I heard you. I didn't realize I was acting in such a way that you'd think that I didn't want you here with me. I haven't left the house in so long and I really want to get into the creek. It's not you Mike. I'm glad you're here with me. It's been a long time since I've seen you and the circumstances the last time we saw each other weren't the greatest.""I remember. It's ok. I should have known better and not taken this personally. I'm sorry Jessica"Mike said. "I understand now, you don't have to say anything else if you don't want."I could not believe how wonderful this guy was and he was there with me on his own accord. I turned away from him as the tears started to well in my eyes, filling them to the point that they almost spilled over. I could feel my eyes and my nose swell and begin to turn red. GET A GRIP ON YOUR SELF JESSICA, I screamed inside my head! I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought back the tears. As soon as I felt the tears no longer pooling in my eyes and the redness in my face diminishing, I turned back toward him. Mike had already found a spot to sit down; he had his boots off, and was pulling his last sock off. By the look on his face, it looked as if he was kicking himself. I couldn't allow him to continue his train of thought. He didn't do anything wrong.
I ripped the other boot off my foot, pulled my socks off, and rolled my pants above my knees as quickly as I could. I got up and walked over to him feeling the cool grass on the bottom of my feet and blades of grass slipping between my toes. Mike looked up at me while he was rolling his pants above his knees. I smiled at him and stretched both of my hands out towards him, gesturing to help him up off the huge rock he was sitting on. He placed his big warm hands inside my palms and squeezed my hands ever so gently. His eyes never broke contact with mine as he smiled back at me. His beautiful white teeth sparkled in the sunlight. Bolts of loving energy shot through my hands, up my arms, and straight into my heart. It made me smile even bigger. I wasn't sure if Mike felt the same thing I'd just felt but, it didn't matter, he was smiling. As I leaned back and pulled him up off the rock and onto his feet, Mike pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his body and I could feel the tension in my muscles begin to release as he held me. I turned my face into his chest and inhaled, breathing in his scent. I thanked him for the hug and I went to pull away but, Mike's hold on me just got tighter. I placed my cheek back on his chest, relaxed back into his arms, and in return I wrapped my arms around his waste. As Mike held me; the thought of his kind words mixed with the overwhelming sadness inside, grabbed hold of me and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I clawed at the back of his shirt until my hands were full of the cotton t-shirt he was wearing. I didn't want to cry on him today. It made me feel week and out of control but, I couldn't help myself. Mike kissed my forehead and told me how sorry he was which only made me cry harder. My body was shaking at this point. "I wish I could tell you everything is going to be ok Jessica. I swear I'll always be here for you, no matter what." His reassurance and being held so tight in his arms made me feel better and slowly I was able to stop the flow of tears. I pulled my face back away from his chest and let go of the tight hold I had on him to wipe my face but, before I could raise my hand, Mike was already wiping the tears off the cheek that wasn't pressed up against his body. "I'm so sorry Mike! I didn't mean to break down on you. Now I've soaked your shirt" I said, sniffling. "It's ok Jessica. I don't care about my shirt. Besides, I'm going to drench you as soon as you're not looking when you least expect it!" I smiled and dried the tears from my eyes.Mike grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the creek. "Let's go find some crystals for Joe" he said with a huge grin on his face. I laughed at his playfulness and I was all for getting drenched by Mike! Summer was coming to an end and this was the last time I'd have a chance to enjoy a warm day like today with Mike before school started. We only had three more days left before school started.
The rest of the day was great. Mike and I found several pieces of pyrite. Some of them were as big as the palm of my hand. He found his opportunity to splash me and we ended up having a huge water fight. If there were animals anywhere in the vicinity of where we were, we definitely scared them off with all the yelling and laughing we were doing. Both of us were soaked from head to toe. After that, I spread the old quilt I had rolled up on the top of my back pack out on the grass. I was thankful that I wore my bathing suit. I was able to take my shirt and jeans off and hang them from a tree limb to dry in the sun. Mike took his shirt off and hung it up but, left his pants on. He needed the sun more than I did. We were putting our arms up to each other checking out who was darker than the other. His skin was pretty pale compared to mine. Mike and I conjured up quite an interesting conversation while we lay in the sun and waited for our clothes to dry. It had never been hard for us to talk. We could talk about anything for hours on end.
He asked if I was sure I didn't have any Quileute blood running threw my veins. I told him I didn't know but, I doubted it. Joe was dark complected even without being in the sun for long periods of time. My dad didn't know who his great, great grandfather was. No one did. His great, great grandmother Elizabeth moved here from Scotland and was seeing a man she never spoke of for a short period of time shortly after arriving here in Forks. The man disappeared before she knew she was pregnant with my great grandfather Joseph. It broke her heart and she was never with another man after that. From the stories I've heard, Elizabeth always thought he'd come back for her. She died before my Joseph's 16th birthday. She mourned herself to death. I told Mike no one really ever talks about it too. My dad was named after his great grandpa Joseph.
Before we knew it the sun was going down and we had to leave. Mike had to drive me home and call his dad to come and pick him up from my house. I was completely drained and fell asleep on the way home. Mike was unfortunately sunburned on both sides of his body because neither one of use thought to bring sun block. We went outside and sat on my front porch while we waited for his dad to arrive. "Thanks for going with me today" I said. Mike scoot over so close to me that the whole right side of his body was touching mine. He put his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into him for a sideways hug ever so gentle. I was careful to not lean into him to hard because he was burned so bad. He whispered into my ear, "You know you're my favorite girl Jessica." "I'd do anything for you." Then he kissed the top of my head. His dad pulled into the drive way and he grabbed his pack and started to walk toward the car. "I'll give you a call tomorrow, ok" Mike said? I shook my head yes. Then he was in the car and gone in a matter of seconds. I had so many mixed emotions running through me once he was gone. I was emotionally drained from crying so hard and yet at the same time my heart felt as if it would burst with love and excitement. I drug myself upstairs to my room barely acknowledging my parents and plopped across my bed. I had enough energy to get out of my pants, take my bra and socks off, and get under the sheets before I passed out. I wanted to make sure I never forgot this day. So far it's been one of the best days of my life.