I tossed and turned all night consistently dreaming of that kiss like the memory was set on repeat. This made me feel guilty, and awkward no one has ever made me feel like this except for Ben one of the causes of my guilt. Should I feel guilty about him I mean he left and never came back he did not even tell me goodbye in person he just left a note.
I came into my room hoping to find Ben so we could talk I finally got up the courage to tell him the whole truth about me. When I opened the door he was not there and I saw a note on my bed it read:
Jane,
I'm sorry but I cannot stay my place is not here. I hope you will forgive me someday. I never had the courage to tell you this, but I love you I never thought I would ever feel like this until you came into my life. There is so much I have not told you about myself because I do not want to put you in harms way. I hope that we could meet again someday, but I doubt it just know I will never forget you.
Love Ben
I could feel the tears threatening to escape and for once in a long time I let them fall.
Since then I have never let myself cry no matter what. Another cause for my guilt is that Max and Alec basically told me about and I do not know if I will ever be able to be honest with them, because I have major trust issues and for good reason, but I'll have to trust someone eventually. I felt awkward because I knew Alec well enough to tell that if we did get together he would eventually leave me because he is not a one woman man. I screamed letting my frustration out and tried to fall asleep again and eventually I did.
I woke up feeling better today was a new day. I walked around just enjoying the day then who do I happen to run into none other the Alec and I immediately regretted getting up this morning. Alec said with a smirk, "Hey Jane, what are you doing." I replied, "Nothing much just enjoying the day. How about you?" Alec said, "Not much." Well this is uncomfortable and I just wanted to run away as fast as I could away from him but for some reason my body did not think so and stayed put. Alec did not even bring up the kiss he only pretended it never happened and so would I. I was not going to fret over one kiss even one as good as that one.
At Jam Pony
Max is signing a cast on Original Cindy's arm. Normal passes by. I grab some packages to deliver and I hear Normal say, "What are you doing standing around? Let's go. Back to work. Bip. Bip." Max says to Original Cindy, "I'm really sorry about your arm." Original Cindy said, "It's not your fault" Max said, "Except for how it was me who opened the cages and let everybody out of the Manticore zoo." Original Cindy said, "You let 'em out 'cause you figured that they'd be smart enough to lay low and blend in. Sounds to me like somebody needs to smack some sense into 'em." Max said, "Believe me, if I can find them, I will." Original Cindy said, "You talk to Logan about it?" Max said, "No. I've put him through enough mutant mayhem to last a lifetime. Not to mention if I sneeze on the poor guy, he drops dead. No wonder he's over me." Original Cindy said, "He's not over you. Not ever. He just needs some time, that's all." Max said, "Which is why I don't need to do anything to remind him that I'm not just a regular girl." Max's pager goes off. She checks it. Max said, "Logan." Original Cindy said, "What are you waiting for? Go call him back." Max said, "I don't know." Original Cindy said, "It's what a regular girl would do." Max smiles and heads for the pay phone. Alec is on it, with his cell phone on his other ear. Alec says into pay phone, "I told you the merchandise would be in today, and it's in. (Into cell phone) It's in, right? Good. (Into pay phone) Look, why don't you meet me around noon? We'll make the excha--" Max said, "Excuse me." Alec says into phone, "Hang on. (To Max) Trying to do a little business here, Max, okay?" Max said, "People need to use the phone." Alec said, "Just give me a sec. (Into pay phone) Hello?" Max ends his call. Alec said annoyed, "You know what you just did?" Max takes the phone and starts dialing. Alec said, "I'll forgive you--this time. (Into cell phone as he walks away) Hello? Hello? Yeah, I don't know. He had to go. Little girl problems." He keeps talking while Max dials Logan.
Max hangs up after a while. Original Cindy approaches. Original Cindy said, "Well?" Max said, "He got a lead." Original Cindy said, "So much for being a regular girl, huh?" Max said, "Come on. I'll take you home." Normal said, "Hot run, 457 Slattery." He tosses a package at Original Cindy. She doesn't catch it and it drops to the floor. Max said, "Can't you see she's hurt?" Normal said, "Oh. In that case, here you go." He picks up the package and hands it to Max. Max said, "Get someone else to do it. I'm taking her home." Normal said, "No, there is nobody else." Alec walks by. Max said, "Oh, sure there is." Max hands Alec the package, and she and Original Cindy leave. Alec said, "Oh, I'd love to help you out with this, boss, but I, uh--" Normal said, "No buts. We're short-handed." Alec said, "No, I really can't. I--" Normal said, "Here, take these too." Hands him several more packages. Alec said, "I'm gonna be late for an appointment. I--" Normal said, "Well, get somebody to cover you. It's no skin off my nose." Normal walks away and Alec talks to coworkers passing by. Alec said, "Sky. Buddy, pal. Hey." Sky says, "Don't even think about it." Alec said, "Okay. Sketch, my man." Sketchy says, No, dude, I can't." Alec says, "Jane what about you?" He gives me a lopsided grin. I say, "Sorry, I got a lot of packages to deliver myself." Alec said, "Somebody? Anybody?" With that I hop on my bike and leave.
At Jam Pony
Alec says to Sketchy, "Oh, yeah, I cleared like two grand on the deal." Normal said, "Well, well, well. If it isn't God's gift to messengers." Sketchy said, "What's up?" Normal said, "I said God's gift, not God's blunder, moron. (To Alec) I got three people called say they didn't get their packages, huh?" Alec said, "No, that can't be." Normal said, "Let me see your signatures." Alec said, "The...yeah. (Digs around in his backpack.) Where's my clipboard? (Normal sighs.) Where's my clip--I left it at my last run." Normal said, "Honestly, you young people would lose a large intestine if it wasn't attached to you. Go. Go get your clipboard." Alec said, "On it." Normal said, "Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip." I headed home wondering how Alec was going to get out of this one.