Well as you can see this is a new story but most likely it's my first one shot and i do hope you like it....I really enjoy doing one shots....I might be doing this more often now....^-^ I worked really hard on this and please do leave REVIEWS and comments on my writing because that would really help me -_^
Now please...enjoy!
Maybe taking dancing lessons in the past helps me in my current state. It has been 5 years since I came back to Japan; a deep sense of guilt overcame me when I left for Europe I knew I would achieve so much and learn a lot more but the aching in my heart felt as if it would have remained forever when I started to board the plane. April 24, the day I had left her and at the same time it was my 18th birthday; I should have been celebrating at the moment but it had felt more like the moment of dying. I saw her face for the last moments I had in Japan, I still remember it vividly in my head; tears began to materialize in the corner of her eyes, smiles seemed impossible to show, she must have been mad at me for not telling her sooner. It was my intention not to, the last goodbyes may have sounded easy but I can't even choke out the words from my mouth. The flight was a moment of agony.
The thought reminisces as I try to shake it off my mind for just now; this is all the time I get to be with her again for after 5 longing years of wait that didn't even seem to pay off. I had failed terribly, every time I see her face a part of me can't bear to let her go. That's why I hold her tight in my arms at the moment and let the music move us together, even for a short time of bliss would make me happy to make up for my mistakes. I wanted this, I longed for this to last and never to let the music stop to let me have her for one unforgettable night was enough. I love her and I couldn't deny it anymore.
Lights began to dim and music moved slower, I could feel her creamy, smooth skin and heat building up to my body as she was so close I had felt like I was in heaven for an instant to know that she's here, with me. Maybe I leaving wasn't for the best after all it was only for the worse…for the both of us.
"You came back" she whispered in my ear when she titled her resting head on my shoulder
I grinned as I began to smell the scent of her hair 'Strawberry' I noted "I had to…I was invited after all, wasn't I?"
I heard her huff "For that reason only?"
I chuckled and pulled her closer to me, I just wanted to feel her "Of course not, do you think I came here for that purpose only?"
"Well…no" she had honestly answered my question
"You know very well why I wanted to come back…I'm sorry"
We then instantly stopped from our dance, she faced me and we both stood in motion "For what?" asking so innocently. She really does act like a little child but maybe her childish manners made me fall for her even more
"When I left, I didn't tell you. You still had to find out from Kanayan…I'm sorry" Abhorrence began boiling inside me
"Forget about it Tsukimori-kun, that was 5 years ago we should just be enjoying the party"
"But I can't!" I interjected with a sudden yell which had her startled.
People began to stop dancing as well and looked at the both of us. Seeing that we can't talk privately with crowded people, I grabbed her wrist and dragged her out into the cold leaving the enjoyment of the party; we stood by the fountain and under the stars. This was the time I to face that tears won't change the fact that I was the one to blame from the very start, she is still hurting until now but why is she too scared to even admit it? Those two eyes I saw from the airport 5 years ago are still the same, the shine from her eyes washed away by pain and replaced with anger were still showing but all she can do is to pretend, like me. And I know we are both tired of playing.
"Tsukimori-kun? Why are we out here? We should go back…" she tried to fiddle her wrist free but I decided to let her go, I faced her and saw her rubbing her wrist for comfort I must have held it too firmly and caused it to hurt. I caused more pain than that.
"Hino, tell me…5 years ago before I left…you hated me didn't you?" I asked her straight forward without any hesitation. She seemed to be dumbfounded by my question
"Huh? Hate you? I don—"
"Stop lying Hino!" I began to burst "You know you're still mad at me unto this very point and I know it, I don't want you to just let all the pain in without anyone knowing, I want your pain to end here because I hate seeing you so miserable…I want to see those smiles on your face again, those same almond eyes that would beam at me, that sunny personality, I want the Kahoko I knew back. Let it all out even though how much it would hurt me I don't care because I know the truth always hurts"
She didn't seem to have the action to speak, her eyes widen to shock and maybe denial for ever not admitting for after so long. She looks so beautiful under the moonlight but studying her troubled face didn't blend with how she looks right now, very enchanting. She came and changed my world for once I actually knew what love means, I felt love for myself and I owe that to her that's why I deserve whatever I get tonight may it be for the worse or not.
"They were right…" I heard her in a faint tone "Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone…I still had to wait…for 5 agonizing years."
My body wanted to move closer and circle my arms around her but I didn't budge; not even a little I just had to stay where I was. Now I knew that she felt the same way for me I didn't deserve it, she had to have a better man besides me I was just a fool back then.
"Why?" she asked in a whisper. Her heard curved down I knew she was crying again and she was just trying to hide it, I hate seeing her in a state "Why would you leave without telling me?"
"I...it would just be in a way of you to stop playing the violin…"
The sound of the slap reverberated; I touched the red mark on my face where she had slapped me. I looked at her and there were there again, those tears that still won't go away. Her hands in a fist the way she looks like now she could break down on her knees but I won't let her…I'd rather let her fall in my arms.
"How could you say something like that?! You know very well the promise we both made! That we would pursue the violin no matter what and how could you think that I would stop just because you would leave me?! Do you think that I couldn't do it on my own? Why do you think I'm so weak?!" She had both of her fists slamming on my chest as she continues to cry but I remained like a standing statue without nothing to do but to just see her like this even as much as I hated it. She slammed continuously at me and when she got tired gripped on my suit and descended her head on my chest weeping in silence; I could hear her, her mourning, her suffering. She didn't deserve this but I do, she didn't have to undergo so much for my fault and I greatly regret that I even left. She continued to cry, cry and cry…that's right just let it all out, you don't need to put on a strong face for me there are times that it's much harder to pretend because you know its not even true so…for this night…the night for just the two of us don't be afraid to say what you want.
She embraced me tightly and muffled her face more into my chest, she's still crying and finally I gave in and responded to her embraced by wrapping my arms around her tightly as well. A moment for the both of us was fate's chance and I can't be thankful enough for me to have her in my arms.
She sniffed and left my chest leaving my suit wet from her tears but the hell with the damn suit! I didn't care at all, she looked at me and eyes were red from crying and her nose from all the sniffing as well but she was still beautiful and knew this is the same Kahoko, the woman I love with her shinning personality and same music the only difference was that she was with someone else.
I cupped her left cheek and my thumb wiping the tears from her eye only made me smile in a way that led me to know that this is the silly little girl I actually had a 'crush' on. Good memories…
"Tell me that you loved me as well…please…" she rested her head on my shoulder as I let her caress in my embrace
"I did…I always have and always will Hino…" I lovingly whispered in her ear
"If you did then why did you leave me?"
"Because I thought it would have been for the best but I was wrong, it only led me to loosing you…and I blame myself greatly for that mistake"
She rose her head to look at me, I gazed at her auburn eyes…the same eyes that smiled at me when I saw her peeping through the music's room window back when we were in high school but all that's gone now is that sweet and loving smile. I pulled a napkin out of my pocket, offering it to her she gladly accepted it
"If you keep crying, you'll get ugly" I tried to tease
She wiped her face and blew her nose and pouted like a little girl. Hey, at least she stopped crying "Well you're the reason after all"
"You could keep it"
"Which one? The napkin?" she pointed
"Uh…yeah, looks like your mucous is all over it already"
"Is this how men like you are these days? Ugh, fine…I'll keep it as a remembrance anyway" she hid it in her side pocket. She seems to be jolly enough
The unexpected silence of our conversation invaded us; all I can do is study this troubled girl in front of me.
"Make me stay…." I heard her beginning to speak, being the icebreaker "Say something sweet and tender and untrue and make me stay" she earnestly pleaded.
I couldn't believe she would even ask of that "You want to stay?" it sounded more like a question.
She nodded "Say something that would want me to make me stay with you Tsukimori-kun please!" she begged with persuasive eyes
"But…I can't…"
"Why not?!"
"Y-you're with Tsuchiura-kun already and that would be betraying him…I-I can't do that Hino…"
"Hmmm….True….Well you're a good man Tsukimori-kun!!" she then returned to her peppy self again which only made me confused and furrowing my eyebrows. Seeing the expression on my face she just began to laugh, mocking me as if.
"I was just playing with you, I can't tell you something like that when I'm dating Ryoutaro…but it's really good to know your back Tsukimori-kun I missed you a lot" she smiled; at last to see her smile was one thing I wished as well.
I laughed along with her, I only pretended to be happy like what I always do…deep down inside my wound is swelling to see her with another. This is why I don't deserve her; I can't seem to give her what he wants unlike my arch enemy does I should really thank him for letting Hino smile again after 5 long years.
"But…" her started laugh faded and so did mine "Even so you I was broken back then it led me to someone new who will certainly look after me and that's all thanks to you Tsukimori-kun. I am really grateful for that" grinning at me I knew I did one thing to make her happy.
Even though it broke my heart to leave although somehow I knew you had to be with him even if I was afraid to face the truth, I had to do for you. To be happy I'd give it all to you if I knew if I was doing something right and it was.
So now, I offer my hand for another dance and as you accept while placing your hand over mine and giving me that wonderful smile I wrap you in my arms again. Let me borrow Kahoko for one night because I know she'd be happy with you forever and for this night let me know that she'd be happy with me. To give it up for one last dance for all the moments that we'd share, I would. I realize that I can't be with or without you I want to hold you so that I would remember why I can't get over you no matter how hard I try. The truth of the matter is, I still have feelings for you. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm better off with out you, a part of me just won't let go. A moment for us, a moment for a love loss and forever it will be, a moment for wishing you were mine, a moment of guilt.
But I'm going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like it's just a dream and pretend that it's not hurting me to just have one last dance.
So how was it? It's bad, isn't it? It's unbeta-d that's why there are some errors...huhu forgive me about that T.T still hoping to improve!
Now please fulfill my other request: REVIEW!!! (press that green button below....please!)
Thanks to all my readers btw who reviews "A Secret Unfolds"..chp 3 will take a few months. Sorry sera-chan! School is such a drag these days...T.T