Chapter Three

"So, you're Allen Walker?" the therapist asked quietly, smiling at him as though she understood him the second she saw him. He nodded, not sure if he was ready to talk about what had happened yet. It was still a little bit embarrassing, but this woman was here to help him, so perhaps even if his memories were a little bit embarrassing, it would be better to talk about them regardless.

"I'm Guinevere Morte."

"I-it's nice to meet you, Miss Morte…" Allen said quietly, still distracted slightly, and in his distraction, he didn't sit down, rather just standing there and staring back at the door.

"Please sit down, Allen," Guinevere said with a smile. She had a comforting aura. She had long black hair in a braid down her back and was a bit shorter than Allen, and had amber colored eyes that seemed to show understanding and acceptance. Immediately, Allen felt at ease around her, albeit with an odd sense of déjà vu.

"You seem a little bit distracted, Allen. Is something the matter?" she asked him. He shook his head and looked over at her, trying to concentrate.

"Okay then, before we get started, was there anything you wanted to talk about?" she asked. Allen thought for a moment.

"Well, I'm not sure if this is all a dream. After I blacked out, I'm not entirely clear on what happened, but I woke up to find myself in a storage closet with a coworker, and we talked for a little while, and she told me what had happened. Before I left, I told her that I loved her… But then they arrested me and took me to the dungeons, where Lenalee had followed me and she told me that she didn't feel the same way. I guess for a few minutes I was angry that she had come down just to tell me that, but then I remember this crushing melancholy washing over me, like I would never be happy again. But then, this girl, Road… Um… She's a member of the Noah Clan, and coincidentally, she works for the Millennium Earl, and then everything started to get weird. She kissed me, which has happened before, but then she mentioned Lenalee and I got really angry and hit her. She just laughed and asked if she had touched a nerve. I asked her if she was there to kill me, and she offered me some chocolate, which I turned down. She said that she was there to help me, and she hugged me and put some sticky things attached to wires on my head and pressed a button, and suddenly, it was like my mind was perfectly clear again. After that, she smiled and said that she was done, and that when I woke up, it would be like none of this ever happened. So, after she left, I went to sleep and I was woken up by Lavi, another exorcist, the next day, and suddenly, everything seemed kind of unreal, like it had all been a dream, but I knew that it was way too vivid and realistic to be a dream, and now, suddenly, I have this weird feeling of déjà vu when I look at you. It's like I've seen you before."

"Hm… That is interesting. Do you remember where you think you've met me before?"

"No. It's not anything I can put my finger on. You just look like someone that I may have met."

"I see…" she said, writing something down in her notebook

"Tell me a little bit about Road…"

"Well, I don't know. She's maybe 5 feet tall, slim build, purple spiky hair…"

"No, I mean tell me about Road as a person."

"Oh!" Said Allen, blushing, slightly embarrassed. "I-it isn't what you think…" he said waving his hands before him and smiling sheepishly. He wasn't so sure, anymore, though. Road was attractive. That much he knew, but did he like her?

"I'm sorry. From the way you said that it was nice to know she cared about you, I got the impression that there might have been something between you."

"That would be… impossible. I'm an exorcist, and she's a Noah. It would only cause trouble for both of us." Then, "do you think it's odd to wonder if Road and the rest of the Noah Clan are actually evil?"

"How do you mean that?"

"Well, last night, I remember myself questioning if there even was a God, and also, if maybe the Noah Clan wasn't really evil, but was just fighting for different ideals. I mean, I've talked to some of the members of the Noah Clan, and they all seem to believe that they're doing the right thing. They believe that the Earl's cause is just, and that we're the bad guys."

"Do you think that you fight for a bad cause?"

"Well, no, but, I'm not one of the Noah."

"Of course not. But you seem to harbor some sympathetic feelings toward their beliefs, whether you agree with them or not."

"I guess. It's just that Road doesn't look like she's any older than I am. She could have just as easily been in the same class as me in school or something. Even though I've seen her do horrible things, it's hard to see her as really being evil, and that makes me question whether the rest of the clan is evil, or if they, like her, are just of a different mindset."

"How do you think you would feel if you were put in the same class as her at school?"
"I don't go to school. I'm tutored here by the Organization."

"I know, but what if you were put on assignment in the same classroom as her. How do you think you would handle it?"

"I-I don't know. I guess unnerved at first, but I would have to accept that it's probably part of my mission."

"But you wouldn't have any personal feelings about it?"

"Personal feelings have no place on a mission," Allen said, looking almost angry and a little bit depressed.

"They matter here, though."

"I guess I could at least be amicable with her in public…"

"Okay. Well, that's all the time that we have today. Um. Why don't we meet again the same time next week?"

"10:00 on Saturday morning?"

"Yes…"

"Alright." With that, Allen stood and smiled at Guinevere and walked out.

Later, Allen was walking, and he saw Yu Kanda and Lenalee talking. For a moment, he didn't think anything of it, but then he saw that the conversation was rather heated, so he silently sidled up for a closer look. He slowly and quietly slunk behind a wall and listened to their conversation.

"K-Kanda… I-I really… like you, and I w-wanted to ask if you would g-go out with me?"

Allen silently gasped. Now it all made sense. Of course. It seemed so obvious now. She liked the strong and silent one. He couldn't say that he blamed her. If he was her, he wouldn't have chosen himself either. He wasn't sure if he was really angry, either. It was more of a sick feeling in his stomach, like he was going to throw up. At the moment, though, Allen wasn't really paying attention, yet the conversation went on without him.

"Um… Lenalee… You've never shown interest in me before. This is rather odd…" he said in his usual stoic and slightly grumpy voice. Lenalee leaned closer, which could easily have been interpreted as her flirting with Kanda, and whispered, "Please Kanda! I can't tell you why I'm asking you this favor right now, only that I am. Allen is watching us now, and I have to do this. I promise I'll give you a decent explanation later."

"Fine…" Kanda whispered, and then he said out loud, instantly drawing Allen's attention to his voice, "Okay, Lenalee. I'll go out with you." Then, Lenalee smiled and hugged Kanda and skipped off as though she had never been happier. As Allen heard Kanda walking toward him, he ran the other way, not wanting him to know that he had been eavesdropping.

Later, Allen sat on his bed, deep in thought. He didn't have any missions at the moment, and he didn't have any interest in talking to anyone. He had started keeping a diary ever since he begun in HQ over a year prior. Going over to his desk, he flipped through it, having avidly kept a log of almost everything that he had been doing in that year. He had progressed a lot. His weapon had evolved several times, and more impressively, even some of the equipment type weapons had evolved. It seemed like the innocence had taken on a life of its own. But that wasn't what he was looking through. He was looking through to see what he had written about his feelings for Lenalee. He had written a lot about her. He didn't really know much, so what he was writing was mostly just personal feelings, but he had never liked anyone so much in his entire life. Some people felt uncomfortable around the one that they loved, but for Allen, it was the opposite. He always felt like he could trust her and tell her things. Now he wasn't so sure anymore how well he knew her. He had never picked up on the fact that she liked Kanda. But why wouldn't she? Every girl wanted to go out with the strong, silent type. But Kanda wasn't just that. He was kind of… mean. That was why Allen didn't understand what she saw in him. Maybe she thought that she could make him kinder. Allen didn't see that happening any time soon, though. But, no matter what it was, Allen could only accept it and try to move on with his life as though none of this had happened.