Chapter 9- Missed Opportunities
With full bellies and the oppressive heat, both men fell asleep sometime in the early afternoon to the sounds of birds in the canopy. Secretly, Gabriel had always had a mild fear of birds since he was a small child. There was something about their sharp beaks and unblinking eyes that made him cringe, so he was always on guard when they were out. Soon, however, he relaxed when it became clear that on the whole they didn't seem to give a damn about his existence; he didn't have anything they wanted.
His sleep was anything but peaceful. For the first time since the crash, he began having nightmares. In the back of his mind he knew that it was a possibility and there was always that simmering well of fear and dread that flowed just under the numb surface that threatened to burst forth at anytime. Images of the experience filled his mind with such vivid realism he thought it was happening all over again; he could see the screaming, bloody faces and the limbs that were torn from bodies when the plane broke up. He tried to scream when the fear became consuming, but nothing came out even though he didn't remember being afraid at the time. As he recalled, he felt nothing but a strange sense of detachment in part because he just couldn't believe that he was about to die. Death was something that happened to people like the old widowed pensioner that lived down the hall from him that listened to "Wheel of Fortune" like it was a rock concert late into the night; it didn't happen to 16 year old high school kids like him. But it did; the battered face of the young boy that hung over his head as he crawled out of the wreckage stared blankly at him as if to question why he died and Gabriel lived.
Mercifully, he woke to see Peter's worried face hovering over him instead of the young boy. "You ok, man?" He asked with a frown. "Were you having a bad dream or something?"
Gabriel sighed deeply and covered his face, trying to steady his trembling hands. His heart was pounding a mile a minute as though he had just ran a marathon. "What happened?" He mumbled slightly embarrassed.
"I woke up when you screamed. You scared the shit out of me, man." He answered quietly. "Were you dreaming about the crash?" Gabriel nodded in agreement, trying to concentrate on his breathing to slow it down- blood was rushing so fast in his ears they rang and he could barely hear Peter's voice. He couldn't remember a time when he was so afraid. "Wanna tell me about it?" Peter asked. "Maybe if you talk about it, they will go away."
Gabriel let his hands fall to his side and he shook his head. "No, man. You were there, you know what happened. I don't need to tell you about it." When Peter looked a little disappointed, Gabriel felt compelled to add, "Besides, if you haven't had dreams about it yet- hearing all of the gory details might trigger them for you. If you are able to sleep well, I'm not going to fuck that up for you." It sounded a little magnanimous, but he sincerely meant it. He wouldn't wish dreams like that on anyone, especially Peter.
They had only been together for three days, but already it felt like a lifetime and Peter had somehow crept past his defenses. As he lay there listening to the beating of his own heart, he was slightly astonished to realize that at some point he had come to consider the younger man something of a friend and he felt a certain responsibility for his survival as well as his own. Gabriel had never really had any close friends not because he didn't desire the association of people his own age, but it seemed he shared nothing in common with his peers. He had always known he was somehow different and kids are nothing if not adept at pointing out differences.
But Peter was another creature entirely; he seemed to take everything with a grain of salt and tended to focus on commonalities while casually accepting discrepancies with a shrug. Gabriel had never met anyone like him before. But more immediately, Peter seemed equally invested in Gabriel's survival, which he was not expecting. Although he was initially suspicious of Peter, he was glad he let him provide first aid for the wounds on his back; were it not for his expertise he may have developed an infection and fell gravely ill or even died. Although he seemed to have the technical skills, he knew his survival depended on Peter's gifts as well.
"Gabriel!" Peter gasped excitedly, his olive eyes wild with hope. "Do you hear that?" Gabriel strained his ears, but couldn't detect anything out of the ordinary. "You can't hear it?" He asked disappointed. "It sounded like a helicopter." His face fell when he continued, "But I don't hear it now, either."
Gabriel gave him a light smile and stated, "It would have been nice. I wish I did hear it." Even though it was a false alarm, for just a second he was reminded of what hope felt like and it felt good.
After lying in silence for a few minutes, it became clear that Peter wasn't hearing things. The low, thunderous chopping sound of helicopter blades cutting the air at 324 rpm became steadily louder, although it seemed the aircraft was some distance from their location. Excitedly, Peter decided to forgo the ladder and jumped from the platform to the ground. He landed awkwardly and stifled a cry of pain when his ankle turned inward, but the adrenaline that flowed through his body pushed him to his feet and he sprinted to the clearing to look up at the sky in search of his rescue. Gabriel joined him and together they squinted against the bright sun, but saw nothing.
"Goddamn it!" Peter yelled helplessly. "How could they miss a huge bare spot in the jungle? Hey! Down here!" He began to jump and wave his arms wildly while Gabriel looked on. He understood Peter's desire to be rescued, but he didn't have the heart to tell him that his actions were a waste of energy; there was no way they could hear him. From the air, they were insignificant specks. "Noooooo!" Peter howled when the sound moved away from them. "Don't leave, we are right here! Fuck!" He exclaimed falling into a defeated heap on the ground.
Gabriel looked down at him and expected him to begin sobbing. He wouldn't have thought less of Peter if he had broken down and cried; they were so close. He wished he had a flare gun, but that gave him an idea. "We have to start a signal fire." He informed the seated man. "Something that will create a lot of smoke so they can see it from a distance." Peter was listening, but he was distracted by the sharp pain in his ankle and he instinctively wrapped his hands around it and grimaced. Gabriel's stomach sank. "Is it broken?" He asked hesitantly.
"I don't know." Peter hissed through his teeth.
"Ok." Gabriel stated looking around as his mind worked on the problem. "We will just assume it is. Stay there and don't move. I am going to get some stuff to fix it."
Moving was the furthest thing from Peter's mind at that moment. Even if he wasn't trained in first aid, the pain was prohibitive enough to keep his butt firmly planted on the ground. While he waited to see what Gabriel had planned, he cursed himself for being so stupid. How could he have been so careless when one small slip or mistake could be the difference between life and death? He was angry that he had hamstrung himself, but equally upset that he had placed even more of a burden on Gabriel.
The longer he sat there, the more the pain lessened and he became hopeful that it was perhaps just a sprain and not a broken bone. In any event, at least it wasn't an arm or leg or worst case scenario- his pelvis. Without medical attention, all of those could be fatal if the internal bleeding couldn't be stopped. As he sat there among the dirt and leaf litter with an injured ankle and soiled, torn clothes, he struggled to keep a positive attitude although he felt like crying. Never before in his life had he felt so hopeless and abandoned. He had always sort of felt abandoned at home with his parents who ignored him as though he were just another piece of stupidly overpriced Horchow furniture, but there was always Nathan. No matter where Nathan was or what he was doing, Peter always knew that his older brother cared and would make time for him if he called. If only Nathan knew how much he needed him now…
Gabriel approached slowly and was momentarily caught off guard by Peter's red rimmed eyes. He quickly looked down and pretended not to notice, but inwardly he felt sorry for the smaller man. His injury must have been bad if the pain was intense enough to make him cry. If there were only two things that males learn at a very early age, they were that you never hit girls and boys don't cry. At least those were the few things his father taught him before he left. No matter what he may have thought about his father, he tried his best to observe the rules and as such he had never raised his hand to a woman even in self defense, and he never…never cried no matter how much mental or physical pain he was in. Not that he didn't want to at times, but he clenched his teeth and swallowed it all down because he couldn't afford to be weak.
He put his bundle of sticks and strips of cloth down and kneeled by Peter's feet and set to work fashioning a splint out of the materials he had gathered. Peter watched with fascination at the complex yet beautifully functional device Gabriel had made and tried not to wince when the cloth strips were wrapped tightly against his bruised and swollen flesh. When he was finished, Peter found his tightly bound ankle to be very stable and the steady pressure of the cloth helped reduce the pain. Gabriel helped Peter to his feet and stooped a bit to wrap Peter's arm across his shoulder to offer support on his injured side. Together they slowly made their way back to the hut; Gabriel's slender frame acting as a crutch while Peter hopped along on his good leg.
It almost took all of the strength that he had, but Peter managed to pull himself up the ladder using only his upper body until he fell with an exhausted thud on the floor of the hut, panting wildly. Gabriel peered over the edge of the floor at his companion anxiously. "You ok, man?"
Peter gasped like a fish out of water, but managed a weak smile. "Yeah, I think so. Do we have any water? I am so thirsty."
Gabriel's eyed shifted downward and he quietly replied, "No, and for all that time it rained, we should have been collecting it to drink. Goddamn it! Why didn't I think of that?! We missed a perfect opportunity!"
Peter licked his parched lips and panted, "Don't be so hard on yourself, I didn't think of it either."
Gabriel gave a small smile, but the lower half of his face was obscured by the floor so Peter didn't see it. "Alright. Well, I am going to set up the signal fire so we can get their attention next time and then I will figure something out about the water problem."
Just as he was about to leave, Peter cleared his throat and called, "Gabriel?" When his large, dark eyes came back into view with an expectant look, he added "I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry I fucked things up."
Gabriel blinked slowly and stated, "Shit happens, man. We'll deal. As soon as I can find some water you should take some of the aspirin we have, maybe that will help."
Peter smiled faintly. "Thanks for patching me up and helping me walk."
Gabriel's gaze fell awkwardly as though he was embarrassed and he gave a terse nod before he disappeared from sight down the ladder. What did he expect, to be left sitting by the rotting corpses to be eaten by wild animals? He had decided long ago that he wasn't leaving the jungle without Peter, he just didn't know how to tell him.