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blahblahblahblah - thoughts/Flashback

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Draco had been standing next to the bed of his boyfriend without moving for nearly five hours. He knew he was starting to worry the professors as they kept trying to get him to go rest, or at the least sit down, but he couldn't muster the will to care. How could he care about himself when Harry was lying as if dead; ashen skin, hardly breathing, revival potions having no effect? This was his fault. All of it was his fault. Merlin, what have I done?

"Draco?" The blond hadn't noticed Blaise enter, but then again he hadn't really been paying attention to anything in the room since he had arrived aside from Harry.

"This is all my fault," he whispered.

"Yes it is." Blaise's voice wasn't harsh, but it wasn't gentle either. Slytherins aren't exactly renowned for their skills in the art of comforting. That was more a Gryffindor thing, more a Harry thing. Draco choked on a sob. "But," Blaise continued, drawing the normally composed Malfoy into a tight embrace. "You also might have saved him. There's no way to know that Potter would have gotten through this whole pregnancy without you bearing that bulk of time for him. For all we know he would have ended up in this bed all on his own, maybe in an even sorrier state. In fact, knowing Potter even a little, I can safely hypothesize that he definitely would have ended up in here sooner or later."

"It doesn't matter now. I've lost him. He'll never forgive me for this." Without any more warning Draco completely broke down. Blaise just barely managed to brace them both before the blond was clinging to him, practically collapsing. Blaise was mildly terrified. This scene was disconcertingly similar to many of the sleepless nights he had watched Draco at Grimmauld Place, when Harry had been missing and no one thought he was ever going to be found.

Blaise just held the boy, knowing full well there was nothing he could say that would change the immeasurably wretched nature of the whole situation. He was no good at this, that was Pansy's job in their little group of friends. Blaise wondered if she had found Granger or Weasley. They had come up to the hospital wing together, expecting the worst when Harry hadn't returned to class. After they had seen that all their worst assumptions were indeed correct, Pansy had gone to find the other two trio members and inform them of the situation. That, at the least, would be one less thing Draco had to shoulder. Blaise wasn't sure Draco would even have been able to explain himself to them. Either Weasley would have become so furious he socked his old enemy before the blond had finished or Draco himself would have been overcome by his own guilt. Neither outlook was a pretty one, thus Blaise and Pansy had decided they would simply deal with it. Blaise was slightly concerned that the Gryffindors would take things out on Pansy but even he had to admit that the girl could take care of herself.

BANG! Draco and Blaise sprang apart, both whipping around to stare at the door. Speak of the devil. There was Pansy, standing calmly behind an irate Weasley and panicking Granger. Before anyone could make a move, the red head had barreled himself towards Draco and slammed the boy violently into the wall.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM!" Weasley was shrieking, but suddenly his voice dropped to a somehow even more lethal whisper. "I will end you." With the taller boy's arm crushing his windpipe, Draco could hardly be expected to defend his actions. Not that he would have, both Pansy and Blaise knew that Draco was prepared to take whatever punishment the Gryffindors saw fit to extol. Blaise moved as if to drag Weasley off his best mate, but Pansy grabbed his wrist, shaking her head minutely. Grudgingly, he nodded. It wasn't their job to protect Draco from what was bound to happen sooner or later, especially as a later date might mean they weren't around to make sure things didn't go too far. At least if Weasley and Granger enacted their vengeance now, the other two Slytherins would be able to make sure Draco wasn't permanently damaged.

A rasping cough from the bed and a small gasp from Hermione, who had immediately dashed to her prone friend, caused everyone to stop dead in their tracks. Slowly, as if opening his eyes was an excruciating sort of pain, Harry's lids fluttered. As the pregnant boy's gaze swept the room, it turned to stone as it met the sight of his boyfriend being nearly strangled by his best friend. Normally the sight of one of Draco's eyes swelling and purpling, the blond's lip cut and bleeding, and the obvious evidence that the boy had been crying would have started some sort of chain reaction inside Harry. Normally forgiveness, a sympathetic instinct, or at least pity, would have graced his features.

Not today. Today there was no sign that Harry had ever looked at the disheveled Slytherin with anything but contempt or extreme loathing. Draco opened his mouth to say something, anything, but another rough shake from his assaulter indicated that this was not the time for his apologies. With a hoarse voice, and utterly unfeeling facade, Harry uttered the very words Draco had most feared.

"Get out. I don't want to see you."

Weasley let him go, pushing him so forcefully towards the door that Draco fell forward and crashed into the floor. For a moment, he didn't move, the horror overtaking him so all-encompassing that it was as if he had been petrified. Seemingly without any signaling between them, Pansy and Blaise swooped down as one and each grabbed one of the blond's arms. As he was hauled to his feet, Draco couldn't help it, silent tears flooded his eyes and streamed down his cheeks.

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Harry couldn't sleep. Hermione and Ron had left a bit ago, only when Madame Pomphrey had all but hexed them out. Part of him knew this had all been stupid, that he should have tried to be more rational about what Draco had done. He knew Draco had acted out of love, at least he thought he knew. Iit just didn't change the serious breach of trust. After all the people that had screwed Harry over, even with all his issues truly letting people in when all those he trusted seemed to end up dead or abandoning him...he had trusted Draco. To have that trust be broken hurt, hurt more than Harry knew how to bear.

Not to mention the fact that Draco's actions clearly showed the blond's own lack of faith in Harry. This had been the one thing in his life that Harry had any sort of control over, something that was really in HIS power. And Draco took it away. It had always been touch and go, there had always been danger, but this child was in Harry's body, his body and no one else's. To have someone strip him of even that control, no matter who, was crushing. It was as if Harry just couldn't do anything right, nothing. Not be savior, not act like normal kid, not fit in with the other Gryffindors, not be a father. A small voice in the back of his mind hadn't stopped lecturing since Harry had started towards Snape's dungeons. The safest thing he could have done was to let Draco continue as he had, bearing the brunt of the pain. Harry hadn't been able to do it though, he couldn't just let it go as if this was all okay! This was his to cope with, all of it. As long as everything was firmly in his hands, Harry knew the baby was safe. He had already done enough to endanger this child.

Half of the Gryffindor was so hurt and furious with Draco he never wanted to see him again. The other half of him was just soul-smotheringly sad. He couldn't believe this had happened. Draco had been a constant in Harry's life, a GOOD constant. To have everything suddenly go so wrong was something neither of them had ever thought possible. Yet it had gone wrong, it had gone worse than wrong.

Draco knew Harry, he knew that drugging him would just be breaking Harry's trust. How could he have done it anyway? Was this about Harry at all? Did Draco just play the good boyfriend so that he would be able to steal their baby away? No. Harry couldn't really believe that. Still... the nagging paranoia that was staring to run rampant in the Gryffindor's thoughts was so hard to ignore.

A small rap on the door had Harry frantically looking for his wand. Who would be here to visit him now?! When the door opened though, it was to reveal a trembling Draco Malfoy. The boy's left eye was swollen shut by now, the dark violet hue made all the more startling by the contrast of alabaster skin. The cut lip looked as if it was still bleeding. There was even a large cut right by Draco's hairline that even in his furious state, Harry was surprised he had missed earlier. Ron had really let loose. Somehow Harry wasn't really that upset about it.

"I thought I told you I didn't want to see you," the pregnant boy bit out, venom practically spewing from his mouth.

"I-I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have come. But I couldn't let you think-couldn't let you think I did this to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, Harry! Never. Please," Draco whispered. "Please believe me. You don't have to forgive me, just please know that I only did this to help you. That is the only reason."

"To help me? To help me, he says. Yes, I'm sure that was your reason. It has nothing to do with the fact that you see me just like everybody else. It's all well and good if I'm fighting, just point me in the proper direction, eh? But heaven forbid I get to choose for myself where I go, heaven forbid I get to do anything for myself! I'm just a train wreck waiting to happen, I'm going to let everyone down, right? That's what you all think." The blond's eyes had gone huge, his mouth hanging open. "Well I won't have it! I WILL take care of this baby. I'll be damned if I let the wizarding world take this from me too."

"Harry..."

"Save it. I don't want to hear any of it. I can't trust you, you're just like the rest of them." Unbidden, a sob escaped Harry's throat.

"Harry..." Draco tried again, raising his arm as if to place a hand on the Gryffindor's shoulder.

"NO!" Harry shouted, throwing himself away with so much exuberance he nearly fell off the other side of the bed. "Don't touch me. Don't you DARE touch me."

"Mr. Malfoy! What do you think you're doing in here after hours, upsetting my patient?!" Madame Pomphrey had clearly been awoken by all the yelling, practically bristling as she made to drag the Slytherin out of the room if necessary. Draco wouldn't budge.

"I love you," he said, sounding as if Ron was pinning him up against the wall all over again.

"You never loved me. Leave me alone."

Just before Harry turned so that his back was towards the door, he caught a glimpse of Draco's face. His eyes were completely dead, his expression as if he had just been stabbed in the gut repeatedly. Madame Pomphrey took advantage of the blond's shock to force him out of the room, ranting about the audacity of students all the way.

It was those eyes that stayed with Harry though. It was those eyes that he couldn't escape. Even as he finally dozed off, it was those eyes had nightmares about.