Codename: TABASCO
(The Awesome Background And Secret Chronicles Of Michael Guerin)
Episode 106
Sweet n' Spicy
& Writings On The Wall (River Dog)
By the time the sun had begun to rise, we were already back on the road and on our way to Marathon. Frankly, Maria and I got very little sleep in Aladdin's pleasure boudoir that night, but I have to say that us sleeping together did give me a kind of new perspective. Huh? Yes we did! Okay, "in the same room." Geez! Details! Anyway, as I was saying, sleeping with Maria kind of gave me this whole new perspective about her, you know? I wasn't ready to admit it, most of all to myself, but I was kind of starting to like her… in a weird kind of way. I mean, she could have been real hard nosed about being, you know, "abducted," and me taking her mom's car, and all that other stuff, and she could've had me arrested and ruined any hope we ever had of finding out who we were. But she didn't do that. She gave me a chance. Nobody ever really did that before Maria.
It took about four hours to get to Marathon, Texas, but when we got there, there it was… just like I told 'em. Not Marathon, the dome. They couldn't doubt me anymore, not even Isabel…
It's just like you drew it, Michael.
I told you it was something.
But when I took the key out of my pocket and stuck it in the front door, the door didn't open. So Max decided to unlock it with his powers…
We've come this far. Maybe it unlocks something inside.
Then we saw that the place had already been ransacked pretty good before we got there. As Liz pointed out at the time, somebody was definitely looking for something. Max figured whatever it was they were looking for they'd probably already found it a long time ago, but I wasn't so sure. I held the key in my hand again, and suddenly I saw this blurry image.
There's something here. A room.
Where?
I don't know, Max. It's hidden.
That's when I saw another keyhole… I put the key in and turned it, and a secret door popped up out of the floor.
Jackpot, Maximilian.
We went down some steps into the hidden room, and I was just starting to look around when I heard something that sounded like footsteps over our heads.
Max waved his hand to get our attention… Somebody's up there.
I had a good idea who it was…
"Great! Batman's here. I've got to tell him to stop following me like this. He's becoming a boor already."
Isabel looked at me like I'd totally lost my mind. "Batman? What's that supposed to mean, Michael? Honestly, I wonder about you sometimes."
Then, suddenly, there was another sound… a sound I knew too well. It was someone's head getting smacked… hard. And I knew whose head it was. I also knew he was unconscious, because I heard him hit the floor like a ton of bricks. I could only guess who it was that whacked him… one of Topolsky's agents… Hell, maybe even Topolsky herself. Topolsky wasn't exactly some shy, shrinking violet, if you know what I mean. She wouldn't mind beaning the sheriff if he stood on her shadow… Back then, that is… before all that stuff happened that brought her over to our side. Now she's one of us. Crazy thing is, I think getting beaned in the head addled the sheriff, 'cause he seemed to enjoy it. He was like, 'Damn, that woman is hot.' Not right at that moment, of course… he was unconscious… but after he woke up again and his headache wore off. He sounded like a new member of the Agent Topolsky Admiration Society. Membership: one… well, two, really… him and her. But whatever, that was his problem. We had our own problems. What we came to Marathon to find was about to be snatched away right under our noses. So I started grabbing all the papers I could and stuffing them into a box…
Whoever's up there looking for us isn't gonna stop until they find us. I'm gonna find out everything I can before they do.
We probably would have been caught if Maria and Liz hadn't seen a rat run into a hidden tunnel. We followed the rat and got out just in time… but not before Isabel saw this necklace with an alien-looking symbol on it and palmed it.
As we were driving off, I saw Topolsky pop out of the tunnel we had just come out of. She was onto us. But it wasn't going to happen… not this time. We had slipped through her fingers. I knew deep inside that I probably owed Sheriff Valenti for that. If his head hadn't got in the way and slowed her down… Anyway, I just hoped his head would be okay. It was hard. I had a feeling he'd be fine. And I had a feeling, too, that Topolsky would make herself real scarce before he woke up again.
Driving back home with Maria in her mom's car, we were talking about different stuff… You know… who we are and all mostly, and I realized that I wasn't the only one whose emotions were being challenged that day…
…All this time that I've known you, Michael, I've just always thought of you as, like, this "guy," you know… like this weird guy from the other side of the tracks going nowhere in life; which, of course, you know, you still are that, but… what I didn't realize was that there's this whole other side to you.
What, that I'm from…
Well, clearly there's that; but putting that aside, underneath that, um, weird, poorly bathed exterior, there's, like, this whole… deeply wounded, vulnerable guy.
Listen, alright, in terms of what happened yesterday between us, that was just… we were on the road. Alright, we talked. That's all. Over.
Of course. Wait. You think something happened between us.
I wouldn't admit it to her, but inside, I think I may have smiled. Yep. The Avenger had something going for him. I sensed it. What's that? Well… yeah, sure, I guess. Go ahead. Why should I do all the talking? Uh, but don't embarrass me, Maria.
We'll see! I just wanted to tell our little muse that there was this whole other conversation that I had with Liz later… about you, Michael.
The thing about Michael, Liz, is that he's weird but surprisingly interesting.
He's interesting?
Not interesting for me, obviously.
Oh, yes, obviously.
I mean, it can never be. There's a number of obstacles: his hair, his personality, the fact that he was hatched.
Um, Okay, I'm ready to tell this story again, Maria. You can stop now.
Not yet, Dear.
Can you please tell me what happened in that motel room?
I told you, Liz, nothing happened.
Are you sure?
Nothing physical, although it wasn't very verbal, either. What Michael and I share… well, it's non-verbal. Michael is the type of person my mom likes to refer to as a vibrator.
A vibrator?
You know what I mean… someone who communicates by, you know, sending vibes out into the atmosphere.
What kind of vibes was he sending you?
Vibes that are, you know…
You see, Michael, you thought you were the only one who noticed. But a girl knows what she feels. We just don't always post it as headlines in the morning newspaper… well, not till we're ready to anyway.
So, then, you agree that we had, like, this thing already going… even back then?
It was going. I wasn't openly admitting it. But I knew that what I was feeling wasn't a fetish for cute, Tabasco-swilling, mixed up alien studs… just one particular lovable one. You can tell your story again now."
I don't know, Ria… You're doing just fine now. Maybe you should…
No, I'm enjoying listening to you tell it, Michael.
Alright, well, it seems Topolsky got a call from her supervisor, Agent Stevens, of the FBI…
Your assignment… Repeat it to me.
…observe the subjects and determine whether or not the theories about them are substantiated.
You're forgetting something, Agent… the word "covertly." To "covertly" observe the subjects to determine whether or not the theories about them are substantiated. Covertly!
I've been acting covertly.
Drop-kicking the sheriff? You call that covertly?
The sheriff was endangering my operation.
Your operation?
Our operation.
Wrong again, Agent. Not your operation. Not our operation. My operation! Mine! I think I have a piece of my bagel permanently lodged in my esophagus. New orders, Agent Topolsky. See if you can follow 'em this time. Whatever those kids took from that house, I want it. Get it. Whatever those kids are doing right now, I want to know about it. Do you understand, Agent Topolsky?
I understand.
By any means necessary, Agent.
Yes, sir.
Don't waste my time, Agent!
I'm all over it.
And she was… And I knew it, though I didn't know about that phone call. Kathleen told us a lot of the little details years later… here on Antar. Anyway, at the time, I knew she was "all over it," because we couldn't shake her. She always seemed to be in the shadows everywhere we went. And if she wasn't, her agent cronies were. She was like a skunk's scent… obnoxious and unshakable. Uh, no offense, Kath! We weren't exactly on the same team back then like now. What? No, you smell a lot better now. OW! Hehehe. Kidding! Hey, that skunk thing was just a… a… you know… a metaphor. You smell good. Can I live now? Maria, protect me here! I'm your husband! What do you mean, I deserved it? It was a JOKE. YOU'RE laughing… even Kathleen's laughing… Uh, you're not gonna dump any more of that sand on my head are you, Kathleen? Okay… But it was funny… you've gotta admit. And when you were Agent Topolsky you did give us a lot of headaches… That's all I was saying. We like you now, Kath. But that wasn't always the case. And we really, really didn't need the FBI on our tails day and night, so I went to meet with Sheriff Valenti in his office. He had offered to help us in exchange for a little help from me, and I needed to know all about this Atherton guy, so I asked him to get me information on Atherton… and I asked him to get Agent Topolsky off our tails. Oh, and I asked him how his head was feeling.
"It hurts. She packs a kick like a mule… like to gave me a concussion. I'll see what I can do about your… requests. Give me a little time… an afternoon should do it."
"Thanks, Sheriff. That information… it's really important to us."
Valenti knew what he was doing. He went straight to Milton, the UFO Museum guy, and asked him about Atherton. Milton was a walking, talking encyclopedia of everything alien related, and he rattled off everything that was known about James Atherton, including that he disappeared in 1959 and that some thought he had been abducted by aliens. After getting this information -which I learned later Valenti wanted as bad as we did- he set about taking care of the Topolsky problem. But in the meantime, her agents broke into the Evans' house and stole the box of papers I had brought from Atherton's house. It was in Max's room. To make it look like a robbery, they also stole the TV, the VCR, and a bunch of other stuff out of the living room. But Valenti wasn't fooled. He paid a visit to Topolsky at school… without overtly accusing her… to let her know he was onto her. And a day or so later, he pulled her car over as she was trying to follow us…
Did you lose something, Ms. Topolsky?
What about you, sheriff? Do you always chase cars when you're off duty?
Only when they blow through three red lights, two stop signs, and do 70 in a 30-mile-an-hour zone. Ms. Topolsky, you are a walking, talking, moving violation.
I'll take that the best way I can.
Now, I could bring you in, hold you overnight… while I'm at it, do a thorough background check to find out what our new guidance counselor is really up to… or we could just have a nice conversation.
At that point, Topolsky knew she had no choice but to deal, and she and Valenti moved their conversation to a local bar.
How long have you been following me, Sheriff?
A while now.
Observe anything unusual?
Well, besides an FBI agent being assigned to our local high school, yes, I have. That's a hell of a kick you've got going. It about gave me a concussion. It's a good thing I'm not the sensitive type.
Aren't you? It seems to me a man who spends his entire life trying to avenge his father's mistakes could be considered sensitive.
Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about my father's mistakes if I were you, Agent Topolsky. It seems you've made a few of your own.
Such as?
Well, such as letting them slip through your fingers.
Them?
Whoever it is you're after… Such as exposing yourself to the local…
Maybe we're taking the wrong tack here, Sheriff.
It's funny how everybody agrees they've taken the wrong tack when their cover's been blown. Well, anyway, I just thought I'd give you a heads up before I call your superiors and let them know you've been made.
Sheriff, look. If my superiors find out about this, I'm off the case… gone for good, and where does that leave you? Isn't there some other way we can work this out?
Why, whatever could you be thinking, Ms. Topolsky?
I probably have information that you would like to have, and you have information that I might want. Maybe we can work together here.
Let me think about that.
I guess if I had been there and had heard Valenti say he wanted to think about it, I might have drop-kicked him myself. But maybe he was just being smart… trying to get what information he could from her. And he did get her off our tails… as promised… at least for the moment. His continuing allegiances remained to be determined. Fortunately, he made the right choices in the end, and so did she. But back then he was still trying to get whatever he could on us… at the same time as he was trying to help us. It looked a little two-faced, but he was playing all the positions in order to win the game.
I need to back up just a little bit, though, to right after the robbery at the Evans' house. Deputy Owens noticed the necklace Isabel was wearing… the one she took from Atherton's house… and he knew that he had seen the symbol on the necklace before…
Where did you get that?
At the mall. Kind of like the retro look. Why?
I just haven't seen anything like that since I left the reservation.
Well… maybe they're branching out.
Right.
Which reservation?
I grew up on the Mescalero reservation just outside of town.
Later, when I got my first look at the pendant Isabel was wearing, I knew that I had seen the symbol on it somewhere before, too. But not on any reservation… in my mind. I guess I was staring, because Isabel noticed…
What?
I know that. I know that. How do I know that?
Pretty wild, huh? I found it at Atherton's.
This has to mean something.
Max thought it was a symbol from our past. Unfortunately, we had to stay low and under the radar for the moment, because the FBI guys were all over the place. We couldn't just run off to the reservation and check it out. So Liz decided to do it for us. But Max wasn't having any of it…
Max, you saved my life.
What does that have to do with it?
…If anything happened to you… or Michael or Isabel, I just… I couldn't live with that. Let me do this one thing.
Liz, I already told you no.
Max, I didn't come here for permission. I came here for the pendant. If you don't give it to me, I'll just draw it. I'm going.
Score one for the girl! I gotta confess, I never wanted Liz or any of them messing in our lives in the beginning, but I did have to give her her due. I loved Mister "I'm the king, we'll do it my way" getting his tail bobbed. Okay, that's not the way he saw it… or the way Liz meant it… but she did kick ass back there. I almost thought I was seeing Maria. Maria can kick some serious ass. What? No, I'm not going to forget it, don't worry. It's part of why I love you. You got spunk.
So Liz was off to the reservation with the pendant in her hand. And I just had this kind of creepy feeling deep down inside like the Avenger was going to be needed. So I excused myself from the others and followed Liz… covertly. I was right. Before she was even out of Roswell, she had a tail. And not just one tail, either, but three of them. They were trying to stay invisible, but these guys were about as covert as a herpes sore. I didn't want to make any spectacles in Roswell, so I rushed ahead and hid, waiting just far enough out of town so as not to be seen be everyone. Then Liz drove by. Moments later, the first carload of agents appeared… and it's engine shut down mysteriously. Slowly, it coasted to a stop. The other two cars pulled up behind it and rolled down their windows.
"You guys need some help?"
"Forget about us! Stay on the girl! Don't lose her!"
The agent driving the second car tried to pull out again and follow Liz, but his car accelerated suddenly and rammed the car that had broken down. Then it backed up into the third car, leaving that car's hood crumpled and its engine smoking.
"What the hell are you doing, Bartley? You're putting us all off the chase! Who gave you your license?"
"I don't know what happened. I put it in drive, and it just took off. Then it slipped into reverse. I didn't do it, the car did it!"
"Cars don't drive themselves, Bartley. You screwed up."
The agent driving the first car huffed. "You guys stop arguing. I think I can fix this one. It's probably just a blockage in the fuel line."
The agent opened the hood and searched for the fuel line. He probably could have fixed it. I hadn't really fried it… yet. I had just made a bubble in the fuel line. But at that moment, a motorbike drove up and this guy who looked like he was in town for the UFO convention or something got off and offered to help.
"Keep going, buddy. We don't need any help."
"You look like you've got a battery problem. I've got experience with this. I can take care of it for you in no time."
"Yeah? Well… okay… do it then."
The agents moved aside, and I reached into the engine, thinking silently… iOkay, this is where I put my hand in the Jetta… right… here. Like I said… experience./i
Flashes, sulphuric smoke, agents running, coughing… "It's gonna blow!"
I shook my head and acted disappointed. "Aw, damn! Your engine's fried. Where'd you get these clunkers? I never saw a car spew out smoke like that before! It's almost like it's saying, 'leave me alone!' I hope you've still got the warranties."
"I told you! I told you!" Agent Bartley shouted, feeling vindicated. "It's the frikkin' cars! They're possessed."
"Too bad YOU'RE not possessed, Bartley… by intelligence. Shut up."
The agent looked at me and nodded toward the road. "Get out of here. You didn't see anything. We'll take care of it."
"Sorry man. I never saw a car do crazy stuff like that before… well, except one. It had to be crushed before it could be stopped. It would start up all by itself. Took its driver on a 200 mile ride at 120 mph. Driver couldn't stop it, couldn't control it. The car was in control all the way. Same kind of car, too."
"Go! Get out of here!"
"I'm going. I'd get rid of those cars, though, man. They're dangerous."
I hopped on my bike and drove off. After I was a good ways down the road, I changed my looks and the color and wheels of my bike back and grinned. "That should slow 'em down pretty good."
888888888888888
On the Mescalero Reservation, meanwhile, Liz was showing the mysterious pendant to a souvenir shop clerk when out of nowhere, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her around brusquely. The hand belonged to an elderly Mercalero named River Dog, and his eyes seemed to be burning a hole in the pendant that Liz had been showing the souvenir peddler. But the old Mescalero didn't speak. Instead, after looking at the pendant, he turned and walked away.
Who was that?
Stay away from him, the peddler warned Liz seriously.
But when Liz was about to get back into her car, River Dog showed up again, and he reached for the pendant…
Give me that.
Who are you?
Please! Where did you get this?
We just… found it.
We?
No… uh, I found it.
Who else knows? How many know? Tell me.
No one else knows.
How did you know to come here? Were you followed?
No, I wasn't. I… what does this mean to you? Please tell me.
This is dangerous. It brings death.
That was it. That was the extent of the conversation. To say that River Dog was not exactly a talkative sort would be an understatement. But he did have an air of mystery about him… and a graveness that gave Liz pause.
Back at the CrashDown, later, a young Mescalero named Eddie came in and ordered a redskin basket. Liz caught the meaning in his voice and told him that she had been trying to get that name changed.
I have a message from River Dog. He'll meet you at ten o'clock tonight… Come alone… The reservation… Someone will meet you.
When Liz told us about the appointment, we knew that it was important. But Topolsky and her agents were watching every move we made. So we cooked up a plan to give the agents the slip. Actually, MAX cooked up the plan. I wasn't exactly happy with it, because it used me as bait while Max and Liz got to go see River Dog.
Is he still following us, Michael?
I don't know, Max. I think so.
I can't believe this, Isabel groaned, I… I just wish things would go back to the way they were.
I still think this plan bites.
Michael, the plan does not bite.
I'm being used as a pawn. I want to go meet this River Dog guy.
We dropped Max off at the cinema with Liz and then drove off quickly to make it look like we were trying to lose the agents following us. But we wanted them to follow us. Isabel and I were the bait. Meanwhile, Max and Liz walked through the theater to a pre-arranged place where they were to meet up with Maria. Then they drove away in Maria's car… to see River Dog.
At the reservation, Eddie balked about taking them to River Dog, because River Dog had only asked Liz to come. But Liz convinced him to let Max stay.
There will be a test. If you pass the test, River Dog will answer all your questions.
And here I was… stuck at the CrashDown with Maria and Isabel, listening to Isabel's deepest inner feelings and answering questions for Maria about my DNA… Oh, happy happy joy joy!
Ok, so what's with the Tabasco sauce?
Sweet and spicy, I replied, while munching on a piece of cake I had swiped from the counter.
Sweet and spicy?
We all like things extremely sweet mixed with extremely spicy, Isabel explained, It's our little dietary quirk.
Well, I'll have to, uh, keep that in mind, Maria said with a trace of a smile.
I nodded. You do that.
Are you two flirting? God, could my life get any worse!
I remember thinking, the only consolation about having to wait there for Max and Liz to return was that Isabel was just as miserable as I was. Life was fair after all! But they'd better get back soon!
On the reservation, Max and Liz were being led on an unexpectedly long hike and had begun to wonder if Eddie was really taking them to River Dog… or somewhere else…
Um, Eddie? How much… How much further is it?
It's very close.
But Liz wasn't so sure now. Max, I don't think this is a good idea anymore. We've been walking for too long.
Eddie, uh, where exactly are you taking us?
You're here.
We're where?
Good luck.
No, Eddie… Eddie! You can't… you can't just leave us here. Max?
…Frikkin' Eddie
That's when Liz noticed the cave. So the two of them went inside to check it out. Then, Liz felt someone grab her in the dark…
What was that? Let me go!
Liz? Liz, where are you/i Quickly, Max created some light with his hand to see in the darkness of the cave.
Let her go. Who are you?
You have passed the test.
River Dog knew, when Max created light with his hand, that he was one of the aliens, too. That was the test… to get him to "reveal" himself… or Liz to reveal herself. Up until that moment, actually, he had had no idea which one was the alien, if indeed either one was.
I once knew someone like you. I didn't know where he came from or why he was here. He stayed pretty much to himself. He befriended me and everyone here. He began to trust me.
Do you know where I can find him?
I haven't seen him for forty years. Besides me, the only man he trusted was Atherton. The man gave Atherton his necklace, the one you had.
What happened to him?
Atherton was murdered.
Who killed him?
The man killed him… I was too far away to see what happened, but when I reached them, Atherton was dead.
When was this?
November, 1959… I have one more thing to show you. This way.
River Dog showed Max and Liz a drawing that the alien from 1959 drew on the cave wall.
He said someday you would come.
Max looked at the drawing… It seems familiar, like I know what it means, but I can't remember.
He was afraid they were trying to kill him.
Who was?
I don't know. He felt they were close to finding him, so he had to leave. I promised I would never share this information with anyone unless they passed the test.
Has anyone else come? Has anyone passed?
No, no one.
So this has some type of meaning. It's some kind of message for us. Maybe it's some type of warning. I don't know.
It's time for you to leave.
Can we come again?
I have completed my promise. There's nothing more I can tell you, nothing more you can learn.
And that was it… except for one final warning… not to Max, but to Liz…
Make sure he deserves your trust.
River Dog wasn't sure whom to trust. But he had made a promise, and now he had honored that promise.
At the CrashDown, meanwhile, Maria was getting ever more frazzled waiting for news from Liz and Max…
This is taking too long. They're in trouble… What are we supposed to do?
We wait.
You know, Michael, now I know why Isabel left. You are obviously the last person to be around in a crisis.
We were told to sit here and wait until they come back, alright? And that's what I'm doing. I'm not the one freaking out. You're freaking out.
I am not freaking out. I just… I wish you would say something.
Say what? What do you want me to say?
I don't know what. Just say something, you know, to make me feel calm, to make me feel like it's gonna be alright.
Maybe it's not gonna be alright.
Thanks, that helps a ton.
What do you want me to do?
I don't know… You know, all I ask of you is just to try to make me feel better, you know, be a guy or whatever. Forget it. I have obviously tried to bark up the wrong tree.
Okay, never let it be said that Michael Guerin does not rise to the occasion. Maria wanted me to do something? She asked me to do something? She wanted me to make her forget about her worries? I could do that!
I reached over and kissed her.
That was to calm you down.
Thanks.
Maria reacted stoically to the whole thing… outwardly, at least. And me? I was Stonewall Guerin, totally in control. And who could see what I was thinking, anyway, right? Yessss! Sweet n' spicy! I knew it! I would definitely trade the Tabasco for that condiment! Oh, oh! Core meltdown! Lips of pleasure! Tilt! Tilt! Tilt! Abandon all preconceptions! Going down! Nuclear heat wave!
In stoic silence, we walked off in opposite directions. Someday I might even admit I liked it… our first kiss.
End of Episode 106
tbc…