A/N: Hi guys! I was on vacation all last week…so that's why nothing ended up being posted. But…I was smart and took my notebook with me, so while I was lying around on the beach, I was writing a chapter for you. I bet you're all impressed by my multitasking skills. Ah, I can't get over how cute L would be as a doll. I so want one! I'm jealous of Light already.

Disclaimer: I don't own L or Light…heh…I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit…trying to make a little parody thing.

Light looked at L dubiously. "I'm your master?"

'Correct, Raito-kun."

"Then why aren't you obeying me?"

"I'm not required to fulfill your every whim," L said placidly. "Besides, you just want to be rid of me anyway. I cannot obey an order to leave you. You cannot escape ownership that easily."

"Aw hell," Light muttered.

"Rule number six states that ownership may only be transferred in a transaction between the old master and the new master. The old master must disclose L's abilities to the new master."

Light scowled. "Then why wasn't I informed?"

L blinked at him. "My old master is now dead. It is impossible for him to notify you of anything."

"Oh."

"According to rule seven, in the event of death, rule six is void and I return to be repackaged and dropped for someone else to find me."

'Return to where?"

L pointed upwards.

"So, when your master dies, you fly back up into the sky?"

"No, I simply vanish from the earth and reappear in the shinigami realm."

'The shinigami realm? Damn, you might be dangerous as well as annoying."

"I won't pose a threat to you," L assured him. "You are my master and I do not harm any of my masters, no matter how much I wish to. However, I can cause a great deal of harm to anyone that may be against you. If someone tries to steal me, I can guarantee that person quite a bit of bad luck until I am returned to you."

"Great. So I'm stuck with you then?"

'If Raito-kun dies, he will be absolved of all responsibility for me."

"No thanks. I'm not that desperate." Light sighed dejectedly.

"Don't be upset, Raito-kun. Since you are my master, it is my job to be helpful to you. I can also cause any person who robs you to be afflicted with bad luck. How severe my sentence will be depends on how devastating the theft is to you. That is why I need to get to know you better."

"So, you'll curse people that steal from me? That's what you do?'

"Yes. Think of me as your guardian angel."

"You're no guardian angel. Guardian angels are supposed to guard you and prevent these things from happening. They're not supposed to seek revenge after the fact."

L shrugged. "My small size makes it difficult to deter criminals. I cannot scare them off or fight them. All I can do is put a curse on them."

Light sighed. 'Well, it's better than nothing I guess."

L blinked. "Would Ratio-kun mind reading the rules for himself? I do not want to have to state them all for you. It wastes too much time. However, there are rules not mentioned in the manual that I will inform you of as the need arises."

"Okay, okay," Light grumbled. He picked up the manual and flipped through it absently. "Where's the page with all the rules anyway? All I see is warranty information."

"Page twenty-three, Raito-kun," L murmured.

Light flipped to page twenty-three and stared at it suspiciously. All the other pages in the manual had been printed on white paper with normal black printed letters. Page twenty-three was a sickly gray color and the words were written in a spidery script. Light turned the page over and looked at the back. Yes, there were rules on the backside too, but that was it. It didn't seem like there were many rules if they only took one whole sheet of paper. But then again, L had mentioned that there were more.

The top of the page proclaimed "The rules for L ownership". Eight rules were written under the heading.

1. When in human form, L is as susceptible to injury as any human.

2. L becomes human with the removal of his clothing. The more articles of clothing removed, the more human L becomes. Conversely, if he is clothed, he returns to being a doll. However, this property only applies to the clothing L is packaged with.

3. The first person to open the box L is packaged in becomes the new owner. No other person who finds L may gain ownership.

4. Any person who steals L from his owner will be plagued with bad luck until the doll is returned to his rightful owner.

5. L may not harm his owner and he may protect his owner in any way he sees fit. However, L is more likely to take revenge on those that have previously harmed his owner.

6. Ownership of the L doll may only be transferred with the full consent of both parties. The old owner must be willing to surrender the doll and the new owner must be informed of at least rule number two.

7. If L's owner dies before ownership can be transferred, L will be returned to the shinigami realm to be repackaged and dropped for someone else to find. This situation voids rule six.

8. L possesses additional abilities which he will reveal only to those who meet his approval.

"So, these are the basic rules?" Light asked.

"Correct, Raito-kun."

"So, what this means is, unless I get someone to believe in a talking doll, I can't get rid of you."

"Basically, yes,' L said cheerfully.

"And if someone else takes you, you'll find a way back to me."

"Yes, that is the case."

"So, I'm stuck with you."

"So it would seem, Raito-kun. I suggest we make the best out the arrangement. I will revenge any thefts against you. I am willing to do as much for you, even though you have not been exactly welcoming."

"So, that's one of the additional powers that are not talked about in the manual?"

"One of them," L murmured. He chewed his thumb absently. "I have already told you about it, even though I do not trust you. So, once I ascertain that you are not a rapist, I may tell you of further powers."

"A rapist?! How did it go from me accidentally molesting you to me wanting to rape you? What the hell, L? How could I possibly rape you anyway?"

"You could use a coat hanger," L said quietly.

"Why the hell would I do that? Jesus, you think the worst of everyone don't you? Maybe you want me to a pervert so you don't have to protect me."

"Raito-kun is mistaken," L said quietly. "My previous owners have either been little girls or dirty old men. Those two groups of people are the most likely to remove a doll's clothing. Please understand that when I saw you were not a little girl, I was certain you were a pervert. My experience with previous male owners has taught me that they delight using unsharpened pencils and coat hangers as tools of sexual entertainment."

"That's fucking disgusting,' Light growled. "They violated you with a pencil? Honestly, who gets off on that anyway?"

"My old owners did," L said mildly.

"Well, I wouldn't do that," light declared. 'I'm going to be the best owner you've ever had."

"Well, you've certainly got off to an auspicious start," L muttered.

"Shut up!" Light growled. "It was an accident. I've been way better than those dickheads."

"Yes, I'll allow that," L murmured, chewing a fingertip. 'Even though you don't want me."

"Well, at least I don't want you…like that."

L shuddered. "Yes, Raito-kun. That is appreciated. I think you could be a decent master. We can each keep to our own devices. Raito-kun does not want constant companionship and I do like to keep to myself. Yes, this could work out quite nicely."