Jim asks Bones to be a part of his latest Kobayashi Maru test crew. He reluctantly agrees, and gets quite a surprise, along with everyone else.

I do not own Star Trek.

Big Brother part 3

As we exited the main building and headed down the stairs, Jim was his usual charming self, saying hello to anything in a skirt. I just don't get how this kid can do as well as he does in classes, while still feeding his horniness. And he's horny 99% of the time. I told him I never, ever wanted to be in a relationship again. After one failed marriage, I wasn't eager to try again any time soon. He told me I was too young to feel that way. I reassured him that I was not interested. But Jim, now he'll flirt with the ladies, didn't really matter what species they were from. I warned him about that too. Having sex with other species wasn't always the safest thing to do. Last I heard, he was seeing an Orion. Now that's gambling. Their pheromones can be deadly to human males.

So I figure he's going to do some studying, like he told me an hour ago. But then he tells me he's taking the Kobayashi Maru test...for a third time! I can't believe it. Why would he want to take it a third time? I kind of suspect that he has something up his sleeve. I've known Jim Kirk for the last three years, and I know he never does anything without a good reason. In any case, he is telling me he wants me there. Why, to watch him fail again? Not likely, if I know my James Kirks. I think he has a plan, one he won't even reveal to me, so hell yeah, I'm going to be there.

We part company, until tomorrow. Again, he says he's off to go study. I think, in a pig's eye.

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I was sitting in the helmsman's seat on the set of the Kobayashi Maru test. Me, a doctor, playing helmsman to "Captain" Kirk. He even reminded us of that, in case we forgot, I suppose. When I told him that there were enemy ships locking onto us, he smiled and said "That's ok", as if it were the best thing to ever happen to a starship. I repeat what he said, in total disbelief that I heard him correctly, and he tells me not to worry about it.

The test gets harder, with more Klingon ships decloaking. But of course, this isn't a problem for the great Captain James T Kirk. Jim's acting like we've already defeated the Klingons and starts giving orders for the disposition of the Kobayashi Maru crew. Uhura reminds him that we're still surrounded, but does he care? I'm still thinking, what the hell does he have planned, because he has to have something planned.

Now the fake ships are firing on us, and I tell Jim just that, with the added information that the shields are failing. Like him with this test, I think. I am in total shock when I see him pull an apple from his chair. An apple! What is this simulation anyway, a lunch break? I want to fire at the simulations, but he says 'No." Why the devil am I here? The klaxon is getting on my nerves, and if Jim is playing games, do I have to watch him make a fool of himself?

So I resign myself into doing nothing, when every system on the "bridge" goes static. Now what, I'm thinking. Jim, however, seems unperturbed. As if waiting for something to happen, he sits, when the static clears. He says, "Arm photons." Finally, he's taking it all seriously. Or is he. I remind him that their shields are up, but he questions that reality. I look at my console, flabbergasted to see that the enemy ships have no shields. How the hell..... And he continues to eat his apple, ordering one photon torpedo per ship be fired. I watch as the simulations blow up in a bright blast of orange and red heat. "Captain" Jim then tells us to begin evacuating the Kobayashi Maru crew, so pleased with himself, I think he will bust here and now.

After we left the set, Jim was still pleased with himself. "You know, Bones, I'll probably get a commendation for this. Maybe even a promotion."

"You've got to be kidding, right?" I demand. "That was the biggest farce I've ever seen."

"Thanks for the support, Doctor," he replied, a bit put out.

"How did you do it, Jim?"

"I had a little help from a friend."

"A friend," I repeat. "Well, you're going to need a friend, if my instincts are correct. The Board isn't going to appreciate this at all."

The thing is, when you have a friend, you sometimes have to be honest with them, even if they don't like it. Was I supposed to tell Jim, job well done, kiddo! I just couldn't do that. Well, we'll just have to see what the academy honchos have to say about it. I only hope he's right. He is my friend after all. Funny thing though. After the test, I found that I didn't like apples so much anymore.