LOVE

THIRTY

When they arrived at the Hub, it was dark. Really dark. All that could be seen were a couple of spasmodically blinking amber monitor lights. Otherwise it was totally, absolutely, pitch black.

"John!" Gray stage-whispered as he peered into the murk. "Where the hell is everybody?"

"I don't know! Shit, Gray. Maybe it's a trap. Hey, I think we should…"

All of a sudden the area around them was filled with the hot, white light of a million suns. John screamed in anguish. Gray was about to join his companion in that same activity when he felt The Doctor being wrenched ferociously from his grasp. He objected loudly to this rude turn of events but his exclamation was drowned out by an even louder sound.

"Hello little brother," a voice boomed. "How nice of you to come."

The words were followed by an intense pain the likes of which Gray had never before experienced. Not even when he was chained down amidst the corpses and tortured by the Aedui had he ever felt anything as staggeringly, excruciatingly unendurable. He stumbled backward in agony, but something incredibly vicious caught him from behind. That something hurt him even more profoundly. Simple existence became unequivocally harrowing and Gray's animal-like shriek lasted longer than might be believed humanly possible. And yet that frightful shriek went on and on.

"You'd best stand very still, little brother," the words thundered and echoed. "You're in a stasis field – a sort of cage. If you move, it will hurt you. And if you move a lot, it will hurt you a lot. Get it? Behave and the pain will probably be survivable. Probably. Don't behave and unfathomably terrible things will happen to you and you will die horribly. I got the idea from someone my friend The Doctor and I ran into a while back – a nasty little freak, to be sure, in truth he kind of reminded me of you – but in my usual adept fashion I took his concept and significantly improved upon it. I hope you appreciate the honor I'm bestowing upon you. You're the very first client to try it out. So how is it?"

Gray howled in torment.

"Wow. That good, huh? Well, not to boast but I am quite proud of it. You see, it's a quantum stasis chamber. When you're inside of it, you're essentially not of this universe, nor any other universe for that matter. In fact you're hidden from subspace as well; it's like you don't exist. You're entirely and absolutely invisible! You're missing in action. Absent without leave. The only reason I can see you – that we can see you – is because of the highly charged quantized magnetic flux field I've set up around this complex. Isn't that brilliant? Highly charged quantized magnetic flux field – try saying that three times real fast when you're drunk; or even when you're not drunk." Jack chuckled menacingly. "The point is, I could keep you in this most perfect of prisons forever, Gray, and no one would ever, ever find you. And when I turn off the highly charged quantized magnetic flux field we won't be able to find you either. Or see you. Or hear you. You'll literally vanish. Out of sight, out of mind. Without a trace, forever and ever and ever…"

Meantime, while Jack Harkness was busy torturing his little brother, John Hart had managed to sidle out of the intense beam of illumination which had been focused on him and the accursed Gray. John evaluated the situation as he quickly surveyed his surroundings. With a gentle push he released Gwen to her anxious husband, who was waiting tensely in the shadows not far away. Then John put his arm around The Doctor so as to steady him.

"Are you okay?" he asked the Time Lord worriedly.

The Doctor nodded but slumped forebodingly against the former Time Agent.

"Oh jeez. Damn it! You're not okay, are you? I'm sorry you had to go through all that." John glanced over at Wil and Ianto, who were standing maybe thirty feet away. "Shit," he hissed, "I hope you haven't put on any weight since the last time I had to do this." He wrapped his other arm around the Doctor, picked him up like a child and carried him toward where the other two were obviously and obliviously mesmerized by the floorshow Jack was putting on. When they realized what was happening they rushed to meet him.

"What's wrong?" Wil asked.

"Gray had the Time Lord alone… had him alone for longer than I really would have liked. I'm afraid he's been hurt."

Ianto nodded, "Give him to me, I'll take him to the medical bay."

John transferred his precious payload, "Take good care of him, eye-candy." Ianto clenched his jaw but caught the hint of a wink.

"No drugs! No I.V.s!" Wil whispered harshly.

"These things I already know." The young Welshman cradled the Time Lord's body against his chest and briskly moved off.

John looked at Wil and then blinked. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Mean what?"

"What I just was thinking…"

"What were you just thinking?"

"Well, I… The Doctor… he's… um… It's just that I can see why Jack…" John stopped and stared. "Wait, don't you? Can't you?"

She shook her head, "I've got nothing."

"But how…?"

She held an index finger to her lips. "Be quiet my love, I want to listen to this." She lowered her hand, found his fingers and held them tightly in hers.

Evidently Gray had stopped screaming. He'd discovered if he stood absolutely still that, as his brother had claimed, the pain was tolerable – but just barely. He still couldn't see anything due to the harrowing luminance that surrounded him; a radiance that was burning into his retinas and blinding him.

There was an ominous silence which the Captain had allowed to grow, an old trick to increase tension. And then, when Jack had waited so long that it seemed that something surely must be wrong, he began to speak.

"Some part of you has been taken elsewhere," Jack Harkness said softly, his voice no longer booming but still clear and resonant. "When you were young, I know that piece was there – that precious spark that makes a person human, and which makes a human special. The precious spark that gives a person a heart and a soul, the ability to love, to care, to smile and to laugh. I saw it, I felt it. We all saw it and felt it. You were our beloved Gray. You were a beautiful child and a wonderful little brother and a fantastic son. You were growing up so quickly, on your way to becoming a good and decent man. But it's gone… the spark is gone and I have to accept that. I have to accept that it is gone for good.

"Just as I have to accept that I played a part in its disappearance. I will never forgive myself for letting go of your hand that day. I have tried to make up for it, Gray. The gods and goddesses of the cosmos know I have tried. And I have forgiven you for your trespasses as I hoped you would forgive me, as I will never forgive myself. I have given you a second chance, and then a third. And I have to ask you then, because I need to understand, why do you reward me thus? Why do you hurt my friends? Hurt my loved ones? Why, little brother, why do you reward me thus?

"I ask, but I know there will be no answer. I have to accept that as well.

"Here at the end, Gray, finally, I have come to realize that I have no reason to feel guilty. I've done all I could. There's nothing more. Nothing remains. I have nothing else left to give you. So – what am I to do with you, little brother? I cannot save you. I cannot help you. I cannot fix you. I am out of options. You leave me no choice."

John Hart tore his eyes away from Jack Harkness and looked at his other lover's face. Wil Beinert's eyes were closed and she was crying. He released her hand, put his arm around her shoulders and felt her body shake with sobs.

-00-

"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
Carl Sagan