LOVE
THIRTYONE
John had seen many deaths, witnessed many executions, and yes, committed many murders. He was intimately familiar with death, dare we say even comfortable with it. Death in its infinite varieties and permutations had become so very, very commonplace to him. More than just a part of life, it was ordinary, uninteresting, boring. Death was no big deal. It was nothing special. But despite all that, really, when it came right down to it, he definitely would've preferred to not have to watch this particular death. And yet he felt he owed it to his great friend, his cherished lover, his eternal colleague, to now stand and attend. He was beholden to Jack Harkness beyond all measure and would willingly if not enthusiastically be the Captain's signatory in this sad, sordid affair. Let there be no doubt: he would always and forever stand at Jack's side. And yet… fratricide? The one act Jack had sworn he would never, ever commit? Such a horrendous crime to be on the conscience of a man who would live forever – until the universes wound down and went cold? The concept left a bad taste in John Hart's mouth.
"Jack, no. Let me do it…" It felt as if the words came out on their own volition but John meant them more than he'd ever meant anything in his life. Even though he knew very well what those words foreshadowed. But despite that, despite what his offering foretold, despite its dire promise, he would not, could not, allow Jack to kill his own brother. No… he would perform the act himself and undoubtedly incur the Captain's eternal, infinite hatred as his brother's murderer.
Captain Jack Harkness turned and looked at Captain John Hart. Their eyes met and Jack smiled sadly for a long moment before he looked away, looked back at his little brother.
"You leave me no choice, Gray. So I'm going to let you go."
In a graceful, sweeping arc, Jack slowly waved his hand through the air and the facility's lighting went back to normal, the shimmering stasis field disappeared.
Gray stood, open-mouthed, wide-eyed.
"I'm going to let you go little brother because, you know what? You were right; I don't have the balls to kill you. Now… be aware there are a couple of individuals in this room who do – well, one has the literal balls, for the other it's only figurative, but she's no less lethal. Still, you get the picture, right? And I know there are a couple of other people within spitting distance of here who would be more than happy to do you in. In fact I'm pretty certain there's not a living soul in this entire complex who wouldn't love to see you dead – including even The Doctor, who you've now sorely tested. And that, in and of itself, is really quite an amazing accomplishment if you stop to think about it, because my Time Lord friend won't squish a spider in the bathtub. But the bottom line is you're my brother and it is my decision. So off with you, oh Prince of the Dark Force. Game, set and match, dread King of Darkness. And by the way, Gray, I strongly recommend from this point forward that you stay away from this planet. If for some reason you need me, contact me off-list, little brother. Now skedaddle. Go and eat your lunch alone. Begone! Vamoose!"
Gray had not moved a centimeter, "You mean you're just going to let me go?"
"That's what I said."
"What's the catch?"
"There is no catch, little brother."
"I don't believe you."
"I'm telling you that you can go, so you really should go, Gray."
"But why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because you're my brother and I love you?"
"That's not good enough."
"No? Well how about what Alexander Pope said? To forgive is divine."
"I've always known you have illusions of godhood big brother, but nope… still nowhere near good enough."
"Well how about this?" Jack's voice became harsher, harder. "Each time you've come up against me I've whipped your ass. And I will continue to whip your ass. If necessary I will whip your ass until the end of Time. I will whip your ass by myself. I will whip your ass along with my friends. I will whip your ass across the depth and breadth of the galaxy and beyond. I will whip your ass in this universe and the next universe and the one after that. Am I coming through clearly? Can you hear me now? I figure it's maybe time for you to think about finding another hobby, Gray. Take up pottery or golf or something like that. Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind, bro." Jack sneered. "Go back to your best and only friends, those hellish many-angled ones who live at the bottom of the Mandelbrot set. Shoo!"
Gray pursed his lips as if he was going to speak, but then blinked, nodded once and vanished.
The Captain stood alone for a few moments, staring blankly at the empty space his brother had just occupied.
Then Wil bolted and ran over to him, John following in her wake. She threw her arms around Jack and they embraced.
John stopped a few feet away and watched, suddenly realizing something had happened – something had changed – that he was now the odd man out. He studied them for a few more seconds before he turned and stepped quickly, quietly away.
"Captain Hart!" Jack's voice roared. "Where in the hell do you think you're going?"
John spun round; saw the two of them standing separately, grinning at him.
Jack opened his arms wide, his eyes laughing, "Come over here you freaking little weasel and give me a hug."
But there was also something else in Jack's eyes. It's your choice, it said. Accept what happened and stay or walk away and lose her. It's up to you.
It was not the first time, nor probably the last, that they'd both be in love with the same person…
John smiled, walked into Jack's strong embrace and returned it. "Like the haircut," he whispered, and then more loudly, "The Doctor will be proud of you."
"You think?" replied the Captain. "Maybe that's what I'm afraid of, of becoming too much like him."
John stood back, reached out his hand and found Wil's waiting for it. "I kind of think that's not going to happen, but if it did I'm not sure it would be such a bad thing, Jack. Next to you he's the bravest person I've ever met." John gave Wil's hand a tender squeeze. "Talk about having balls! What he put himself through really took cojones. He's an amazing man. Strange, but amazing."
"You don't have to tell me that."
"And by the way, Jack, speaking of strange…" John narrowed his eyes. "What was that you did back there?"
"Huh?"
John waved his free hand slowly through the air as Jack had done a few minutes before. "You know, the grand, panoptic gesture and the light show and the whole I'm going to let you go bit. Were you channeling Obi-Wan Kenobi?
The Captain burst out laughing. "I had to have a little fun, didn't I? The entire thing was becoming way too damn serious. Do you think Gray caught the allusion?"
John shook his head. "Star Wars? Are you joking? I don't think he watches movies."
"And maybe that's his problem," Wil intruded on what was beginning to feel like a very private, if not intimate, conversation. "Or at least one of them. Imagine growing up and not seeing Star Wars. Not knowing who Luke Skywalker is. Or Han Solo."
Both men turned to look at her.
"I love her, Jack."
"I know you do, John."
The Captain pivoted smartly and walked off toward the medical bay, leaving the two of them alone.
-00-
"The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable."
Victor Hugo