The mistakes we make as a child lead us to the mistakes we live as an adult. And when we're on our death bed and we look back at life if we have at least learned something in all the mistakes we've made in life then we will have not made that final mistake before death. The mistake of ignorance.

By me.

Life is made of many mistakes in fact I had once heard that life was just one big ball of mistakes. What one person would call a mistake could lead to another persons triumph which follows to another persons mistake. It made sense for in my life I seemed to make more mistakes then I got things right. I had never thought about having kids I was to worried about taking care of my mother and father. The same mother and father I hadn't been in contact with for years. I hadn't wanted to be like my mother and have a child at so young an age, I hadn't wanted to make that same mistake.

My mother had always insisted that she never considered me a mistake though she admitted that she wished the timing could have been different if she would have been graced with the same child. I had never believed her until my own kids had arrived. I loved them all, and would not trade them for anything in the world even on the worst of our days but I wished that the timing could have been different. Could have been when I was less of a kid and more of an adult but the fates loved to laugh at wishes and plans. Like to play games with those that like to make them. I could understand that to a degree even the fates needed to get their kicks.

"A penny for your thoughts." I jumped slightly startled by the sound of the voice. Turning away from the window I had been staring at I saw Jasper coming to stand beside me. I shook my head slightly more to clear it; then as an answer.

"I'm not sure their even worth that much." I whispered as I stared back out the window. The night of the fight between Aiden and me had passed by in silence the Cullen's had left for the night and as the morning had dawned I was still as confused as I always was after a fight occurred between us.

"I would still like to know them." He prodded gently. I turned to stare at him suspiciously causing him to laugh quietly.

"Please." Was all he said though despite his obvious amusement. Sighing I nodded.

"I was thinking about how I hadn't ever thought about having kids and then suddenly I was a mother. Funny how life works. I keep thinking about every choice I've made since the night before Edward left. I make sure that I bring enough money in to have a paycheck and no its not a lot but it keeps them clothed and fed. I make sure we have what we need for a garden each year and that we have food for the winter. I sing them to sleep, I make their meals. And I love doing it. I love being a mother. I just don't think I've ever done enough." My voice was sad and forlorn as I stared out the window the five kids out playing in the front yard.

Caleb had brought Makayla home safely and asleep her hair the usual tangled mess it was when she got upset. I felt guilt at that as I felt guilt about a lot of things. Caleb didn't say a word as he had walked through our front door, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, and me waiting for them to return home. He hadn't spared us a glance as he carried his baby sister up the stairs bridal style. With quick and nimble feet he maneuvered the steps and obstacles on them never once hesitating showing a confidence that I had never seen him have within the house.

I followed him as Jasper followed me and as we reached Makayla's shared room we both witnessed Caleb placing her gently on her bed. He kissed her on her forehead and brushed away the stubborn brown lock of hair that always fell into her face. The look on his face was one so gentle, so caring, so loving that I felt a pain in my chest for it was so pure and the thoughts that I had been thinking of him earlier no longer fit the boy I was seeing.

I had always known he would do nothing to harm his family but in a lot of ways they were the youngest of the family and the weakest in my eyes. One could barely stand without injuring herself in someway and the other exiled himself away from humans because he could not control his ability enough to be around them. A part of me feared that a part of Caleb had gone wild as well…..as wild as the animals he spoke to.

He had walked out of her room at a slow sedated pace and as he passed by us a grim look over came his features. When he looked at me his eyes showed a disappointment, and a hurt that was not physical, and a loss that was both recent and old. Somehow through his telling eyes I knew that I was responsible for the things I found within in them . Or at least partly responsible. Then he looked over at Jasper and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and then he was gone down the stairs and the sound of the door closing let me know that he was gone out of the house and off to where ever he stayed at night.

I had tried to figure out the mystery of where he slept as I also knew Aiden had as well. But it seemed as if he always slept in different places and I often wondered if it was so as not to be found by the animals that roamed the land or if it was to not to be found by us, his family.

"I believe you don't give yourself the credit you deserve. Your children love you and you have done well in raising them. I just believe Aiden is confused." I snorted rolling my eyes.

"I don't think you understand….yeah I bring in money but not enough to be able to pay for everything. I use the money that the man who lived here gave to me to feed the animals and pay for the heat and other necessities. I make sure to buy the seeds for the food only to have Caleb and Aiden take care of the garden. I help make meals but so does Aiden, I sing them to sleep but some nights, most nights Aiden has to take my place. Caleb takes care of the animals and only sometimes do we clean the barn together. I work during the day meaning Aiden has to take care of everyone during the day. When their at school and one of them has a problem they take Aiden out of class because I don't have a phone to be contacted with.

"Aiden, helps keep the kids entertained and he also disciplines when he needs to and I've taken advantage of that. When I'm busy and one of the younger ones have a problem with something or each other I send them to him, to sort everything out.

"I go between fearing for Caleb and fearing for the rest of us because of him. I love those animals out there I do. I wouldn't have been able to go through my pregnancy without them. But between trying to make enough money and keeping everything we've got from being taken, and making sure there's food for everyone I forget about them. I take for granted and advantage of the fact that he loves animals so passionately. That he sees them more as his family then as he does us. Because I know I never have to worry about them being taken care of.

"And its like Aiden said last night I don't know anything about them except for their favorite foods, the stories they like to hear, some of the subjects they like. I know something's but I can't help but wonder if perhaps its my fault that I know so little and Aiden knows so much….." My words trailed off and if I could blush I would have because I had not meant to have said all that I had. I hadn't meant to divulge the deepest worries of my soul.

I hadn't wanted anyone to know that I feared that in trying to keep them safe, warm and fed that I forgotten about things more important.

From the corner of my eyes I saw Jasper raise his hand and felt it as he laid it on my shoulder. Giving it a gentle squeezed I fought the urge to sigh and lean into his chest as he came to stand right behind me.

We both turned to stare out the window and watched the kids play Tag. Aiden it seemed was the one running from the others who had apparently taken on the role of the one who does the tagging. Aiden's face was completely carefree as he laughed and ran and danced just out of reach of his siblings. He didn't have the worry lines he had, had the nigh before. Nor was their anger in his eyes. He was in that moment their older brother nothing else and it was in that moment that my heart eased just a bit.

"Thank you." I whispered to Jasper as I pulled away reluctantly. "Where's everyone else." I asked as I began to pick up the toys the little ones had scattered everywhere while playing. Putting them back in and old oak chest I turned to look at him only to find that he was no longer at the window but was picking up the toys I hadn't been able to carry due to the amount that the kids had drug out.

With a shy smile I moved aside to allow him to dump his arm full of toys into the chest.

" Their at one of our houses in Montana. Though Esme and Rosalie wanted to know if you would be interested in going shopping. And I'll say this their shopping sprees are much healthier compared to Alice's." There was amusement in Jasper's voice and I found my self chuckling softly.

"I would but I have to stay here with the kids. School starts back up in a week and I want to spend as much time with them as I can." True regret was in my voice for I wanted nothing more then to go out with Esme and Rosalie. To both of whom I felt keen connectedness.

"That's ok. I'm sure they'd be willing to wait. After all they said they wanted it to be your treat. And though they didn't say it you don't necessarily have to go shopping for clothes or shoes or anything else that you hated shopping for." Humor still laced his voice but serious sincerity was at the forefront.

"Then you can tell them that sounds great." With a sigh I walked outside and laughed at the sight that greeted me.

Aaron had gotten the water hose and begun spraying everyone while they were distracted by their game. Akira was hysterical to the point that she couldn't say a word, Jayden was just staring at the water droplets that were on the top of her skin, Aiden was laughing standing well out of reach of he flow of water, while Makayla giggled and ran in and out of the stream of water.

Aiden looked away from his siblings and caught my eye a wide grin overcoming his face. Pure unadulterated happiness shown through his eyes and then his eyes moved to Jasper who was standing behind me and all happy expression melted from his face within the span of a vampire's blinking eye. His face transformed to anger, hate, sadness before settling down into an unfeeling mask of stone. His features were chiseled into impassive planes that showed in those few seconds that he was not human.

I wasn't sure why he so hated Jasper the way he apparently did. But there was no denying it was hate. A hate fueled by zero trust and all the reasons to not trust him rolled into no reason at all.

"Mommy!" Makayla screamed as she stood underneath the water looking at me. Her nose scrunched up in a grin and childish giggles slipped through her lips.

"Aaron, turn the water off please." I called over to him causing him to look at me with a roguish grin making me raise an eyebrow. With a mournful sigh he dropped the hose and began slowly jogging back to the water spicket. Though with him taking his time, more then likely trying to give his siblings time to cause more havoc, his hopes were answered. Makayla picked up the hose and closed her eyes tight hunched down and then pointed the hose, with water still streaming out of it, right at her face.

She squealed shrilly openly laughing until water found its way into her open mouth causing her to cough. As soon as the fist cough escaped her mouth the water began lessening and by the time the third one had escaped the water was completely turned off and the hose had dropped from her hand. By the second cough I was by her side and rubbing her back gently as her small frame was wracked by violent coughs.

When the coughs finally subsided she looked up at me with wide scared eyes and I wasn't sure if the tears in her eyes were purely from the coughing fit or from her fear. I figured it was both but mainly fear as her lip began to quiver. Leaning on my knees I gently brought her into my arms and began rocking her gently.

"You scared yourself didn't you baby girl?" She nodded softly as she sniffled. "Its ok. You're ok." I whispered over and over again in a calming mantra. Aaron walked over like a whipped puppy with its tail between its legs.

"I'm sorry sissy. I'm sorry." He hugged her from behind burying his face into her hair.

"Its ok bub, you didn't do anything. It was an accident." I told him wiping the lone tear that had made its way down his flushed cheek. He nodded sadly his head still hanging down in shame. I placed a finger under his chin and gently lifted his face up until I could see his eyes. "Its ok. She's fine." I saw the disbelief in in his eyes as he looked at me. And I wondered when he had grown so much as to not believe what I was telling him.

"I'm otay, brother. I'm otay." Makayla turned around in my arms wrapping her small ones around her brother in a bear like imitation. He grunted a little at the strength she was applying to the hug. I caught a glimpse of a relieved grin on his face as he turned his head into the curve of her neck; his face covered by her hair. He wrapped his arms around her just as tightly. And they swayed like that for a minute before the gentle comforting swaying turned into a game of who could stay up the longest while knocking the other one down.

"Alright you to that's enough we wouldn't want either of you to get hurt now would we?" They pulled away with grins on their faces and shook their heads. I heard the subtle intake of breath from behind me and knew that Jasper had seen Makayla's smile. Her smile though as innocent as any child's was Edward's smile. As crooked as his had been and just as charming.

When she noticed that we were both staring at her or staring at her mouth she stopped smiling and walked over to Aiden and lifted her arms up. He gently picked her and as she laid her head on his chest he kissed the top of her head.

We all slowly began to walk into the house and with Akira chatting about school starting back again and how she didn't want it to with Jayden interjecting about how she did want it to start. I didn't see Jasper fall behind. I didn't see him notice Makayla waving past him as he took up the rear. I didn't see him turn to see who or what she was waving at. And so I didn't see the small figure standing on one of the fence boards looking our way at our group. Like a silent guard who watches over the kingdom, a Sheppard who watches his sheep. I didn't see Caleb raise a small hand and wave slightly to Jasper before turning away and walking out into the open field with a brown horse named Clover. And because I didn't turn around I never saw the small but genuine smile Caleb gave to jasper as he hopped onto Clover's back. But Jasper did.

A/N I know their isn't a whole lot happening in this chapter and I promise next chapter will be in Aiden's point of view so we can understand what's going on through his head.

Also there are a few things that are crucial to the story and some of them are only mentioned once. In thoughts or out loud. If you don't know what they are Message meand I'll tell you. If you think you know them tell me.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while I've been trying to get ready for the Foreign exchange student that's coming, plus I procrastinated my summer homework to the very last few days of summer. So please forgive me once again.