I often wonder why I always ended up fighting with my mother when it was the second worst thing I hated to ever do. Then I would remember why…that my mother was an amazing woman and a loving mom. But a single working mother and so her life was dedicated to work and the worries of having enough money to go around. There was no earthly way that she would ever be able to make enough to feed seven mouths buying the food from a store and so she bought us the seeds and Caleb grew them. In fact she made sure we had the money to get what we needed but we did everything else. The everything else was mainly left to my shoulders though I never doubt nor forget what my youngest brother does for us on a daily bases. She was the financial worker I was the family man.
We went to her for money but the kids came to me because of bad dreams, bullies, skinned up knees, things they would usually go to a mother or father for. But our mother was to busy trying to keep the roof we had over our heads and our father was better off staying away…if he valued his already half dead life. And so that left me the next oldest in our family. The lines of where I stood within the family and what role I played have always been blurred. That was why mom and me fought I had always played the roles of a brother, father, son, and husband. And she saw me some days as that husband like figure who had her back when it came to the kids. While other days I played the part of her son…..and a brother to my siblings. It depended on who she wanted me to be. She sometimes forgot that I had those two jobs just like I sometimes grew confused on which one she needed to see.
Now though they were back the ones that had caused my mother so much of her pain. The ones who had abandoned her. Who had left her hung up to dry after proclaiming that she was their newest daughter or sister. I didn't trust any of them and I trusted The Whitlock guy even less. I had heard his thoughts as he talked to my mom and I saw the way he looked at her. It would be to easy for my mother to fall in love with a man like him; full of charisma and understanding. But he had left her once and though back then they hadn't been close I knew that his disappearance had hurt her just as much as the others.
I used to amuse myself in the darkest reaches of the night when I was left to my own devices, by dreaming of a world where a real man came into our lives and treated my mom with the love and respect she deserved. A man who didn't care who's children we were biologically but loved us just the same as if we were his own. I could easily see that man being someone like Jasper and that scared me more then anything. I knew nothing about the man not really and so to have fantasies as dangerous as these was asking for trouble. Plus, my pride was hurt and my heart ached because I was the man of the house. It was my responsibility to take care of the family. To try and lessen the burden on my mother, But it always seemed that no matter where I turned I was messing up causing her more stress and blurring the lines of which role I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be it.
Though I had noticed that Whitlock seemed to be able to help Caleb some and for that reason I hope that he stayed around long enough to help him. My littlest brother had to long been apart of the wild and though I knew he had a heart of gold and a well compassion for all living things…I wondered if ever there would come day when he would forsake the life he had never been able to be a part of. I dreaded that day if ever it came because I knew that would be the day that I would have to willingly let my brother leave…..I would have to say goodbye to a man in a boy's skin whom I had not only come to love but respect as well. I prayed that, that day would never come while knowing that if nothing changed it would came, and come swiftly.
Makayla also seemed to have taken a liking to Whitlock and worried me to. She was so young and yet so old. She knew the family secrets and yet very few knew hers. The only one that was most noticeable was her want of a father. I had oftn heard her pray for a "daddy" that would tuck her in at night and help her learn to play a sport. And though I knew that I wasn't a father and that I didn't want to be one, or at least not one yet. It hurt to know that she wanted another man to tuck her in and teach her games because that was my job. A job that I had designated for myself and one that she had willingly and readily let me keep.
I sighed as I stopped at the very edge of our property which had a fence running along it. I bowed my head as I leaned against the fence. My hands clasped out in front of me. It wasn't often I prayed and I didn't then but I did hope and wish that someone anyone would give me a clue as to how I was supposed to deal with all fo the sudden happenings.
"Its not often I see you out here." I looked up slowly as Caleb's voice washed over my ears. To few times had I heard his voice is my life. Every time I did though I counted all my lucky stars.
"I needed some air….the Cullens are at the house." I told him not glancing back the way I had come.
"I know. I saw them arrive." Caleb's voice was an odd thing. It was soft and yet was strong. It was as faint as a breeze on a breezeless day and yet carried about a room as if it road on the wings of a hurricane. His voice held power and yet at most points it stuttered and made mistake in grammar and pronunciation.
"You always do seem to know who's coming and going." I stated…..he already knew this and so did I. But what's else was there to say?
"The earth and her children tell me." I had never really asked what the world sounded like but if the world of humans was anything to go by and the noise that they alone generated…..I had no doubts that the world Caleb lived in was a lot nosier then I would ever be able to imagine.
"I hear things Aiden, things that both bring me sadness and joy. I hear songs of change coming. I feel the pages of what our lives have been so far turning. I see the leaves of our fruits dying. Change is coming Aiden and not all of it will be good. You must chose one." Caleb had given me cryptic messages before but nothing so lengthy and nothing that made his voice flow with a wild urgency of a river at its rapids.
"Could you be a little more specific?" I had never doubted his messages though every time he gave me one I found myself once again frustrated to no end for their true meaning was always veiled.
"You know I can't because I don't even know the true meaning of the message. Just know that all good ends and all bad ends. And within the bad good will come and from the good the bad will come." With a sign Caleb glanced down the way I had come and though it was a long way away the house was still visible. And the sounds of children's laughter as our siblings played drifted to our ears.
"Go back and be with your family….they need you. Mother will need you. And you will need him. Give the young ones a kiss for me and a hug. And tell Makayla that the river does widen as fast as the eagle flies. She'll understand." He turned away from me after giving me a half smile an action that I realized with much shock seemed to confuse him. The action was foreign to him. I tried to ignore the pang in my heart and the churning in my gut. Just as I ignored his comment of needing "him".
"Caleb, we're your family too." I told him. Concerned that he had called it my family not our family. He turned back to me his eyes filled with tears as the wind began to blow gently and the birds all hushed into silence.
"I know." With those two words I felt the earth around me shatter. Despite his words I saw the truth in his eyes. He knew we were family but we were a family he could never have not like anyone else would be able to. And so we also weren't family. Our worlds were to different the river was to wide and despite the fact that my brother was friends with the wind and I could run faster then a speeding car the river was widening to fast to ever make any true ground in crossing it to one side or the other.
Before I could open my mouth to reply after getting my mind somewhat wrapped around what he had said he was already gone. Disappearing into the tree line of the forest leaving little to no trace that he was there. The only true marking that he had ever been their was a single blonde strand of hair that had gotten caught on the fence post.
Walking home I felt a sadness that I had never felt before. I had just said a goodbye to my brother and I wasn't sure when or if I would see him again. But when had it ever been different? But then again he had never said goodbye before either.
The young ones continued playing except for Makayla who watched my every move since she had noticed me walking back. Her eyes were expectant and I knew that she knew that I had talked to Caleb though I was unsure as to how she knew.
"He wanted me to tell you that "yes the river widens as quickly as the eagle flies." Before all of the words were out of my mouth an odd sad sort of smile graced her small lips as she sighed. It seemed that the words did not hold the same dread and sadness for her as they did for me.
I looked around the yard and saw the Cullens and mom talking quietly off to the side in front of the house. While the young ones ran about the front and side yards. They didn't notice me as I walked back inside the house closing the door on the wild. Not wanting to face the family that I felt slipping through my fingers.
A/N I hope this clears up some of the of the ill feelings towards Aiden. Please review and tell me what you think.