When All We Do is Hurt Our Love

Jay looked down at the folder in his hands. It read homework. It was hard to believe that now that part of his life was over. And to be perfectly honest, Jay was happy about it. High school sucked and took up too much time, and besides, Alex needed this a lot more than he did.

"Are you going to come in or are you doing the creepy stalker thing?" Alex yelled from inside her mom's hospital room. She looked … alive today.

"I didn't see you at school today." Jay commented.

"Ha ha. Why would you? I'm expelled remember?" Alex rolled her eyes as she started to think about how everything was all getting out of control all at the same time.

"Yeah." Jay looked down, placing the folder on the desk near Jisela's bed. "How is she?"

"Still living." Alex scoffed. "I could kill my father for this."

"Then you'd really be no better than him." Jay responded scanning the room and coming upon some flowers with a card still attached. He picked it up quickly and briefly looked it over as Alex continued to be glued to her mother's side. "Has Gianni stopped by?"

"Jay, what did you really come here for?" Alex questioned him, letting go of her mom's hand. "Did you come here to bother me about some petty shit? I've got a lot going on right now and--"

"I know how guys work. He'll use this to get close to you, to get in your pants--"

"A power you no longer have over me." Alex cocking her head to the side. "Look, you're pissed about what you saw. I get it, but I'm not going to apologize for it." She answered silently adding, 'especially since you did the same thing with Emma.'

"I'm not asking you to. I just came here to say … Alex, I might have to go away for a while."

"What? Why? Mom's got a new hubby?"

"No. It's …personal." Jay decided. He had a lot of time to think about everything since … he went to Ms. H and told her the truth. The bottom line was that he was holding her back. Alex would never get to where she deserved because he'd always be there to get too involved.

"So you came here, to the hospital where my mom is holding on for dear life to tell me that you're leaving?" Alex shook her head in disgust. She had nobody. Literally not one person to count on and here and now her only … everything was walking out.

"Alex." Jay reached from her in an attempted embrace.

"Don't patronize me." She sniffed, holding back tears. "You go ahead and go. Do what you have to do."

"This isn't just all about me." Jay promised, embracing Alex tightly. "You know I love you Alex," He added with such conviction that it made Alex's stomach churned. She knew how real it felt, no seemed and this time Alex wasn't buying it.

"Don't start with this. Nothing is going on with Gianni, so you don't have to get all melodramatic on me or go anywhere." She pushed him away, wrinkling her forehead as she spoke candidly. "He means nothing." She added quietly getting all emotional again.

"I have to leave. I do." He explained, kissing her forehead a little too long, reaching for the folder he brought in. "This … is for you."

"Homework?"

"I talked to Ms. H. You're in. I'm out." Jay walked away, leaving Alex stunned and speechless. Even her emotions felt numb. The only thing that she could feel was pure, utter, unscathed confusion.

"You're quiet." Gianni noticed as Manny just nodded. Last weekend was outrageous and now she was back in school, with Gianni by her side, and Craig was probably halfway around the world flying first-class with the dancers and Aaron …

"What if I made a mistake? Maybe I should've really given Craig a chance." Manny contemplated out loud. "I've been giving him such a hard time, calling him names, and then he comes back super polished looking all charmingly--"

"Charmingly?"

"Yes charmingly, and I didn't give him the chance to redeem himself."

"But last night you said--"

"I know what I said. I thought about it and analyzed it and that was the right thing, but I feel so bad about it today and I can't help but wondering--"

"Hold it before you get all Lifetime Movie on me and chase him down and catch him right before he boards the plane--" Gianni joked.

"Not even."

"I think you just need to get laid and you were thinking about what could have happened last night if you had just said yes. Was the sex good?" Gianni grinned.

"Look perv, I am not having this conversation with you. This isn't about good or bad sex or just wanting it. It's about love and having someone to fulfill all your needs."

"Doesn't exist." Gianni shot back.

"What would you know Mr. I-don't-commit? You juggle girls as an extra curricular activity."

"Alright Ms. 'All Wise' Santos. What is love?" He asked.

"When someone is willing to die for you and when someone else's life and feelings and everything matter more than yours. And the core of it is that someone truly cares and it's unconditional and all that other shit that would take me forever to explain."

"That other shit?" He smirked, wrapping his arm around Manny, looking at her like he had just thought of something either really funny or really perverted.

"I know you're thinking about something so …Fine. Remedy me. Tell me something good. Tell me your plan." Manny begged. "Please."

"I'll do better than that." Gianni crossed his arms smugly. "I'll tell you two things. One, let's go on a date, a double date and two, I love you Sand Man."

"That's a double no thanks."

"I'll let you pick who I go out with." Gianni offered.

"Ooh, now that sounds fun." Manny grinned, suddenly paying more attention to the long line of female passersbys that had previously called her a whore.

"Hey. None of them." Gianni motioned towards a set of scruffy, mismatched girls that could be summed up with one word, pathetic.

"I'm not that evil but …" Manny's smile brightened. "I think you should use this time to redeem yourself." She paused. "I pick Alex."

"A dude?"

"No … Nunez. She's coming this way. Hey Alex!"

Alex could feel everyone staring at her and for once, she actually cared. It was like the time she had stumbled into Degrassi with a huge black eye and a bruised up back, back when she first met Jay.

Jay? She really had to get a grip and start focusing on more important things. High school was way out of her league, and Alex was feeling it now more than ever. That homework last night was killer and she found herself having to call Marco for help. She hung up before he even got out a 'hello', but Alex did call.

She just felt so dumb after everything that happened. Jisela. Her father. Her step-brother. School. Alex needed to just get a grip and find a way to handle it all. Just when she worked up the courage to put her tough skin back up, she heard someone calling after her.

What now? Turning around, with as much attitude as she could rally, Alex prepared herself for more drama.

"Hey Alex!" Manny Santos ran up to her, dragging behind her a reluctant Gianni who was studying the floor. Confidence that spilled over into arrogance was so his style, not insecurity. He probably felt guilty. More crap that Alex had to deal with.

"I don't want any."

"We're double dating and we want to know if you'll go with us." Manny wondered.

"So you've moved onto love me long time Santos? Classy." Alex shrugged.

"I'm not dating him, but you are." She explained without seeming offended in the least. "Just talk to him." Manny let go of Gianni's hand, giving him a weak wave before leaving the pair beside each other.

"You told her?"

"Manny's my best friend."

"What did you say exactly? Did you give her a play by play on what we did? How I was? How Jay came in and the phone call…" Alex started breathing heavily. This was starting to stress her out.

"How's your mom?"

"I hate when people feel sorry for me."

"I don't pity you. I just want to know, genuinely."

"She's fine … well, all right." Alex sighed. "But that stays between us. So, how many people did you tell about the mom thing?"

"None. Not even Manny." Gianni let out a deep breath. "I know that what I did to you was wrong. I had Ellie on the side and just used you over and over and ov--"

"I used to you too." Alex shrugged it off. "I do it all the time. You're nothing special." Alex looked down as she said those words. Granted, Gianni deserved to be hurt, but she just wasn't as vindictive as most people thought. Alex actually did have a heart, and right now, she was in no mood to see anyone else's bleeding as much as hers.

"Okay … so where's your partner in crime and why are you … here?"

"Afraid that he might dent your pretty little face again?"

"Lucky shot."

"I've got to get going." Alex said with more than just a mere shred of niceness.

"What about what Manny said?"

"About us dating? Get real." Alex scoffed. "We were both in it for the physical because we are nothing alike."

"I guess that spot's reserved for Jay."

"Who said I'm into him or any guy for that matter? Maybe I'm just taking a break."

"Whatever." Gianni mumbled, disappointed.

"I normally don't do this … explaining thing, but now's a bad time and if I was going to date, I don't think it'd be you."

"Yeah. It's cool." Gianni curved past Alex quickly, speeding up until he was far enough away before going back to his smooth demeanor. Alex shrugged. Now that that was over, she just had to find Marco and compare homework notes.

Marco was looking at Alex, who really wasn't saying much of anything. She was gone for what seemed like forever and now she was back without an explanation, asking him for homework help of all things. This was bizarre. He looked over at Ellie who was obviously annoyed by the fact that she and Alex were breathing in the same hemisphere.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore. This silence is killing me." Marco admitted once Alex had finished looking at the paper. "What is going on with you Alex? You're back. You don't call for weeks. I hear that you've been hanging out with Jay again--"

"And Gianni." Ellie added.

"Yeah." Marco rolled his eyes. "Anyway, are you okay? Is Carlo being an ass again?"

"Whatever is going on, I wouldn't talk to you about it in front of her. And I'm just here to get a high school degree just like everyone else."

"If you won't talk about your home life, which I don't care about anyway, can you explain the party and what you were doing with two guys in a closed room with you when you were half naked?" Ellie gave her the third degree.

"Stalk much?"

"Everyone heard about it Alex. So do I have to tell you what everyone's saying about the threesome or are you going to spill--"

"Look bitch, you are two seconds from having--"

"Alex, Ellie, can we act civil?" Marco wondered looking at Alex intensely as his eyes told it all. He wanted to know too.

"What happened at the party was that I found out my mom was left for dead. Jay took me on a scavenger hunt to find her, walking in on me and Gianni. So you were wrong Ellie. I'm not this huge trashy screw-up like everyone thinks." Alex got up, leaving class. It hadn't started yet, but who cared? She didn't.

Dialing Jay's number immediately, Alex was left with the answering machine. She wouldn't dare leave a message. That smelled of desperate. Alex just needed to get a ride out of here and clear her mind.

"Skipping class?" She turned around to see that her "brother" Dante was here.

"Don't you know that criminals aren't allowed in here?" Alex walked over to him, furious.

"You've got a debt to pay and you're taking your slow time to do it." He took her by the arm, leading her into one of the rooms marked 'Janitor.'

"It's the middle of the school day. What do you expect?" Alex rolled her eyes.

"A little less attitude." He answered.

"Why are you here?"

"Jisela's condition got … a little worse."

"What? How could that have--"

"Alex, you know how. If things keep going in this direction, who knows how long until she's gone completely? Then dad would get this nice little life insurance package--"

"He wouldn't." Alex cried, her chin quivering and tears streaming from her face. "You bastard!" She screamed, slamming her fist as hard as she could against his face, which seemed to do nothing. Dante looked down, touched his chin and smiled.

"Blood." He laughed.

"I'll get the money to you soon." She promised.

"This week. First payment's due."

"How much?" Alex wondered, defeated suddenly feeling claustrophobic from the small space they were in.

"Five hundred."

"Five?"

"Make it seven." Dante took out a napkin and smoothly wiped the blood from his mouth.

"How am I supposed to get that money by Friday? In four days?" Alex wondered, her voice shaking.

"I have a friend who would love to see you do a little … dance for him." He stroked her arm repeatedly as Alex forced to keep strong and not gag.

"Get real asshole."

"Fine. I'll take a private show. You know I've always had a thing--"

"What time? What time?" Alex wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to look as fierce as possible.

"Wednesday night. I'll give you more details then." Dante smiled, pulling Alex closer to her as the space between their lips lessened.

"Don't." She turned away, as her cheek took the hit instead.

"One day you'll warm up to me and see that I'm not so bad." Dante predicted.

"You'd have to break me before that happened and I don't go down."

"I have a feeling that you will." He backed Alex into the wall, holding onto her chin so tightly that her entire body felt paralyzed. "Yummy." Dante lips pressed against hers innocently. "That wasn't so bad was it?" He repeated the action before pulling out a few bills from his back pocket, handing Alex a fifty. "It would've been more if you'd cooperated."

She couldn't even take the money. It just slipped from her fingers onto the floor and Alex didn't care at the moment. She just felt so violated.

Once he left the cleaning closet, Alex screamed as loud as she could in frustration, kicking and throwing everything that was in her sight. It probably wasn't the best idea because it got her sent to Suave's office for her "random outburst." She couldn't wait for this to end.

(A/N: I am ending this soon, but I was thinking about doing a follow-up one shot, possibly a song fic, about Alex. I'm guestimating that Double Standard will meet its end in one or two more chapters. I'm glad to finally update and apologize that my life is so messy that I don't have time or energy to escape into fanfic world as much as I would like. Please stick with me and review. –NL)