The story so far…
Bo-bobo, Beauty, Don Patch, and Namero fight (sort of) their way through the 300X Fortress. During their onslaught, they are captured and imprisoned in the Fugitive's Hangar, where the toughest of the Maho Kaze Squad is imprisoned. There they meet the boy who saved Beauty's life and the head of the squad, Heppokomaru. Heppokomaru explains his attempted stand against the wizard Softon, and soon thereafter, joins Bo-bobo's party! The quintet then climbs to the top of the fortress where the last stand against the 300X Ninjas begins!
Chapter 1 is ending soon! Hold on tight!
Chapter 1
Storming the 300X Fortress
(Part 4: The Final Battle against the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! And plenty of juicy secrets too)
"Open fire!!"
At Zuno's command, the three other ninja launched their cannons, with the living cannonballs emerging from within. As they headed the party's way, everyone prepared for battle.
"Okay everybody! We'll fight to the top no matter what!!" Bo-bobo shouted.
"YEAH!!"
"BEGIN THE DISCO INFERNO!!"
"WHAT!?"
Don Patch jumped onto the dance floor and began to do the disco moves from the movie Saturday Night Fever that made disco so famous. He danced, danced, and danced again, up until when he approached three of the living cannonballs and blew them away with a sexy-looking pelvic thrust.
"Aaah! Super Fist of Disco Inferno!!" Don Patch said in a sexy tone. "Saturday Night PIANO MASSACRE!!"
Don Patch immediately subbed his disco attire for a powdered wig, and began to launch a platoon of man-eating pianos on the cannonballs. A set of digital codes ran through his systems.
Activate Combat Unit for unit Double Obsidian Nanotech Interface + Paralysis Adaptation Triple Catharsis Home Unit: Code: 997120293839 1929979354372393684501. Access Gate opened. Status OK. Selecting Combat Unit: Mode: Azure. Option Select: Magical Girl Patchi-chan. All systems launch in 3…2…1…
Protecting the environment of the world with the power of the spirits, it's Magical Girl Patchi-chan!
"Will you just shut up and die already, narrator!?" Heppokomaru yelled. He grabbed the narrator from nowhere and held him at gunpoint.
Kyaaahh! Okay! Okay! I'll leave, just don't kill me! Mommy--!!"
The narrator ran off, and now poor Patchi-chan was without an announcer to emphasize her greatness…
"Kyaa! This can't be! Now who's gonna polish my limelight!? I DEMAND RESTITUTION!!" Patchi-chan began to shake Heppokomaru to death. Beauty grabbed him from behind and kicked him off the fortress.
"You are such an ass!" She screamed. "Eeeek--!"
Beauty spun around and saw a large living cannonball that was about to land on her, and it was too close to have her prepare a magic spell. Before she could react, Heppokomaru arrived on the scene. He jumped on top of the ball and shot it from the top, causing it to tumble back. It lashed its arm out in anger, but Heppokomaru blocked it with his gun. He used his free arm to latch the ball's arms together, and shot another bullet down the ball's throat, causing it to explode.
"Wow, Heppokomaru…that was amazing…" Beauty said in awe.
"Y-you really think so?" he asked with a blush, spinning around.
"Of course. I've never seen such pristine gunning before in my life!"
"Heh heh…"
Heppokomaru was oblivious to the next five living cannonballs that were behind him. His eyes made a circular white shape (commonly hinting comedic clueless-ness in a manga) as the balls were about to strike. Beauty grabbed him (unknowingly by the butt) and prepared an incantation.
Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!
(Gold, Silver and Crimson, assail the enemy!
Evocatio Spiritualis de Septendecim
A spiritual evocation for seventeen
Valcyriis Mortiferis…
Deadly Valkyries…)
Beauty raised her arms as the spiritual Valkyries from the Ether appeared. Beauty shot her arm forth shouting "Strike!!"
The seventeen Valkyries sprung forth, slashing away at a third of the cannonballs. Heppokomaru gazed at the sight, especially since that Waluigi, who was seeking fame from the (lovingly) ripped off Mario game, was hiding amongst them.
Don Patch came back to the roof, noticing a Valkyrie. He instantly went head over heels…
"That silky hair…that chiseled face…that dynamite body…I must win her heart…" Don Patch fluttered over to her, and they instantly fell in love! Before anyone knew it, they began to date!
"Kyaah! You stupid Valkyrie! Get back here and fight!"
Within three seconds, Don Patch and the Valkyrie were broken up, each one turning into a rich matron and a crack seller prospectively…
"WHAT THE--!?"
Namero thrusted a wave of orange-colored energy from his blade, which took out another section of the cannonballs. Within the distance, he saw the cannons that were launching them. There weren't many left, so it would only be a matter of time before they could get to the other side.
"Sir Bo-bobo! We're almost there! How are you-HUUUUUUH!?"
Bo-bobo transformed into a little game sprite from all those RPG Game Boy games back from the 90's. He was trying his hardest to kill off the cannonballs, but was failing miserably. The words "Game Over" kept on appearing constantly on the screen.
"How does that keep getting up there!?" Namero shouted, noticing the latest "Game Over" that appeared.
"Waah…these Game Overs are getting to me…well no longer! I will prove to all of them the power of turn-based 90's gaming!" With that, Bo-bobo transformed into Arsenal (From Final Fantasy Legend II) and turned into a gargantuan gaming sprite!
"HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT!?" The three teenagers screamed.
"ARSENAL UNIT PREPARING FOR COMBAT. ARSENAL UNIT LAUNCHING THE SMASHER!!" The "arsenal" opened its central core and shot forth three giant fireballs that literally turned the pathway into scrap metal. Only one cannon remained, and it began to shiver and wet itself (with oil) in fear.
"Ah…aaaaah…mommy!" The cannon became anthropomorphic and stood. It was about to run away, but it was unfortunately silenced with a bullet from Heppokomaru's pistol.
"Now that all of the cannons are gone, the deed is done." Heppokomaru looked at the sky with vengeance and zeal spotted in his eyes. A shadow cast over his face. "And soon, I will finally free the other squad members by killing these ninja once and for all…"
"Heppokomaru…" Beauty said quietly to herself. A calm wind glided quietly through the air as Bo-bobo and his companions opened the giant steel doors that lead to the top of the fortress and walked slowly inside.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Bo-bobo and the others walked within the darkness of the highest floor of the fortress. The floor was circular, and aloft on the walls were the official 300X ninja crest banners, depicting what looked like a hydra entwining a kodachi. A spiritual pressure encompassed the room; it hit like a thunderbolt. Sparkles of a holy and immense magical power filled the bodies of our heroes with a sort of fire that enlightened the senses and spirit…
"I can sense it…a High Spirit is most definitely in here somewhere…" Beauty said.
"My sensors indicate a powerful presence as well, kinda like fire…y'know, like from that so-called 'Garnet-ican food (Don Kingdom Equivalent to Mexican Food)' or something like that?" Don Patch said with a dumb look on his face. An image of nachos drenched in cheese and jalapeno peppers flashed in his mind.
"I must be Ignis." Namero said.
"Ignis?"
"Ignis is the High Spirit who controls fire. He contributes in supporting our sun whenever things go wrong with it. He gives us our heat whenever our sun fails. A legend spoke that he was descended from a high deity who bought warmth to the ancient peoples. There was even one point in time where he shut himself in darkness from the actions of his fellow spirits, and the whole world lost all its light. He saw a reflection of himself soon thereafter and finally reemerged, bringing all light back to the world. He has invented the cultivation of rice and wheat, the use of silkworms, and weaving on a loom. The eastern half of the kingdom celebrates on the seventeenth day of the seventh month of his honor." Namero took a breath after finishing his speech. The others' eyes widened with interest.
"Sooo…this spirit disagrees a lot with the other spirits?" Bo-bobo asked.
"Apparently so. Our sunlight has become stronger over the years, and he mainly supports the power of fire and heat for us. Now occasionally he just shuts himself out whenever the Giants lose the World Series. I heard that he gets pretty pissed off when they lose." Namero said sweatdropping.
"Okay, enough legends. Where are those damned ninjas?" Bo-bobo asked. Heppokomaru readied his gun with an intensified look on his face.
"Babuu! Where are you!? Show yourself you damned fool!"
"Hmm…arrgh…oh crap…"
"What was that?" Beauty saw through the darkness a large, grotesque-looking shadow. It resembled a giant mecha of some kind, and it looked as if the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas were constructing it!
"Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! Get over here and fight!" Heppokomaru shouted.
"Keep your pants on! We'll be there in a second! Okay, sensei, where does this part go?" Zuno spoke over the distance. He dropped what looked like a monkey wrench on Mel's head, causing him to screech.
"Shut up Mel! No you idiot, that doesn't go there!" Babuu shouted from the top.
"Noo! I broke a nail!" Melo whined.
"Oh, boo-hoo for you, Melo. Pass me the screwdriver, will ya?" ZK-3333 said from underneath.
"Okay, Melo, toss the head device unit up here," Babuu commanded. Melo threw a small remote-like device toward her master. He implanted it on, and a series of beeping and mechanical noises began to stir.
"Okay! The robot's working! Now everybody, get inside!" Babuu commanded. In an instant, Babuu was inside in the head section of the robot. Bo-bobo's party sweatdropped as the robot made odd functions from the other four ninja's movements.
Melo made it into the left hand unit all right, not without nearly planting her butt on Zuno's face, which made him climax from seeing her curvaceous rump. Zuno went into the chest portion, and nearly lost his glasses. Mel got his head stuck in the right hand unit for a moment before getting inside. ZK-3333 was about to head into the legs portion, but not without accidentally sticking himself where a groin would go…
"For the love of-aagh! ZK-3333! THAT IS SO NOT-okay, okay, you're in, now just let me…" Babuu finally got the last ninja where he was going, pushed a couple of buttons, and the robot began to move. "We're ready!"
The robot appeared from the shadows. The party was ready for battle with completely serious expressions-at least until when the robot finally came into the light, all of which had turned on when it moved foreword…
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Everyone screamed and freaked out at the same time.
The robot that was built by the ninja was a poorly-constructed resemblance to wizard Softon. The body was built of simple titanium, steel, quartz, and toilet paper. The giant poop-shaped head was completely out of proportion. Its fists were shaped like deformed hands.
"HAHAHAHAH! SIR BO-BOBO, TODAY IS THE DAY YOU WILL FALL, FOR I, THE GREAT WIZARD SOFTON, WILL FINALLY KILL YOU! HAHAHAHAH-cough hack haaack!!"
Everyone on the team gave an "are you kidding me" look at the robot.
"HAHAHAH! I AM INVINCIBLE! THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN RESCUE PRINCESS PATCHES! FEAR AND TREMBLE AT THIS ALMIGHTY ATTACK!" The robot then raised its limited-mobile fist and thrust it to the ground without much force. The "are you kidding me" look became more prevalent.
("Uhhh, sensei, I don't think that they're scared at all by this robot…maybe we should take the direct approach and try to defeat them ourselves?")
("No! This is a great idea! We're using the robot whether you like it or not!")
("But they know that we're the least-threatening-looking thing they've ever seen right now…)
("Who cares!? Let's start fighting!!")
The crappy-looking mecha slammed its fist into the ground, which forced the members of the team to leap out of the way.
"That thing looks like crap, but I guess we have to fight it anyway!" Heppokomaru shouted. He took out an array of special bullets and loaded them. "Okay! Stopshot!" With a shot of his pistol, he struck the right arm of the robot, forcing its arm to stop in place. He fired several more rounds on the arm, making it nearly implode.
("Ah! S--, I'm about to go down here! Sensei, what should I do!?")
("Oh, blah blah your needs! As long as the head stays intact, we'll be fine-huh!!")
"Undesexagnita Sagitta Magica, Series Aquas!"
(Magic Archer, 59 Water Arrows!)
An array of fifty-nine pink-hued arrows of water erupted from Beauty's hand. It struck the head unit dead-on, and destroyed at least half of it, even though the unit in control was still intact.
("Damn! What magic-how can a little girl like her summon over fifty magical arrows!?")
"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!!"
("Oh great, here we go…")
"THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP!!" Bo-bobo said dressed like a Sailor Soldier. He raised his hands in happiness, causing the background to turn pink!
("Uggh…is that Bo-bobo wearing a mini skirt!? EWWW, GROSS!!")
"With the power of love and happiness and the love I gain from my friends, I will defeat you, you meany robot!" Bo-bobo said with a dumb smile on his face.
"YOU THINK YOU'RE LIKE SAILOR MOON!? THINK AGAIN, YOU LOOK DISGUSTING!!" Heppokomaru shouted/freaked out.
"Okay! Power of love and friendship…SCREW THAT! NOSE HAIR MIRACLE-GRO, LEAND ME YOUR POWER!" Bo-bobo scrubbed a hair-growth formula on his nose hairs, making them resemble a mammoth goatee!
"A goatee!?" Beauty shouted/freaked out.
"The minute his goatee grew, Bo-bobo ripped it off and thrust it through the robot's chest unit, causing it to explode! Zuno was also caught in the crossfire, but unfortunately for him, the goatee blade went right through his perspective part, making him enter a near-death state…
("Zuno, no!") Mel was about to be able to move again due to that the stopshot was wearing off, but instead, he got Heppokomaru jumping in his face, loading another round of special bullets.
"Flameshot! Multiple rounds!" Heppokomaru shot a consecutive fifteen rounds of red bullets that caused the robot's right arm to catch fire. Mel's head also caught fire, and like any good idiot, he never bothered to perform the "stop-drop-roll" method.
"AAAAAAAGGGGHHH! MY HEAD'S ON FIRE!!"
("No kidding, dumbass!")
Don Patch was heading Melo's way, flapping his arms like a chicken and parading a giant flounder on his back. He began to sing in a semi-fluent operatic voice as he came to the left arm, where Melo was.
"Whooooo hiiiit Nellie in the belly with a flouuundeeeeer--"
Don Patch smacked the arm to death with the flounder (which appeared to have been still alive). The arm went to pieces, and poor Melo was the victim of the follow-up attack.
"Whooooo hiiiit Annie in the fanny with a bass fiiiiidlllllle--"
Don Patch spanked Melo's butt with a giant bass fiddle. The pieces from the base "exposed" her, making Zuno gain another "happy banana." He was silenced by the still-living flounder, which attempted to eat him, but he tossed it away.
("Agh! Only ZK-3333 and I are left…huh!?") Babuu saw that Namero had easily taken care of the leg unit by showing ZK-3333 his biggest fear: Plastic toy dolls for girls. Babuu was about to go crazy. He was about to press a red button that said "Emergency Weapon," but he couldn't in time, for Bo-bobo was on the scene!
"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: THOUSAND NOSE HAIR WAVE!!"
Bo-bobo let loose a long stream of wild nose hairs on Babuu and the robot head. The head unit collapsed, and Babuu went to the ground with the other ninja, who were still in their (funny) weakened state. Babuu smacked all of them and called them over. After a hushed conversation, the five ninjas appeared in pristine condition again, and all of their weapons were with them. They took on their pose and shouted:
"WE ARE THE ZANMETSU-GAN NINJA!!"
The four teenage ninja took on their frontal stance at Babuu's command. The four hopped on top of one another and hunched foreword.
"Are you ready!? Prepare yourselves!!" They shouted in unison. The party was ready for whatever they could dish out.
"Zanmetsu-Gan Quadruple Special Attack: Doki Doki Hokkaido Hurricane Attack!!"
The four stacked ninja spun around in a flurry, causing a massive mini-tornado to form. When the tornado reached its largest size, it dashed over to the party. The party barely leaped out of the way in time when the tornado hit the western wall, causing it to rip apart. Everyone ducked even lower as the splinters from the wall hit the ground.
"Hahaha! How do you like that!?" Zuno shouted from the top.
Namero was the one to drag Beauty out of the way this time. He lifted himself off her body, making the female blush a little again. Heppokomaru gave an angry stare at the position they were in.
"Namero you perverted beast! Get the hell off her!" he shouted.
"Why are you worrying about that now!? Get ready to fight, stupid!" Namero shouted back.
Bo-bobo observed the motion of their spinning attack, which had begun to ricochet off the other wall. He noticed that the tornado had to break whenever it went headfirst into a wall.
"Beauty! Namero! Heppokomaru! I found a way to stop the tornado attack! I'm gonna need your help!" Bo-bobo shouted.
"What!? What about me!?" Don Patch sobbed.
"Yes, what ABOUT you?" Bo-bobo said to Don Patch, causing the robot to cry. Don Patch ran away to the other end of the room where Babuu was standing, and began to leave tearstains on his uniform.
"Babuu you pedophile 40-year-old virgin, will you hold me?" Don Patch asked like a puppy dog with sparkling eyes. A shadow cast over the baby man's eyes.
"NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN YOU CRETIN." Babuu said solemnly as he ripped out Don Patch's internal circuitry.
The ninjas' cyclone was ready to launch again, for it stopped, as Bo-bobo had predicted. "Heppokomaru, I want you to shoot the bottom part of the tornado with one of your special bullets. That way, they'll stop and teeter, and then we can knock them down with an explosive move!" Bo-bobo said quietly. Heppokomaru nodded his head as he loaded his Silver Wing Pistol with several ice bullets. He carefully took his aim as the tornado launched itself again. When the tornado slowly began to move, Heppokomaru shot three ice bullets at the tornado, causing it to stop.
"Wh-no way!" ZK-3333 shouted at his frozen limbs.
"Beauty, now use that item, just like I said!" Bo-bobo commanded. Beauty took out a medium-sized block that had the word "POW!" written on the side. She launched it in the air and hit it, causing a mini-earthquake to erupt below! The quartet began to teeter over.
"Woah! We're falling over!" Melo shouted.
"No duh!" Zuno yelled.
"Now, Namero!" Bo-bobo commanded. Namero leapt forth and shone a yellow aura. His eyes crossed in different directions again, and his tongue emerged.
"Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue: Saliva of Aries!"
His tongue wrapped around the ninja and when Namero pulled it away, a slashing noise could be heard, and the ninja's stack fell apart, the ninjas being covered in saliva. The four ninjas staggered up, groaning. Babuu noticed this and began to boil over.
"What is wrong with you!? Can you stupid kids do anything right!?" Babuu shouted angrily.
Zuno slowly got up, drawing his large katana. "So that's how it's gonna be, is it? Fine! We can always form the tornado again later! For now, we'll just take you straight on ourselves!" The other three ninja rose and drew their weapons as well.
"Okay everybody! Split up! I got Babuu!" Bo-bobo shouted.
"But Sir Bo-bobo-" Heppokomaru protested.
"You're too weak to take him on. Go get Zuno!" Bo-bobo shouted as he ran off. Heppokomaru stood there with a half-crushed, half-angry look on his face. Zuno leapt in for the strike, and Heppokomaru blocked it with is gun.
"Okay Heppokomaru, I licked you once and I'll do it again!" Zuno yelled.
"We'll see about that," Heppokomaru stated. He shot a round of lightning bullets, which Zuno had dodged. He slashed his katana at Heppokomaru, who blocked with his arm. A long 5-inch slash began to ooze blood on his arm. He hissed in frustration as Zuno readied another attack.
"You stupid mage! What makes you think that you can beat me?" Melo shouted, drawing out a pair of white bladed fans, which were her unique weapons. Beauty used her staff as a parrying item to block the fans, which had acted as boomerangs. She tossed off her cloak and threw it at Melo, who began to whine as she became entangled in it. Beauty began another spell.
"Ex somni existat, exundans Undina,
inimici-Eeek!"
Beauty's spell was halted when a kunai was thrown into her left arm, causing her to cringe. Melo was actually beginning to fire up a ninjutsu attack!
"Rin-pyuo-tou-sha-kai-jin-retsu-zai-zen! Seal magic!"
Beauty began to stagger, as if a weight crashed on her back. She could feel her magic being compressed into her chest. She outburst a cry as an electric shock erupted from her, causing her chest to partially expose and emerge with cuts.
"That was a sealing skill. Now you can't use your magic! You're finished!" Melo taunted as she threw her fans again. The pain in Beauty's chest was too great for her to move as the fans went for her head. She screamed for help from someone.
"Beauty!" Heppokomaru shouted. He jumped in front of her and shot one of the fans, causing it to fall to pieces. He caught the other one by the blade, which made his hand bleed.
"Heppokomaru!" Beauty shouted in worry. She spun around and her eyes widened. "Look out--!"
Heppokomaru spun around and saw that Zuno was both preparing his katana and a jutsu. He used his free hand to make the similar signs Melo had made, and he slashed his katana forth. Beauty resisted the pain and protected Heppokomaru from the blade. A large slash mark was now on Beauty's chest, and she began to bleed from it. Zuno's second attack, an earth-style justu, erupted from the ground and struck Beauty dead-on. The pain within her surged, and Beauty couldn't take it anymore. She fell to the ground. Heppokomaru went after her after shooting Zuno's arm.
"Beauty! Beauty! Are you all right!?" Heppokomaru asked in a panic.
"Heppo…ko…ma-maru…he's…knocked me out…I can't fight anymore…" Beauty said weakly.
"Hold still…I'm sure Bo-bobo was thoughtful enough to have a healing amenity somewhere…" Heppokomaru looked over at Bo-bobo, who was fighting Mel. He had taken the beating of his life and had eaten all of the healing items!
"WHAAAAAAT!?" Heppokomaru freaked out. His gaze turned serious again as he saw the pained Beauty. She handed him a slip of paper with notes on it.
"I…I t-took n-n-notes on the…ninja…be…careful…and please…I'm not gonna die…my vitals were missed…" Beauty fell into unconsciousness, leaving Heppokomaru in a panicked and upset state.
"Beauty…Beauty!" Heppokomaru lightly shook her, but she wouldn't wake up. He punched his fist into the ground. "Dammit!"
"Hah! Got you!" Zuno shouted, ready to strike again. Heppokomaru slowly stood up and drew his pistol. He placed multiple special bullets inside, evaded all of Zuno's attacks, shot him at least twenty times, and kicked his face, making him fall!
Zuno appeared to be on the verge of being knocked out. "Why you…"
Heppokomaru loomed over him with a shadow on his face. His right eye showed itself, blazing in anger. He turned around, bent over, lifted his leg off the ground, and shouted, as a giant black fart emerged from his rear:
"The Ultimate Secret of the Awakened True Fart Fist: Blow of the Wind! Azalea Storm!!"
A spiral of black flatulence shot from the boy's anus, taking the form of a flower. It immediately consumed the ninja below him.
"Wh…what the hell is that!?" Zuno screamed, his eyes bulging. He was taken down, and ultimately, knocked out. His eyes went white, and blood dribbled from his nose and mouth.
Heppokomaru stared at his butt and his hands. "Did…did I do that?" He then looked over at the KO'ed Beauty, then at the paper she gave him. He opened it, and saw the tattled stats of the five ninja.
Those are the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja. They are the top ninja of the 300X Ninjas, the ones who took over the Sapphire Region and destroyed the Alexandrite Region. All four of them have very powerful abilities that surpass their cohorts, and yet…at the same time, I feel as if they lack…coordination of some kind…that, and they're both really stupid…here's the breakdown of each one:
The first ninja is Zuno. He is the de-facto leader of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja, even though Babuu is the real leader.
Status
Level: Level 12
Max HP: 145: Current HP: 0/145 (Unconscious)
Max MP: 100: Current MP: 78/100
Max SP: 10: Current SP: 6
Attack Power: 11
Defense Power: 5
Magic Power: 7
Magic Defense: 6
Class: Ninja
Equipment: Masamune, Wind Breaker armor, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1
Regular Skills: 15
Special Skills: 5
Unique Skills: 1
He's an arrogant teenager who wears glasses, and is the strongest of the four, being well-rounded in all categories. That's pretty much it. Judging by how he sees an exposed Melo, though, doesn't it speculate that he has a crush on her or something?
The second ninja is Melo. She is the only female ninja on the team.
Status
Level: Level 11
Max HP: 114: Current HP: 62/114
Max MP: 105: Current MP: 75/105
Max SP: 12: Current SP: 7
Attack Power: 7
Defense Power: 7
Magic Power: 11
Magic Defense: 0
Class: Ninja
Equipment: Bladed Geisha Fans, Rubber Suit, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1
Regular Skills: 13
Special Skills: 6
Unique Skills: None
She's the only girl, so she must have it hard sometimes. She's the strongest magic user in the group, and is known to be fast, although she's not as physically strong as her male companions. Even so, she's so damn spoiled…I just wanna smack her upside the head with a wooden board tacked with thumbtacks…
The third ninja is Mel. He has a giant honeydew melon for a head…weird…
Status
Level: Level 11
Max HP: 131: Current HP: 131/131
Max MP: 80: Current MP: 80/80
Max SP: 4: Current SP: 4
Attack Power: 14
Defense Power: 10
Magic Power: 1
Magic Defense: 3
Class: Ninja
Equipment: Fuuma of Baast, Survival Vest, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1
Regular Skills: 6
Special Skills: 3
Unique Skills: None
He's pretty clueless as far as personality goes…unlike the other ninja, he focuses on raw strength than ninja abilities, so don't expect too much jutsu from him. Wow…a ninja that doesn't use ninjutsu…how dumb…
The fourth ninja is ZK-3333. He's a…uhh…I don't know what the hell he is! Is he a super-cat or something?
Status
Level: Level 10
Max HP: 97: Current HP: 77/97
Max MP: 88: Current MP: 80/88
Max SP: 6: Current SP: 4
Attack Power: 9
Defense Power: 15
Magic Power: 7
Magic Defense: 13
Class: Ninja
Equipment: Vega Cannon, Mirror Mail, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1
Regular Skills: 8
Special Skills: 5
Unique Skills: None
He specializes in defense. He can easily ward off attacks and is a smart defensive tactician. Other than that, though, despite what it looks, he's pretty unimpressive if you can break his defenses. But I still get a disturbed look when I see him…is that a banana on his head, or is it a…ahhh, I don't want to think about it…
The final ninja is the lead ninja, Babuu. He is the master and leader of the 300X Ninja, and the one who kidnapped you!
Status
Level: Level 14
Max HP: 259: Current HP: 213/259
Max MP: 120: Current MP: 120/120
Max SP: 15: Current SP: 14
Attack Power: 15
Defense Power: 9
Magic Power: 12
Magic Defense: 6
Class: Rogue Ninja
Equipment: Zanmetsu-no-Murakamo, Bebimaru, Hypno Armor, Ninja Tabi, Ninja Tool Set #2
Regular Skills: 20
Special Skills: 17
Unique Skills: 1
He's a pedophile, he's 40 years old, he dresses like a baby, he's a virgin, and he likes little boys. He's every woman's ideal man, no? Despite the looks, he's the strongest ninja in the region. He's also the only one with a Shinken ability. Be careful when you fight him, though! He's very powerful, and if you're a handsome-looking teenage boy, he'll set his pedophile sights on you!
Heppokomaru sweatdropped at half the comments Beauty had written. He glanced over at Bo-bobo, who was giving Mel a bubble bath-and they both appeared to be enjoying it!
"What th-!?" he glanced over at Namero, who was in a struggle with ZK-3333. ZK-3333 was using methods to make his machine gun strikes even quicker. Namero already had a few bullets shot near his vital spots, and was on the verge of being knocked out. Heppokomaru couldn't conceal his laugh.
"Hey hot stuff! Be careful, or else I'll get ya!" Melo shouted. She and Heppokomaru began a duel, and he had to use his Onara Shinken to survive.
"Defender Technique: Warcry Wave!" Namero lashed a wave of yellow supersonic energy that blasted the cat man into the wall; nevertheless, the cat creature placed a giant ram onto his machine gun and shot it at the beaten Namero. Namero was unable to dodge it in time. He was bashed against the wall, and he fell to the ground unconscious. His armor shattered into pieces as a large gash formed on his head.
Heppokomaru saw that two of his allies were down, one was missing, and Bo-bobo was caught with two ninja now. Unlike previous times, though, he was actually having difficulty dealing with them.
"True Fart Fist Attack: Summer Monsoon!" Heppokomaru let loose again on the poor girl, and she was brutally weakened.
"Khh…how dare you!" Melo squeaked. She prepared her hand signs again. "Tora-inu-i-tora-pyou-zen-retsu-zai! Lightning Style! 1000 Birds!
A mammoth-sized ball of red electricity erupted from Melo's hand. She thrusted her hand into Heppokomaru's chest cavity, but he fortunately blocked it in time with his arms. The result was an electric explosion and a supersonic noise that sounded like a thousand chirping birds. Heppokomaru coughed drops of blood from his mouth as he lay on the ground. He was seriously hurting, and in the danger zone, HP wise.
"D…dammit…Sir Bo-bobo…"
Melo stepped on Heppokomaru's head. "Poor thing. You can't even beat a girl like me. That stupid knight was right for once; you ARE weak! How can a stupid brat like you be the leader of the Maho Kaze Squad? You're just like that girl; pathetic and lousy, and you don't know when to give up." Heppokomaru growled as the girl put a finger under her chin. "Though…I do give you credit, Heppokomaru. Unlike that girl, at least you know the fact that a stupid former weakling like her has no right to live…you think that, don't you?"
Heppokomaru finally snapped. He took out his gun, and farted a gaseous ball. He stuck it down the barrel of his gun, lifted himself up, and was about to fire. Melo jumped back.
Heppokomaru, however, had a secret weapon, and he used it as he drew close to Melo's face.
That weapon was boyish charm. He flashed a rather sexy-looking smile to Melo's face, which made her blush. Her weapon slipped out of her hand as he shot the gas bullet into her stomach.
"KYAAAAAAAAH!!" Melo hit the ground unconscious. Two enemies were down, and the score was even.
"Sir Bo-bobo…I did it…I defeated one of them…" Heppokomaru said weakly.
Bo-bobo was reading a bedtime story to Mel, who was dressed as a little baby. "Huh? Did you say something, boy?" Bo-bobo asked.
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAA!" Heppokomaru freaked out.
"Nevermind…now, where were we?" Bo-bobo asked Mel, who cooed happily. "Ah! Here we are! Now, once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling…"
"Keep going!" Mel chirped.
"WHO TRIED TO GET TO THE MALL FOR THE LATEST SALE ON HAIR CARE PRODUCTS, BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE HE WAS FROM A DRUG CIRCLE!! SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: MELODY OF THE CRACKSHOT DUCKLING!!"
Bo-bobo lashed his nose hairs madly at Mel, who began to cry hysterically. He landed headfirst on the ground and smashed it. A giant bump popped out of his head and swirls were in his eyes.
"Three down." Bo-bobo said.
Heppokomaru stared at Bo-bobo in amazement. "Sir Bo-bobo…that was…incredible…"
"Yeah, I am incredible, aren't I?" Bo-bobo said, flexing his right arm and kissing it. "Sooo, how are the others?"
"Sir Bo-bobo…Beauty and Namero are knocked out…and I-cough don't think I can go much longer…" Bo-bobo caught Heppokomaru as he collapsed from exhaustion.
"I saw you defeat Melo, and I heard a part of your conversation. Is what she said about what you think of Beauty true? Do you really think that she's a stupid weakling?" Bo-bobo asked sternly.
"What!? No! She called Beauty stupid! I could never forgive her for saying that!" Heppokomaru shouted.
"Your response was .8 seconds slow. You don't think she's stupid. I personally think she's a fairly strong mage and a good girl. But what do you think, boy?" Bo-bobo asked again. Heppokomaru looked down at the floor and didn't respond.
Meanwhile, Babuu and ZK-3333 were ready for attack. "ZK-3333. You're a good ironman, so I want you to use your iron ram again on those two, then I'll use my Fist of the Baby to wipe them out!" Babuu whispered in the cat-man's ear. The cat-man nodded his head and readied his MG42 Vega Cannon ram, and charged it with energy.
"Here we go! Vega Cannon Smasher!!" ZK-3333 shot his mammoth smasher and aimed it at Bo-bobo and Heppokomaru. "Haha! Die!!"
"Sir Bo-bobo, run!" Heppokomaru shouted, coughing up a little more blood. Bo-bobo didn't move, however. He stood in front of the weakened boy and took the blow for him…
"SIR BO-BOBO--!!"
Bo-bobo fell to the ground in a weakened state. He coughed up a decent amount of blood, and he put his hand over his thorax, which began to bleed heavily.
"Heppokomaru…it's up to you…I only have…10 HP left…" Bo-bobo placed an afro-cherry in Heppokomaru's hand. He smiled, as Babuu threw a giant rattle on Bo-bobo's head, causing him to sink into unconsciousness.
"Hahah! Poor fool…he makes me laugh!" Babuu sneered. Heppokomaru growled in anger. Forcing the overly-sour tasting cherry down his throat, his health increased by 10, and he sprung into action, loading another round of bullets.
"Babuu you bastard! You're gonna pay for everything you've done!" Heppokomaru shouted. He began to fire a round of bullets of all kinds as a stream of tears flew from his face. Babuu was shot by many of the impending bullets, but managed to take advantage of the poor boy.
"Super Fist of the Baby: Let's play! Super toy car collision!"
Babuu drew out a bunch of toy cars and threw them at Heppokomaru. He was barely able to defend himself, as Babuu slammed him to the ground, causing him to scream.
"Hahaha! I love it when you scream! It's so sexy!" Babuu shouted in a sort of freaky way.
Heppokomaru struggled himself up. He reached for his pistol, but realized it wasn't there. He began to panic, but at the same time, was slightly excited, for he could easily use his True Fart Fist at its maximum power.
"Are you looking for this?" Babuu said tauntingly. In his hand were the crumpled remains of Heppokomaru's pistol. Heppokomaru let out an anguished shout of surprise. He then picked Heppokomaru up by the collar.
"Oh, Heppokomaru…it's futile to save this kingdom…you know it as much as I do…besides, a rare catch like you comes once in a lifetime…I think that I should…" Babuu tongued Heppokomaru's neck as he placed him on the ground. Heppokomaru shut his eyes in fear as Babuu readied his katana…
/BAM!/
"AAAAGGGHHH!"
Heppokomaru looked up as he saw a now-unconscious ZK-3333 on the ground and Babuu bleeding through his arm. Babuu staggered backwards as he glanced at the figure at the open door. His eyes widened in shock.
"You…how did you…"
Standing at the door was a handsome young male with light blue hair, clad in a long-sleeved red shirt with torn sleeves, an army vest, black jeans, silver and turquoise shoes, yellow fingerless gloves, and a scarf resembling that of an animal's tail. On his head was an unusual headpiece that broadened his features. Heppokomaru stood up slowly. He familiarized his deep black eyes, and knew it was…
"Crosk!?"
"In the flesh." Crosk said with a smooth tone of voice. He blew away the smoke that emerged from the barrel of his IMI Desert Eagle pistol.
"B-but how-I thought you were all the way down in Hangar No. 6 in the basement!" Heppokomaru shouted in surprise.
"When Sir Bo-bobo was reading that bedtime story to Mel, this guy showed up and destroyed all of our prison cells with blind anger." Crosk spoke, pointing to a still-angry Don Patch, pushing a wheelchair that held the mentally disabled female gunner from Hangar No. 2.
"So that's where he was all this time!" Heppokomaru stated.
"No kidding!" Crosk then took Heppokomaru's face and smashed it against a fire hydrant case! Everyone freaked out as he did this. Heppokomaru lifted his head off the ground, blood oozing down his face. "What did you do that for!!"
"That was for when you threw my peanuts out the airship window!!" Crosk shouted.
Heppokomaru's face went blank. "Oh…that…"
Heppokomaru Flashback Mode
Heppokomaru and Crosk, both of them at age 6, were on the deck of a grand airship that was heading into the Citrine Region of the Don Kingdom. Having both of them go all by themselves into the big city was exciting for them at their age, and the two were best friends, which had made everything all the better.
"Would you nice young men like some peanuts?" A flight attendant woman asked the boys.
"We sure do!" Crosk said with happiness. He received the two bags from the woman and sat back down with Heppokomaru.
"Hey Heppokomaru! Why don't we count up all our peanuts and make shapes with them like we do at home?" Crosk suggested.
"Great idea!" Heppokomaru said. Both boys spilled their peanut bags on a table and began to count them up. Both of them were almost finished counting…
"471…472…473…474, 475!" I have 475 peanuts! How about you? I bet you got the same amount of peanuts like always, Crosk?" Heppokomaru said cheerily.
"471, 472, 473, 474, 475…476…" Crosk finished counting. He had one more peanut than Heppokomaru did. Silence fell between them.
Heppokomaru stood up, walked over to Crosk, slid all 476 peanuts into his bag, went over to the side of the ship, and tossed them over, where they were run over by an oncoming train. Crosk wailed in sadness then leapt on Heppokomaru. The two of them began to grapple.
"What did you do that for!? Crosk shouted.
"I hate you Crosk! How come you got one more peanut than me!?" Heppokomaru wailed as he punched Crosk's head.
"How would I know!? Not everything goes your way, emo-boy!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!"
The two of them kept on fighting up to the point where airship security had to separate them both.
End Flashback
"Uhhh…sorry?" Heppokomaru said sheepishly as he finished remembering.
"SORRY!? THAT AIN'T GONNA CUT IT EMO!!" Crosk put on a ballerina tutu and began to slap Heppokomaru to death with a pair of ballerina slippers.
Meanwhile, the nurse-maid went over to Bo-bobo and drew out a magic wand. She then chanted:
"Cor meum tibi offero domine prompte et sincere coram Deo. Cor unum, cor vitae."
(My heart I offer you Lord promptly and sincerely, in the presence of God. One heart, one life.)
With a wave, a soft white light entered Bo-bobo's body, restoring his HP, SP andMP, giving him new energy, and causing him to awaken. He let out a huge yawn and stretched out.
"Yaaawn…uhhh…what's going on??" He asked dumbly.
"Oh, it worked! Are you all right, Sir Bo-bobo?"
"Oh…you're the nurse lady from the prison cell."
"Indeed I am."
"But how did you escape?"
"Don Patch helped all of the prisoners escape. He did it in a moment of rage, I suppose. He wouldn't stop dropping 'f-bombs' on you, that's for sure…"
Bo-bobo stood up and found Don Patch picking his nose on the side. He took him by the thorn and threw him into a boiling pit of lava, causing him to scream.
"Well, Sir Bo-bobo, we of the Maho Kaze Squad now wish to assist you in exchange for freeing us." The nurse-maid stood up and loaded a Heckler and Koch PSG1, aimed it at Babuu's groin, and shot three bullets.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH--!!"
"Bo-bobo! You're okay!" Beauty shouted. She ran up to him and hugged him, and Namero followed.
"Beauty! Namero! You're all right! Now we can finally defeat Babuu and free the High Spirit!" Bo-bobo shouted, drawing his sword. He, his party, and the rest of the Maho Kaze Squad were ready to fight-that is, if Crosk and Heppokomaru would stop fighting!
"YOU-ARE-SUCH-A-STU-PID-E-MO!!" Crosk shouted, stuffing Heppokomaru's face into a perfume bottle and dousing him with a feminine scent, along with stuffing three pounds of living lobsters down the boy's pants. Heppokomaru screamed when one pinched his perspective part.
"Vice Commander Crosk, I think it is best that you save your torturing of the emo child for later and assist us in eliminating this pedophile man." The disabled girl communicated through a talking device that was on her wheelchair. She entered a code, and a mechanical arm readied her MG42. A shot from the gun forced the boys to separate.
"Okay, I'll torture emo boy later. Besides, I needed to give him these anyway." Crosk reached into his back pocket and drew out a new Silverwing Pistol, modeled after a SIG-Sauer P228, a sash of ammunition, a small pack equipped with spare clips, a knife, and an Argyle Armlet accessory.
"My other equipment! Thanks, Crosk!"
"Don't mention it, emo boy."
"Okay, is everybody ready!?" Bo-bobo shouted.
"YEAH!!"
Babuu was overwhelmed by the number of warriors who were present. "Hah! No big deal! I can take you all on! Super Secret Fist of the Baby-"
Babuu was cut off when most of the main Maho Kaze members shot him with stopshot ammunition, leaving him frozen and vulnerable. Namero leapt forth first, readying a double attack.
"Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue: Obsidian of Darkness!" Namero performed his mirror-shattering move from the second part of Chapter 1, leaving Babuu's bones broken. "And-Defender Class Special Attack: Steel Blade Attack!" The metal on Namero's blade disassembled itself and levitated toward Babuu, making him cry in pain as the sharp fragments pierced him.
"My turn!" Beauty shouted, preparing 2 incantations.
"Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!
Come forth, O Lightning from the Void,
And cut down my enemies. AXE OF LIGHTNING!!"
Beauty raised her hand, and bought down a lightning bolt that struck Babuu dead on like an axe. She then raised a second spell, a spell she had already used.
"To shumbolion diakonoto moi hei krystaline bashiela,
Evigenato taionion elebos haionie krystale versais
Zoice ton ison tanaton hos atakisa kozimke katazrofe!!"
Beauty had once again summoned the Queen of Ice from the Void, bringing the absolute-zero temperatures to Babuu. The pinkish ice froze around him, then shattered, bringing the most hellish pain to the pedophile. Beauty felt dizzy from the spell's effect, but was able to stand. She breathed a sight of triumph.
"Okay! I'm up!" Heppokomaru was next. He loaded his new Silverwing pistol with a special bullet. He flipped upside-down and aimed for the man's skull.
"Gunner Class Special Attack: Cobalt Bullet!" Heppokomaru fired his pistol, only it fired as fast as a standard-class machine gun. The bullets he used were made of fine cobalt, enhanced with special wind technology. Babuu had already protected himself from fatal blows with his baby bonnet, but was damaged otherwise. Heppokomaru then landed, and readied his butt for his fist attack.
"Kakusei Onara Shinken Ogi: Senryu-Hikogeki!!"
Heppokomaru's flatulence had summoned a large dragon that consumed Babuu. Babuu began to scream in pain.
"Finally! Me!" Bo-bobo buckled down into seriousness for once. He drew his blade and repeated what his companions had done.
"Swordsman Special Attack: Attack of the Fuzzy Wuzzies!!"
"I DON'T REMEMBER THAT BEING A SPECIAL ATTACK FOR A SWORDSMAN!!" Beauty and Heppokomaru shouted in unison. Their shocked reactions grew bigger because the happy fuzzy bunnies that emerged latched onto Babuu and tickled him to death!
And now…"Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Million-Score Nose Hair Beam!!"
Bo-bobo's nose hairs formed a double helix that sliced Babuu's body like crazy. He was launched into the air, and his HP finally hit zero. Everyone cheered.
"N…no…I was so close…how…" Babuu's final thoughts ran through him as blood emerged from his mouth. He landed on the ground with a huge thud, a thud so hard that it caused the other four ninja to fall off the platform and land into the Fugitives' Hangar below!
"Hah! Now see what it feels like!" Crosk shouted to the ninja, who were just waking up.
The four Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja woke up, shocked at their new location. "Heeeey! Is anybody in here!? Helloooooo!? Somebody get us out of here!!" Zuno shouted. Everyone else from above laughed at them. When the laughing calmed down, the Maho Kaze Squad stared at the sunlight that had struck onto the fortress, due to that the ceiling was obliterated from Bo-bobo's fuzzy attack.
"It's been so long since we've seen the sunlight…" Heppokomaru shielded his arm over his eyes as the sun shone on his face. Crosk nodded his head in agreement.
"Heppokomaru, you and your team of soldiers have been rescued, and now, the 300X Ninjas are defeated. I misjudged you. Although you lack some things, you are truly strong, and I will allow you to join my cause to save the Don Kingdom." Bo-bobo said.
"You mean it!?" Heppokomaru said in joy.
"I mean it."
"Yes! Crosk, as of today, you're the new leader of the Maho Kaze Squad!" Heppokomaru said as he put the official sash over Crosk's shoulder. Sparkles shone in Crosk's eyes.
"Yay! Heppokomaru, you're adventuring with us! That's great!" Beauty said with a smile, tying back her hair. Heppokomaru smiled back. He knew that great times were in his future.
Suddenly, the presence of fire that had taken place before increased, as a small, shining star-like object appeared from below. Absolute silence fell as it rose to the surface. It floated there silently for a moment and began to shine larger and larger, until finally, it released itself, and in its place was a tarot-appearing card that floated in the air. On the front of the card was a stain-glass style portrayal of Ignis (played by the original Bobopatch, remember) was on the front, and an anime depiction of poop logo was on the back, surrounded by a magic circle.
"Is this…the High Spirit?" Bo-bobo asked in wonder. Beauty approached the glimmering card. "I think that it's saying that you need to touch it. That's all it takes. Imprisonment cards-even those made by something like the Delphinus Crystal-are highly fragile; one touch, and the prisoner bound within is free. That's why they're usually hidden."
"Very well then…" Bo-bobo silently walked over to the card, reached out his hand, and gingerly touched it with his fingers. The moment he touched it, the card began to spin rapidly, and a shining light enveloped the area. The power of the card began to fade as the High Spirit bound within began to break through. After a minute, Iginis, High Spirit of Fire, was finally free! His arms spread out, his red and orange robe swayed, and his electric green hair fluffed in the breeze of energy.
"Sir Bo-bobo…you've saved me!" Ignis exclaimed. Everyone in the area cheered, and Bo-bobo raised his fist up in triumph!
End of Chapter!
And so, with the help of the Maho Kaze Squad, Sir Bo-bobo, Beauty, Don Patch, Namero, and Heppokomaru defeated the notorious 300X Ninjas and their leader Babuu, and have freed the first High Spirit, Ignis. A rain of happiness blossomed over the Sapphire region, now that the squad was free from the ninjas' clutches. And yet, there was no clue to where Princess Patches was to be found. What does the Dark Wizard Softon have in store for Sir Bo-bobo next? And what will become of Princess Patches…?
Sir Bo-bobo's adventure…has only begun…
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-Well!? Great first chapter wasn't it!? I know it's long, but the battle was hard to do, so expect those chapters to be rather lengthy…
Chapter 2 will not begin just yet. Between every chapter is a "prelude." That "chapter" will accommodate events between chapters.
Sir Bo-bobo's adventure to save the kingdom has barely begun…will he be able to save the other eight High Spirits? Read on and find out…
FOOTNOTES
-Crosk is an OC given to me by a member of Hajike Festival (My homepage) whose name shall not be stated.
-Saturday Night Fever is a movie made in 1977 starring John Travolta, and it was known to have bought disco to its prime.
-The so-called legend about Ignis is based off the legend of Amaterasu, the Japanese goddess of the sun, and most of it is an actual myth. And when Namero said "Giants," he referred to the Yomouri Giants, the most popular baseball team in Japan.
-"Doki" is the sound effect in Japanese for a heartbeat. Hokkaido is actually the name of the northern island fraction of Japan.
-Melo's ninjutsu signs mean the following:
Rin: Strength of mind and body
Pyou: Direction of energy
Tou: Harmony with the universe
Sha: Healing self and others
Kai: Premonition of danger
Jin: Knowing the thoughts of others
Retsu: Mastery of time and space
Zai: Controlling the elements of nature
Zen: Enlightenment
(These you may recognize from Naruto)
I: Boar
Inu: Dog
Tora: Tiger
The "1000 Birds" technique is also a homage to the series, but for the most part, the attacks were purely made up.
-Beauty's first spell (Lightning Axe) is a Greek spell, but I couldn't find a proper Greek pronunciation for it, so I put it in English. Her ice spell was already used in the prologue, so go there for the translation.
-Senryu-Hikogeki means Sparkling Dragon: Flying Light Attack (JP)
-An MG42 is a type of sniper rifle gun. A P228 is a pistol-type gun.
Phew…this document is 25 pages long…I spent all day on this, so you better like it, and you better bring in more reviewers!!