The story so far
The story so far…
Taking the risk of sneaking about her castle for the sake of Sir Bo-bobo and his party, Princess Patches and the spirit child fairy Dengaku-man sneak into the wizard Softon's sleeping quarters and find information of the next location of one of the High Spirits. Sir Bo-bobo and his party have a bash after their victory over the ninjas, and then head home, where Dengaku-man tells then that the next High Spirit is located in the Ruins of Exodus in the desert Ruby Region! After gaining supplies, the party takes the next train that leads to the region-but they're not alone. Sir Bo-bobo's rival Captain Battleship has snuck aboard himself!
Errata (That's Latin for "oops"): When I said that Exodus was from the New Testament of the Bible, I was way wrong. It's from the Old Testament, so if I offended any kinds of Christians out there, I apologize! Really! (Plus, if you didn't know, Exodus is the name of a boss in Final Fantasy XII)
And now…Chapter 2!!
Chapter 2
The Mystery of the Ruins of Exodus
(Part 1: The hearts of rivals never die! You need help!? Take this! SERVICE!!)
Captain Battleship was about halfway inside the train, hiding in the small area between the sleeping car and the café car. He drew his new Sword of the Kings, slipped into the passageway behind the café counter where he couldn't be seen, and continued moving.
"Okay Don Patch, now you pick your card."
Don Patch picked the leftmost card Bo-bobo had and made a sad face. "Aww, I got the old maid again!" This was the fifth time Don Patch had lost a riveting marathon game of Old Maid now.
"Take my advice: Don't play this for money." Bo-bobo said to Don Patch. He took the cards back and shuffled them again.
Beauty had returned from the café car with a cup of tea for herself and some food for the others. She handed a chocolate bar to Heppokomaru, who thanked her. She sat down next to him and picked up a magazine.
"You know, He-kun, you've been pretty optimistic since we've left the Sapphire Region. Are you really happy you're free now?"
"I'm more than happy, Heppokomaru began. Because now I can train more and hunt down the other fools who've dared to cross my path."
"Really? I thought only the 300X Ninjas have caused you any trouble."
"It caused my squad trouble, but it didn't get to me as much as others did. Besides, the squad can take care of itself. But now that I'm free, I want to better my situation and get myself a training master."
"That's kind of selfish."
"Maybe, but life flies by fast. You gotta get what comes when it comes at you."
"That's not all what life's about. There are the little things you can appreciate. If you just set your mind on the future, life will pass without you even knowing it or enjoying it. But if you slow down and smell the cherry blossoms, then your life will truly come out strong. I want to become the greatest mage ever, but I want to take it slow and enjoy the other aspects of life too. When the time is right, I will become 100 percent focused on my goal, but a life-set goal shouldn't be everything." Beauty bit her pearly whites into a chocolate mint cookie.
"Is that so? If I just carefully wait to take my chance and stop to enjoy life, I'll lead it good and true?" Heppokomaru fiddled with his yellow handkerchief.
"At least I think so."
"That's deep. I wish I could do that, but…in reality I can't really take life like that. I've made too many mistakes and have made too many enemies to absorb the small treasures of life that come in between. Even now, one of my enemies may be after me."
"You can always look at life now, even when your enemies are away. If you take life slowly, actually, you can fix your mistakes."
"Really?"
"Of course." Beauty put her hand on Heppokomaru's. He hopped in place in surprise.
"Okay, I'll take your word for it…besides, you're such a good person. I'd trust you and Sir Bo-bobo more than anyone else. I think that you'll make a fine guide in life. Maybe I am a bit selfish. I think I'll slow down a little. But hear me out…"
Heppokomaru bought Beauty closer to him, which made her cheeks turn pink.
"If you set your goal down and go for it, go for it. You've made me see clear that if I slow down now, I'll be stronger in the end. But when the time comes for you, don't stop and fight for what you desire!" He moved away when he was finished and went into the lavatory. "Thanks for the chat, Beauty!" he said one last time as he slid the door closed.
Beauty turned away in her seat and began to stammer silently. Her breathing became a bit unsteady.
"Aaah, that was quite intensive…there's something about him that draws me to him…but what is it? I feel it similarly to Namero-kun, but it's a bit different…wait…"
Beauty then suddenly remembered the night Namero spoke to her about her goal, the way he talked, how he drew her to him, his captivating advice, his firm yet gentle words, the aromatic scent of his breath...and here she was, where she just had a similar experience with another boy who she liked dearly as a good friend…
"Oh…oh no…don't tell me that…"
"BEAUTY!! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY YOU CRETIN!!"
Don Patch pig-piled himself on Beauty, causing her to yelp. He donned a bright red wig and deep scarlet lipstick, complete with green mascara and red eye shadow. He began to shake Beauty violently.
"My A.I. unit has processed a series of signals and codes that have allowed me to confirm my true mission…and that's to become the heroine and main character of Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure! And because you're the heroine supposedly, I'm gonna have to eliminate you first! The digital numbers began to run through him again.
Welcome to DON PATCH (Double Obsidian Nanotech Interface + Paralysis Adaptation Triple Catharsis Home Unit). Unlocking high-speed memory: 977120293839 1929979354372393684501. Opening Access Gate: Opened beyond recognition. Status: Beyond Perfect. Selecting Combat Unit: Mode: Platinum. Option Select: Super Trooper Heroine Princess/Hobo. All Systems Launch in 3…2…1…
"OOOOOWWWW!!"
Beauty shut her eyes from the bright light that emerged from the DON PATCH unit, but apparently it wasn't because he had transformed, but rather because a large man had crushed him! And what was more, that man was Captain Battleship!
Sudden damage report alerted. Status: Below Average. Gate unit destroyed. Combat Options Emerald, Azure, Platinum and Chrome defunct. Options Topaz and Plutonium damaged. A.I system error reported. Beep-beep-bop. I am the heroine…no one shall defy me…oh great, now Sepiroth's gonna kill me because I forgot to return that Toy Story tape I borrowed from him three months ago…logic defied, existence spans two weeks…chocolate milk-beep-beep-bzzzzzzzzzzzz--
Don Patch's entire hardware and system began to crash. Namero rushed over in panic, seeing that his robotic machine was heavily damaged. He pulled himself from the underside of the captain's massive muscular bulk and began extensive repairs, cursing to himself.
"Urrgh…owww….uff…geez, that really hurt…I gotta go to the bathroom…" Battleship lifted himself up and made a mini-dash to the lavatory door. He busted it down with his blade, unaware that Heppokomaru was finishing up. The boy was about to zip his pants up and turned to see a huge muscular man crash into his face. A shout could be heard, and Bo-bobo stood up abruptly.
"What's going on!?" He swung the door open and saw both males with swirls in their eyes, with Battleship on top of Heppokomaru, whose pants were now down a little in an awkward position.
"AAAAH!! CHILD MOLESTER!! GET THE F-- OFF HIM!!" Bo-bobo grabbed a giant refrigerator out of nowhere and slammed it on the captain's back. The captain screamed in pain and rolled out of the lavatory, crashing into the emergency exit and getting caught into the steam engine. He began to get hurt beyond recognition. The party gathered together (with the exception of Namero, who was still repairing Don Patch) and saw it all, on deck chairs, munching on popcorn (and pig's feet in Bo-bobo's case). After fifteen minutes, Battleship got up, covered in burns and cuts. A giant hole was burnt in the front of his ducktail.
"Hggg….agghhh…Bo-bobo you jerk! I've come for my revenge! Oww…"
Bo-bobo stared at his rival in confusion. "Huh? Revenge? What revenge?"
"What revenge!?" Battleship boomed. "You know damn well 'what revenge'!! Do you not remember who I am!?"
Bo-bobo pondered the thought for a moment with a blank look on his face, and replied:
"No."
Battleship exploded in agony. "HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME!? IT'S ME, YOUR RIVAL!! CAPTAIN BATTLESHIP!! REMEMBER!? YOU DEFEATED ME IN BATTLE IN THE FOREST BEHIND EMERALD VILLAGE!! I SWORE TO GET REVENGE ON YOU, AND NOW I'M HERE TO GET IT, DAMMIT!!" Battleship screamed through a huge megaphone loud enough to make Bo-bobo's skin blow away.
Bo-bobo re-collected himself and stood. He suddenly remembered. "Oh yeah…it is you…" A small amount of drool trailed from his lips.
Battleship slapped his face. "Aggh, you're so hopeless! My reason for coming here, Bo-bobo is so I can have my revenge! Let's fight!" Battleship drew his sword, and the party was ready to fight!
A wind blew through the train car, even though the team wasn't near close to the top of the train. Battleship smirked.
"Bo-bobo…I've trained and prepared myself well so that I could defeat you…I have better skills and the best weapons and armor that only stolen money can buy!" Battleship's malicious purple aura glimmered.
"You're getting no revenge. You're such a fool. Arrogance will get you nowhere." Bo-bobo's yellow aura flared itself.
Beauty was ready to fight herself, with her staff ready for use. "I need to avenge myself for when he tackled me in the forest!" She exhaled in determination.
Heppokomaru loaded his pistol and was raring to go, but something was disturbing him. "Why do I feel as if I've met this man before? I know I have…but where!?" His curiosity would have to wait. A battle was starting.
The damage done to Don Patch was rather large. Namero had to stay out of the battle to repair him. The party had only three warriors to fight with.
"Okay Beauty! Tattle him!" Bo-bobo commanded. Beauty nodded her head and drew some notes on a piece of paper. Heppokomaru in secret began to scribble the same notes in a journal he kept to himself.
Beauty's Tattle Log
It's Captain Battleship, your rival! He tried to kill you in the forest back in the Emerald Region, remember!? And he tackled me when my leg was broken! All that and he's a big fat moron! At least I don't beat up my landlord! …Um, yeah, according to records, he lives in an apartment under a landlord…
Status
Level: Level 21
Max HP: 980
Max MP: 630
Max SP: 19
Attack Power: 25
Defense Power: 23
Magic Power: 24
Magic Defense: 21
Class: Warrior
Equipment: Sword of the Kings, Carabini Armor, Furry Armlet, Flame Shield
Regular Skills: 27
Special Skills: 14
Unique Skills: 1
He has a rather outstanding personality, not really in a good way. He's very prone to revenge, violence, anger, and any point in time when his ducktail gets damaged. And how the heck do you have a blonde beard and black head hair? It doesn't really fit. Oh well, point is, he wants to kill you for defeating him back then, so be ready!
Bo-bobo was already in combat with the captain, and the two were engaged in an intense sword fight. Slash after slash landed one right after another, as the two men danced a powerful, masculine dance filled with deep movement and edgy yet graceful movement. The silver pommel on Battleship's wide blade thrust itself down, yet Bo-bobo was able to counter with a swift swipe of his new Lohengrin sword. A semi-deep line of blood seeped from the captain's back, but the captain was able to strike back with a heavy thrust to the left arm. Bo-bobo's shoulder began to bleed itself.
Heppokomaru was watching the battle with anticipation. He had always enjoyed an intense battle, and this battle was one for the books. He began to shiver, and his mouth quietly stuttered gibberish. He was trying to resist something bubbling inside him, but Beauty couldn't tell if it was fear, nervousness, anger, or a severe need to beeline for the restroom. He couldn't contain himself anymore.
"This is one of the greatest fights I've ever seen! It's time to set my inner broadcasting announcer free and scream 'till the cows come hooooooome!!" Heppokomaru screamed suddenly. Beauty began to freak out as Heppokomaru set up a broadcaster's table with two chairs, one for a play-by-play and one for a commentator. He dragged Beauty into the commentator's seat and put himself in the play-by-play's chair. To top it all off, he put a pair of shiny square-shaped light blue sunglasses on his eyes and began to scream into the mike that was in front of him.
"THIS BATTLE TAKING PLACE HERE ON THE CRYSTAL EXPRESS IS ONE FOR THE BOOKS FOLKS!! BO-BOBO AND BATTLESHIP ARE DUKING IT OUT LIKE COUSINS AT A FAMILY REUNION!! BEAUTY, AS OUR COMMENTATOR, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY!?" Heppokomaru put his mike in front of Beauty's face. A bland look came on her face.
"He-kun…please stop this nonsense…I want to help Bo-bobo fight Battleship…"
"BEAUTY, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! I'M GONNA COMMENTATE THIS MATCH ALL DAY AND REMEMBER IT FOR AGES!! NOW COMMENTATE WITH ME!!"
"I don't want to. Besides, you're a pretty lousy play-by-play."
The moment Beauty said "lousy play-by-play," Heppokomaru's glasses shattered, and he began to swirl downward into a pit of despair. The four words echoed in his head like an omen, as he sunk into a state of depression.
"Waah…all my childhood dreams, ruined…" Heppokomaru whimpered to himself. Beauty tapped his shoulder, but he ignored her.
"Agh! Fine, I'll fight with Sir Bo-bobo alone!" Beauty ran over to help Bo-bobo, who was covered in deep cuts in his left side. Battleship prepared another attack, and Beauty stood in front of Bo-bobo, ready for a spell.
"Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!
(Gold, Silver, and Crimson, assail the enemy!
Vente! Nos!"
Wind! Protect us!)
An outburst of wind blew the captain away onto the other side of the car, and Bo-bobo was protected from the attack. Beauty smiled and gave Bo-bobo a Super Afro-Cherry to heal twenty of his 710 HP. Both were ready for more, even though Heppokomaru was still depressed.
"He-kun, come on! We have a battle to fight!" Beauty shouted.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M DEPRESSED!!" Heppokomaru screamed before sinking into a fetal position. Beauty groaned in agony as the fight continued.
As Heppokomaru was wallowing in his shattered childhood dreams, he remembered something…
Heppokomaru Flashback Mode
Alexandrite Region, nine months earlier
Heppokomaru began shooting relentlessly at the soldiers who were invading the region. He began to deploy the use of a shotgun, something that he almost never did, and began firing alongside the disabled girl in the wheelchair. The flames that engulfed the city began to grow taller in height, and more civilians began to run. The Maho Kaze Squad continued to shoot relentlessly at the invading soldiers.
"Heppokomaru-senpai! We need more ammo!" Crosk shouted at a distance. Heppokomaru tossed a clip of ammo needed for a SWZ SSR4000 (A massive sniper gun) and continued firing his own shotgun, which had bought down some soldiers. He heard a girlish yelp from a distance and stared at the top of a tall building that was only barely affected from damage.
His focus shifted to the top of that tower, and on that tower alone. On top of that tower, he saw a bulky man's silhouette forcefully gripping the hand of a small girl. Heppokomaru took a moment to absorb the shock.
He immediately abandoned his post and tried to go after that man, but alas, he was too late, and they had sped off in a horse-drawn cart in the shape of a convertible. Tiny tears formed in the boy's eyes.
Crosk ran over to his shocked leader and saw the expression on his face. "Dude, are you okay?" he asked.
Heppokomaru was too divulged in an aftershock to speak. But on the inside, a silent scream was howling…
End Flashback
Heppokomaru finally knew the answer, or so he thought. He grabbed his pistol, intervened Bo-bobo and Battleship's spar, and began to relentlessly punch the captain on all sides, screaming like a madman.
"YOU BASTARD!! YOU BASTARD!! THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!! YOU DID THAT TO MY HOMETOWN AND TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME!! YOU BASTARD!!"
Heppokomaru shot a flame bullet into Battleship's torso, which caused him to scream and round forcefully on Heppokomaru. He slammed him onto the floor, beginning a grappling match. He struck the boy's right eye, turning it black in an instant.
"What the hell are you blabbering about you little piece of shit!? I never laid a finger on your stupid homeland! I've barely been outside of the Diamond Region, even though I hate that place so much!! You shot me, so shut the f-- up and die you maggot!" Battleship stabbed Heppokomaru's side, which caused him to shout in pain.
"He-kun!" Beauty shouted in fear. She came forth and readied a spell, but was stopped by the captain. He grabbed her by the neck and tossed her to and fro from the floor in a flash. He slammed her into the café bar, where several glass shards cut the girl's body.
"Kyaaaaaah!"
"B-Beauty…" Heppokomaru said with a weak breath. His HP was dropping fast.
"Battleship! I'll never forgive you!!" Bo-bobo shouted. His aura began to explode! The train floor began to shake as the yellow flames of his body raged.
"That's not gonna do anything! I have perfected a new technique!" Battleship said with pride.
"Oh really!? Show me!!"
"A new technique? I hope that Sir Bo-bobo-san can handle it…" Heppokomaru thought weakly.
Battelship's new technique was the following: He outstretched his ducktail, pulled it over his head, and ducked down, making a cute face.
"Super Fist of Personalized Nose Hair: Perfect Pompadour Defense."
Silence.
"That's…your…new…technique…!?" Heppokomaru stuttered slowly. "IT SUCKS!!" He finally freaked out.
"But I am 110 percent protected with this shield! Nothing can break it!" Battleship shouted.
"Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Sashimi Fields!!"
Bo-bobo tossed a multitude of sashimi from the café car, all of them far beyond their expiration date!
"HE'S THROWING SASHIMI! HOW WORTHLESS!!" Heppokomaru shouted.
He was soon proven wrong, when the sashimi suddenly came to life, donning tanks, guns, and a Portuguese man-of-war, and they all began to murder and assault the captain with ease!
"They're beating him!?" Beauty shouted.
One of the sashimi then stuffed the Portuguese man-of-war (A type of poisonous jelly fish) down the captain's pants, making him electrocute and freak out like crazy!
"A jellyfish!?" Namero shouted, halting his repairs for a moment.
"Why yes, my sensors do indicate that that is indeed a jellyfish."
Namero looked down and freaked out to see that Don Patch was in perfect condition again…this time in that Super Trooper Princess Hobo outfit he was trying to materialize earlier…and boy, it was NOT pretty at all…
"This unit has a status of beyond perfect x2. Proceeding to eliminate the enemy." Don Patch walked foreword and joined Bo-bobo's side. Beauty and Heppokomaru began to speculate.
"Sir Bo-bobo, my master. Please give me a command to confirm."
"Ummm…" Bo-bobo twiddled his fingers. "Would you please give me a margarita for a drink and then beat up that man over there, pweeeeeeeez??"
"Order confirmed." Don Patch walked over to the café car and prepared a margarita. When the blender stopped running, he walked back over with an electric green colored margarita and handed it to Bo-bobo, who began to sip it down happily. Don Patch then turned to Beauty.
"Beauty, would you please give me my Don Patch Sword?" he asked.
"Your Don WHAT!?" Beauty shouted.
"My Don Patch Sword! I can't fight without it!"
"I don't even remember you having such a thing!" Beauty shouted. Battleship got up and began to walk over to the robot.
"Okay, okay! Just give me something! It can be anything!"
"Uhhh…I have a green onion…" Beauty said sheepishly, pulling out a long, stick-shaped green onion.
"You found it! That's my Don Patch Sword!!" Don Patch jumped for joy and grabbed the onion. Beauty was baffled beyond belief at this point.
"Okay, here we go! My master ordered me to defeat you!" Don Patch shouted.
"Fine with me! Bring it on!" Battleship shouted, cracking his knuckles.
"It's just an onion…" Beauty said to herself.
/BAM!/
/BOP!/
/BAM!/
/POW!/
/POW!/
/BONK!/
/DOINK!/
/MOOOO!!/
/Somebody's poisoned the water hole!!/
"EEEEEEHHHH!?"
"Hajike Shinken Ogi: Ukigumo Tsumuji-tessen!!"
Don Patch took the captain from behind and swirled him several hundred feet into the air, above the train. He began to spin him madly into the air, forming a swirl of clouds…
"And now, storytime!!"
"WHAAAT!?" Battleship shouted/freaked out.
Cloudy-chan and the Rainy Day
By DON PATCH (Double Obsidian Nanotech Interface + Paralysis Adaptation Triple Catharsis Home Unit)
"Geez, always with the acronym…must be a pain in the ass to spell out…" Battleship said with a sweat drop.
"Once upon a time, in the great blue sky above, the white clouds of the sky were all dancing in happiness, dancing around in the light of the great sun above."
"Aww, those clouds are cute…" Battleship noted the chibi clouds that were part of the story.
"But unfortunately for one little cloud, a little storm cloud, all of the other clouds picked on him for fun. The little storm cloud, Cloudy-chan, would spend the days crying in sadness. He had no friends at all…"
"Aww…poor Cloudy-chan…" Battleship began to cry.
"One day, Cloudy-chan said, 'I'm going to make a million friends, no matter what!'"
"Yay! Go Cloudy-chan!"
"Cloudy-chan then went over to the local druggie and bought poison to spike the juicy juice that the other clouds were drinking. He then bought a giant ray gun that could blow up Jupiter and began to destroy the other clouds. He then burped so loud that a tornado began to form. With these scare tactics, the other clouds forever bowed down to the little storm cloud, who took over the casino business and inherited the internet. The end!"
"WHAT!? THAT'S IT!! THAT SUCKED!! WHAT A BAD ENDING!!" Battleship screamed/freaked out. What he didn't know that he was about to land back into the train on his head, and Bo-bobo was waiting for him, charged for attack!
"Oh, crap--!"
"Super Fist of the Nose Hair: A Million Blessings from the Crying Cloud-chan!!" Bo-bobo's nose hairs began to take the shape of storm clouds and rain began to obliterate the captain. In the distance, Cloudy-chan was shouting, "All your bases belong to ME, now!!"
Battleship landed on the ground, his HP hit zero, and he was down and out. He growled in pain and anger.
"Dammit…I lost again…why…why!?"
"Aw, stop thinking out loud and get the hell out of here!" Bo-bobo shouted like a bum. He drew forth a giant plowing tractor and shoved Battleship off the train! Heppokomaru freaked out, of course.
"Well, glad that's over. Now we can continue the trip in peace." Bo-bobo yawned and flopped down onto a large chair, completely unaware of either his injuries or the damage done to the train. Heppokomaru sweat dropped. He slowly got up and found an unconscious Beauty in the café car. He gently picked her up and gingerly bought her back and placed her onto a row of two seats, where she could lie down. He cleared some hair from her face and smiled. He then returned to his seat, took out a first aid kit, and began patching himself up.
Namero looked at Beauty with some sort of light in his eye. He gazed at her cut face with a hint of worry. For some reason, something was welling up inside him…but what was it? He dropped the subject for the time being and began upgrading Don Patch, who was ranting about becoming the heroine.
The sleeping Beauty was dreaming…and it was a memory that she thought she had forgotten…
Dream Sequence Mode
An open grassy field spread over the horizon beneath a flaming carnelian and pale orange sunrise. The air was scented with the smell of lavish and blossoming plum blossoms that were reaching their peak. Near the field was what looked like a lavish castle-like mansion surrounded with other fine-looking Japanese and European looking houses and buildings in the vincity. In the middle of the field, a little girl with pink hair tied in two braids wearing a pale lilac summer dress was dancing in the field with a large armful of plum blossom petals.
"Onii-chan, look! I found so many! We can make some good jams and wine with these, right?" the little girl spoke happily to a boy who appeared to be ten years older than her, presumably about 15 years old.
"Oh, indeed. I don't think we need to worry about jam or wine for a while. These'll make a fine treat for mother and father." Several plum blossoms blew through his long dark pink hair, which stretched down to near his lower back.
"Onii-chan, you're so awesome…I'm having the best summer of my life because you came back to me, mother and father. I miss you when you're away studying…" The little girl hugged the boy's waist, and he embraced her head.
"Sister…you don't have to be lonely anymore...I'm going to be staying back here so that I can study more to become a proper magician."
"Really!?" The girl's eyes sparkled as she gasped.
"Yes…and soon, you too will become a part of this family's line of powerful warriors and sorcerers. Why don't you show me what you can do?"
"Oh-okay!"
The little girl tightened her body in determination. She pulled out a small wand with a star at the end. She waved it around several times and chanted,
"Deflexio!" (Wind Shield!)
A sphere of wind formed a shield shape around the girl and her brother. The shield vanished after a moment, and the boy applauded, picking the girl up by her arms and swinging her around. The girl laughed playfully.
"That was wonderful! You'll become a great Magi someday, just like mother."
"I sure do hope so…" The girl smiled as a wind blew through the horizon.
"Onii-chan?"
"Yes?"
"I really do love you…"
"I love you too, little sis…"
End Sequence
Beauty mumbled in her sleep as the memory washed over her mind. Her eyes opened slightly, and she drew a silent breath.
"Onii-chan…that's right…I trained to become a Magi like mother…so that I could also find onii-chan…"
Bo-bobo had woken up from his daze and gulped down a swig of iced tea. He looked out the window and remembered something.
Bo-bobo Flashback Mode
"Be-bebe-onii-sama, why is this kingdom so special?" A six year-old Bo-bobo asked his older brother. The two of them were on a swing set in a rather elaborate playground.
"It's because not only is it a rich province of the Don Kingdom, but because it holds the greatest secret of power that not even the royalty of the entire kingdom knows." A seven year-old Be-bebe replied.
"What secret is that?"
"The manipulation of a secret combination of spiritual force and body hair."
"Body hair?" Bo-bobo was bewildered and perplexed.
"Yup. At least that's what onee-chan told me."
"Hmm…"
"And it seems that with these forces, we have a special duty to protect the royalty of the Don Kingdom and fight for the sake of the High Spirits that watch over and protect us." Be-bebe kicked the dirt ground with his feet.
"Is this special duty a duty that we have to forcibly carry on for life, onii-sama?"
"Apparently so."
"Hmm…"
End Flashback
Bo-bobo thought and thought. Was it really the duty of the citizens of the Diamond Hair Kingdom to strictly protect the royalty alone? He didn't know why he was questioning his duty now. After rescuing the first High Spirit, he began to think why people had to do the things they did for the sake of what they fought for.
Maybe saving Princess Patches alone wasn't all he could do…
45 minutes later…
"DING-DOOOOONG! The Crystal Express has now arrived at Mt. Bloodstone, at the main train station of the Ruby Region. All passengers are advised to bring their belongings with them as they disembark. Thank you for choosing the Crystal Express, and we hope to see you again on your next journey!"
Bo-bobo and his party gathered their things for the trip ahead and stepped off the train. They thanked the conductor and hopped off the small station platform. They were now standing in the Ruby Region, the kingdom's biggest region (As if you didn't already know that). Their current location was Mt. Bloodstone, the main tourist and traveler entrance of the region, or at least an entrance where they wouldn't be blasted to death by the heat or potential sandstorms. The mountain was a very disjointed and bizarre one, where it consisted of several platform-like landmasses and slides. A broken path was made for unwary travelers who were new to the area. The mountain itself was a massive peak that never seemed to end; the only way out was to either take a train back to the Crystal Region or head east into the harsh Crimson Desert.
"Well, I think we'll settle here for now and see where to head first." The nurse-maid in the blue skirt flipped her hair and followed Bo-bobo. They sat down on a nearby bench and began to deliberate.
"We're just here for a vacation, remember? We're wishing you the best of luck on your journey to save us, Sir Bo-bobo!"
"Thank you! Have fun!" Bo-bobo waved back to them. The party then began to scale the step-like platforms of the mountain and followed the broken trail that would lead them to the desert. It was a beautiful day today; the sun was high, the sky was mostly cloudless, and the temperature wasn't too high (at least until they would get to the desert, obviously). A cool breeze raced through the mountains, leaving the party refreshed.
"Jeez, this is one hell of a steep mountain!" Beauty groaned. "I wonder how long it's gonna take to cross it?"
"Oh I don't know Beauty, maybe we'll know when you STOP WHINING!!" Don Patch began to flip out on Beauty, but she halted his advances by smashing him into a mountain wall.
"DON'T YOU HURT BEAUTY, YOU JERK!!" Bo-bobo grabbed a massive piece of the mountain and smashed it into Don Patch, causing him to fall down into a massive pit!
"Bo-bobo! You didn't have to do that!" Beauty freaked out again. She sighed an exasperated sigh and continued walking.
Heppokomaru looked at the sun. "It must be noontime. The sun's at its height. We should probably get to the other side as fast as we can before sundown."
"No duh, Sherlock…" Namero muttered. He then twisted and noticed someone coming their way. "Heppokomaru you loser for life! Watch out!"
"What is it, dill weed?" Heppokomaru spoke bitterly. "OW!"
Heppokomaru wound up bumping into another man, who was clad in a white bed sheet, wore a postal man's hat, had a mail bag slung around his left shoulder, and wore blue and silver roller blades. The man had bushy brown eyebrows, a tiny brown beard, large pink lips, and the strangest blue eyes he had ever seen. He stared at him, and he had an odd feeling about this man that disgusted him…
"Ummm…who are you, sir?" Heppokomaru asked rather politely.
The sheeted man stood up. He stared at the boy for a moment, squinting his eyes. He then spoke.
"So…you want to know my name, boy?"
"Uhhh…yes?"
"Very well…" The man turned around and did the last thing anyone expected: He lifted up his sheet, flashing his goods with a light even more blinding than the sun! Heppokomaru screamed bloody murder.
"YOU WANT HELP!? TAKE THIS!! SERVICE!!"
"WHAT THE--!!"
Heppokomaru tried to punch the man, but he avoided him and flashed again. The boy's screams and the constant flashing didn't seem to end.
"Is this man anal? Or has he simply not taken any medication today?" Namero thought. Beauty had a freaked out look on her face, which began to go white at the man's actions.
"ENOUGH!!" Bo-bobo stepped between the two males and smashed the sheet-covered male into a foxhole, where he was nearly beaten to death by rabid foxes. He climbed out and coughed. Heppokomaru was ready to take this man down, no matter how freakishly creepy he was.
"Hold it, hold it! I can see that you're with Sir Bo-bobo, the legendary knight! I won't 'service' you again, okay!?" The man frantically waved his arms. Heppokomaru let his pistol down and grunted.
"You're Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, right? Listen, I really need your help!" the man said in desperation.
"Tell me who you are, and maybe I'll help," said Bo-bobo.
"Don't you know him, Bo-bobo? He's the region's mailman, Serviceman!" Beauty exclaimed. "He's known to be the slowest mailman around. That, and he apparently likes showing his intimate parts to everyone…" Beauty said disgusted.
"Hmph! Dumb jôchan! Why does everyone assume all those rumors are true!?" Serviceman shouted.
"Because they're true."
"Bleah!"
"Well, Serviceman? What do you need?"
"Well, you see…I dropped some letters around the mountain…do you think you can help me find them?"
End of Part 1.
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-Captain Battleship's been defeated again, and now Bo-bobo's party is in the Ruby Region, and now they have received a request from the creepiest man in the series! Will they accept his request? And what do the dreams that Beauty and Bo-bobo had mean? Read on and find out…
-Ah, I had a writer's block…the end of the school year's around the corner, and essays and such are creating a huge wall. I must be under some type of stress I don't know about, because that's what my mother says. That, and I have a skin condition connected to stress, even though I don't really feel stressed at all. Weird…
-The next part is coming for ya next!
FOOTNOTES
-For those of you who don't know Final Fantasy VII, Sephiroth is the main antagonist and a rather famous villain in the video game world. Many humorous jokes have been made about him, such as "When Sephiroth sneezes, a child dies."
-This chapter has expressed Heppokomaru's "Fighting announcer" side. Remember when he puts on those blue square-shaped sunglasses and scream into a microphone at random fighting facts he knows in the TV show? He did that in this chapter.
-I'll give anyone a cake if you find out where the saying in bold's from (Underneath the sound effect sequence)…okay no I won't
-The story about the cloud is purely made up…I don't even know where the idea came from…
-Ukigumo Tsuji-tessen: "Floating Cloud-Twirling Spark" (JP)
-Plum blossoms, or in actuality, Apricot blossoms, can be used to make jam and wine, and can also bear a plum called the umeboshi plum. They were bought to Japan by the Chinese, and later to Korea.
-Bloodstones are greenish quartz rocks with lines of iron oxide within them, known as red jasper. They were the original birthstones for March, even though the current one is the aquamarine.
-"Jôchan" is an honorific title that would be similar to the English equivalent of "missy" or "young lady."
Ladies and Gentlemen: Bo-bobo the musical!! …Just kidding…