Like I have promised everyone, this is chapter 3 dedicated to all who have read, and review this story! I think this chapter comes out very well, so hope you all enjoy it! :D

Rated T for a little angst.

This chapter is more on the thoughts of Allen, and a little on Kanda and Komui as well.

Disclaimer: I do not own DGM

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"You are here Kanda-kun. Please take a seat." Komui said. Kanda nodded his head as he sat on the couch across Komui, resting his katana at the side of the table in front of him, crossing his long legs and folding his arms. Komui looked at the teenager, surprised that he did not ask anything regarding this meeting now. Instead, Kanda just closed his eyes and relaxed himself, loosening the frown at his eyebrows. He then shook his head and continued on his talking.

"So, Kanda-kun, I have the latest reports regarding your health."

Kanda just opened his left eye slightly, staring at the Chinese man before letting out a slow yawn, moving his mouth muscles. Komui frowned a little. Though this was not the first time they were meeting each other, but seriously, wasn't Kanda worried about his current condition?

"Spit it out, Komui." Kanda spoke coldly. Komui nodded his head as he continued, "So, about the reports on your health, I have bad news for you."

Kanda just nodded his head in slow motions, obvious that he was bored with this. Komui could not take this anymore and just waved the document in the air, trying to catch the raven-haired samurai's attention.

"Kanda-kun! Can you just listen to me for a while? This is regarding your life at stake!"

"So what if it is?" Kanda spoke plainly, staring at the other with his icy stare, getting serious all of a sudden. Komui just leaned backward slightly, startled by his sudden change of behaviour. He just fidgeted uncomfortably under his close stare glued on him as he turned to the document on his hand. He then realised what Kanda was saying previously and looked at him in shock.

"Kanda-kun, you-"

"So what if that is...right?" Kanda repeated his previous answer, showing no signs of emotions. He grunted softly as he shifted slightly from his position, facing partially to the left, giving a nonchalant look. Seriously, he was just wasting his time here, listening to all these nonsense. He knew very well himself on how his body was functioning. He did not want anyone to lecture on this. It just annoyed him greatly.

"But, Kanda-kun, your body would not be able to take it! Once again, you will lose control! This is just the matter of time before it happens, and you should know the consequences when this happens! You have experienced that before, right?"

Actually, he did not really have a memory when he had gone berserk. He just vaguely saw blood splattered everywhere, poisoning his sight with filth and disgust. Those memories were hazy, and he did not have a clear view on what was going on.

"So, what if that is? Do you have a solution to solve this?" Kanda asked. Komui did not utter a word as he just sat there, silent. Kanda sighed as he stood up.

"I knew that these stupid meetings about my current body are just useless. I know myself. I know that there is no absolute way for me to recover without having to go through that process, so just don't waste time and effort on me. You should spend more time figuring out where your sister is." Komui's eyes widened, surprised as he knew very well what Kanda was implying. The supervisor just stoned there for a moment before a sheepish laugh escaped from his lips.

"Having being disappeared for 6 months, the Black Order has already pronounced her dead, so there is simply no reason for me to find her anymore." Kanda turned to face him abruptly, giving a shock but piercing glare.

"What did you say? The Black Order pronounced her dead? How did you even know? That damn fucking body has not been found yet, and you just abandoned the thought of finding her?!? Damn it Komui! I cannot believe that you are her brother! Lenalee must be blind having a timid brother who is acting like a fucking coward!"

These strings of words hit him hardly, and he was fighting against the urge to hit Kanda right in his face. Did he want this way? Being her brother, he wanted more than anything to rush out of this hell place and search for her! It was as if he wanted to admit that he could not do anything, having to accept this stupid fact that his sister was dead!

Komui clenched his fist, furious.

He was angry, not at Kanda, but himself. Those words that Kanda threw at him hit him hardly, as realisation hit him. He realised that he was not acting what a brother should do. A brother should take care of his younger siblings and perform his duties no matter what situations they were in. When the younger brother or sister was in danger, he had to protect them, because he was his or her brother. No matter what happened, he must not abandon them.

From the day he let go of her hand, he had regretted. He could still vividly remember her desperate cries for her only brother, as she was dragged away by the Order's members. He could have rushed to her and grabbed her wrist, running as fast as they could, and as far as they could, to any places where they could not find them, and continued with their lives, but he just stood there, stunned, and trembling with fear when he encountered the towering people wearing the black uniform of the Black Organisation. His lips quavered as beads of sweat rolled down the side of his forehead. He told himself that he must move, so that he could save Lenalee, but he was defeated fear.

He could not do anything, only to see her from afar as she was gradually disappearing from his sight. Many years had passed before he could become the supervisor of the Science Division in the Black Order. When he arrived at the Order, the first thing that he did was to find Lenalee, and get her freedom. He knew that the olive-haired girl was locked up in a high tower, and by her character, Lenalee might have been frightened out of her wits. From young, she hated to be alone. Filled with loneliness in her mind, she had cried many times, her heart filled with grief. It pained him whenever he saw her in this state.

When he had found her, she was very haggard and skinny. Her face was pale white, and there were red marks from the struggle with the thick ropes that tied her onto the bed to prevent her from running away. Some wounds had opened and were bleeding slowly, staining the ropes with the red liquid.

At that moment, he swore that he would protect Lenalee till he had his last breath, to repay those times when he was not around her when she needed him the most. That was a promise, to his parents, as well as her.

"You...are right, Kanda-kun. You are right." He murmured softly, staring at the ground. Kanda noticed the strange reply as he raised his eyebrow, wondering whether his words were too harsh on him. He noticed that he had been treating people much colder than usual, though he did not know why. He just felt pissed off inside and wanted to vent out his frustration out on anything that he encountered. Sometimes he felt that he was behaving like one of the grey machines that the Millennium Earl had constructed.

No, he was one to begin with.

"Kanda-kun, I believe that Lenalee is not dead yet. I also want to find her, but rules are rules. I simply have no position to perform this, do you understand?" Kanda's eyes narrowed. He sounded very desperate, wanting his cries of help to reach to the others' ears. He just frowned.

Rules, rules, and more rules! Damn it, couldn't they just abandon those stupid rules and fight for their rights? Cowards!

"But then," Komui straightened his posture and looking at him with stern eyes, "We still have to talk about your condition. As far as I can see from your report, your curse is deteriorating. You know what that means right?"

Kanda did not respond. Komui continued, "One day, it will be awakened."

"I love you..."

These three words hovered in his mind, again and again. He had heard them many times. What was the meaning of love and to be loved?

Mana said that he loved him more than he loved himself, giving all that he could give just to make him happy. He said that as long as he was happy, he would be happy. He said that people would do anything just to make their loved ones happy, even if that meant sacrificing themselves for their happiness.

He just blinked at this explanation, bewildered. It sounded as if 'love' was so dangerous to him. He shook his head, grasping his thick, rough hand tightly. He did not want love if this was the result. He did not want people sacrificing themselves just for the sake of his happiness. That was just...too cruel.

"Well, everyone thinks this way, Allen. Even I think this way, but then Allen, people are generally selfish. Because they are too important to them, they are willing to do anything in order to obtain that 'happiness'."

At that time, did Mana have the same thoughts at the verge of death?

Those three words...they choked him whenever he brought up these three words. It took him courage and confidence to say these strong words that expressed his strong feelings for that person, having the desire to protect him or her and making sure that he or she was happy. Though they were just simple English words, yet it held the strongest emotions hidden within your heart, towards that person precious and important to you.

It hurt...so much when these three words were just at his mouth, when he was going to speak out.

Now, he understood that loving someone could be excruciating; so painful that he just wanted to die to ease this hurting feeling stabbed in his heart.

"I...love you, Mana. I love you so much." Allen sobbed as the black akuma had stopped moving, dead. There was no sign of the Millennium Earl around when it finally ended. Moments later, the rain started to fall, flooding the earth with its tears from heaven. Allen looked up at the gloomy sky, ignoring the stinging pain on his left eye as the trail of blood streaming down his face could be seen.

God was crying for them, he thought.

"You have a special ability bestowed from God, boy. You are the chosen one."

Cross Marian, the general of the Black Order, as well as his master, approached him. The rain damped his eyes, making his vision blurry. He slowly shifted his gaze weakly towards the one talking to him before staring ahead, his grey eyes hazy and empty.

"Looks like you wield a parasitic Innocence. Another one destined to walk down this bloody path ahead."

Allen did not answer, dazed.

"Boy, what is your name?"

"Allen Walker." He murmured, voice as quiet as a whisper.

"Good. Allen, do you want to become an exorcist? One that fights against the enemy that you have encountered earlier." Allen shifted his gaze to where Cross Marian was pointing. It was the remaining burning corpse of his foster father.

"You have an anti-akuma weapon, which is your left arm that is used to exorcise the enemies called 'Akumas'."

Allen just merely winced at his cuts and bruises around his body, tears continuing to stream down his face.

"Exorcist?"

"Yes, exorcist. Be an exorcist, and fight for this world, Allen. In order to ease your guilt on turning your foster father to an Akuma, be an exorcist, and prevent similar tragedies from happening again."

Allen's eyes gradually widened at the last sentence that he had just said. Yes, the pain he was suffering now must be part of guilt for turning Mana into an Akuma. He raised his right hand as it covered the sight of the left eye slightly, seeing bits and pieces of the surrounding and darkness. His heart thumped hardly as he remembered face expression of Mana's when his soul was released into the sky.

Mana was smiling.

"Thank you, Allen."

"It has finally stopped." Allen murmured as he stretched out his hand, feeling the soft and light drops of rain landed on it. The drizzles had reminisced as the dark, grey clouds gradually cleared, revealing the broad clear sky in view. The sounds of birds chirping could be heard from a distance as drops of rain fell onto the ground at the tip of the fresh, green leaves. A rainbow could be seen at the bright horizon as the sun was awakened from its slumber, emerging into view.

He coughed slightly as he heaved heavily, deciding to leave the rooftop and return to his room for a change of clothes before he headed to the Ark's gates. His clothes had been drenched by the heavy rain and he was trembling from head to toe. Allen descended down the stairs carefully, holding onto the railings for support. As his left leg was about to touch the ground, it suddenly slipped and he fell onto the ground hardly. He winced, yet he did not utter out a single sound from the excruciating pain. He slowly staggered up to his feet and hobbled on till he reached the nearest wall and stopped, catching his breath. Agony was shown all over his face, but he still did not say anything.

He then continued down the pavement, having difficulty walking due to his injured leg from the fall. He concluded that he had twisted his left ankle, as there was a red, huge swollen part there.

No, or maybe it was so serious that he had broken his left ankle? He was not very sure. After all, he was not very familiar with first aid, and he had countless of injuries that he just did not care.

People bypassed him. They noticed that he was acting weird, and asked whether he was alright. He shook his head in reply, not wanting them to worry. Before they could probe more, he walked away quickly, wanting to escape from this situation. He hid his cringing face by his long white strands, not wanting people to see how pathetic he was. He did not know why he still felt like this even though the war was over. He was just tense between crowds of people, and preferred quiet areas to himself, not wanting himself to be exposed completely.

That was how he felt about himself. He was disgusted, with the fact that he had an obscene eye brought by the curse of his very own foster father and a ragged body that had been damaged by the enemy, both mentally and physically. People said that he was the strongest one that they had ever met, having such a harsh fate, yet he still thought on the optimistic side and smiled everyday.

Smile? As days went by, his face muscles were so tired from the pulling. Smiling, only helped to reassure him that everything would be fine; that everyone would survive in this war and come back.

It had become a habit, that he would smile immediately at seeing anyone that he met. He was able to mask a smile that looked like a happy one from experiences that had gone by. It somehow made him sound like an expert, thus he was rather proud of it.

But then, he felt a little depressed; depressed that hardly anyone noticed his hurt feelings buried at the bottom of his heart. He was crying; crying desperately for anyone; just anyone, to notice his sorrows.

Somehow, he stumbled between steps and fell onto the ground. He stared at the floor, before he struggled, trying to move his body and legs so that he could sit up, but the pain that had been forgotten by his thoughts came back, this time twice as painful that he could not feel anything from his left leg anymore. His frown deepened as he did not give up, continuing to move his body and his right leg hardly, kicking the surface. In attempt to get up quickly, he moved his injured leg accidentally and the pain travelled through the nerves.

He shut his eyes and bit his lip to prevent himself from screaming. Soft, muffled sounds could be heard, barely audible for people to hear. He then noticed that tears had streamed from his eyes down his face. The grey orbs were hazy as he just stared at the long pathway ahead, allowing those tears to flow down uncontrollably.

He felt extremely weak and pathetic now. Thoughts of Lenalee once again entered his empty mind and filled up his lonely heart.

What in the world was he doing at that time? How could he be acting so calm when he knew that everything here was about to end?

He did not know. Even if he chose to act emotional, the side of him did not allow him to do so. There was no need of emotions. They were useless, worthless, a waste of time, unnecessary, a burden to him...

Kanda shut his eyes as he took in a deep breath, leaning against the wall just outside Komui's office. If only Lavi and Bookman were still around, he...

No, what in the world was he thinking? His fists were clenched as he gritted his teeth in anger. Why was he angry at, and why did he get angry so easily for no reason? He was not acting as himself at all! By his character, he would look into this problem with calmness and think of solutions to solve this, but this time, he totally snapped.

Why? Why did he lose control of himself...at this point of time? Kanda hissed in frustration. He could hide his emotions very well last time, but why this time, he could not do it? Why?

He glanced at the black crooked lines spreading from his left chest to the whole of his left shoulders. He glared at this ugly sight, disgusted. He then brought his long ponytail to the front as he glanced at it, feeling the softness of the strands.

"Your hair is soft and beautiful, Yuu. It makes me envy of you." Kanda just stared as he remembered the words that the bookman junior spoke. His eyes narrowed and his frown deepened. He then stared at the white bracelet at his left wrist which had been there for as long as he was. It was shimmering as the surface reflected with its shine.

"This bracelet comes with the flower. Do remember that you must not lose any one of them, Yuu."

Kanda felt his spinning head, wondering whether he had not gotten enough rest these days. The raven-haired teen coughed slightly as he turned to walk back towards his room.

"Kanda Yuu." Kanda stopped as he heard someone calling him. It was Link. He frowned.

"What," He asked, coldly. The blonde teen did not seem to be affected by his coldness as he replied, "Do you know where Walker is?"

Kanda raised his eyebrow. How should he know where that stupid beansprout was? Was he his nanny or housekeeper, keeping an eye on him for 24 hours?

"I don't know." Kanda spoke plainly. Link just stood there, looking at him with doubtful eyes that irritated Kanda even more. The inspector's secretary decided not to ask any further as he thanked him and walked away. As he walked halfway, he stopped and turned around, seeing Kanda walking away.

"That guy...his eyes..." He then wondered where Allen had gone to. As he looked in a distance, he saw a faint small figure of the golden golem flying towards him.

It looked like Timcampy was finding its owner too.

"Allen-kun, you are sick!"

"Eh, am I?" I blinked, pointing at myself. The olive-haired girl nodded her head vigorously and touched his hand. I flinched slightly at this, flushing, either from embarrassment or from the fever I had now. Lenalee then put her hand at his forehead and frowned.

"You are burning up, Allen-kun! I will tell Komui-nii-san that you are not suitable to go out for a mission."

"I'm alright Lenalee! Really, this is just nothing! And this mission is really very important, so I must go-"

"No."

I stopped talking and just looked at her, startled.

"What?"

"No, you must rest. I will tell nii-san to excuse you from this mission. Lavi would go in your place."

"But-"

Suddenly, a heated slap was sent directly at my face. My eyes widened with shock as I felt my face, staring at the olive-haired girl in astonishment.

"Even...Even if you are a general, you are sick, Allen-kun. I...I don't want you to fall. I want to protect my friends, because they are as important as me! Allen-kun, did you know that? You have been working on for days and days without rest! I have seen everything, and my heart hurts whenever I see you dragging your frail body out to go on missions!"

She was crying, very hardly, in front of me. For the first time, I saw her breaking down. She was the strongest girl that I had ever known. She never cried in front of anyone, not even to her brother, whom she loved dearly. She was determined, like a tree that would not fall in any storm that it encountered.

"Lenalee..."

"I hate it! I hate it when you say it is because you have to perform your duty as a General. I hate it when you say it is because of the safety of the whole world! I...I know what I am saying is totally wrong, but I...I...just hate it when you say all these reasons..."

I did not say a word.

"You are gradually separating from us, Allen-kun. You might not feel it, but I can feel the distance between us getting wider, like you are going to disappear soon. As you fought, your body is already at its limits, yet you push it further, to break those barriers and bring the enemy down." She sobbed as her crying gradually quietened down. Her hands were tugging on his uniform tightly, and when he moved slightly, she would pull it even tighter, not wanting him to go.

"It just...hurts to see you broken, Allen-kun. It hurts to see you fighting by yourself. Alone."

My eyes gradually widened at this, shocked.

"So...I beg you...please, rest in the headquarters and do not go out. Please?"

Her cries were desperate. I did not know what to do.

I started to blame himself, for making her in this miserable state. The last thing that I expected, was to see her cry.

"Walker! Walker, are you alright? Walker!"

"Lenalee..." Allen murmured softly, staring blankly into the space. People crowded around him, asking how he was feeling right now, but he did not reply, continuing to mutter her name again and again.

After that incident, he could not remember what he had done next. Probably, he had returned to his room to rest. Or maybe he abandoned her cries and moved on to his mission? He did not know.

His vision started to fade slowly. He could feel no pain anymore. As he looked ahead, a dark shadow approached him, and stopped in front of him.

That figure was tall, and had long hair. He smiled as he lost unconscious.

"Lenalee..."

I will update the next chapter in probably four - five days later, so again, please read and review! Please do tell me your opinions regarding the chapters that I have uploaded, so that I can have a rough idea on how to proceed with my later chapters. Yullen relationship is not very obvious yet, so I would like to apologise! D: In this story, I plan on making scenes between the both of them to let them realise that their relationship was not as simple as they imagined to be, so the hints of Yullen will tend to be not obvious. If you still cannot understand what I am implying here, leave me a message and I will explain to you in detail :)

And thanks to all who have reviewed my chappys!! Really, thank you very much, and hope that you will support the rest of the chapters coming ahead as well! :D

Love,

SingingBlues