I do not own DGM

Chapter 4: Seeking your mind

The footsteps stopped as Kanda saw Allen lying on the floor in front of him. Everyone just kept silent, wondering what the samurai would do. Kanda did not do anything, just stared at him with his usual eyes that showed no signs of emotions.

"Umm...Kanda-san?" One person had plucked up his courage to ask Kanda, since most of them here did not have the guts to provoke this raven-haired teen. Kanda did not respond, for a few seconds, before he slowly turned his head and stared at him with his cold gaze, not saying a word. The person just gulped and flinched before he continued, "W-Walker-san s-seem to have i-injured his left foot, so we wonder if you can..."

Kanda raised his eyebrows at this. The person stopped talking (or rather, stuttering) immediately and looked at the floor, not daring to continue further. He then turned and looked at Allen again. He let out a soft grunt as his frown deepened.

To think that this dumb beansprout had brought him problems again, he thought. He bended down his body to take a closer look at him. As the tips of his fingers were touching his sweaty forehead slightly, his eyes widened as he redrew his hand immediately, shocked. Everyone crowded around him, concerned about the white-haired teen's current health.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and grabbed onto the person's collar tightly, pulling him right in front of his fuming face. Everyone gasped in shock as the person was trembling, staring at Kanda timidly.

"W-What, Kanda-san?"

"What?" Kanda spoke in a low voice, emphasising clearly. The person's lip was shaking and his face cringed at this remark.

"Y-Yes, w-w-what seems to be the p-problem, K-Kanda-san?"

"Why didn't anyone send him to the infirmary?!? He is burning up right now, idiots!"

No one said anything, having no reasons to rebuke back. Kanda grunted in frustration as he glared at the crowd and released the man who quickly ran behind his friend and looked at Kanda in fear. Kanda then put one of his hand behind Allen's head to support it and the other hand at his thighs as he carried him up in bridal style. Allen's face was flushed red as his breathing was getting husky. Kanda frowned. There was not much time. It would be too late if he rushed to the infirmary now, when his body temperature was very high. He must reduce his temperature first before sending him to the infirmary.

There was only one way, though he did not like it.

"Get out. You are blocking my way." A man realised that he was talking to him as he gave an apologetic look and stood aside. Within minutes, the raven-haired teen had disappeared along the corridor.

-

He did not know what he was doing at that time. Hell, maybe his brain was malfunctioning, but he did not know, and could not comprehend. What was he doing, bringing that beansprout to his room instead of the infirmary? He had pondered this for many times, again and again. He concluded that he wanted to lower down his body temperature to a stable level before he sent him to the infirmary to let the nurses and doctors take care of him. At that time, he would wash hands over his matter, and would not care what happened to him in the future. He did not want to get involved with Allen in the first place.

He hated Allen. He hated him more than he hated his ugly appearance. He hated his smile and his kindness for people he met. He hated his bleached white hair that would freak people out in the mornings and he hated that cursed eye that seemed to emit a dark aura whenever it was activated. He hated him for his naivety, thinking that as long as he worked very hard being an Exorcist, he would be able to save those souls from their binded chains.

He just hated everything about Allen. As long as his presence lingered in his mind, he would be terribly infuriated and pissed at his slightest behaviour. He wanted to mock at him, to sneer and scorn at him, for having such a weak body and a weak mind. He did not deserve to become an Exorcist if he was to continue in this state. It would just make him even more pathetic, letting him laugh at him even more.

But what angered him most was that he was not even affected by his cold, stabbing words, having optimistic thoughts in his mind that he would understand him better in the future when they worked together more often in missions. That was what he thought, but did he think this way? When he did not waver at his strings of merciless words, he berated him with words harsher and venomous than before which would surely hurt the other party deeply, etched in his or her mind. He thought that as long as he did this, no one would be bothering him with irritating talks and unnecessary chats and he would have the peace all by himself.

But, he was wrong. He thought that he would not, and could not disturb him anymore, and he would not even bother to provoke him back. He got what he wanted. Allen did not speak to him any longer unless it was unnecessary, and he got all the peace that he wanted, but one day, something caught him unexpected.

He saw Allen crying.

One day, they were on a mission. Allen got hurt during a fight with the akumas, and Kanda had to save him. As usual, he scolded him for having to make him save him, when the enemies were only level 1 and 2 akumas! Having fought a level 3 before, shouldn't the killings be easier for him, especially that he had powers that not much Exorcists had, and wanted to have.

"I'm sorry." Allen's voice croaked as his head was down, staring at the dirty ground.

And he hated it when all he could say to him was 'sorry'. Couldn't he just change his answering once in while? He was sick of the same answers over and over and over again. The hoarse voice emitted from his lips just made him look more pathetic.

"Stop saying sorry to me! Aren't you tired, saying this again and again? I'm tired! Tired of saving you always whenever you are in danger, and today was worse! I need to save you from akumas that are of level 1 and 2s!" He spat out, shooting those blatant words directly at his face, though he knew very well the main reason why he was not in good condition to fight.

Allen did not say anything, assuming that he should not talk, and did not have the right to talk. He thought that that was the end. Their heated conversation had ended, and all was well. He managed to control himself from scolding him further, but something he said finally made him snap.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" He repeated, scornfully, before he laughed out loud. "If you are really that weak, why didn't you use those powers bestowed from God? With the Fourteenth, you would not be so weak anymore, right?"

He did not know what he was doing at that time. When those cold words were at his lips, he noticed that he had hurt his pride. Deeply.

From his face expression, from the way he reacted, he knew that he was infuriated.

He knew that he should not have brought up this sensitive issue out, especially to Allen. He knew that though Allen showed that he was okay with it, but deep inside, he was very fragile; one that would shatter easily by just the slightest touch.

Yet, he had spoken out, and there was no way he could get his words back again.

After that incident, both of them did not talk to each other. He and Allen tried to avoid each other, not wanting to be reminded of that scenario just now, but there were some times when they had to force themselves to see each other's faces. As he looked into his eyes, he was a little astonished that his silver gray eyes were so cold and emotionless, and the sensation stung him hardly. He spoke in a lifeless tone, having a blank look on his face. It made him guilty of what he had done to him. He did not know that comment would hurt him so deeply that he was treating him like this. Was this his retribution, or this was the result that he wanted in the first place?

At night, when he was walking along the dark, silent corridor with his muffled footsteps, he noticed that Allen's door was slightly opened. He stopped, wondering what he might be doing at this late hour. He walked to the door and took a closer look.

His eyes widened at what he saw.

The room was dark. There were no lights, but due to the moonlight, he could see very clearly. Right in front of his eyes, Allen was standing there, crying.

-

As Kanda had reached his door, he did not care about his rough behaviour and just kicked the door open, slamming it aside. He then went in and put Allen slowly and carefully on the white sheets, treating him with care. His face was freaking pale and he was perspiring profusely, gasping heavily that he was breathless. Kanda went to close the door behind him and went to the washroom to get a basin of water and a fresh, clean towel. When he got back, he pulled a chair over beside the bed as he sat down and began soaking the towel with the cold water. He unbuttoned Allen's Exorcist uniform and took it off, revealing his white vest and his black pants. He then realised that his clothing was wet completely.

"Damn what the hell was he doing before he became like this?" Kanda muttered as he went to his wardrobe to get him a fresh set of clothing. As Allen's size was small considering his age, it was not hard getting him clothes that fit him and Kanda got a long shirt that he had not worn for a long time. Though it would be a little too large for him, but this was the smallest size that he could find. He slammed the wardrobe shut as he went back to the bed, wondering what he should do.

It was obvious that he should strip Allen immediately and get him changed, but at this thought his cheeks flushed slightly, and he mentally slapped himself for having such ridiculous thoughts in his mind. He was not the type of person to have corrupted minds, unlike someone (A/N well I think all of you should know :p). He just stared at the one lying in front of him and groaned. It looked like he had no choice. It was as if he wanted this too.

"When he wakes up I will surely make him pay for this!" Kanda hissed softly as he started taking off his wet vest, revealing his fair torso. Somehow, Kanda was rather fascinated by this.

"Well, that beansprout looks a little muscular despite his small size." Kanda thought. Again, he mentally slapped himself. He then threw the vest onto the floor and helped to pull the new shirt over his body and his arms through the sleeves. He then stared at the soaked pants and frowned. Now this was where the real problem started. He concluded that his underpants might be wet as well, but everyone knew that undergarments should not be shared, even if they were of the same gender, thus he could not let him wear his.

He guessed he had to contact that stalker and asked him about this.

"Walker's...underpants?" Link repeated, speaking in a rather confused and startled tone. That samurai did not think this way, unfortunately, as his eye twitched in every few seconds.

"Yes. Since you know everything about him, can you bring one to my room?"

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Don't you dare misunderstand me for a pervert. That moyashi is sick, and I am tending to him right now."

"Then why is he at your room, Kanda Yuu? If he is sick, you can just take him to the infirmary instead. There is no need of you to take care of him. The nurses and doctors will do the job."

Kanda's eye twitched at this remark. He knew very well that he would shoot this reply back to him.

"His body temperature is freaking high, so I decided to lower down his body temperature before sending him to an infirmary. Do not get me wrong, Link. I'm not a fucking busybody. I have other things to do too, just that I met him somewhere and decided to help."

"I see." It seemed that the secretary did not probe more as he continued, "Okay, I will...send you one of his underpants over to your place."

The call ended as he stared at Allen sleeping on the bed, with the soaked towel at his forehead. He was rather surprised that Link could be useful at this point of time, and it surprised him further when he even knew where that beansprout kept his clothes at. He sighed as he sat back onto the chair, leaning against the back, looking at him. He observed his everything; his hair, his eyes, his noses, the red scar that travelled down his left eye, his lips. He took the wet towel and touched his warm forehead gently. It seemed like his temperature was slowly decreasing. He heaved a sigh of relief, and for the first time, he was glad that Allen would be alright.

He realised that his hand had moved unconsciously to his delicate face, caressing it gently. His eyes followed the trail of his finger as it moved around his face, from the tip of his nose to his left eye. He stopped momentarily as he just stared at the raw slash down his eye, staining his beautiful face with its blood. His lips opened slightly as he exhaled, admiring the red scar. His finger started to move again as it followed the red trail to where it ended, at the bottom end of his left cheek.

He was surprised himself that he was doing this. He, the one who hated him the most, was at his side, tending to him. Why was he doing this, when it was none of his business to tend to him? That stalker could do the job even better than he was, and he had better things to do than to waste his precious time on this weakling in front of him.

His finger slid down his face as it met his lips. The movement of his finger seemed to be hesitant as he approached the area where it was supposed to be sensitive, to one's view. His finger finally entered that region and touched that soft, pale flesh. Warm entered his cold finger immediately as he could feel it travelling up to his body, though it was only a little. His gaze never left him as he continued to move his finger around his lips, seemed to be playing with it. Before he knew it, he was leaning closer to him, feeling the warmth radiating from his body.

He realised that he could not control himself anymore. The lips was just too...tempting.

"Kanda," He stopped. There was a knock on the door. He slowly lifted his face and stared at the door. He stood up and walked towards the door, opening it. Link was standing there, holding a plastic bag in his hand.

"How's Walker?"

"He's fine, I supposed." Kanda shrugged, letting him in, though he usually did not like people invading in his privacy. Link stepped in and looked at the sleeping boy on the bed. Allen was still breathing heavily, his cheeks flushed red, but his face was not as pale as before. Link sighed before his gaze fell onto the black soaked pants which had not been removed yet.

"Aren't you going to remove his pants yet?" He asked. Kanda, who was standing at a corner, just stared at him. The secretary somehow knew what this meant as he turned and headed for the door.

"Make sure to send him to the infirmary after he is getting better." Kanda nodded as he looked at Link who had exited from the room, closing the door behind him. He turned to Allen and walked to the bed. He was rather surprised that Link did not say anything about keeping Allen here. It had been a rule from the Vatican that Howard Link would be the one tending to Allen's needs, and no one was supposed to take him away without the inspector's further instruction, but surprisingly, Link did not seem to care about this.

Kanda turned his attention to the black pants. His hand was about to touch the zipper when he stopped. He did not know why he would falter at this moment. Both of them were men, yet it would still be embarrassing when he had to strip off his pants. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he touched the zipper and slowly unzipped the pants, taking it off. He then stared at what was remaining and took it off.

His eyes widened at this. Well, he just couldn't help it.

He could feel heat rising up to his face again, and growled in annoyance. Stupid emotions getting in his way of making decisions again! Why was he feeling this way? It had been getting on his nerves lately and he was pissed off by this. Concealing those irritating thoughts at the back of his mind, he proceeded putting the underpants on him. He did not bother getting a new pair of pants for him, as the shirt he was wearing was long enough, and this could help in lowering his body temperature further.

Once again, he was obsessed by his face. Before he could sink further, he decided to distract himself by meditating instead.

He looked at the clock in his room. It was exactly 4 o'clock. It was a good time to meditate at this moment. It could help to clear those unnecessary and absurd thoughts off his head. Kanda took off the wet towel and rinsed it again, putting it back onto his forehead. As he was about to settle at a corner to do his meditating, something grabbed his wrist tightly. He turned around, astonished.

He thought that Allen was awake. Somehow, he did not want him to know that he was the one tending to him. It left him stupefied on the spot.

He noticed that Allen was not awake yet, and it relieved him. It seemed like he was moving unconsciously, and that he just found his hand there coincidentally. Kanda sighed as he tried to separate his hand from his wrist, but something shocked him.

"Don't leave."

It was no more than a soft murmur, yet he could hear it so clearly. He then wished that he did not have such good hearing instead. His face expression was twisted, like as if he was in pain. He wondered what he was dreaming now, that made his face so cringed up. Somehow, his heart wrenched slightly, and he realised that the both of them could not go on like this. He tried to loosen the grip on his wrist, but the grip tightened even more that he winced at the slight pain. The more he struggled, the more he refused to let go.

"Don't go. Don't leave."

Was he thinking about Lenalee? He just could not understand. What was it that made him suffer in misery and anguish? Was it so painful that he had to torture himself in this state? What was the bond he shared with Lenalee, so deep that he could not live without her? Somehow, he was jealous of the olive-haired girl. Even he did not comprehend the reason why. As he stood, alone, with only himself to comfort to, he could not help but want someone to be with him, to comfort him and accompany him through this bloody path. He did not have warmth. He felt cold always, wherever he went, and he needed it. Desperately.

He gave up struggling and just let his hand be, in his grasp. Allen seemed to be muttering something under his breath as his frown deepened. He just looked at him continuously. He felt his forehead. The white-haired teen stirred and moaned softly at this gentle touch. Kanda removed his hand and put the towel back on his forehead. His fever had gone down. As what Link had said, he would be sent to the infirmary, under the care of the doctors and nurses there. From then, what happened to Allen would be none of his concern.

He felt...disappointed. Somehow, he had gotten the use of Allen Walker around his sight. He did not find him disgusting anymore. The feeling of wanting to mock him till he broke had reminisced. He did not feel the hatred bottling up in him anymore. All was left was remorse and guilt to him, for not understanding more about him. He did not know why he was feeling this way, nor did he want to know the reasons either.

He looked outside the window and saw the sunset in view. Though he did not care about what was happening around him, but for once, he found the sunset beautiful.

-

Where...am I...

He groaned softly as images started to appear in front of him. He blinked slowly, trying to figure out where he was. Scent of lotuses entered his nose as he inhaled deeply. Where was he? He did not remember touching any lotuses on the way to his room. Where was this light scent coming from?

He looked around as he felt his throbbing head, wincing. Damn, he felt warm all over, like there was a fire raging inside him. He felt groggy all over as his vision was getting clearer, seeing the room. He frowned, racking his brains, wondering why he was here. If he had not remembered wrongly, he was not here previously. He should be at the floor...

Wait, he felt something soft and...warm at his left hand. Allen averted his sight towards his left hand as he found himself holding on to someone's hand...

Wait, hand?! Whose hand was that? His eyes opened wide immediately as he just kept staring at the hand that he was holding, stupefied. That hand belonged to...

"You are finally awake, moyashi." Allen stiffened, hearing that voice beside him. He could even feel the warm breath tickling his face, making him flush instantly. He gulped as he slowly turned his stiff head to the raven-haired teen who was looking at him, with a face that looked amusing.

"K-Kanda..." The word just trailed off. He did not know what to add on to this confusing and awkward situation. It was just embarrassing.

"Moyashi, now that you are awake, can you let go of my hand now?" Kanda spoke, looking at his grabbed hand. Allen released the grip immediately and looked away, hiding the blush spread across his face. Kanda just let out a sigh as he stood up and stretched himself. Allen just stared at the blanket that was laid over his body hardly, trying to throw off any absurd thoughts that were going to invade his mind in a few seconds' time. He did not know why he ended up here, and why Kanda was here in the first place. It was kind of embarrassing, but he had to find out from that guy to clear his doubts.

"U-Uh...Kanda? Why...Why am I here? And why are you here?"

Kanda did not answer, making the atmosphere even more awkward. Allen continued to stare at the blanket, not deciding to face him. He closed his eyes, wishing that Kanda could say anything. God, just anything to chase away this weird atmosphere surrounding the both of them.

"You fainted, thus I send you here." Kanda stated plainly, not intending to explain further. Allen was deep into thoughts, wondering why Kanda did not send him over to the infirmary instead, and by Kanda's character, he did not even give a damn on whether he was dead or not, so why there was an exception today that he had the privilege to be sent to his room by this arrogant and snobbish samurai? Allen gripped on the white sheets nervously. Kanda was treating him too nicely, and this gave him the creeps.

And come to think of that, this place did not look like his room at all. Though the entire Exorcists' rooms resembled the same, but he had a feeling that this was not his room. He did not even remember having this light fragrance in his room that smelt like lotuses...

Something caught his eye. He stared in front, at the hourglass with something bright pink inside. He slowly pulled the white sheets aside as he got out of bed, his feet stepping onto the freezing floor, sending some sizzling feeling up his nerves, but he ignored that, his attention captured by that hourglass in front of him. He slipped his feet into the warm slippers as he walked towards it.

"What are you doing?" Kanda asked, but Allen did not reply as he reached the table. Allen peered at it, and realised that it was a flower. His fingers touched the glass and travelled down the cool surface.

"Beautiful..." He murmured. He then noticed that it was a lotus. So, maybe the light scent came from this flower, but then the hourglass was sealed, so he had no idea to how the scent escaped into the air. And he did not remember having such beautiful thing under his possession.

"Don't touch it!"

"Eh?" Startled by the sudden voice, his finger pressed on the surface accidentally, and it swayed to the right, about to crash onto the floor. Kanda managed to rush there on time and hold onto the hourglass with his hands. Allen just stumbled backwards, astonished.

"Kanda?"

"Don't touch my things next time, moyashi!" Allen winced at that icy tone, wondered why Kanda spoke in such a harsh way. It was just a lotus in an hourglass, and he never wanted to touch his things in the first place, so why make a fuss about this? He then wondered why he was feeling this way.

"This is...your room?" It made him feel even more awkward when Kanda brought him to his room rather than his own room to rest. Allen shifted slightly, folding up the sleeves that drooped to his elbows. He did not like this. It was making him even more nervous, though he had no idea what exactly made him feel this way. He had to assume that Kanda's room was nearer to his room, or that Kanda did not know where his room was located. He sighed, confirming his doubts with these two answers to ease his mind.

"Well u-uh, thank you very much for letting me stay in your room. I am feeling better, so I shall return to my room." Kanda did not answer, his eyes closed. Allen opened the door and stepped out of the room. Before he closed the door, he turned and looked at Kanda once again. He slowly turned back and slid the door shut quietly behind him. As his feet shuffled on the ground, he hugged himself tightly, shivering against the cold. He then realised that he was only wearing a very long shirt, to his utter embarrassment. His footsteps turned quieter as he looked around, hoping that no one was passing by here.

"Don't touch it!"

"What is that lotus exactly?" He thought. Come to think of that, he never had imagined that Kanda had such beautiful thing under his possession. He thought that Kanda was a rather boring person, so it would not be surprising if there were only a bed, a wardrobe and a table for his needs, but he did not expect him to have that hourglass containing the lotus. And by how he clutched it with his hands like he was protecting it, he concluded that it was rather an important item to him.

And the carvings on the hourglass with the lotus inside...somehow, it looked familiar, like he had seen it somewhere before.

"I wonder whether I'm right, Lenalee." He murmured softly, as he proceeded to his room.

Next chapter to be published in a week's time :) An idea suddenly came out of my head yesterday, and I decided that it would be the sequel to this story! Look forward to it! :D

SingingBlues