The story so far…
In another dimension, the evil wizard Softon duels with Heppokomaru and triumphs easily, leaving the left-for-dead gunner wounded and now kidnapped in Giga's clutches! Meanwhile, Sir Bo-bobo and his team have reached Yurêi Mansion, and it turns out that the anonymous one who sent the letter of request to Bo-bobo was his old friend Hatenkou, who is severely ill and will die in less than a week!
-Now that one other story has 5 chappies, this tale is no longer on hiatus! Yay!
-X-
Chapter 3
"Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater
(Part 3: My last request before I die is to find a piece of hay in a needlestack!?)
"-cough-cough-ack!"
Hatenkou, clad in school uniform-style white flannel pajamas, began to cough up blood at a severe rate. Splatters of red liquid dripped onto his blankets. Bo-bobo quickly rushed to his side, his face immediately becoming panicked. The rest of his teammates were held back for a moment.
"Bo-bobo…" Torpedo Girl spoke with worry.
"Sir Bo-bobo, if you kindly would, please step back. I'll get his medication set immediately." The mistress of the mansion, Suzu, pleaded. Bo-bobo stepped back immediately as Suzu forced three red capsules down the blonde man's throat. Hatenkou let out one more cough before settling down.
"Bo-bobo…after twenty years, I'd never have thought I would see you again…thanks, buddy…" Hatenkou sighed.
"Hatenkou! Please! Tell me what's happened after I left…" Bo-bobo pleaded.
"Bo-bobo…" Torpedo Girl sighed. This was the first time anyone had seen Bo-bobo act this way.
Hatenkou slowly sat up with Suzu's help. "Nothing has been right in the Diamond Hair Kingdom since you left, Bo-bobo…the entire kingdom's been thrust into turmoil. It resulted from your father's desire to become a separate province from the Don Kingdom, despite difficulties."
Bo-bobo glanced over his shoulder and noticed his teammates sitting down into chairs to listen to Hatenkou's story. Don Patch, on the other hand, grabbed out an iPod and listened to various anime soundtracks without a care.
"Umm…guys…I feel that I need to talk to Hatenkou alone about this…" Bo-bobo said flatly.
"They're your friends, right? Why not let them know?"
"Well, y'know…family business and whatnot…"
"Please…"
Gently putting a hand on his, Hatenkou's expression became gentle. His heart softened like melted butter, Bo-bobo sat down and gave in. "Very well. Let's talk."
-X-
Asphalt Palace (Giga's Castle)
"Okay, just add three eggs, a half a gram of milk, and a box of cleansing detergent!" Battleship cheerfully sang as he dumped the green frothy liquid into the cake batter he was making.
"You can't cook, can you captain?" Giga asked with a clever tone.
"Not a bit!"
With that, Battleship added a cup of cinnamon, a gallon of water, a jar of toenail clippings, some rat poison, some lychee-flavored tokoroten, Kenny McCormack's head, some milk, some oil from a lawnmower, some of Masato's hair, a silver moonstone, some hydrogen peroxide, and a lawn chair. Rolling up his sleeves, he placed his so-called "cake" in the oven and watched it explode after three nanoseconds. When the oven ringer rang, he removed it and saw that it resembled the exact ideal wedding cake, the only exception being a burnt Kenny's face smack dab on the side of the cake with swirls in his eyes.
"Ow…" Kenny moaned.
"Well, that ought to help in our little scheme of things. When Bo-bobo's team sees that cake they'll go nuts and eat it!" Giga shouted.
"But they won't know all the bad crap we put in it…" Battleship added cheekily.
"…and they'll die from severe food poisoning and dysfunctional hemorrhoids!" Giga shouted. The two idiot men laughed haughtily, and the Beauty doll sweatdropped at it all.
"Way to admit the obvious, Beevis and Ass-for-brains…" she thought dully. "Even Bo-bobo wouldn't fall for that…or…would he!?"
-X-
With Heppokomaru on an unknown pathway…
Having barely managed to escape Giga's castle, Heppokomaru was struggling down a dirt road off into a dirty golden tan sky, similar to the hue of the sky in Genesis Gulch. He was literally crawling at this point; his ribs were burning too hot for him to walk. Every so often he would spatter blood from his mouth. Breathing was a living hell because of the cold feeling in his lungs. His legs were numb from heavy bruising. A bruise on his left leg that was revealed through his torn pants was about half the size of his calf and as dark as a plum. How he would survive was extremely questionable.
"-cough-…aah…B…Beau…ty…"
His ruby red eyes reflected sadness and pain. The flames that emerged from them blazed with low hopes and diminished faith. After seventeen years of trying and trying again, he failed miserably, not knowing what to do next...
"I…I will…"
Slowly, slowly he fell into a deep trance. The icy winds left a powder effect of frost on Heppokomaru's back. He began to fall into despair as the cold winds began to overtake his heart and body. Having lost all strength and hope, Heppokomaru slumped to the ground, his eyes slowly began to close.
"No…It can't end here…I'm going to die…"
Heppokomaru's eyes closed completely as an image of his friends flashed faintly in his mind. The image then burst into flames, turning it into flashing, fiery visions of his haunting past...
"…die…"
-X-
Princess Patches' Castle (2nd Floor Balcony)
Softon gazed at his crystal ball, which reflected the starlight and the pretty hues of the atmosphere. He gazed at the image of the broken Heppokomaru fading into the dirt road. He could see a small tear drip down his face.
"A broken spirit cannot carry on if their past haunts them still…and judging by his appearance, I'd say that poor boy is at his limit."
With pity, Softon continued to watch poor Heppokomaru break down.
"Well, while I'm here, may as well watch this kid die with some popcorn…" he said bluntly as he grabbed a movie-bag of popcorn and began eating it.
-X-
Yurêi Mansion, 3rd Floor
Bo-bobo's head went down. He was mourning. Mourning sadly. His dear friend's cold hand was icy in his. Everyone else looked down in sadness. Suzu, patting a handkerchief in her eyes, was struggling to avoid crying.
"Ah-huh…ah-huh…oh, my dearest friend…" Bo-bobo sniffed. Looking forth, he was beginning to cry…
…at his dead pet rock…
"SO!? IT'S A F--ING ROCK!" Namero screamed in anger, being the only one noticing that Hatenkou had entered cardiac arrest while Bo-bobo was mourning over his gray pet rock, which was dented slightly.
"But I loved that rock! We had so many fond memories…all those years…wasted! That time when I was pants-ed by Captain Battleship…he was there for me…
Bo-bobo Flashback Mode
We now see a seven-year old Bo-bobo walking down the hallway of a school, carrying his pet rock. Battleship, also seven, sneaks up behind him and pulls his pants down, revealing his pink-pony-patterned white briefs. All the children laughed, of course.
"Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined.
Later that day, Bo-bobo was buying lunch with his pet rock. Following suite, Battleship went and pulled his pants again, revealing a butt of pink ponies. Everyone laughed again.
"Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined.
Bo-bobo had to go to the bathroom, so near the end of the day, he and his pet rock went to the boy's room and Bo-bobo dropped his pants to use a urinal. Battleship entered, and, of course, pulled his pants up, making Bo-bobo wet himself.
"Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined.
End Flashback
Namero sighed. "Idiot…"
"This is no time to be fooling around! Hatenkou has gone into cardiac arrest! We need to help him!" Suzu shouted, now dressed in a nurse's outfit, much to everyone's shock. The Bo-bobo team then all came together to help in Hatenkou's revival, except for Don Patch, who was wigging out to the beat of his own drum…
"FRIENDLYFACESEVERYWHEREHUMBLEFOLKSWITHOUTTEMPTATIONAMPLEPARKINGDAYORNIGHTPEOPLESPOUTINGHOWDYNEIGHBORBOMBSAREFLYINGTEXACOSPILLINGGODHASSMILEDUPONYOUTHISDAYWHENDIDTHISSONGBECOMEAMARATHONTHANKGODFORTHISLITTLEMOUNTAINTOWNHEPPOKOMARUISABIGFAT-"
Namero's fuse had burnt out (as if that's never happened before). He immediately began to round on the chortling Don Patch who was watching a dragged out marathon of Kochi Kame while eating deep fried pig rhymes.
"DON PATCH! SHUT YOUR BIG FAT-"
(BEEP: This violent scuttle is censored for exaggerated violence. Please stand by.)
-X-
The Republic of Yankees, a neighboring nation of the Don Kingdom
A ways off from the large and full-scale Don Kingdom was the Republic of Yankees, a large republic country consisting of utopian cities filled with crystal buildings and memorable historic features. It was a different place from the Don Kingdom, a place where the dreams and aspirations of "Yankees" gather throughout. The schools were full of delinquents…and only a mere 0.2 percent had teachers in them. All of the Yankees now wish to carve their names in legend by domination and violence, through the power of "Yankî," or powerful, energetic spirit energy. In contrast, however, those who rebel against Yankee life live as aspiring rebel warriors who keep with their oriental roots. Normally, with that kind of chaos, one would be instantly turned off to tourism in the Yankee Republic and think their president is sniffing glue. The president, however, is utilizing the Yankee plight to his advantage. The reason? To prepare for war, of course!
Office of the president of the Yankee Republic
The president of the Yankee Republic was turned around in his swivel chair, out of sight, smoking a large brown cigar. Several medical officials had recently returned with a patient in their hands-and it was Heppokomaru!
"Mr. President sir! As we went on our excursion to warn our neighbors of the Don Kingdom about the Maruhage Empire's press advances for starting a world war, we just so have happened to have come across one of the kingdom's finest youth fighters in a dreadful state. If it isn't too much trouble, we wish to take him under our care and see if we can gain his trust. He may be a valuable ally should a war occur."
A broad-looking teenage boy, donned in a navy blue suit with a black blouse shirt underneath, was informing his leader of something important (obviously). His immense muscles and shaggy hairstyle, similar to Be-bebe's except much lighter in color made him appear more like a man in his late twenties than a second-year high school student.
"And what about the people's opinions? Did they wish to join us?" The president, who remained out of view from behind his immense swivel chair, spoke flatly. He puffed out smoke from his cigar.
"It appears from our analysis that the kingdom is more worried about a rogue wizard that attacked their kingdom and kidnapped their monarch. There's a small rebel gathering attempting to stop him, but they haven't made too much progress, sir."
"I see. They're worried about the High Spirits."
"The Don Kingdom is full of rich history, even richer than that of the Maruhage Empire or anywhere else. The High Spirits have made it their template of creation since the beginning of time, sir." A young boy with a large, round head and spiky hair spoke.
"Who's leading the rebels trying to stop the wizard?"
"A knight named Sir Bo-bobo-bo Bo-bobo. He is known for his many victories in battle, his strong sense of justice and bizarre sense of humor, and for being the heir to the kingdom's Diamond Region's Diamond Hair Kingdom province."
"Sir Bo-bobo, eh?" The man behind the chair lifted his glasses and tapped some ashes off his cigar, smoking it once more.
"Two of the High Spirits have returned to Gloria Heaven, and they're now searching for the third. They are currently located in their kingdom's forested region where a bunch of ghosts reside or somethin'." The kid began sucking on a lollipop.
"G-g-ghosts!?" The young vice president stammered. The vice president resembled Heppokomaru heavily, albeit with slightly shorter hair and a different shape in his bangs. He was donned in a white dress shirt and black pinstripe pants. He began to shake and tremble, rolling into a fetal position.
"Masato, you're such a big baby." The president's secretary, donned in a white high collared sweater with a dark rose brooch near the neck and a black miniskirt that reached above the knee sighed. She twirled her right index finger into one of her two chestnut brown pigtails.
"What's important now is that the Don Kingdom may not be of use to us if they have something of their own to worry about," said a young man with slicked back black hair and a bishonen-like face. "This war proposal will not go into effect any time soon, but things have begun to become unstable ever since Leviathan III rose to power."
The president put out his cigar into an ash tray. Tipping his hat, he took a look at a piece of paper he was holding.
"Let's work on finding our allies for this situation. The Republic of Xanadu is already at our side providing beneficial support in the combat and magics department. And with combined financial aid, help came not a minute too soon."
An odd-looking creature, resembling something of a tiger, held up another sheet of paper and began to read. "As of yesterday, the Kingdom of Cosmos had just recovered from its stock market meltdown and is willing to join us as soon as things get fixed up. The Bruleé Empire has also come to join us, along with Norwegia, and Algol."
"What about the Nation of Leaves?" the president asked.
"They have vetoed our offer; they're so self-absorbed about their own rising success that they don't give a rat's ass about what else is happening."
"Chaveleh Nation is definitely out of the question. They're a poor village nation in dire need of support. It's unfortunate that the Nation of Leaves won't serve them as a neighbor."
"We have just received news that the Principality of Pretz is going off to war with the Country of Spira far to the north, and the Aichi Republic is now joining the United Counties, so now they can't go to war due to the joining process," the secretary reported from another piece of paper.
"The nation Tarantella may be able to contribute, but they're far down south, near the Ice Glades. Also, the Country of Antares is also joining the rebellion, but they want a 1.1 billion yen support fee due to their overspending on shojô manga and lingerie." Masato, the vice president reported.
"Anything else?"
Masato gave his president a firm stare as best he could. "No, sir. That's everything."
"All right…I've decided."
The president spun around his chair, revealing him whole. The man was large, sporting red dreadlocks, pale skin, a pair of shiny glasses, and a polished ivory suit topped with a white hat. The president's grin was wider than a monkey's which tended to scare everyone a little.
"What have you decided upon, President Chagecha?"
Chagecha's glasses shone. "We'll take this young man under our wing and help him in his quest to defeat the wizard. By combining our might with Sir Bo-bobo and the Don Kingdom, the victory against this war factor will be ours!"
-X-
Yurêi Mansion
Hatenkou was revived moments later, and it was, surprisingly, thanks to Namero's obnoxiously loud profanity smasher that was as bold and forked up as sticking a leek up the old butt hole. Suzu, now donned in more fitting combat attire consisting of an olive green jacket vest over a navy blue sweater, navy blue jean shorts, black tights, and brown leather boots, was setting aside some survival items for herself.
"Suzu-san, do you intend on joining them?" Hatenkou asked weakly.
"I'm the only one who can do it, Hatenkou. I mean, God knows how you can do it when you're suffering from tuberculosis." Suzu lashed out a chain-like metallic whip that snapped and caused Don Patch to yelp, considering he was nearly struck. This caused Hatenkou to turn his head and notice the robotic pop rock.
Hatenkou's body began to shiver with energy and excitement. He looked at Don Patch as if he were a familiar face he adored so.
"You…"
Don Patch, who had a blank look on his face, pointed at himself. "Me?"
"Oyabin…"
Don Patch was confused, as was everyone else, especially Namero. "Izzat a kind of cake?" he asked.
Suddenly, as if he was miraculously healed, Hatenkou rose from his bed sheets like a spirit off to Heaven and freakishly floated and began cuddling and bear-hugging the orange robot, causing him to suffocate.
"Oh, Oyabin! I'm so glad I'm seeing you again! Is it really you!? I thought you were killed several years back from choking on a pea that you didn't properly swallow! You must be alive, since I can touch you, and I wouldn't if you were a ghost…oh, Oyabin!"
"Err…whadda ferk iz a 'oyabin'?" Don Patch asked between choked breaths.
"Oyabin…as in 'boss'?" Serviceman questioned.
Hatenkou's face slowly fell as he looked and observed the Don Patch he was holding. "Aren't you…you're my Oyabin, aren't you, Ikarin Patch?"
"Huh?" Confusion came again. "Who's Ikarin Patch?" Don Patch asked.
"I had a feeling you'd forget…"
Hatenkou staggered up and collapsed onto the side of the bed, banging his chin. Everyone contributed to lifting him back into his warm sheets. When he was settled, Hatenkou's eyes began to well up in tiny tears.
"Ikarin Patch, my Oyabin…"
"For the last time, he has no clue who this Ikarin Patch is! He's a robotic droid I invented to serve me for my inventing purposes. His full name is Double Obsidian Nanotech-interface + Paralysis Adaptation Triple Catharsis Home-unit, otherwise named 'Don Patch.' Do you understand!?" Namero barked.
Hatenkou settled back and took one more look at Don Patch's face. "He resembles my Oyabin…but…he does look different…"
Suzu fed Hatenkou some cough syrup and began to stick another IV needle into his arm. "No, you're right…it isn't Ikarin Patch. It's just…"
Hatenkou turned his head toward the side. Bo-bobo sympathized with his dear friend.
"He's been serving the guy he names Ikarin Patch for a long time now; I think he saved his life or something. This robotic being resembles him quite a bit." Suzu spoke quietly, packing a duffle bag.
"I see…" Bo-bobo said silently as he stuffed an entire box of macaroons (literally the entire box) down his throat.
"And it's that reason that he's gone, along with other woes that Hatenkou is ill and dying. Please forgive him," Suzu said.
Bo-bobo's face fell flat. "Sure. Whatever."
"And now, the thing that matters more is defeating Giga…because he's the cause of all the chaos in the Obsidian Region…"
"WARNING! SPAM ALERT! THERE'S A FIRE IN THE BARN!" Don Patch screamed out of nowhere.
"Why are you changing the subject so instantaneously?" asked Bo-bobo.
"Because, Suzu began, all of this stress makes him even sicker. Will you all come with me, please?"
Suzu waved her hand, bringing the party over to the third floor hall. She snapped her fingers, and instantly came down an iron cage that was holding something that sparkled inside.
"What's in that cage…" Bo-bobo observed it carefully, noticing that the sparkling object inside looked like some kind of tarot card.
"Look carefully, Sir Bo-bobo," Suzu inquired.
Bo-bobo squinted his eyes and stared at it closer. The card, apparently, was one of the cards that one of the High Spirits was imprisoned in!
"Bo-bobo!"
Bo-bobo kept on squinting, watching a see-through, ghost-like figure materialize in front of the card. It was Fulguralis, the High Spirit of Thunder and Lightning, donned in a yellow and orange robe.
"I see…a big juicy steak and my pet armadillo from when I was thirteen. You imprisoned by armadillo!?" Bo-bobo whined, making everyone else perform a collapsing face fault.
"Bo-bobo you dumbass! That's one of the High Spirits!" Namero screamed, flaring fangs that scared everyone else.
"Oh! Really?" Bo-bobo looked at the Super Sayian look-alike. "I could've sworn he was my imaginary pet armadillo Kintama-chan…"
"THAT NAME ISN'T CUTE AT ALL!!" Namero screamed, flames shooting up behind him.
"It's the best name in the world!" Serviceman cooed with sparkles and roses blooming behind him.
"Ugh…this is worse than that time I did that airplane job when I was a mortal…" the High Spirit groaned.
Fulguralis Flashback Mode
An airplane was dangerously teetering and falling dramatically in the storm-ridden air. In the cockpit, we see one of the stewardesses and a mortal Fulguralis, donned in a typical suit with tan pants. He is struggling at the controls, sweating buckets, and getting a massive wedgie up his butt.
Beeps rang out from the controls. The airplane's fourth engine burned out, exploded, and blew away the Narrator's ancestor into oblivion along the way.
"Oh, rats! We just lost No. 4! When Kramer hears about this, the s—t's gonna hit the fan…"
Back at the airline base the plane was supposed to be heading, a pile of dog poop came out of nowhere and literally hit a metal fan that was running. Two men working for the airlines, both in uniform, were panicking and gazing at the radar constantly.
"That idiot! What does he think he's doing!? He could be miles off course!" The man named Kramer shouted.
"Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue…" his co-worker replied, taking out a bottle of glue and sniffing it. He collapsed with a rather creepy smile on his face.
"At the rate he's going, he's going to be a disgrace to everything in the sky!"
"Even birds?"
"Yes, birds too!"
Back on the airplane, Fulguralis lost all the controls. Having given up, the plane began to explode from the rear, causing him to cry out in pain.
"Aaah! I'm coming Elizabeth!"
The plan then exploded like fireworks.
End Flashback
"Uhh…okay then…" Namero said quietly.
"Aside from all that, Sir Bo-bobo, I would like to introduce to you Fulguralis, the High Spirit of Lightning and Thunder. I've been hiding him here for quite a while now." Suzu took her hand and placed it on the cage.
"Why are you holding him here!?" Bo-bobo shouted.
"You're Sir Bo-bobo, right? I'm Fulguralis, as Suzu-san said. I'm so sorry we gotta meet like this, but there's no other way, man." Fulguralis had a rather casual look and spoke like your average Joe, making Namero faint and surprising everyone else.
"You see, I was indeed imprisoned by Giga the grave robber-slash-art entrepreneur. Somehow, though, I was able to escape when he bought a doll filled with magical power into his castle."
Bo-bobo put his hand under his chin. "That must've been Beauty…"
"As I escaped, however, I got lost in the forest…yeah, I know it's a bit embarrassing, but the presence of all those ghosts really sap the magical energy out of the area, so I couldn't return to the sky. The forest itself is huge, so that didn't really help either."
"As I was heading to Genesis Gulch to find some medicine, I found the card containing him nearby, took it back to the mansion, and now here we are. He's in this cage to make it look like we're holding him prisoner to fool Giga."
"But why not free him and use him against Giga!?" Serviceman shouted.
"Giga isn't very bright, but he knows a thing or two about how we High Spirits fight and function. It's better I remain hidden than try to shock him to death, rip his lips off, burn his ass off, unplug his intestines and split his p-"
Everyone stared in oddness.
"I'm shutting up now…"
Suzu stepped back near Hatenkou's sickroom, poised. "Sir Bo-bobo, I think you understand what you must do. Head to the castle, defeat Giga, and bring the captain and your friend back to me. Okey-dokey?"
"Hold on…why Captain Battleship?" Bo-bobo asked.
"It's a long story…."
"Wait…"
Suzu spun around and saw Hatenkou limping out of the room, dragging his blood and IV fluids along with him. He gently began to limp down the stairs, much to Suzu's dismay.
"Bo-bobo, my dear friend…I want to tell…you…"
Bo-bobo caught the falling Hatenkou, looking into his empty, dying eyes with sadness. Their rather romantic position made the others blush furiously.
"Two old friends…yaoi!?" Serviceman shouted rather loud, his ears steaming.
Namero had no comment. He pulled a small revolver out of nowhere and placed it in his mouth, as if he were to shoot himself.
"I'll mutilate them…rip their butts off and sell them on the internet…" Torpedo Girl had a submachine gun, an axe, and a rubber chicken in hand, brimming with evil energy. Saliva was even dripping out of her mouth, which made Don Patch wet himself in oil.
Speculation began to rise for a man-man romance, and Torpedo Girl was ready to kill. The James Bond theme song was playing in her head to raise the tension.
-X-
Yankee Republic, President Chagecha's Office.
"President, the sick boy is currently recuperating in the medical center of the building. He appears to currently be tortured by his past…I think…" The man with the light-colored hair reptorted.
"Very well. Has he woken up yet?" Chagecha replied.
"No, sir, but I think he may soon…"
"Okay then. Bring him in when he does."
-X-
Yankee Medical Center, Room 471
Heppokomaru lay asleep inside his clean, polished, comfortable hospital room, but he himself appeared to be in great torture. Sweat began to roll down his face, he was tossing and turning madly, and his heart rate was completely unsteady. Memories of his past life began to wash over him like a crazed tsunami…
Heppokomaru Flashback Mode
The city hub of the Alexandrite Region was under attack again, and this time, the fires that normally lit up the town and left it in ash became worse. A massive stone pole from a church fell fast toward a little boy, who barely had the time to escape it. He began to run off, tears falling from his large eyes.
This child was Heppokomaru at the tender age of six. He was wearing a small kimono and pants that acted as typical male attire of the fifteenth century, torn off at the sleeves. He resembled every part of the boy we know today, with one highly unusual and important exception.
His eyes were a vivid shade of golden yellow.
As he ran and cried, his thoughts collapsed into despair. "No…no…Mommy! Daddy! Help me!"
He then tripped over a rock and fell on his front. The second he did, a massive shadow swept past him. The boy-child's eyes opened wide to see what appeared to be a devilish-like demon standing in front of him, surrounded by swirling, harsh black winds that emitted a rather disgusting odor. The demon was female, wearing a massive black and ivory kimono, and had a rather gruesome looking, reddish-black head with a massive fan-like object jutting from the back of her head, making up her hair. Her eyes were sharp, round, and almost catlike, colored deep yellow. Her mouth was full of fangs, all of them sharp. She gazed at the quivering child with awe and impression. Heppokomaru scurried backwards in fear, crying even harder.
"Waah…please don't hurt me!" he sobbed.
"Why would I, child?" The demoness' voice hissed like a jet stream.
"Wh…what?"
"There is fear in your heart, and it's making my appetite burst into flames….but I also sense strength in your heart…"
Heppokomaru's tears continued to fall.
"I am the deity-demon Fûjin-Uzume. Young child, you desire to rescue your parents and see them again, correct?"
"Uh-huh…" the child stuttered.
"Then, boy, take my power. Take as much of it as you need. For I am the strongest demon of the winds and of revelry. Take it and turn into a god, for all I care. It belongs to you…oh, how many years have you currently existed?"
"Ah…I'm six years old…"
"Ahh…then this power is yours…for fourteen more years, until you reach manhood…"
Fûjin-Uzume then stretched back and began to form a massive swirl of air with her hands. The swirl formed a small orb that spun around rapidly, constantly changing dark color hues. She then gently took the little Heppo into her right hand and carefully and delicately placed her orb into the boy's heart, making him wail, cry, and kick rather loud. As the orb settled into his soul, he began to feel like he was floating in space. His eyes slowly swirled into a new color, from golden ochre to ruby red. The power finally settled down, and a large fart came from Heppokomaru's butt.
"Ah, well, I suppose nothing always goes as planned. However, that power, depending on how you use it, will be your strongest asset…you can do whatever you desire with it, as long as the bounds of your imagination never cease.
"R-really?" Heppokomaru sniffed.
"Yes…"
With that, Fûjin-Uzume formed her body into a cloud of dust and vanished. Heppokomaru wiped his tears and looked down sadly, eyes closed. Although he had new powers similar to that of a demon, something in his heart told him that something wasn't right about it…
Meanwhile, as a gaggle of demons gathered forth, Fûjin-Uzume re-materialized along with them, an evil smirk concealing an evil deception…
"And when your fourteen years of power is up, Heppokomaru…your soul…your heart…your life…will belong…"
The flames that were destroying the buildings burned even hotter than before.
"…to me…"
End Flashback
"NO-!"
Heppokomaru woke up with a crazed start. His eyes turned pale and frantic. Out of all of his hellish memories of his old home, the one he had just experienced was probably the worst out of all of them. Tears began to fall down his face.
"Ah…that was…"
He silently fell back, noticing that his body was no longer in pain. All of his wounds were either bandaged or stitched, and he was under an IV supply. His mental core, however, was torn to shreds.
"I have…only three years left…not even…"
He pulled back his covers, sniffing even harder, despite his resistance to cry.
"Wh-what am I gonna do…!?"
-X-
Yurêi Mansion
All of the Nonsense Team members were blushing madly at the scene that was set before them. Serviceman was even crying. Suzu was appalled.
"Sir Bo-bobo…I can't believe you just…"
"I know…it's a bit scary, but…" Bo-bobo said with a blush.
In Bo-bobo's hands was Hatenkou's pet goldfish, which he had apparently just molested. All of the feelings of a yaoi romance between him and Hatenkou vanished when Hatenkou had entered cardiac arrest again from viewing Bo-bobo's molestation act…
"You molested Hatenkou's pet goldfish…his favorite one…" Suzu stuttered.
"Sir Bo-bobo…have you forgotten why we're really here?" Namero asked, boiling.
"Uhhh….no."
"WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE BEAUTY, CRAP-FOR-BRAINS! DAMMIT, CAN'T YOU EVER FOCUS ON THE MISSION!?" Namero screamed, causing several windows to break and Serviceman's head to literally explode.
"Somebody's testosterone is overflowing…" Don Patch chanted.
"Not a sound out of you…" Namero hissed, holding a control switch that apparently worked on Don Patch. His thumb was on the "OFF" button, and he was threatening to push it.
"Nooo!" Don Patch wailed. Namero pushed the button, causing Don Patch to collapse and sit. His eyes went blank and his skin turned into a darker shade.
The rest of the team tried to stop giggling as Suzu grabbed her duffle bag. "But you heard what Hatenkou wanted, Sir Bo-bobo. He wants me to accompany you to Asphalt Palace, where Giga and the captain are. Please allow me to fight alongside you."
"Ehh!? Did you just say 'fight,' my lady!?"
Serviceman shrieked when the ghost-servant Poppa Rocks appeared out of nowhere, his eyes wide with shock. "That is absolutely out of the question! Think about it! You're still a child, and…"
"SILENCE!" Suzu lashed her whip at the ghost, making him shriek. "Will you just leave me alone, Poppa Rocks!? I'm not a child anymore! I need to find Captain Battleship and clear things away! I'm not just going to sit aside and watch the other ghosts suffer! What would Dodon Patch say!? What would the princess say!? What would your family say!?"
"Wah…okay, okay, go ahead! Just don't exorcise meee!" Poppa Rocks disappeared sobbing hysterically. An awkward silence ensued.
"Oookaaay…let's go…" Suzu said quietly. She clasped her arms against her chest and shouted, "Teleport!," allowing them to teleport and land right outside the gate that led to Genesis Gulch.
"How did you do that, Suzu-san?" asked Serviceman.
"I have psykonetic abilities. I'm sure they'll lend a hand or two," Suzu cooed with a wink.
Suzu joined your party!
Press the down "C" Button to have Suzu teleport you invisible and out of sight instantaneously! While off-screen, no enemy or anyone else can detect you at all, not even me! Suzu is also a wonderful asset in battle too. She is in the Illusionist class and can cast the best illusions and the strongest psychic magics-or your money back! She has a monster appetite though, so watch out!
Suzu's Current Status
Current Level: Level 40
Max HP: 3901/3901
Max MP: 1700/1700
Max SP: 42
Attack Power: 140
Defense Power: 109
Magic Power: 208
Magic Defense: 111
Class: Illusionist
Equipment: Buster Whip, Venus Armlets, Venus Chain
Regular Skills: 45
Special Skills: 21
Unique Skills: 1
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"Alright then…" Suzu said quietly as the hollow winds swept over. "Go ahead. Open the gates."
Bo-bobo carefully pushed the red mahogany gates open. In an instant, like magic, the dark, obsidian black sky turned into a beautiful, mellow deep yellowish gold color. The winds changed from cold, haunted, empty winds into warm, brisk, desert-like winds. The ground was now made of bare plains covered with shrubs of olive green grass, with sandy dust kicking up into the winds. The team quietly stepped over into what seemed to be the entrance to the world of the spirits, which to them was unusually quiet.
"I feel like I'm in an open range…it's rather mellow…" Torpedo Girl commented, her body being heated by the winds.
"This wind…I feel so…exhilarated…" Serviceman spoke almost seductively as the winds blew his sheets up, making Namero's eyes bleed.
"This road will take us to Beauty, Suzu?" Bo-bobo asked. Suzu nodded her head as the sight of a windmill and a ramshackle town came in view.
"This windmill is the source of power that keeps the poor residents of this town at peace. These ghosts grew up in lower income or have fallen from grace dramatically, and they are segregated as such, even in death. It's truly sad…" Suzu stated like a school teacher. When she finished speaking, a ghost appeared in front of them. The ghost was that of a young girl with straight black hair with spiky bangs and split ends. She had round, black eyes that were actually rather medium in size, and wore a rag dress and a dog collar with a chain attached to it. Judging by the massive wound in her head and the dried blood that was still on the left side, this girl was probably shot or cleaved.
"Oy, visitors? Suzu-ojou-sama, why bring mortals here?" the girl asked, raising her handless arms and flapping her foot-less legs, making them appear like rounded hot dogs.
"Easy, Miyu. These mortals have no intention of bringing harm. In fact, it's the opposite."
"You mean…murdering off that bastard-poop-dumpster Giga?"
"Yes…we're going to give it our all, anyway."
"Well, anyone who hates that cheesehead Giga is a friend of mine! Come to our village, living water bags!" Miyu waved her arm toward the village, and the others quietly followed.
The village was rather run down and humble, but also very warm. The houses were mostly either small huts or barrel-shaped one-story houses, made of yellow and sienna wood. Numerous clotheslines were full of laundry outside, although the real clothes that were on them were never touched. Outside milled a large amount of poor villagers, all of them in no better shape than Miyu and, also like Miyu, were an odd tan color entirely.
"Miyu! Suzu-ojou-sama! How are you guys?"
"Who the hell are they? Giga fanboys?"
"The boy with the black hair is kinda cute…"
"Yeah, but the Torpedo lady looks fat…"
"Za Worud-ah, who cares…"
Bo-bobo's team gave friendly hellos and gestures to the poor ghosts. Everyone gathered together in the square of the village, where a dried up well was centered on.
"Ghosts of Genesis Gulch, lend me your ears," Suzu announced. A hillbilly ghost with a hacked neck literally removed his mutilated ear and tossed it at Suzu's direction, making her and the others sweatdrop.
"Anyway, as I was saying, I have finally found a group of warriors with the guts and the will to overthrow Giga for good!"
The other ghosts gasped in disbelief. The unlikely heroes had to prove themselves, yet again.
"Now don't fall in disbelief so quickly! These people have already rescued two of the revered High Spirits! That is proof that no job is too big for them!"
"You've got some nerve to announce this so boldly, Suzu-ojou-sama!" one ghost shouted.
"Yeah, if you're leading this plight, then why haven't we seen you fight yet?" asked another.
"If you want to be a leader, then you gotta have the strength…"
Suzu was taken back. The words that Battleship had once told her so…they rang in her ears like a gong.
"If you want to prove your worth as my assistant, then you gotta have strength…"
"Suzu."
Bo-bobo's hand was on Suzu's shoulder, granting reassurance. "Let's just gather supplies and get going, alright?" Suzu nodded her head after she gazed at Bo-bobo in happiness and admiration.
"Well, I'll say, good luck to you all. You'll need it, big time. By the way, take a look into the wares store. There's some old stuff in there, but it's all in great shape. Just give it a little fix or two and it's all good stuff."
"Thanks! Oh, and you, ghost?"
The ghost pointed at itself in confusion. Somehow, Don Patch was able to activate himself again, much to Namero's dismay.
"Did the president of Yankee Republic know that you raid his wardrobe at night?" Don Patch pointed out the white suit, fedora, and g-string thong that the ghost that had spoken was wearing.
"Ah…I think we'll talk about that next time we meet…"
"Pffft."
"Don't mess with the bull you moron, or you'll get the horns!"
Off in the distance, the sound of kicking dust could be heard, and the ghosts immediately rendered themselves invisible. Nervous, Miyu stood at Suzu's side.
"Ojou-sama, it's Giga! Find someplace to hide!"
"Giga!?" Bo-bobo shouted.
"That's his motorcycle coming! Quick, get around me!" At Suzu's command, she grasped everyone, and shouted, "Teleport!", rendering them out of sight and invisible. Miyu sighed in relief, not knowing that Giga was right behind her.
"They're safe…huh?"
Miyu slowly spun around, horrified to see a leather cloak and fedora-clad Giga behind her. The purple-haired man grinned evilly and licked his lips at the sight of a fresh meal.
"Mmm…I haven't had a female in ages…I think a cute little girl like you ought to do…"
With that, Giga reached out for Miyu. She tried to render invisible, but was too late, for Giga had slipped her legs down his throat, causing Miyu to scream!
"Eyaaah! No!"
"Mmmm…" Giga's taste buds began to throb as he swallowed Miyu down completely. Letting out a burp, he hopped back on his motorcycle in satisfaction. When he was out of sight completely, everyone, including the party, became visible again, and they were all either angry or upset at Miyu's loss.
"That sick bastard…how…why…" Torpedo Girl stuttered. "I will not stand for this!" She screamed as her aura flared, making Serviceman's sheets rip to shreds.
"This is the damage Giga has done to these ghosts…it's awful…Miyu is the seventh victim this week, and the more he eats, the more powerful Giga becomes!" Suzu shouted angrily, clenching her fist. "He doesn't care if the ghost he eats is poor or not!"
"That's an unhealthy appetite," said Don Patch, now somehow stabbed by a sharp tree and bleeding oil.
"If that's so, then there's no point in lying around moaning about it! We have to defeat Giga and rescue Beauty!" Bo-bobo shouted the obvious. With a rousing shout, the team went ahead to start some shopping, not without weird circumstances, of course.
"Can I buy this greatsword, please?" Namero held up a sword labeled "Ragnarok," a fine blade that was unevenly split into two parts, colored a deep shade of fiery orange red with a wing-like shape forming at the blade's bottom.
"Ummm…mmkay, it'll run ya…this much." The portly ghost that was running the old weapons hut used an old-fashioned typing calculator to sum up the price of Namero's goods. He spun it around and Namero's eyes bulged.
"Merciful crap, I hope that's your telephone number…"
Torpedo Girl looked around an old jewelry hut that was selling accessories, and noticed that her ribbon was beginning to rip at its seams. It was time she bought a new one. She carefully looked around and was finally able to find the only ribbon they had, only to realize that it was covered in cod oil liver, making it a disgusting, urine color.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me…but it does have the power to ward off alignments, I sense…even if it is colored like piss…"
Serviceman toted around shopping bags full of items that were necessary for their journey: potions, elixirs, ethers, band-aids, and loads of milk, but he was itching for one more thing.
"Hmmm…all I need now is…"
Serviceman scanned the area and saw a ghost whom one would normally find in a black market setting. He was toting coupons and medical products for "him and her" types of surgeries and enhancements…
"Yaaaaay!" Giddily, he dashed over and bought ten boxes of "for him" products…
With a wave, Bo-bobo, Suzu, Namero, Torpedo Girl, Don Patch, and Serviceman had all left Genesis Gulch's village and headed northeast toward Asphalt Palace. The gulch was a much nicer environment in the Obsidian Region than the Obsidian Forest was. It was fairly warm, and the sands of the earth were nice and hot, but not too hot. There was nothing for miles around as Asphalt palace began to come into view. The team had passed by several old, obsolete buildings, mainly water wells and more windmills. Several more poor ghosts could be seen, hunched over, sleeping by cragged cliffs, or playing.
"This is nice, after that crap we had to deal with in the forest. I could get used to this…" Don Patch sighed.
"Don't get so happy-go-lucky, Don Patch. This is but the entrance gate to the spirit world. Beyond here is the home of the blood-sucking Chupacabra, and trust me, as the guardian of the gate to the Underworld, it will suck your blood and eat you like a pot roast!" Suzu echoed with a scary voice. Don Patch, in response, grabbed a gun out of nowhere and shot himself into "off" mode again.
"We're almost at Giga's castle, so please don't scare him like that…" Namero sighed as he picked up his robot again. When the others couldn't see him, he lagged behind them and began to bubble in thought.
"Speaking of scare, no one other than me seemed to notice that Heppokomaru never rejoined with us…and for me, it's all but wonderful…now, I'll be the one to save Beauty's life and take her into my hand…I will give her my undying honor and protection…she's more attractive than the sakura that blossom in the spring…"
"Serviceman began to grow wierded-out when he noticed Namero's face turning both sinister and bishonenus, with a rainbow of sparkles fluttering around him as an image of him and Beauty hand in hand came to mind. With that, he took his first injection of his "for him" medication to keep his mind off it.
Off in the distance, Bo-bobo sensed danger, and immediately stopped in his tracks, shooting his arms in front of his teammates for protection. The dust that had blocked their view of the palace ahead began to dissipate, and in it Bo-bobo could see six shadows on the other side. He stepped forward like an honorable war general, ready to consulate.
"Who are you people?" he shouted over the distance.
The dusty fog cleared away to reveal six men, all of them donning red leather cloaks with leather straps closing them together. They appeared to be the ones guarding the outside of the castle, and Giga's highest guards.
"Welcome to Asphalt Palace! Good work on making it this far. But this is where your journey ends!" a familiar voice shouted.
Bo-bobo recollected his memories from past chapters. With a little thought, he was finally able to remember the voice of the man that had just spoken.
The man himself had wavy cherry red hair with the matching eye color, pale and sandy skin, and, according to memory, was a member of the Maho Kaze Squad…
"Poet!?"
"Indeed it is! Long time no see, Bo-bo-buddy! How's Heppokomaru been?" Poet sheepishly put his hand behind his head, making the party and the Poet's fellow workers sweatdrop.
"Don't heckle me! Let us into the palace or else!"
"Oh, so that's how it's going to be? We'll let you into the palace…and we have two options on how you wish to enter."
"Okay, shoot."
Poet reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a tube bottle with a small red thread tied around a piece of hay. He then stepped toward the palace, placing his finger on a switch.
"There are two ways you can access the palace. The first one is to not accept this little reward I have in my hand and enter normally. There's no challenge, but rather, you have to go inside and face all the security guards that mill about in the palace," Poet explained nonchalantly.
"Hold up!" Bo-bobo shouted. "What's that thread in that tube? Why make it a reward?"
"Your friend's turned into a doll right? This tread is filled with Giga's magical power, dyed with his blood. It is the only thing that can transform her into a human being again."
"Come again!?"
All of the Shinsetsu Team began to divulge into thought. If this was the truth, then a risk might've been worth it.
"I don't care if it's deceitful! That thread may be our ticket to Giga and Beauty!" Namero shouted.
"It's clearly a trap, Bo-bobo!" Torpedo Girl shouted in return.
Poet tossed the thread into the air and caught it again. "Your second entrance option is to enter the palace with this thread, and you won't have to face security at all, but rather the six of us…"
"Bo-bobo, please reconsider!"
"Do it, Bo-bobo! For Beauty's sake!"
"We can knock out security no problem!"
"Uhh…is it naptime?"
"Gah! Shut up and let me think you idiots!" Bo-bob shouted. He divulged into a five-second thought and jumped to a conclusion.
"We'll take the second offer."
Everyone gasped.
"Hmm…you really are a chivalrous man, Sir Bo-bobo. And thus, in order to pass, you must get this thread by taking a special test."
"What is it? Bring it on!"
"Have you ever heard about the old game "find the needle in the haystack?"
"Uhh…maybe?"
Poet let out a grin and tossed the hay entwined bottle into the air, where it landed in a massive square pile of razor-sharp needles that was right next to the castle.
"In order to find the thread, you now need to play a game reversal: Find the hay in the needlestack!"
The bottle landed and hid into the pile of sharp silver. The entire team stared at it with almost a hint of fear. What had they gotten themselves into?"
End of Part 3.
-Bo-bobo's RPG is back in business baby!
Can the party find this mysterious thread in this weird needlestack and rescue Beauty? Will the "invincible" Giga ever be beaten? Can Hatenkou be saved from death? Will this tale ever get updated faster? What is to become of Heppokomaru? What the freak tow is up with that flashback he had? What is going on with this talk of war? Why am I asking you all these questions!? You know what to do! Ponder about it and wait till next time!
FOOTNOTES
-The guy named Kenny you have just witnessed here is the same guy from the show South Park that is always dying in a ridiculous fashion.
-Masato is one of the main characters from Yoshio Sawai's new manga, Chagecha. For those of you who do not know of it, he is a mundane schoolboy who acts as Chagecha's foil. He also heavily resembles Heppokomaru.
-Fulguralis' flashback as a human is a direct allusion/parody of the spoof movie Airplane!
-The Yankee Republic is a direct replica of the setting of Chagecha, complete with the main cast as the office workers. Pollux and Anatares are two constellations. Spira is the name of the world-setting of the game Final Fantasy X. Pretz is a Japanese snack similar to Pockey, only it is not glazed with chocolate and such, but rather the stick itself is flavored. Tarantella is the name of a couple's dance that originated in southern Italy, having a fast and lively rhythm. Xanadu is the name of a musical movie. "Chaveleh" means "little bird" in what I believe is Russian, but I'm not fully sure. And try and guess what allusion I made with the Nation of Leaves.
-Fûjin-Uzume is my creation of a combination of the two Japanese deities Fûjin, god of the wind, and Ame-no-Uzume, goddess of dawn and revelry. Her personality will combine that of the two gods and her story may come into place in future chapters…
-"Miyu" can translate to either "deep gentleness" or "extreme gentleness" when spelled out in certain kanji.
-For those of you who play the Final Fantasy games, you may recall that the Ribbon accessory in almost all of them, and when equipped, they nullify all status alignments from being inflicted on the character wearing it.
Oh, and if you want to know what the word "kintama" means…PM me…heh heh heh…