"I WANT ICE CREAM NOW!" Dengaku-man whined. He faced an audience that appeared from nowhere behind him, a light on a stage shining on him. He licked some vanilla ice cream in a waffle cone and shivered from the cold, luscious, mind-numbing taste.
"That is all."
"NO, THAT'S NOT ALL YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Fulguralis struck poor Dengaku-man with a lightning bolt, reducing the fairy to ash. He reappeared in style, toting a massive bag full of Dippin' Dots (1) on his left shoulder.
"Hey there, mentally disarrayed peoples! Screw boring hard ice cream! F—k tradition! Eat Dippin' Dots, the ice cream of the future!" Fulguralis pulled a small plastic cup full of colored dots frozen with liquid nitrogen; cold air was tumbling off it like gas from an engine pipe. He pulled out a spoon and took a spoonful of the stuff into his mouth. He smiled and licked his lips in satisfaction.
"Mmm! Birthday Cake flavored!"
"GO PORK YOURSELF, FULGURALIS!" Ignis popped from nowhere, slashing away the spirit of lightning with his Don Patch Sword. He cleared his throat, quickly changing his mask from that of a barbarian to a gentleman of strict etiquette.
"If you want to change your experience of frozen desserts my dear audience, then go for a gelato (2)!" With that, the spirit of fire pulled out a massive array of gelato finely decorated with various props depending on the flavor.
"I'm going to try some tiramisu (3)-flavored gelato today…it provides a witty yet sophisticated dining experience, ladies and non-ladies. Watch closely." The spirit pulled out a martini-shaped glass dish and planted the brown-and-white high-end cream into the dish in several scoops. He then planted some organic whipped cream and a crunchy waffle biscuit through a scoop. Taking out a small spoon, he took a generous helping and slipped it down his throat without making a drop.
"Ah, that's delicious…a really fine dessert, no?" Ignis smiled.
"BORING!" Aqua crashed down on whom she wished was her lover and sent him crashing through the floor. She greeted the audience with an overly-peppy hello, making both Ignis and Fulguralis groan.
"Aqua, save that for the bedroom…" Fulguralis thought.
"Hi people! I want you to try something new! It's hip, it's awesome…it's frozen custard (4)!" Aqua flashed a plastic cup full of chocolate frozen custard with chunks of partially melted chocolate in it.
"What's the difference between that and regular ice cream?" Fulguralis spat.
"It has eggs in it!" Aqua squealed, huffing.
"Bull-crap. Try something better!"
"Hey!" Dengaku-man returned, mysteriously better. I got a new treat! It's Baked Alaska (5)! It comes from the blue planet in another solar system that's God-knows-where and it's cooked and really good! And check this out when you put rum on it!" Dengaku-man took the dessert and splashed some run over it, and seconds later, it was flambéed (6) and on fire. The audience applauded.
"F—king fairy! Let's kill him!" Aqua shrieked. The other spirits began chasing poor Dengaku-man down, making him run away crying.
Wizard Softon was standing by quietly, amused at the spirits' actions. He was licking a plum-flavored soft serve, complete with his usual blank stare.
"Morons…"
-X-
Chapter 4
Trials of the Valkyries
(Part 1: Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo the majorly busted Golden Nose Hair Knight)
Crystal Town
"HUH!?"
All hell was breaking loose in Crystal Town. Mysterious soldiers donned in militaristic uniforms were running along, trampling the townspeople, wrecking havoc, and colliding into one another. The town newspaper board was scribbled all over, the town garden was trampled, and one of the soldiers wrote "Serviceman sucks" on the post office walls in graffiti.
"Oh dear, we're going to have our hands full again…" Beauty sighed, covering her mouth. "By the way, where exactly are we supposed to go?"
Dengaku-man signaled the others to follow him, but they soon stopped short when they heard a yell from the library that was next to the gates of Bo-bobo's home.
"Bastard! Get back here!"
A trooper that was raiding the town hurried off with a massive book in tow. Out came running none other than Rem from Emerald Village. She kept screaming and taunting until she unexpectedly fell asleep again. Beauty gasped and went over to her side, panicking.
"Rem-san! Are you alright!?" Beauty cried. Rem slowly came to, much to everyone's relief.
"Ggh…those bastards…stole my encyclopedia of magic…I came to town to have it put in the library safe for me because Hiragi apparently betrayed us…" Rem sighed, frightened. Beauty's head twanged just the same. Hiragi had betrayed them? But how?
"Don't bother about him. Whoever the hell these morons are, they need to be taken out. They're raiding town and stealing everyone's things, but they get frightened easily. In fact…"
Rem flared an aura and flicked a running guard in the arm. His own arm felt numb and fell asleep, and the man screamed like a baby and ran off, screaming about something involving chicken's rights.
"They're cowardly. I think a bonk on the head can drive them o…" Rem fell asleep again, and Beauty had to drag her back to the library. Bo-bobo rallied his party together and pulled out a jack-in-the-box.
"Okay, let's scare these morons off!" Bo-bobo shouted, turning on his jack-in-the-box. The clown popped out seconds later, and five troopers screamed and ran away, one of them getting hit by an oncoming bus.
"POP GOES THE WEASEL, FOOLS! Weep under the power of Sir Bo-bobo, the Golden Nose Hair knight who personally wet himself at the battle of the Chicken of Bristol!" Bo-bobo swung his head from side to side, scaring away all the troopers. Only several remained, much to the shock of everyone else.
"Oy, he's really into this…" Heppokomaru sighed.
"Stop! Theif!"
Heppokomaru heard a call from Hanpen's house. He burst open the door and was nearly run over by a trooper dashing off with a crystal ball. Hanpen ran out with his staff, trying in vain to beat the other man. He tripped and fell, wailing uncontrollably.
"Oh, woe has fallen upon me! My crystal ball has been stolen! Sir Bo-bobo, if it isn't too much trouble…" Hanpen begged.
"GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Bo-bobo, clad as a woman inexplicably, punched Hanpen out of the way. He made his way to the southern part of town where he heard Ukijin TOKIO scream for help. Another soldier was running past with a massive stack of papers in his arms.
"My papers! No! I want my mommy! Oh wait, she's dead…" TOKIO put his own spear weapon to his head and was on the verge of suicide, only being stopped by Heppokomaru.
"Who are these people, anyway?" Beauty asked as she pushed aside an oncoming soldier.
"They're from a special unit labeled as the Valkyries. They have a base hidden here in this part of town. And if you're wondering why I know this, it's because their commander can't keep a secret! Hut!" Combat Blues, the town's resident chef, stood present along with several others. Among them were Jeda from Sapphire Village, Rem, Lambada from Emerald Village, Hanpen, and another man the party hadn't met before.
"Major Minor! What's up!?" Bo-bobo cheerily yelled.
"SHUT UP!" the cook shot a passing deer.
"Easy, easy, I don't want to pay for another one of your rehab sessions again…" Jeda sighed.
"I'd rather pay for that than help him find his lost car," Lambada grunted.
"What's with all of you?" Bo-bobo asked when they rounded together at TOKIO's guard post. Jeda fished out a large poster board that was elaborately decorated and boasting with rewards.
"Take a look at this! These Valkyrie soldiers have all stolen personal possessions of ours!" Jeda's voice crescendoed like a sports announcer. "They stole my grandfather clock! Rem's encyclopedia of magic! Hanpen's crystal ball! Lambada's steampunk computer! Combat Blues' platinum-dipped frying pan! TOKIO's…papers….and something that belongs to this man right here…"
The man wore a straight-laced business suit and had fine light brown hair. A pair of golden yellow sunglasses perched on his nose. He made few facial expressions; this time he did nothing but hold up his right ring finger.
"My…engagement ring…"
Jeda sweatdropped. "Uh…yeah…whatever…you get the idea."
"So, where's the hideout?" Don Patch asked, picking his nose.
Jeda sighed. "I have no idea. Why do you think it's called a secret base, you f—king retard?"
"Woah! Cool it, cool it…" Don Patch held his hands up like a man who took too many chill pills. He fell on the pavement five seconds later, his body freezing over.
"Maybe if we ask one of the Valkyries…"
Ahead in the distance, near the western part of the area, three Valkyrie soldiers carefully attempted to secretly enter the yellow-painted warehouse wedged near Combat Blue's home, but they were pointed out by a boy passing by. They all cried and ran inside, screaming like babies.
"I think we found it…"
-X-
An abandoned warehouse
Three Valkyries had clustered together and, with a good deal of force, they pushed open a hidden door that was inscribed on the wall. On the other side was what appeared to be a massive chest. It was inlaid with cherry wood and beautiful pieces of chrysoberyl. The hiragana character "nu" was sculpted on top of the chest. They slowly opened it, and within seconds, they were drawn inside by magic within it…
"Hold it!"
Bo-bobo and his team charged into the secret entrance, where the chest had just re-closed itself. Beauty stepped forth and analyzed it. She tapped it, feeling immense heat from the inside.
"Those soldiers vanished inside the chest…something's inside…" Beauty's eyes went blank.
"Open it." Dengaku-man tapped Beauty's shoulder.
She along with Heppokomaru opened the chest, and inside was a great blue light. Putting her hand to it, Beauty could feel it pulsate and hum with life. She heard the noises of what one would find at an amusement park.
"What is this…?"
"It seems that someone used dimensional magic to create a new living space inside this chest. Even in a space that small, one could do it with such magic. There are very few who can pull it off; either Dark and Light Mages, Alchemists, highly advanced Illusionists, or specialists who work with dimensional magic. But with a High Spirit, it's also possible…" Dengaku-man rubbed his head.
"So…this is where the next High Spirit is!?" Suzu gasped.
"Yep! Ah-hah!" Dengaku-man cooed, striking an adorable pose with his magic wand. "Good luck with your next mission, friends! Allow me to get your fat asses in here!" Holding his wand, he dramatically increased its size, placed the party on the head of it, and tossed them inside the chest like a pancake in a pan. Amidst their screams, two more Valkyries, both of them in unique uniform, charged in.
"Sir Bo-bobo! He's in there!" the soldier in the red uniform (Katsu of A-Block) re-opened the chest and jumped inside. The other soldier, dressed in gray (Mary-go-round/Ayumi-chan), followed him. Dengaku-man dashed away quickly, returning to Princess Patches' castle in a mad dash.
"Oh dear…it seems that everyone is aware of Sir Bo-bobo's activities. He's majorly busted…ah, I'm sure he'll be fine. I really do believe in him. And now, quality time with my new love…"
He took out a piece of white tofu dipped in hot miso placed on a stick and embraced it as he flew away.
-X-
Cape Dosei (7), Amber Region, The northernmost point of the Don Kingdom
A massive ocean wave crashed along the cliffs of Cape Dosei. It was only the middle of the afternoon; however, the sky was already a midnight sapphire. It was hazy and dark; the only noises that were present were the howling winds and the ocean waves. Massive amber ore ranging from honey oranges to deep reds stuck from a multitude of trees (8). Along the ocean path, Jobus, Porusutoroi, and now Hiragi and the long-forgotten Babuu had taken their victim and waited for their emperor to arrive. Seven other mysterious figures had come to their side and also waited (9).
One of the men that had just joined (Usui) was shivering, constantly grabbing his hair and combing it out of habit with his fingers. "Okay, who the hell agreed to have our reunion in the northernmost tip of the Don Kingdom!? It's f—king freezing up here, and those ocean waves are giving me a headache…"
"Stop whining, you prissy." Another man (Gura-san the Punisher), polishing his axe, stuck out his lip and frowned at the other man.
"Shut up, Gura-san…"
"Yes, you shouldn't be whining. I'm surprised that Babuu-senpai over there isn't whining. He just got out of mental therapy and everything…" A woman (Princess Chinchiro) blew into her hands to keep warm while referring to Babuu, strapped to a wheelchair and sporting several dozen bandages.
"Indeed. And didn't he beat up his landlord the other day, too?" the man named Gura hushed into the woman's ear.
"In addition to losing the entire property surrounding the 300X Fortress…that was his only home…"
"And let's not forget the rights to his handmade child porn website…"
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE F—K UP! I get it! I'm a walking mess!" Babuu, still gravely injured after three months, released his anger. He wore the same cloak Jobus and Porusutoroi wore, and this time, he was out of his baby costume.
"I wonder if he still wants to sleep with that Heppokomaru boy…" Hiragi smirked to himself.
"DO YOU WANT TO DIE, HIRAGI-CHAN!?" Babuu screamed, flames shooting from his mouth. Hiragi giggled.
"Well, any more side comments from the peanut gallery before his majesty arrives?" Jobus asked flatly. He turned his head to a trio in white (the White Masked Gang of Deadly Illusions, who never saw the light of day), which said nothing. Everyone else decided to shut up, save for Babuu, muttering thoughts of what he would do with Heppokomaru, K-Y Jelly, and a chicken liver.
"Oh good."
/Nudge nudge/
"Oh…"
Namero, still hoisted above Jobus' shoulder, nudged his ribs with his foot. He had been a patient hostage long enough.
"Mmmnf! Mnf!"
"Silence, you! He's coming…"
Behind them, shrouded by the trees, thunder came out of nowhere, marking the entrance of Leviathan III. He emerged in all his glory, hair and royal clothing swaying in the fierce winds. All the others bowed down, sans Jobus. He gently placed the still bound Namero on the ground and bowed down himself.
"His royal majesty, Emperor Leviathan III, supreme ruler of the Maruhage Empire…we have attained the Count of the Sapphire Region as you had requested…" Jobus silently hissed, boasting his respect to the other man. Namero stared at the emperor and glared, for it was him that had commenced that attack on his mother's ground ship that night ten years ago.
"That…monster…bastard…murderer…"
Leviathan III stood firmly in front of his underlings, raised his hands, and commenced the others to rise. They all aligned in two rows beside him, forming a path to Namero. The boy was confused, and ultimately muddled with anger at the same time.
"Ah, Yononoka Namero, Count of the Sapphire Region…I have been waiting…so many years to finally see you…"
"…what!?"
-X-
The A-List Valkyrie Toy Box
Down, down, down the party fell, into a spiral of color, full of pinks, yellows, and baby blues. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Beauty, Heppokomaru, Suzu, Hatenkou, and now with Torpedo Girl and OVER making an inexplicable return, all were caught by the mass of childish sparkles and the scent of sweets. Their bodies fell dramatically slower as they approached the bottom…
/Flutter…/
By the end of their fall, everyone had landed perfectly on their own feet. Snapping back into reality, they took in their surroundings. Behind them was a train track monitored by a piece of tokoroten in a conductor's outfit. In front of them were directional signs pointing to all sorts of playrooms and rides and games to play. The walls were constructed from swing set material, the floor was paneled with polished pink marble, and the "sky" above was pearly blue and only extended up so far. Toys and cartridges of tokorotenwere scattered all over the floor, and lit images of those same toys resembling aurora lights hung above them. The air smelled of cotton candy, cinnamon, and lychees.
"Wow…this place is so sweet, I'm getting cavities!" Don Patch cleverly remarked, his teeth literally rotting.
"Wow, cheesy sarcasm from the 90's. What's next, Don Patch?" Beauty sighed, face flat.
"One more little remark like that…" Torpedo Girl, now somewhat brighter, bigger, and more polished than before, charged herself, ready to slay the android at any given moment.
"Easy, easy…" Heppokomaru held the Red Mage back.
Bo-bobo turned his head in multiple directions, observing their new surroundings. "It seems we arrived inside the chest. Is this really a new dimensional space?"
"It would seem so. It's dimension magic." Torpedo Girl ripped Don Patch and tossed him in an oven like a massive rice ball as she explained.
"Yeesh, again with the repetitive answers…let's get going! This place looks fun!" Bo-bobo became giddy like a child. OVER immediately became irked and had to hold himself back from slaughtering the knight. "Oh, oh, oh, I wanna ride the train! Mister Smells-like-crap, could you please give us a ride!?" Bo-bobo hopped toward the tokoroten train conductor, which was crying hysterically.
"Oh, woe is me…" the blue being sobbed. "I have a train station. It's mostly complete…we have a station, a schedule, and even the tracks…but no train!"
Bo-bobo hugged the jelly with sympathy. "Aww, it's alright. I'm sure you'll do fine." At that moment, the tokoroten bore fangs and freaked out.
"GET REAL! How the f—k can you run a f—king train station without a train, stupid!? Were you raised by donkeys or something!?" he screamed, a tad melodramatic.
"WERE YOU RAISED BY CHIMERA MULES!?" Torpedo Girl nearly murdered the conductor. She landed on her heels on the other side of the room, spun around, and struck a pose. "Honestly, such a fool. As the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team's vice commander, of course we'll find a train for him."
"Vice commander!? Since when, lady!?" Hatenkou screamed, veins exploding across his head. Torpedo Girl dropped her pose and was about to attack the ghost, but stopped. She froze on the spot, face shocked, body unshakable.
"What?" Heppokomaru questioned. He glanced at Hatenkou, who himself was shocked. He did not recognize her for that moment, but now he remembered all too well who she was. And he sure as hell wished he didn't…
"You…Torpedo…Girl…you…"
"Ha…Hatenkou?"
Their eyes locked together…
"Haten…kou…you…"
Rage boiled over the torpedo's body. She smashed herself alongside some magic into Hatenkou's gut. Hard. Blood poured from his open mouth as she screamed like a siren to aggravate the ghost's pain.
"Gack…why me!?"
He skidded across the hall into the next part of the chest, a long winding hall filled with massive toy blocks. The poor man crashed outside the door that led to a playroom that was bustling. He looked up, veins popping, eyes blazing with rage. With a snort, he laid his eyes on Torpedo Girl, who was also fidgeting in rage and blushing at the same time.
"If it isn't my ex…"
"Ex!? Ex as in ex-girlfriend!?" Heppokomaru freaked out.
"Oh, Hatenkou…" Torpedo Girl sighed, brushing her brow with her hand. A plethora of roses blossomed behind her in a moment of heat.
"They were…a package?" Heppokomaru's eyebrow twitched slightly. He had a tough time imagining the two of them "doing it." He received one incredibly ugly image and gagged on it.
"Hatenkou…if he dumped her, then it's good that he did. What does anyone need with love anyway?" Beauty sighed to herself.
"What did you say?" Heppokomaru partially heard the question.
"Nothing, dear…"
Bo-bobo stepped past everyone and placed his eyes onto the next room over. "A playroom?" He looked ahead into the playroom. He could see Valkyries on the other side, milling about with a number of items. He could see afro-cherries, cake, some weapons that several of them killed each other off with by accident, and…a toy train?
"They could've stolen it from a storekeeper in town…" Beauty suggested.
"But Jeda never mentioned-"
"WELL THAT TURD COULD'VE FORGOTTEN!" Torpedo Girl interjected Bo-bobo, took his face, smashed it in a wedding cake she once made for her and Hatenkou, and wedgied him. His underwear was pink with unicorns, and everyone got a good laugh, including the Valkyries.
"Hah! He wears unicorn briefs!" one shouted. He was inexplicably shot by Heppokomaru in a moment of pubescent moodiness.
"What up with that!?" Bo-bobo cried.
Heppokomaru shivered. A tear rolled down his face. He lifted it to reveal the left side of his face covered with part of a box.
"He-kun? What with the getup?" Beauty said, flat-faced.
"I…I…I HAVE A MASSIVE ZIT ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE! WAAAH!" Heppokomaru emotionally broke down, ran away, and smashed himself on the other side of the room. Everyone sweatdropped.
"I could handle a pimple better than that…" Beauty grunted.
"Oh? That zit on your chin is freakin' huge, Beauty." Don Patch gave her a mirror, and she yelped at the small red dot on her chin. She tried to pop it, moaning all the while.
"Ohh! Zit!"
"Yeah, that's what I thought…"
"Tell me about it. Girls are so emotional." A Valkyrie agreed alongside Don Patch.
"IDIOT!" Torpedo Girl smashed through both of them, leaving a bloody explosion.
Bo-bobo, Suzu, and OVER, left behind, walked inside the playroom. Its atmosphere was similar to the parts of the chest they had already seen, save for extra blocks, a swing set, and a massive rocking horse. Suzu flicked one of them. He screamed and cried, and she claimed the cake he had.
"Well, these Valkyries are a joke," Suzu mumbled through cake in her mouth. "so let's get what we can here and get out."
"The problem is," OVER analyzed, "we need a train to ride across the tracks through out this little dimensional area. But I don't see why we can just walk across."
"Because," Bo-bobo sniffed, "it'll hurt the little tokey-tokey's feelings!" He began to sob.
"You suck, Sir Bo-bobo…" OVER grunted.
A Valkyrie glanced over at the three, smirking evilly. He had the mysterious toy train in tow. Tucking it away, he dashed over toward Sir Bo-bobo and the other two, energy charging.
"I'll make your days here not so pleasant! Now die!" he appeared formidable and serious. Bo-bobo glanced over to him, drooling.
"Duh…Fist of the Nose Hair?"
His nose hairs lashed madly forward, severely hacking up the Valkyrie.
"Super Fist of Bummer. Whoo-hoo."
"WHAT THE FU-"
The Valkyrie crashed into the rocking horse and literally exploded like combustion. Bo-bobo merely looked on and picked his nose.
"Oh noes. What a bummer."
"Yeah, literally…let's get this to the conductor…" Suzu agreed.
"Fluffy fluffy…panda pandy…you make me feel…" OVER began to sing but was soon shot by gophers that came out of nowhere.
-X-
"Nnnh…ah! There it is!" Beauty sighed in relief when her small zit popped out of sight. She began walking toward the playroom when Bo-bobo and the others re-emerged from there.
"Bo-bobo! What did you find?"
"Something that may help." He held up the toy train and other goodies he found. Among them unintentionally were a panda and a daikon radish.
"Oh…wait, what do we need those two things for?" Beauty sighed.
Out of nowhere then popped Ichiro (10) and he took back the radish and the panda.
"Give me those back…" he sighed in his usual emotionless fashion. He disappeared in smoke, which made Beauty freak out. Bo-bobo scratched his head.
"So, what's going on here?"
Beauty sweatdropped. "Uh…"
On the platform of the train station, Heppokomaru was weeping, and an intact box was now over his head. He sobbed hard, and Don Patch aggravated the humiliation by playing butter as a guitar.
"Old Max Yasgur had a farm!
E-I boy oh boy!
And in his pasture folks rocked out
In 1969!
With a Jimmy here
And a Janice there,
Three days of peace and love everywhere!
I'd say New York was never quite the same,
B-O-B-O-B-O uh huh!
B-O-B-O BO!"
"Why do I recognize that song?" Beauty squeaked, scratching her head.
"Funny, I do too…" Bo-bobo sighed, pulse skyrocketing in curiosity.
"Well, we got the toy train, didn't we?" Suzu smiled sweetly. Don Patch spun around and noticed.
"Aww, that's such a pretty smile. It glitters like diamonds!"
"STOP WITH THE GODDAMN CLICHES!" Don Patch was once again bloodied by the torpedo.
"Somebody make her stop…" Hatenkou cried in a fetal position.
Bo-bobo playfully ignored everyone's woes and walked up to the tokoroten conductor that was still crying. He forced out the toy train and tossed it onto the tracks. It clacked loudly, nearly breaking.
"Here, tokey-tokey! A train for your woes!" Bo-bobo cooed happily.
The tokoroten glanced over at the toy train. He broke down after he stared at it.
"I can't use that! It's just a toy! I can't carry any of the obese soldiers that pass by here on that thing! You suck, Sir Bo-bobo! Waah!" The blue jelly sobbed louder.
Bo-bobo scratched his head. He picked up the toy train, stared at it, and came to a quick deduction.
"I think it works. How fat are these soldiers?"
Right on cue, the entire party saw a massive Valkyrie weighing at least 500 pounds pass by. After the first three steps he passed out, gasping for air. Bo-bobo and the others then knew that they were in deep s—t.
"Okay, let's think…" Beauty panicked. "How can we get this train to operate?"
"Dammit, it CAN'T operate! It's a f—king toy!" the jelly whined.
"SILENCE!" Torpedo Girl was on the move again.
Suzu herself looked at the train. Nearby also appeared a massive springboard that lead back to the world outside. She got an idea. "Everyone, listen!"
"What!?"
"Let's go back to the world above! And take the train with you, Sir Bo-bobo!"
"What do you have in mind?"
"Just go with me!" Suzu happily grabbed everyone's hands, placed everyone on the springboard, and off they bounced outside into the old warehouse. Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl were left behind.
"Waaah…buh-huh…I have a zit…" Heppokomaru choked, clutching his box.
"YAY! MISERY!" Crosk once again came from nowhere and further made his ex-boss miserable by sticking a rabid squirrel down his pants. He was bitten constantly, and Crosk laughed at his pain before disappearing again via head in mailbox.
Torpedo Girl looked onto him without much sympathy. She sedated him with a dart and removed the squirrel from his pants. She tapped the boy's shoulder, making him stop rolling. He looked to her, still upset.
"Leave me alone…" he whimpered. She made several "tsk" noises and hopped onto the boy's lap.
"Hmph! Crying over a pimple! Honestly, is that anyway for a man to behave?" Torpedo Girl twirled her finger over the exposed fringes of Heppokomaru's chest, making him blush.
"Umm…are you flirting with me?"
Torpedo Girl snapped. A line of electricity bolted through her head.
"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A THING! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!"
With that, she tackled the boy and began ripping his clothes apart and injuring him. The 500-pound man noticed, eyes bulging.
"Oh my god…it's date rape! Or is it a Daikon City faggot molesting a feminine boy?"
-X-
Taking the toy train, Suzu lifted it above her head over the chest. She re-opened it, tossed the train inside, and seconds later, a massive "thud!" emerged from inside.
"Oh, I understand!" Beauty could see from the glowing light on the inside that the train being tossed into the space allowed it to form properly onto the track. What resulted was a train everyone could ride on at the proper size and weight.
"Pretty clever thinking, Suzu-san. Where did you get the idea?" Hatenkou asked. Suzu held herself back suddenly.
"What's the matter?" Beauty put a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Ah…nothing…"
Everyone passed off the worry as they re-launched themselves back inside the chest. Suzu had recalled how Captain Battleship had taught her how to cleverly overcome dimensional magic, and he was a thorn that severely poked at her life, one must remember.
Back inside the toy box, Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl had fallen into rather sexual positions, making the fat man and the jelly faint ten times over (even if nothing really did happen). The party had returned, and Torpedo Girl awoke, blushing madly.
"Ohh, that was riveting…and a bit…rough!" She squealed, making the others sweat drop. Hatenkou bitterly gritted his teeth.
"Who gives a rat's ass!? I got a train! A train! I gotta tell my friends! Whee!" the moody tokoroten hopped on board the train, placed a conductor's hat on his head, and smiled. "Hop aboard, my heroes!"
With that, the members of the party smiled and hopped onto the train. With a whistle, the "engine" began to run. It clacked loudly, and the wheels squeaked. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Torpedo Girl, OVER, Beauty, Suzu, and Heppokomaru all grinned at the dawn of another adventure in seeking the next High Spirit…
"Here we gooo!" the conductor blew his whistle, and the train went ahead at full speed to the next station…
-X-
Chamber of the Valkyrie General, Tokoro Tennosuke
Through a massive monitor, the man who lead the Valkyries, the tokoroten Tennosuke, smirked evilly as the train ride into the heart of the A-List Toy Box lead by Sir Bo-bobo rode forth. Shifting his golden eyes at the glowing card planted beneath a platform holding an army tank, he formulated preparations for each of the member's deaths in his mind.
"Sir Bo-bobo, Nose Hair Knight, name known to all…prepare for your death…"
"General Tennosuke-sama!" The Valkyrie in the red uniform entered and bowed to him.
"Yes, what is it Katsu?"
"Your new uncut Sailor Moon DVDs just came in the mail. I have them right here." The man held up a large purple box adorning the infamous early nineties magical girl. Tennosuke's eyes glittered happily, and he squealed in glee.
"YAAAY! EEEE!" He grabbed the box set and hugged it tight, flashing a rather creepy grin. Katsu said nothing as he slowly crept away, creeped out by his loathsome boss…
End of Part 1.
-Thanks again for reading! If I could, I'd make a comic of this…
-Sir Bo-bobo's next adventure has commenced! What is bound to come for him and his cohorts? What is the romantic history of Torpedo Girl and Hatenkou? And what will become of poor Namero? Read on and find out…
FOOTNOTES
(1). The official ice cream that gains its dot-like shape by being frozen in liquid nitrogen (hence why it is the way it is). Birthday cake is one of its ten official flavors.
(2). An Italian dessert that bears its similarities to traditional ice cream, the main differences being that it has a lower milk fat content and has additional ingredients such as sweeteners, powders, eggs, natural ingredients, and has less air.
(3). A famous Italian dessert made from Lady Finger cookies (light, crisp, sweet sponge cakes used for the bulk of some major European sweets), marcapone, sugar, egg yolks, and is usually dipped in a strong coffee, such as espresso. In addition to being a cake itself, it is also a pudding, a flavor for gelato (see above), and other dessert varieties.
(4). Generally the same as traditional ice cream, exceptions being having ten percent milk fat and a fair amount of egg yolk. Currently rather rare to find with the exception of some stores in some states.
(5). A unique dessert made of ice cream placed in a pie dish lined with sponge cake or Christmas pudding, topped with meringue (whipped egg whites, powdered sugar).
(6). A cooking technique in which an alcoholic drink with high alcohol content is splashed over a burning pan with a cooking ingredient, creating a burst of flames to add visual flare to a dish. Baked Alaska when splashed with dark rum during cooking creates a flambé effect, thus renaming it "Bombe Alaska."
(7). The Japanese word for "Pluto" (As in the former planet).
(8). Amber is actually secreted from trees in the form of a resin, which is a secretion made of hydrogen and carbon.
(9). The IXEX (Nine Experts) from Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. Visit the Bo7 wiki for more information.
(10). One of the three protagonists from the musical comedy anime Nerima Daikon Brothers.
-Fluffy fluffy, panda pandy, you make me feel…so…uh…line?