Neross : I see I have received some reviews since last night. Excellent. You do well to praise me for my greatness. NOW VIEW THE GREATNESS OF CHAPTER TWO!!

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Fear the meat.

Chapter 2 : Dib Meats

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Zim returned to Earth, and his base, with all the speed of a kicked puppy running with it's tail between it's legs. He could not believe he would have to share HIS power and HIS title with someone else. And then there was the little problem of even FINDING someone as tall (if not taller) than him that he could stand for the rest of eternity.

As he descended from his ship Zim walked toward the elevator in a daze, his mind filled with possible candidates, none of which seemed to work. There were no Irkens he could choose from, this he knew all too clearly. And any other alien species he had come across simply gave Zim the impression that they were simply too stupid, too UNWORTHY, of ruling beside him. His trip to Hobo 13 had shown him that.

So now Zim faced a dilemma. Who ELSE was there that he could choose. And then he reached an idea which had his squidly-splooch doing flip-flops of distaste. The Humans...the filthy and disgusting, germy, Earth-pigs had a plethora of tall individuals he could choose from. This did not make him feel any better. The humans were a horrible naive and stupid race. There were not any suited for-

Zim stopped processing. No. He couldn't. He WOULDN'T. There was no way he could choose HIM...even if he WAS the most intelligent of the humans. He simply would not choose the DIB-MONKEY. As Zim stepped into the elevator he shuddered in a mixture of disgust, fear, and pure awkwardness that would no-doubt follow should the Dib-stink be his second. On top of that it only irritated Zim more that Dib had actually grown to be quite a bit taller than he had. The alien assumed it must have been a trait he inherited from his father, Professor Membrane, as had always seemed to stand at least a head and shoulders above any other dirt-pig the planet had to offer.

Still, Zim could think of no preferable alternatives. After all, Dib was the smartest and most Irk-like human Zim had ever met, even if he was an annoying worm-baby.

So Zim continued to ponder his choices, deep in thought, even after being distributed at the house level of his base. While he paced GIR took to running about, screaming wildly, as usual before finally plopping down on the sofa to watch the 'Angry Monkey' show. Zim was just about to join him when the ever-ominous sound of the doorbell rang. Zim and GIR both exchanged glance before quickly donning their disguises. Then, as was normal, they both cautiously watched the door as Zim slowly opened it to see...

A pizza delivery boy.

Zim's eyes narrowed and he turned to glare at his robotic side-kick in annoyance, "GIR!" he growled, "What have I told you about ordering pizza from the humans!"

Gir merely cocked his green, dog head to the side and flailed his arms as if he were shrugging. "I didn't order pizza this time. I've got TACOS!" the crazy dog exclaimed franticly before shooting said Tacos out of his head only to devour them nearly instantly. Zim's eyes rose in suspicion.

"But...if you didn't order the pizza then who-?"

However, Zim never got to find out who, for as he turned to face the pizza-boy once more, the box he held opened and out sprung a metal vice with four 'arms' which wrapped around the irken's body and successfully pinned his arms to his torso and sent him flying back into his base, landing flat on his back, his wig falling off at the force. He let out an angry gasp and glared up at the pizza-boy who now straddled him a camera in hand. " I've got you now Zim! I knew your weakness for junk-food would do you in!" a familiar voiced cried triumphantly.

Zim's eyes opened wide in fury before squeezing into a glare, "Dib-scum! You dare to challenge ZIM! " the irken snarled his hands clawing at the binds that held his arms to his sides. And the alien continued to rage even as Dib tore off his own disguise. "Challenge you Zim? Face it! I've finally won!" the human stated proudly. "I finally have you! I'd like to see you threaten the Earth NOW! Can ya? No? TOO BAD!" The large-headed teen taunted, leaning his face dangerously close to the irken's beneath him.

"Foolish Earth-scum you think you've won?! ZIM HAS ONLY BEGUN TO FIGHT! GIR! Attack the earth-pig's head!" Zim ordered glaring defiantly up at his captor. From behind him Zim could hear GIR's obedient voice as he replied to his master's command with a 'Yes Sir!' before returning to his normal hyperactive self as he launched himself straight onto Dib's face with a giddy scream. The human fell back pulling on the tiny robot to try and claw him off and stop him from continuously screaming in his face.

In the meantime Zim used his pak legs to slowly burn through his restraints with a high-powered lazer. He was already on his feet, dusting himself off when Dib finally managed to get GIR to let go. "Stupid Earth-slime! As if your INFERIOR technology could contain the mighty ZIM! "the Irken cried grinning in triumph at having freed himself.

"I'm not done yet Zim! I'll stop you and whatever plan it is you have to take over the world! I'll never let you win!" Dib growled back fixing his glasses as they had become askew during his tussle with GIR.

Zim however merely raised an eyebrow, or he would if he had had any, and stared at Dib as if he had suddenly lost half of his brain. "You incompetent human. Zim no longer cares about destroying your puny dirt-ball planet. Why would Zim care about one stinking planet when Zim could control a whole empire of worlds!"

Now it was Dib's turn to stare at the alien in confusion. "Empire? What are you talking about?"

"Foolish Dib-thing. Zim's amazing new height, though an effect of eating your worlds PUTRID government food, has given Zim the ability to claim the title of Tallest of the Irken empire! I shall rule all of the armada and when I do," Zim grinned evilly, causing Dib to glare back in turn, " I shall crush the Earth like the overly ripe fruit it truly is!"

And then, before Dib could reply, Gir reappeared, the head of his disguise pulled down to allow him to sip on a frozen poop! drink. The two adversaries turned to stare at the tiny robot who then turned toward Zim and cocked his head to the side. "But I thought you was going to get splattered." GIR said with a pout.

Zim sent GIR a look and sharply replied in a tone that sounded a great deal like he was trying to defend a lie. "I will not be SPLATTERED GIR." The alien took a moment to look away from the other two occupants of the room to glare at the wall as he crossed his arms and seemed to pout as he muttered an explanation. "I'll just be executed unless I can find a second to rule beside me."

Dib raised an eyebrow again and looked at Zim as skeptics often regarded him. "Wait...so let me get this straight. You went to claim the position of leader of all of the Irken empire...only to be told you had to find someone to rule with you...or be executed?"

Zim gave Dim an exasperated glare before muttering a small 'yes'.

"MAN that is stupid!"

Zim threw his arms to his sides and clenched his hands into fists in his anger at being mocked by such a 'lowly' life-form'. "SILENCE pitiful earth-slug! I WILL find myself a second and I WILL claim what is rightfully Zim's! "

Dib glared back, though he smiled as if feeling triumphant, "You won't have a chance to become the Tallest if I capture you first!" And with that Dib launched himself at Zim. The two bodies hit the floor and rolled, Zim loosing both of his contacts in the process. When they came out of the roll Zim managed to throw the human off of him and into a nearby wall with the aid of his pak's spidery mechanic legs. Dib was hardly down for the count however as he pulled a pair of black and grey handcuffs that had Zim doing a retake. They were identical to the pair he had seen on his very first day on Earth. Recognizing the look of surprise and slight fear in Zim's eyes Dib smirked and charged toward Zim once more bowling the alien over before he managed to pull away and leave Zim reeling on the floor.

Then, in an instant. Dib was ontop of Zim once more and locking the alien's hands above his head. There was a moment of silence in which they both wondered if, in fact, the cuffs actually worked as they had wondered that day ten faithful years ago. And then Zim felt it, a shock that swept through his entire system, like electrotherapy only there was an odd lemony-smell that seemed to bloom through Zim's antennae. Then, there was nothing but blackness.

Until his Pak sent a second electrical wave through his body, waking him up again. Both human and alien eyed each other. "Well that was anti-climatic." Dib commented lightly before Zim's spidery pak arms had tossed him off once more. This time, before the human could recover, Zim had his arms and legs pinned to the wall using a pronged extension at the end of each of his four mechanic arms. Now as they glared at each other a slow smile grew upon Zim's face as he looked down to the cuffs around his wrists and then back up at the human who had dared to attach them.

"It seems...GIR...that I have found my ...second. Puny Dib-scum! You have only just proven that you are the only one WORTHY of ruling beside the great and tallest ZIM! " Zim proclaimed, first softly, then nearly shouting in pride. "You should feel honored. " Zim added, his tone mocking in it's glee.

"This isn't going to be pleasant...is it..."

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Neross : Oh it will be...for SOME of us. Now review! Review or pay the ultimate price!

Random person : uh...which is...what exactly?

Neross : ...oh you're good. Not as good as me, but still good. YOU'VE WON THIS ROUND RANDOM PERSON! But you shall face my vengeance. And it shall be NASTY like...like...slimy DOOM raining down from above.

Now as for the rest of you. Review or be pummeled with MEAT! MEAT I SAY!