Neross : Bow down pitiful Earth-scum! For I, the great and almighty NEROSS, have returned with another chapter of EXCELLENCE!! ...Oo! Somebody made donuts!

Chapter 3 : Fear the Females

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Dib pulled and strained against his restraints, unable to believe that Zim was about to load him onto his ship like cargo in order to bring him back and force him to be one of the rulers of the Irken Empire. The floating table he was strapped to shook slightly as GIR dropped a particularly large and heavy box unceremoniously down onto the loading dock floor. Dib glared as Zim came stalking up beside him to yell out orders to the tiny robot.

"Be careful with that GIR! I want everything to be in one piece for our new royal apartments back on Irk."

Dib pulled against his restraints once more and growled when the alien's attention shifted to him with a smirk. "You'll never get away with this Zim! My family will-!"

"Your family?" Zim interrupted, sounding both snide and triumphant, "Your family has never believed you about me...well...your sister knows about me..but she doesn't care about you. Face it Dib, you're going to be one of the Tallest. I suggest you grow to like the idea."

As much as Dib hated to admit that Zim could EVER be right, which was a lot, I mean he REALLY hated the irken, he knew that Zim had a point. His father had never believed him about Zim being an alien, heck he had sat down and had tea with the Irken once! And Gaz...well...there were times when Dib wondered if Gaz even cared if he lived or died. So even as Zim began to push him into the ship Dib felt his hopes of being rescued dying.

Still, Dib knew he had to escape somehow. "Think about this Zim! Do you honestly believe your people will accept me as their leader? I mean come ON! I'm not even the same race as you." Dib tried, hoping that Zim would see the flaw in his own logic.

Zim merely looked down at the human and raised an eyebrow, then he looked up as if considering it before looking back down at Dib with a purely pleased grin. "Doesn't matter. Once I am Tallest they'll have to do what I say. Besides I'm sure your filthy and enormous head will more than enough to impress them.

"Hey! My head's not that big!" Dib ground out angrily, as the cargo doors to Zim's ship shut behind him. Dib let out a startled sort of whimper before playing his last card. "But...But I'm a male! Shouldn't you pick a female like...like Tak to be your second?"

Zim stopped dead cold and visibly shuddered from head to toe before turning back to look down at Dib. "Do you know NOTHING?! Females are a rare and dangerous breed. And do you wish Zim to go willing to his own demise?! Tak is nowhere close to the Tallest in height...not to mention her HIDEOUS personality and LIES. And Zim knows all about EARTH FEMALES and their DISGUSTING..." the alien shuddered again, " ...reproductive organs. NO! Zim will not risk his one chance at glory by siding with some FEMALE. Besides...a female would only make Zim look weak and squirmy in comparison. Now be silent! Zim must have QUIET if he is to fly us to Irk with great speed!" and with that the alien walked off to start the ship.

Dib began panic as he heard the engines of Zim's Voot cruiser begin to power up. And he really began to worry when Gir ran up and down the length of the ship crying 'whee!' at the top of his lungs. Then, quite suddenly, the world fell out from underneath him Dib could feel the awesome pressure as Zim's ship shot out into space and toward the Irken home world. Afraid more than ever that he would never see the Earth again, until Zim had conquered it of course, Dib tried his last ditch resort.

The next time that Gir came running by Dib hailed him to his floating prison with a quiet 'hey!'. The SIR unit came to a quick halt next to Dib and practically screamed in his ear. "What 'cha want?"

Dib took a moment to allow his ears to stop ringing before he grinned in a conspiratory way and nudged his head in the direction of the mechanic 'belts' which had him tied down. "If you get me out of these restraints I'll make biscuits with you Gir." Dib offered, clearly to the robot's delight as he let out a happy squeal and jumped instantly to tear off each belt within a matter of seconds. Dib couldn't help but smile as he rubbed his swore wrists and watched the mechanic side-kick run circles around his floating stretcher. "Thanks. You know, you're not so bad for an evil alien sidekick."

The tiny robot gave Dib a blank look before grinning stupidly and proclaiming, "I'm going to go push some buttons!" and with that Zim's hyperactive side-kick ran off screaming just as he had before, as if nothing had happened. Dib merely rose an eyebrow at the robots antics before quietly pulling himself off the table and sneaking up toward the cockpit where he found Zim busy at the controls. Dib snuck up behind the alien and grabbed him, pulling him into a strangle hold and nearly up out of his seat.

Zim let out an odd strangled sound and grasped desperately at Dib's arm, clawing at him in order to break free.

"I won't let you succeed Zim! I'm going to take the ship back to Earth! " Dib ground out.

Zim glared up at Dib in indignation and pushed the Earthling away with his pak legs. He turned, and used the windshield of his voot cruiser to launch himself at Dib. The two of them tussled and unfortunately Zim found himself pinned against the ship's wall by Dib, his pak legs crushed between him and the ship. Zim let out a snarl and glared at Dib who had his arms pinned above him in a tight grip. Dib merely smirked back triumphantly. "You're not going to win Zim. I've beaten you every time."

The irken glared furiously before slowly gaining back his trade-mark prideful smirk. "Not...EVERY time Dib-stink. Let's not forget the time I traded your innards for a mooing-box."

Dib glare and slammed the irken harder against the wall, using his body to add extra force to the blow. Then, something happened that had them both turning to each other with eyes wide filled with shock. At the feel of his body pressed against that of Zim's, Dib had let out a soft hiss, one that had been mirrored by the alien stuck between him and the wall.

The two rivals eyed each other awkwardly and the tension increased, each one afraid to break to find the results not to his liking. They simply hovered there, pressed against one another, staring into the other's eyes as if looking for some clue that what was happening was just...a mistake or some sort of strange dream. And slowly Dib's grip upon Zim's thin wrists relaxed until he was no longer holding them and was instead leaning his arm against the wall. And Zim, as if memorized slowly moved his arms as if to wrap them around Dib's neck. Each rival watched carefully as the other's eyes drifted close.

Then suddenly they were both sent sprawling to the ground as the ship shuddered and shifted beneath them. They fell into a crumpled heap on the ground and Zim gave off an irritated snarl before sitting up and yelling furiously at his ship. "Computer! What's going on?!"

"We have reached planet Irk's orbit." the computer replied, it's tone sounding almost, disappointed.

Zim's expression immediately grew gleeful, his mouth ripping open in a sadistic grin which he turned on to Dib. "You're too late DIB! Now you have no choice but to become my second and help me rule all of the Irken Empire!"

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Neross : Soo...you're not mad at me for ruining the moment are you?

(is pelted with garbage) Ack! Ugh! Arg! Okay! Okay! I know, I know! I'm horrible! But I'll have some smut for you next chapter I promise!

(ahem) Now that that's out of the way.

REVIEW OR FACE THE WRATH OF NEROSS!! QUEEN OF DARKNESS AND DESTRUCTION AND...and...AND SMUT!! GLORIOUS, FANTASTICAL SMUT!!