"And now for something completely different…"

Hiragi was standing tall, snot dripping from his nose in the form of a tear drop. His eyes took the shape of two small black dots with lashes. He was standing next to a glass table with a cheeseburger on it.

His eyes glowed with tears of joy, saliva oozing from his lips at the savory piece of cow meat. On the fine brown slab were fresh iceberg lettuce leaves, green as grass, fresh vine-ripened tomatoes, mustard and ketchup, crisp onions, and was placed between two yeast-risen pieces of bread buns. He slowly reached his hand for it as if a dying soul were reaching heaven's light.

"Oh, almost there…."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a forcefield shut Hiragi out from the hamburger.

"CURSE YOU, FORCEFIELD!" He screamed, turning into a cat with no given explanation. His rage continued on for seven minutes before cutting to black, with Babuu appearing on-screen.

"And we'll be right back!"

BONUS! I loved this part of the game where Princess Peach and Twink make the cake, so I'm doing this castle prelude in two parts!

-X-

Fourth Prelude

(Part 1: Let them eat cake)

Princess Patches remained still as a corpse in a morgue on his bed, swimming in his thoughts. Unknown to Softon, Patches had listened in on part of his menacing announcement of his plans to the man who was fighting to rescue him. He swam through his consciousness for hours, falling deep into denial. Only a memory of his earliest childhood days finally convinced him that he was Don Pacchi, a sun-shaped creature with no regal bearings. He saw his parents in the vision, and he saw himself, as a baby, cooing in happiness as he smiled for the first time.

His mother then tenderly spoke, "Don Pacchi!"

He came to terms unusually quickly. He was not the true heir of the Don Kingdom.

He was still stuck in Softon's clutches, however, and Softon had no intention of releasing him. Judging from what his diary had said before, Softon probably wanted to personally dispose of Don Pacchi for supposedly faking his position for so many years. Why Softon was hell bent on that, though, neither Don Pacchi or Dengaku-man could figure out.

From the fragments he heard, Softon wanted to convert the shaping of the world back to the old times, where there were no deities watching over it. He also wanted to find someone important, the true heir of the kingdom no doubt. There were other tidbits, but the fake princess did not understand much. He had never before heard of the Chalices or the stories of the fall of the Old World and the rise of the New World. Heck, he didn't know many of the modern usages of the High Spirits. He sank into depression and began to lag in mind and soul. Dengaku-man was continuously worried.

"…princess? Are you okay?" Dengaku-man patted Don Pacchi's top spike.

"Please leave me alone…" the creature rolled on his side.

"But princess…"

"Don't call me princess."

"What?"

Don Pacchi sat up with a nasty glare reflected in his eye. He gave his evil eye to the poor fairy, who cowered beneath the blankets. Don Pacchi grabbed the tiara that was encrusted around his topmost spike and tore it off.

"I'm not a princess, Dengaku-man."

"Wh…"

"The rumors told the truth. Don't you understand!? I'm just some bumpkin who scored a free ride on the carousal of life. My days here have been a complete lie…in the end, I bought suffering for an entire kingdom. My own heritage was lost with the sacred one that I made superficial…" Don Pacchi used the back of his hand to wipe off the lipstick he wore, leaving a red smudge on it. "And now, it's because of my own cowardice that Bo-bobo and his party are suffering…."

Dengaku-man shivered. His youth and naiveté did not allow him to know the truth about Don Pacchi-he thought he was the real heir the entire time. Fright ran across his body.

"What are you…"

Don Pacchi grabbed onto his crown with a fierce grip, shattering it to pieces. Dengaku-man screamed. "I'm not the damn princess! There! Now go and be with Bo-bobo! He's the one who really needs the help, not me!" The orange creature spun around and crossed his arms. The fairy whimpered and floated onto him, hugging him.

"I want to be by your side, princess."

"Dammit, will you stop…" Don Pacchi shivered, tears falling down his face. He wiped them away and grabbed the fairy with a hug.

"Thanks, buddy."

They embraced, and the stars outside sparkled at their fresh friendship.

"Hey, Patches…"

"My name is Don Pacchi, Denny."

"Don Pacchi…why don't we keep on helping Sir Bo-bobo? We're his assets, and the information that we found has already helped him rescue four of the High Spirits. I think that we can still be of use, no?"

Don Pacchi smiled. "Sure thing. Let's get going."

Don Pacchi hopped off the bed and, with no given explanation, ripped off his dress and high heels. Dengaku-man's head burst into millions of pieces as Don Patch put on a pair of blue slip-on shoes. He smirked, flashing his pearly whites.

"Come on!"

He charged into the fireplace with newfound zest, and this time, the fire did not affect him!

Dengaku-man's eyes bugged. "What the fu…"

-X-

Second Floor Hallway

The second floor hallway was sparsely guarded tonight; the only members out there were at the doors to Pacchi's room and the third floor hallway, and two others on the far right conversing quietly. With his newfound confidence lingering around him in a stench that reeked of rotten BBQ, Don Pacchi tiptoed across, making obnoxious crunching sounds with the bag of chips he was eating.

"Pacchi, please be quieter…" Dengaku-man whimpered.

"Hey, Denny…" Don Patch nearly hissed.

"Y-yes…?"

Complete silence. Don Patch spun around and glared at Dengaku-man with mammoth-sized glowing red eyes.

"EAT…MY…MEATLOAF."

An awkward silence. In three seconds, a massive meatloaf fell on poor Dengaku-man and squished him into a bloody blob. The sun-shaped creature chortled as he walked down the hall, making armpit noises along the way.

"He just got owned…" he sang quietly as he approached the southeastern door. He remembered that the dining hall was in there-perhaps it wouldn't hurt to take a look. He slowly opened the door, stepping inside with a cautious stance.

"Denny, I think it's safe to go in…" Don Pacchi shot about in random hiding spots until he reached the end of the small hall. A violently bleeding Dengaku-man slowly followed, groaning.

Pacchi glanced his head back and forth several times, not noticing that Kingdom Villager D was sitting there deadpan in front of him…

"Uggh…"

"?"

Don Pacchi glanced up and saw the uber-obese village gourmet lover standing in front of him; he gave the not-princess a glazed, hungry look in the eye. Pacchi squirmed, his left eye violently twitching.

"Nuuh…" Villager D glanced down at the creature, saliva trailing from his lips. He raised his utensils and imagined himself digesting the guy. "Are you a massive kompeito (1)? I love those…they're so sugary…"

"Wahh…" Don Pacchi whimpered at first, but soon regained his spine when he hit Villager D with a coconut he pulled from hammerspace. The villager gained a concussion, but was still alive.

"S—t, he must have an incredible backbone if he can survive the wrath of a ninety-seven thousand, one-hundred thirty-four year old coconut…I wonder…if he likes Charlie's Angels…wait, I'm getting off topic…s—t, s—t, I have to stop saying s—t…poop!"

"Hey Pacchi, what's-" Dengaku-man saw Villager D, shrieked loud enough to shatter the window, the pottery, and one guard's entire body.

"Oy, you're not edible?" Villager D groaned. "Aww…"

"Just who are you anyway, fatass!?" Don Patch shouted.

The fat man snorted. "I'm Kingdom Villager D. That's what it says on my birth certificate, really." He flashed said document out and showed Pacchi, who scratched his head; he was secretly illiterate. "And I haven't had food in over an hour, so…why not come here? Best food in the kingdom probably…"

"It is the best food in the kingdom," Don Pacchi stated without remorse.

"How do you…" Villager D analyzed the poprock for a minute, and gasped upon realization. "Oh my funnel cakes, you're Princess Patches!"

"No, I'm not…" Pacchi turned away, responding in a literal fashion.

"Yes you are! I ought to report you to the wizard-even if I don't work for him…maybe he'll give me food…"

Pacchi began to boil over with his well-hidden emotions on that just-addressed touchy subject. "I'm not the f—king princess, you fat oaf! Get out of here and lose some weight!" He stomped to the other side of the hall and crossed his arms. The fairy joined him, waving his arm as an apology sign.

"Wah, wah, what did I say?" Villager D moaned, hacking up a boat anchor he ate earlier out of desperation.

"Just forget about it…" the fairy sighed as the two were about to walk out. Villager D's hunger came into him, and he panicked. He hatched a sudden idea.

"Wait! Please come back! I'm so hungry! If you make me something really yummy, then I'll tell you a secret!"

Pacchi spun around and gasped-another opportunity for the knight coming for him. "You want us to bake you something?"

"Please!? I'm begging ya…" The fat man hacked up a dead frog he also ate out of desperation.

"Um…okay, as long as you keep your promise…"

"I-urp-will!" The fat man barfed up a wrought wilier, making the pair sweat drop and slowly back away…

"Before you go, you'll need this." Villager D managed to waddle forward into the scared pair and handed them a purple key. "I found this on the table. The hallway door is locked, so you might need to get to the kitchen from here with this." Don Pacchi took the key and jumped for joy-in fact, he jumped so high that he destroyed the ceiling and nuked The Planet (2) by accident from a distance. All the Final Fantasy VII fangirls, upset that their heroes were dead, ran into a nuclear waste pit blew themselves up out of grief.

"Thanks dude!" Don Pacchi dashed right out the door and to the door that led to the first floor. A sweatdropping Dengaku-man followed awkwardly.

"I hope he doesn't go for Quistis-chan (3)'s home planet next…" he squeaked, imagining a bikini-clad Quistis in his mind with a blush.

-X-

First Floor Hallway

It had been months since Don Pacchi crossed the first floor of his own castle. Down here were the storage rooms, servant's quarters, and the kitchen, along with a passage to the courtyard and basement. There were two guards with bright flashlights at the bottom, so extra caution was needed.

"The kitchen is that door down there," Don Pacchi stated, pointing to the door on the left that was embedded in the wall. "Can you lift me?"

"I'm way too light…"

"Damn. Oh well. TOGA PARTY!"

From out of nowhere, a group of screaming toga-wearing college students appeared and screamed for a party, trampling the two guards on the bottom. Don Pacchi hung his tongue out and bulged his eyes, dancing toward the bottom. Dengaku-man, seduced by Don Pacchi's hajike, followed him in a similar fashion.

"WHY WON'T ANYBODY EAT ME!? EAT ME! EAT ME! I AM THE SEXY HEROINE WHO DESERVES TO BE EATEN!"

Don Pacchi dove into the mosh pit-style pool of people and executed the tombstone piledriver on a partygoer that strangely resembled Balthier from Final Fantasy XII for no given reason. After turning into a rain cloud and smiting off all the party members, he floated down onto the platform of the door that led to the servant's quarters on the far right.

"Just checking to see if anyone's in here…" he coyly smiled as the creature dashed inside. Dengaku-man was bleeding too heavily to respond.

-X-

Servant's Quarters

The room was small and dark like the rest of the castle. The walls were painted midnight blue with sleeping clouds as if to soothe the weary that entered to sleep each night. The light green rug and full-sized beds with sheets covered in stars made the quarters appear more like a nursery at a hospital. A large white closet hung in the middle, holding a uniform for each servant. The beds were arranged neatly by row with curtains to cover for privacy. A separate alcove held showers for everyone to use.

"Is anybody in here?" Don Pacchi quietly called out. There was no response. He tiptoed in further for reassurance. He glanced at the white closet and swore he heard something move inside.

"If you don't come out, then you're not getting this free pair of Cloud Strife's unwashed underwear I snagged…it's perfect for every fangirl…or boy…" Pacchi waved around the man's said underwear.

"Cloud Strife you say!?" exclaimed a female voice. Out came one of the skirted maids, this one wearing the orange skirt that barely covered her rear. She flashed her white, smiling citrus fruit-patterned undies by accident and blushed.

"Why…Princess Patches?" she covered her mouth, half surprised, half disgruntled.

"Ah…yes. I managed to sneak out of my room, several times actually…" Pacchi was lost for words. He had a large love-hate relationship with all of the maids, heavily leaning toward the hate spectrum. He didn't know the orange-skirt too well personally, probably because he would always try to make her flash when he was small without caring.

"Okay, that's nice…" The orange-skirt twirled her side ponytail absentmindedly. "Are you hanging in there all right?"

"Ah-yup."

"Did Softon taunt you too many times to count?"

"Ah-yup."

"Do you really have Cloud Strife's underwear!?"

"Ah-yup." He tossed her the goods, making her smile.

"Will you stop saying 'ah-yup,' please?"

"Today all the birds were high on crack, so NO!"

"Ex-CUSE ME!?"

Don Pacchi hissed, making the maid nervous. He released his steam and wiped his brow. The maid analyzed him, and finally realized that Don Pacchi was not in attire-even the shape of his eyes was different.

"Princess Patches? Did you give yourself a makeover? I, um, like it…"

Pacchi's face became solemn. "A makeover…of sorts. A makeover that came upon realization."

"R-realization?"

"You…know of the old rumor?"

The maid stiffened. "W-what rumor?"

"Don't lie to me. I have my army of death right behind me if you lie." Don Pacchi pointed toward a large army of yaoi fangirls and dead fish ready to mutilate.

"Oh…so you know…"

"Yeah, I know, and I also know that it's true."

"What!?"

"My dear friend, you are looking at nothing but a mere commoner of the KoPatches. Your true princess remains inconspicuous."

"O-oh…" The orange-skirted maid appeared as if she wanted to faint. She sat on one of the beds and held her head, dizzy.

"This is…this is…"

"Yes, I get that it's a big deal. But the two of us alone can't do much about it now, can we? The only people who we can rely on are Bo-bobo and his comrades…that is, if they attempt to find the real heir while working on their main goal…"

The maid glanced at the orange man and blushed slightly. He was not the same bratty guy-princess she had known for so long. This loon, albeit, was slightly confident and firm, but slightly tender on the inside.

"He almost looks…handsome…"

"My friend…my name is Don Pacchi. I don't know why, but…I know this for a fact. And…"

The maid nodded her head, wide-eyed.

"I just want you to know…that I believe that Sir Bo-bobo will save us all. The kingdom, the people, and the High Spirits…did you hide here when the earthquake began?"

"Yeah…"

"Then…unless you have combat skills I'm clueless about, I want you to hide in here until we're rescued. I have a partner from Gloria Heaven that helped me sneak information to Sir Bo-bobo to help his cause, and we're going to keep doing so for his sake. I'll give you food if you need it."

"W-wait…I want to help too!"

"Then collect information from in here."

"That's impossible. No one ever comes in here…"

Don Pacchi said nothing. He then smiled gently and patted the maid's head.

"I'm sorry. I just want to look out for you. After all the times I treated you and the other maids like crap, I guess that me being kidnapped could make up for it. I may not be the real heir, but you're one of my subjects for the time being. Let me protect you." He smiled more, making the maid fill with hope.

"I have something to do. See you later, okay?" Pacchi slowly walked out, waving. The maid placed her left hand onto her cheek, blushing.

"Oh, my…"

"KITTY KAT! MEOW!" Don Pacchi took on the form of a cat, barfed up a hairball, and caused an explosion of kitty litter in the first floor hallway. Dengaku-man's head fell off, but Don Pacchi was able to sew it back on.

"Oh, my…" the maid responded in a different tone.

-X-

Kitchen

Don Pacchi and Dengaku-man finally entered the kitchen; Pacchi grabbed a pink apron with the words "kiss the cook or get your pancreas ripped out" in Japanese on the front. Dengaku-man floated toward a golden stone bookcase on the right and began to search for a cookbook.

"Okay, let's find a dessert that fat guy would like…hmm…" Dengaku-man found a pink dessert cookbook and searched through it.

"Anything in there look good, Denny?" Don Pacchi hoped.

"Let's see…oh! A special strawberry cake…that sounds awesome! How about that?" Dengaku-man pointed at the recipe sporting a photo of a beautiful cake adorned with strawberries.

"That's a good one, but I think this is better," the orange creature replied, holding up a book featuring a recipe for over-radiated mashed potatoes. Dengaku-man nearly barfed at its greenish appearance.

"Okay, okay, strawberry cake, fine!" Don Pacchi grunted, fishing out supplies he needed. When the bowl, pan, utensils, and such were arranged, he glanced behind him to find ingredients. On the back wall was a plethora; flour in a golden bag, sugar in a green box, salt in a turquoise box, eggs arranged in a woven basket, milk, fruit ingredients, cream and frosting ingredients, butter, detergent for cleaning, and the sink at the end where the water was. He counted all the ingredients, ate a pound of the sugar out of grief (Wario now had Captain Syrup as his girlfriend), and went back to Dengaku-man.

"Okay, please read the damn recipe. This sugar rush will only last so long, "Don Patcchi stuttered, raring to go.

"Okay, let's see. First…put three eggs and a cup of sugar in a bowl. Can you do that?"

"Duh. A monkey could do that."

"Err…"

Don Pacchi grabbed three eggs, cracked them, and put them in the white mixing bowl. He then went for the sugar, but he couldn't distinguish the sugar from the salt. He stuttered, having no choice but to perform "eeny meeny." Heaven knows why he couldn't simply taste each ingredient, but one ought to remember that his I.Q ranged from 20 to 22…

Don Pacchi finally picked the salt from the turquoise bin, placed it in a cup, and poured it in. He wiped his brow in relief and walked back to the on-looking fairy. Heaven knows why he didn't help the ex-princess in picking ingredients out!

"Done?" he asked. Pacchi nodded his head with a smirk. "Okay! Next up is…whipping. Whip the ingredients together with a spoon to make a batter."

"Do I have to? I hate doing physical labor!" Pacchi whined, plucking his eyebrows with a miniature buzzsaw.

"Yes. Now go."

"Meanie!" Pacchi spat as he grabbed the spoon and began whipping the mix together. The resulting mix appeared like regular cake batter, made with salt instead of sugar. For extra measure, Pacchi added a drop of wasabi sauce, nearly setting the batter on fire.

"Okay, done! Next!"

"Next is…adding flour and butter. Easy." Dengaku-man smiled, the background behind him turning pink and adorning with sweets.

"Yeah, yeah…" Don Pacchi grunted, grabbing two cups of flour, promptly adding it. He was about to reach for the butter, but grabbed the utensil cleanser instead! With his I.Q being far too low to notice the difference, he placed the greenish liquid into the mix and kept stirring. The batter was now a greenish color, but neither creature noticed.

"What now? The batter's all batter-like, so…" Don Pacchi's loose eyebrow hair landed into the mix, unbeknownst to him. Out of panic, he also placed someone's hacked-off toe in there as well. His sugar rush was ending, and he began to panic for unknown reason.

"Uh…you put the batter in a pan and put it in the oven for a half-hour. You can't repeat this part, so if you screw up, you're dead…hah hah hah…ah…" Dengaku-man was also growing nervous, him because of Don Pacchi's growing anxiety itself. He fluttered in awkward patterns and sighed heavily as if he were sedated. The air around them was becoming tense as a violin string. The panic was building-a secret on the line, and in order to get it, they needed the perfect cake.

"Ahh, let's add filling! How about gelatin filling!? I ate that when I was little!" Don Pacchi held up a basket of handmade green gelatin containing preserved cockroaches and someone's leg, covered with blood. He poured it in, and the mix became gelatinous and even greener. Pacchi snorted and laughed hysterically like a crazed scientist afflicted with severe syphilis (4). His eyes spun around and drove his mind into the deep end.

"YAA! SONNA WAKE NAI! SONNA WAKE NAI! SONNA WAKE NAIIII! Kore ga Don Pacchi!!" (5)

Pacchi posed, his hands raised above his head, index and middle fingers together. He stood on top of the table. Dengaku-man joined him, posing similarly.

"Pyon pyon! Kaeru ja nai yo! Dengaku da yo!" (6)

Together the pair began placing random ingredients into the mix, with no given reason other than sheer insanity. Despite showing rationality, having Pacchi leading him made Dengaku-man stupid by association. Their hectic dance made them look even more like dumb stumps.

"Oh, oh! Donkey radish! The gnarliest stuff in the Don Kingdom!" Don Pacchi placed a half-cup of the white, stench-loaded condiment into the mix. He mixed it while playing a CD containing Spice Girls songs on max volume.

"How about we add the…milk!?" Dengaku-man, his rationality kicking in, grabbed the milk, but the milk he grabbed had become cottage cheese a long time ago. He dumped in a quarter teaspoon, not before releasing flatulence into it by accident. Don Pacchi kicked him out of the way and somehow dashed over to a nearby bathroom.

"Oops! I dropped the batter in the toilet!" he squealed, fishing it in and out rapidly.

"I'll fish it out with this!" Dengaku-man chortled, flailing a dissected frog to and fro. He fished it out, mixing the organs within the mix, and transported himself and Pacchi back to the kitchen. Their hyper moment of stupidity was still going strong.

"Oh, I have a jar of toenail clippings I stole from some baby! I'll be right back!" Dengaku-man vanished quickly while Don Patch went to find more ingredients. He found a tampon Beauty had previously used, two of Heppokomaru's favorite hentai magazines stained with a goopy liquid, a dead kitten, baking soda that expired in 1987, remains of Bo-bobo's old unibrow, a pickle Namero had regurgitated, gel used to prevent hairballs, plain water from the sink, spicy tuna rolls, and to top it off, cake mix. He stirred it like a madman, sprinting across the walls and damaging them. A guard entered due to the commotion, but he was shot down by Dengaku-man toting a newly-found gun from hammerspace.

"Toenail clippings!" He dropped them in.

"Let's put it in the oven!" Pacchi poured the goop in the pan and set the oven timer for thirty minutes, he shoved the pan in and watched the drab goo bake. Inside, both creatures lost their rush when they thought they saw a hand pop out and move inside…

-X-

Thirty minutes later…

The timer buzzed, and, with oven mitts on, Don Pacchi pulled out the hideous-looking cake. The cake was a mix of green and blood red with wart-like objects adorning it. A hand and remnants of a hentai magazine stuck out on the side.

"Why, that is the most disgusting, abominable cake I have ever laid my eyes on…" Dengaku-man chirped, smirking, eyes bean-shaped.

"I call it…the cake from hell: premium platinum edition…" Don Pacchi cackled. "So Denny…what do we do next?"

"Make the icing, put strawberries on top, and we're done!" he chirped. Don Pacchi grabbed the cream and such, made the icing without making any mishaps (in stark contrast to the cake itself), and placed it and the strawberries on top. The appearance made the cake appear incredibly deceiving. One more strawberry was needed, and Don Pacchi needed to cut the top off.

"One more…easy…OWW! HOLY S—T!"

"What's the matter!?" Dengaku-man squeaked.

"I CUT MY F—KING FINGER OFF, THAT'S WHAT! Get it and sew it back on! Hurry!" Don Pacchi screamed as he placed the last strawberry on the cake. Soon enough, his panic took over and he spread the icing all over the place with his bloody hands. Dengaku-man shrieked at Pacchi's left hand, where the missing finger gave it a bizarre appearance.

"Ah…cura!"

Dengaku-man waved his wand around and, in seconds, Don Pacchi's finger grew back! He sighed in relief and sat down, weary.

"Phew…who knew making a cake was so much work? But it was fun, for sure…"

"Yep. We can now give it to that fat bastard so we can get info. Let's go!" Dengaku-man took hold of the disgusting cake and headed out the door with Pacchi following…

-X-

Dining Hall

"Oh, fat bastard!" Don Pacchi coyly called. "Your cake is ready!" He and Dengaku-man stepped in, smiling. Kingdom Villager D burped and smiled.

"Oh, I was about to die! Give me that cake! Now!" He waved his utensils impatiently as Pacchi set the bastard cake on the table. The obese villager actually drooled at its appearance, imagining the heavenly taste he was hoping to get.

"Come to papa…" he cooed as he took the cake and ate it in one bite. He chewed on it, tasted it, lip-smacked it…

…and practically barfed it up. His face was green, his mouth was dry, and his head literally exploded. He fell down, bleeding. Don Pacchi and Dengaku-man were completely aghast.

"Oh…oh s—t, our…only information…"

Suddenly, without warning, Villager D resurrected and began to boil over. He released his fury by kicking Pacchi into the wall.

"You idiots! That tasted like complete donkey poop! Where did you learn to bake, truck driving school!? You deserve to be beheaded! Make me a better cake right now or else!" He panted from exhaustion, passing out.

Pacchi and Dengaku-man spaced out. They knew they had messed up. They had no idea why they did it-probably out of frustration with the fat man, but he had real info they needed.

Without word, they set back for the kitchen, and this time, they couldn't mess up, no matter what…

End of Part 1.

-X-

-My computer's been screwy lately, so sorry for being so late. This part will continue soon, and another sidequest is going to begin-this one being for hilarity instead. It will also hint more at who the real heir is…

-Can Princess Patches, or Don Pacchi, and Dengaku-man make the cake right this time!? Read on and find out!

FOOTNOTES

(1). A popular Japanese confection-like candy made from sugar.

(2). Referring to the planetary setting of Final Fantasy VII; some sources have named it Gaia (the same name used for the planet setting of Final Fantasy IX), but it is formally named The Planet otherwise.

(3). The beautiful female teacher from Final Fantasy VIII, andarguably the most popular of the cast.

(4). An STD that causes steady brain deterioration, rendering the victim insane. Many famous figures in history have suffered from syphilis.

(5). Japanese translation: "That's not the reason! (Repeat phrase twice). I am Don Pacchi!"

(6). Japanese translation: "Bong! Bong! I'm not a frog! I'm dengaku!"

Don Pacchi and Don Patch are different…remember that or you face the same wrath Villager D has faced…