Al sat silently on his bed, he had only slept on the bathroom floor for a little over a half hour as it turned out; it was late, Noah had gone back to bed and he was still awake, unable to get the image out of his head. There was no denying it now, not now that he had seen the proof right there on the bathroom floor, he knew that there was no going back. Was this the end? Probably, but how on earth could he tell something like this to Edward? How on earth could he tell the person that he loved so very much that he was going to die soon?
He couldn't.
Wanting desperately to get up and walk around, he mentally swore at the fact that he couldn't because it would wake up Noah. He hated that she insisted on sleeping there with him even though he had told her she could go home and come back in the morning; it was as though she expected Ed to return any moment and yell at her for having a life outside of babysitting a seventeen year old sickling. That was probably the reason that she didn't complain when she was requested to the task in the first place, because she had a slight fear of his elder brother that was unjustified and held underneath her calm, cool exterior.
Scooting back on to the windowsill that was accessible from his bed, Al turned and stared out the window, pressing his ever so slightly fevered head to the cool glass, watching as it fogged up around his touch.
I am alone, truly alone, after so long of searching, after so long of trying desperately to find him and hold onto him, I am in the end utterly and completely alone...
He knew what his brother would do when he found the Colonel, neither of them had thought he knew but he had caught them once. He'd said that he'd had errands to run and had gone out only to come back early. At first the house had seemed empty, but that couldn't be because all of the lights had been turned on, the living room, the hall, all of it was illuminated. All, that is, except for one; the bedroom, it wasn't exactly dark, but it was dimmed, the lamp had been turned down. The door to the bedroom had been open a bit and he'd investigated only to find them there, Edward riding the Colonel hard enough to move the entire bed. He had been so beautiful, so erotic and sexy as he'd moaned and panted, thrusting his rectum down on his superior officer desperately. Both seemed to enjoy it so thoroughly; was it bad that he wanted the same kind of intimacy?
But it's a sin to lie down with your brother, isn't it?
Yes it was, but then again neither he nor Ed had ever been particularly religious, instead they had supplemented anything they could to Alchemy and hadn't dwelled too much on the prospect of a religion. There were those that dedicated their life to their belief in a God, that worshipped and served him like any vassal would serve a master; but Alphonse was not one of those people. There had to be something after this life, but what it was, was not something that he had entertained to lay out for himself.
If you're not religious, why are you so worried about the way you feel...?
Al pondered this question for a long moment; maybe it wasn't the sin that he was worried about, it wasn't the result of the sin either. Maybe it was more the idea of Edward hating him for it that he was afraid of; he couldn't stand the idea of the older male hating him.
If he hated me I-…
Closing his eyes, the seventeen year old brought his legs up and curled against the glass, pressing his forehead to it and laying back, crossing his ankles as he sunk into his thoughts.
I don't know what I would do…
**
"First Lieutenant Hawkeye is taking over my position as we speak, I signed the letter that stated that she was my successor, then I signed the suicide letter", Roy was staring into the space between him and Edward and the blond knew that he wasn't seeing him.
"Why would you do this?", he asked frankly, the Colonel turned and looked at him, silently for a moment through the eye patch before looking away from him.
"If you have to ask that question then it was a wasted effort", he said lightly, Ed glared.
"Why do you always have to be so cryptic?", he asked, "it's always crypticness or sarcasm, you can't be normal like everyone else.", Roy smirked at the statement.
"If I was anything else, Edward, you would be questioning me in the third degree", the blond said nothing but he knew that the Colonel was correct; he wouldn't be Colonel Roy Mustang if he weren't cryptic and sarcastic. Getting up on to his hands and feet, he spiderlegged his way across the small distance and sat close to the older male.
"Even so, I would think that you would brave the third degree of a twenty-two year old", Roy laughed, running his fingers along Edward's chin, tipping it up so that he couldn't look away. He said nothing, there was nothing to say; he was here, he'd passed through the gate and was now so very close to the person that he had wanted to be close to; he'd risked everything for Edward. What was there to say to that?
Reaching for the boy, the Colonel pulled Edward against him and gently laid him down, looming above him for a moment before he swept down to press his lips to the blonde's in a silent testimony that they both knew he would never be able to say out loud.
Kissing back, Edward ran his fingers through the Colonel's hair, pushing his hips up and realizing that the older male's mind was as deep into the gutter as his own at the moment. But somewhere in this romance, in the very back of his happiness drugged mind; he didn't know why, but- something wasn't there. The love was there, the emotion and the want; he had missed him so very much and he could feel all of the emotions that were supposed to be there, but still something he couldn't place his finger on was not where it was supposed to be.
It's all so perfect…and yet something is missing…but what…?
**
A tick in the back of Al's throat dragged him up and forced him to rush out of the room before he started coughing. He couldn't breathe; no matter how much air he got into his lungs, he would just cough it back out. Pressing his back to the wall outside the door he braced himself as a coughing fit overtook him. It was the kind of fit that as of late he had been making a point to hide from his brother, it was something that he knew would break his heart and thus knew that it would have to stay hidden.
Pressing his back harder against the wall he coughed harder, lights blinking behind his eyes as his oxygen deprived brain strove to keep him alive.
I'm going to die like this…
His knees buckled and he heard the door open as he fell to the floor.
alone…
Finally blood erupted from his mouth and he could breathe again, it splashed and spread on the wooden planks, leaving them stained a bright crimson. A scream was heard and he felt a soft body latch onto him, holding him halfway up as the world went fuzzy and slowly faded to black.
Without him…