Edward had thought it strange when the nurse had said that Alphonse was in prayer at the moment; his little brother had never been one for prayer, he'd never been one for religion in the first place. He believed in God in the sense that he believed in equivilent exchange, that you had to give something to get something; yes it was very strange to have the boy be in prayer.

There was no qualm in him about opening that door, his resolve was firm, holding him steady; but when he opened the door and his eyes fell upon the two figures behind it, that resolve evaporated. Their bodies were pressed tight together as they were bent over the bed, Al's hospital gown parted and rucked up on his thighs, Roy's pants unzipped and riding low on his hips.

He knew what they were doing but there was no response to it even with the knowledge.

Roy...?

The sound of Noah and Gracia coming towards him from the desk where they had been talking to one of the nurses snapped Edward briefly out of his stupor and he quickly darted into the room, closing the door after him. He didn't need them seeing this, he didn't need anyone seeing this; he shouldn't have been seeing it, but he was. Desperately, he bit down the tears that were threatening to demolish him; mating his back to the cool press of the door as he watched them stare at him.

This isn't happening...please tell me that this isn't happening...

**

Very slowly, Roy pulled away from Alphonse, being careful not to hurt him as he did so; then he tucked his unsatisfied flesh back into his pants and buttoned them before he advanced on his lover. This was bad, it was entirely his fault but it was still bad; he could imagine the boy was biting his lip behind that mask.

"Edward-", the younger male's eyes snapped up to meet his instead of just staring off into space, even with the obstacle of the blue covering in his way, he could tell the boy was upset, his eyes said it all as he floundered for words.

"It's my fault, Brother"

**

Edward's eyes snapped from his lover to Alphonse and the younger male flinched even though he had been solid in his declaration. No, this was not how he wanted it to go, this was not how he'd wanted his brother to find out; he hadn't wanted him to find out at all.

He swallowed hard, his gray eyes meeting those beautiful gold one's that were so unlike his own.

Brother…

"It's my fault", he looked at the hospital bed for a moment before pushing himself up onto the bed, staring at the gray speckled sheets that covered the main part of the bed, "I forced him into it…"

I love you, Brother, I love you, not him.

"Don't lie to me…", the younger male looked up suddenly to see the older blonde glaring at the Colonel, "I know his game, I know how he is, don't tell me that you forced him when it is obvious that HE is the one that forced YOU." The raven haired man took the abuse; he was silent, taking the accusation onto his shoulders to protect the love that Edward had for the younger.

No that's not true, tell him it's not true!

"But-", Edward cut him off.

"Don't make excuses for him Alphonse"

"Edward-", again he was stopped.

"No"

"I-", and again.

"No", Alphonse couldn't take it anymore, he was raised better than this, his brother and mother had seen to that; they had always taught him the he was the one that was to take responsibility for his mistakes, not someone else. He was the one that was at fault, not Roy; he was the one that had entered this deal and he was the one that had said it was okay, not Roy. Roy had simply agreed so that Edward wouldn't get hurt, not because he necessarily wanted to sleep with the younger blonde.

It's all my fault!

"EDWARD!!", the sickling's raspy scream silenced any argument that his brother would have put against what he was going to say, his voice was calm when he continued, "it IS MY fault…It is my fault that Roy is here tonight, it is my fault for what we were doing, it is my fault that it ever occurred in the first place. It is ALL. MY. FAULT."

The older male was silent for a long moment, staring at his younger brother, the look in his eyes saying that the person that he was looking at wasn't his brother at all but some strange creature that had taken his place.

"Why would you do this?", came the question when Ed found that he could talk again; Al looked away, he knew why he'd done it.

Because I love you but I can't have you.

He felt sick, he opened his mouth to speak but a tick in the back of his throat caught him off guard and he fell forward, coughing forcefully into his hand. He could feel his insides rattle and shake from the force of the fit; he couldn't breathe and soon blood spilled onto his hand but unlike before, the blood didn't take him to relief, it kept coming and coming, more and more and there was a large puddle pooled on the bed before he could finally breathe again.

At some point Roy and Ed had both stepped in a vain wish to help him even though they knew that he couldn't be helped by anything that they could do.

"I did this", he croaked, "because I love you, Brother...I love you so much that I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want to die in front of you...", Edward opened his mouth and Al held a weak hand up to stop him, "the Colonel came to me the day that I sent you away, he proposed to me a deal, where he would be the object of my frustrations and you would continue to visit...I took that deal, because I love you..."

Edward shook his head, his eyes wide.

"I know that you love me but I don't understand how you could-", again the sickling held up a hand and stopped him before crawling off of the bed and making his way shakily to his brother. He pressed his hand to the blue mask that covered his beloved brother's face.

"If you don't understand why I would do this, then you don't understand what I just said", he whispered; Edward gave a confused look and Roy stepped forward, silently pulling his shirt off and showing his lover the gouges that the younger male had made

"Every mark", the Colonel said gently, "every gouge, every scratch, every thrust and every moan; all of it was meant for you, Edward...his nails carved his self punishment into my back, a testament to what he wants…you and only you…"

**

Edward stared at the marks, the gouges that his little brother's fingernails made into his lover's back. It was clear what they spelled, what they said about the younger male and even though he didn't want to, he could see the deformed logic that they had used to justify their actions. After all nothing but deformed logic COULD justify them.

They expected him to be okay with this? Was he okay with this? Was he okay with Alphonse having feelings for him? Was he okay with him taking those feelings out on the Colonel?

"Is everything okay in there?", Gracia called through the door, snapping Edward out of his thoughts enough for him to fully pull the situation into his mind. They were in a hospital with hundreds of people around them with nothing but a locked door and closed blinds between them.

"It's fine", he called, his half frozen mind producing the words that he needed like a maple tree produced syrup-crude and slowly, "Why don't you take Noah home, Alphonse isn't awake, I am going to watch him for a bit, then I will head home too" Second after agonizing second ticked by as he waited for her reply.

They can't find out about this…!

"Alright", she said finally and the older blond gave a slow sigh of relief from behind his blue mask as he felt her retreat. He was a little happier once she was gone, it meant that no one would be bothering them for a while, the nurses still thought that they were in prayer so they would more than likely knock before they came into the room.

Rearing his left hand back, he slapped his brother hard across the face, a glare suddenly frosting over his features. Alphonse took the slap with surprising resignation, he didn't retaliate, even his turn back to look at his brother was slow. It was as though he'd known that it was coming, perhaps he had.

"You didn't even come to me", he said softly before opening the door and leaving, closing it behind him, leaving them to their dark world of pleasure.

**

Alphonse was silent for a long moment; what had Edward meant by that? Was he mad that Al hadn't asked him to serve the purpose that the Colonel was serving?

"Shall we finish?", he heard Roy ask; briefly he wondered how he could ask something like that after all of this, but then he knew. As the humility wore off, the pain of their stimulated bodies came back.

"Yeah"

Let's get this over with...