The Very Thought of You

Chapter 40

Charlie walked along the hallway with the cup of tea for her sister. This time, instead of knocking and seeking permission to enter the chamber, she merely tuned the knob and entered.

Ruby lay quite still on her bed. No longer sobbing, just allowing the odd sniff.

"Here you are, sweetheart; drink this." Charlie said, holding the cup a few inches away from Ruby.

"I don't want it."

Charlie placed the steaming cup and saucer down on the little cabinet and sat down on the end of bed.

"Ruby. I know that you're confused over what you've just seen, but I can explain it or at least some of it. If only you'll give me the chance?" Charlie offered.

Ruby wriggled uncomfortably on her bed. Wanting to know more, but stubbornness keeping her silent.

"Ruby. Something happened to me some weeks ago. I can't start to explain it because I don't really understand it myself."

"Why were you kissing her?" Ruby almost shouted, suddenly turning to face Charlie.

Charlie flinched as Ruby's words caught her off guard.

"Because...Please Ruby, let me start from the beginning!" Charlie pleaded.

"Charlie, I don't understand these things." Ruby said, this time quietly.

"Of course you don't sweetheart, I don't understand much myself, but sometimes we meet people who turn our world upside down and Joey did mine."

"Does that mean that you prefer women now and not men?" Ruby asked innocently.

Charlie opened her mouth to speak; unable to find the right words and shuffled uncomfortably on the bed.

"I don't know." Charlie replied in real confusion. "All I know is I want to be with Joey. I love Joey."

Ruby stared at her sister in disbelief.

"But Charlie, how can you? You've always liked men! What about Paul Roman and what about that bloke with the foreign sounding name you met before the war?" Ruby pointed out.

"I know, I know." Charlie said standing up suddenly and by way of something to do, walked to the window. "But this is different, Ruby. All of my past relationships have been shallow and based on," Charlie flushed and swallowed, "well, let's say 'mutual comfort'. But with Joey, Ruby! I'd give my life for her!"

"Really?" Ruby said, suddenly caught up in the romantic scene.

"Really!" Charlie replied, walking back and sitting back on the bed. She took her young sister's hand in her own and squeezed it.

"Joey is the most wonderful person I've ever met. She makes me feel – free! She makes me laugh and do things I'd never dream of doing!"

"Like what?" Ruby asked, curiously.

Charlie thought for a moment.

"Like taking off my clothes and swimming in a lake!" She said, grinning.

"What all of them!" Ruby gasped; her eyes widening.

"Down to my scanties!" Charlie laughed.

Ruby sat with her mouth open wide, but Charlie noticed that there was humour in her eyes and not hate.

"Do you really feel the same sort of love that you would feel for a man then?" Ruby asked, shyly.

"That and much more, Ruby. I don't think I could live without Joey now!"

Ruby looked deep into her sister's eyes and although she didn't fully understand what had happened between Charlie and Joey, she somehow knew it would be alright.

"Are you gonna tell Dad?" Ruby enquired.

"No. I'm not going to tell anyone, Ruby. It's not – well, let's just say, it's not acceptable and it will ruin us all if it comes out."

Charlie's heart was sinking as she spoke these words, for the first time, out loud.

"So she's really worth that chance?" Ruby asked, doubtfully.

Charlie looked down at her hands and smiled.

"She's really worth it." She acknowledged at last.

"I've never seen you quite as happy as you were a couple of weeks back, Charlie. I thought you were somebody else for a while!" Ruby chuckled.

"Gosh! Am I always so miserable then?" Charlie asked anxiously.

"Well, let's just say you are overly serious about everything. Usually."

"So, do you think you can forgive me?" Charlie asked, quietly.

"Charlie, I love you. I don't understand anything, but as long as you don't get into trouble over it..." Ruby said, smiling at her sister, "I'll try and live with it. And as long as you don't keep kissing all over the place, of course!" She added with a grin.

Charlie smiled her widest smile and flung her arms around her sister gratefully.

"Oh Ruby! You're the tops!"

"Aren't you frightened?" Ruby asked.

"I was to begin with. You can't imagine what I've put Joey through just trying to get this all clear in my head. I kept running away and hiding, then I'd be back because I couldn't help myself. Then I'd be off running again. Oh my!" Charlie said, wiping her hand over her brow. "But she was so patient and understanding; it was just as if she understood what I was going through! I still feel apprehensive at times, but when I'm with her, it's like the clouds have lifted!"

"Oh well, if you're going off into the realms of fantasy, I'll leave you to it." Ruby said, in a matter of fact tone. "I'm meeting Annie in half an hour. We're going to the pictures to see the new Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth film, "You'll Never Get Rich".

And with that, jumped off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

Charlie sat for a few moments, feeling an emotional wreck as her sister seemingly recovered within moments at the recollection of going to the cinema.

Joey sat alone and worried at the kitchen table. She had heard no raised voices, which she took as a good sign, but with each passing minute, her mind played tricks. Would Charlie walk back into the kitchen and tell her she couldn't go through with it and ask her to leave and never return?

"Joey." Charlie said gently, making Joey jump.

Joey turned quickly and saw a little smile playing on Charlie's lips.

"Is everything alright?" Joey whispered hopefully.

"I think so. She didn't really understand, as you thought, but I told her that I was in love with you and, well, she seemed to accept it. I think."

Joey stood and walked over to Charlie. She was apprehensive of taking her in her arms as she would have liked, but instead settled for taking her hand. She looked deep into her love's eyes.

"Charlie. Whatever happens from now on, we have each other. But if you can't or don't want to be with me, I'll understand and will do anything you suggest, even if it means disappearing out of your life, forever. I never want you to feel trapped or frightened because of me. I love you too much to watch that happen."

Charlie's eyes filled with tears and she drew Joey into a hug.

"I'll never want you to go Joey. Please always be here."

Joey's own tears trickled down her face in relief.