Edward rolled over in bed, unable to get to sleep, not knowing if it was because of the night's events with Alphonse and his lover or if it was because that lover was laying beside him. Either way he was unable to sleep and thus grew tired of trying, forced himself up and headed downstairs for a cup of coffee.

The house was quiet, dark and empty without the usual bustle of the day to liven it up; he turned on the light and started some hot water for instant coffee. He didn't want to make the good stuff right now, he wasn't in the mood. Once it was done he poured it into the cup and stirred in the familiar brown powder, watching as the water turned murky and eventually became a hazelnut brown. His spoon distorted the perfect surface of the liquid and he watched it silently; the spoon as it seemed was fate and the coffee was his life, it just liked fucking with him.

Putting the spoon on the table, he ignored the small ring it made and took a drink of his coffee; it was warm and rushed relief to his aching body. It was a little reprieve from what had happened; he hadn't wanted to think about it, but he supposed that he had to otherwise he would never get any sleep.

Alphonse loves me…more than his brother…

He stared at the liquid silently again, for a long moment before a knock on the doorframe caught his attention and he looked up to see Roy standing there looking at him.

"Can I join you?", he asked, Ed shifted, nodded and watched the Colonel make his own cup of coffee before sitting down across the table from him, "about tonight-", the older man started but Edward stopped him, not wanting to hear a speech that started that way.

"It doesn't matter", he said gently, taking a drink of his coffee and looking at his lover once he was through, "how many times, Roy?", he asked, his voice soft at first but then growing louder as he stood, his chair scraping the floor. "How many times did you fuck him before coming home to me? How many times did you make love to me to slake your guilt? How many times?!" The raven haired man watched him, his eyes saying that he knew he deserved this beretment, the same resigned look that had graced Alphonse's face now taking up residence in his. Giving a soft sigh, the blond pulled his chair back up and sat down, taking his mug back between his hands and willing his temper to cool.

"Tell me how it started..." Roy looked suddenly like he was off in a daze, looking like the old Colonel that Edward had known when they'd been in the military together. All he needed was his uniform instead of the dingy night shirt that was half pulled onto his naked body, then they truly would be in a memory.

"It started before any of us came here, true I wasn't sleeping with him then, but that is where the root of this affair begins", Roy said softly, "he loves you Edward, I knew it even back then. At some point in your journey together, his love for you turned from idolized affection to an incestuous love that he couldn't fight." Roy pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a drag on it before continuing.

"His heart broke when you disappeared and he searched desperately to find you; just like I did…", he tapped the cigarette on a glass, letting the ash fall into it, before he stood and paced around the table to stand beside his lover. "We did this for you, I did it so he wouldn't push you away and he did it so that you wouldn't reject him, so you wouldn't have to see him as deformed. Right as our intentions were at first, in the end I think we did it just because we grew to enjoy the activity.

The fact remains, Edward, we both love you dearly…" The Colonel tapped his cigarette on the glass once again before grinding it out in the bottom of the cup.

Edward watched him, standing and keeping his eyes locked with the older man's features; he felt sick, how was this the same man that he loved? How was this the same man that he'd snuck around with only a few years before? This man was just the man that he'd found with his younger brother only hours before, how was it possible that he really was his lover?

The blonde's fist came sharply across the raven haired man's face, though he made a point not to use the metal arm, he wanted the man to hurt like he was hurting, but he didn't want to injure him too badly.

"What kind of deformed logic is it that makes you think that I am okay with this?", he asked softly, "How on earth can you expect me to be okay with this?! No one would be okay with this! How can Alphonse love me the way a lover should? How can you tell me that you love me when you turn around and do that with my little brother!?"

"Edward-" Roy reached for him but Edward wasn't going to be consoled, he pushed the man away roughly.

"No! I don't want an excuse, I don't want you to make it sound like it's okay and I don't want you to expect me to be okay with it! I'm not! I love you both, I want you both and you both just-", he hit him again, feeling the tears start welling up.

He's my brother…

Sinking to the floor, Edward covered his eyes, sobbing, not wanting to be seen, not wanting anyone there with him. He felt weak; weak for letting Roy see him like this, for letting him know that it hurt this much. Two arms wrapped around him and he desperately tried to rip away, pushing hard against Roy's chest to make him release him. It didn't work however and in the end the younger male resigned himself to being held by the man that had hurt him so.

"We never meant it to turn out this way…", the Colonel whispered softly, lifting his lover's face up so that he could kiss away the tears that were staining their trails down his cheeks, "it was a stupid deal that should never have been made. It was made in the vain effort that you wouldn't get hurt…Alphonse doesn't want you to watch him die…" The blonde clung to the man that he had previously tried to push away.

"But he doesn't have to die", he whispered into the older man's neck, "I was reading a medical journal, there's a medicine that was discovered in America to fight the sickness that Al has…"

Roy pulled back and looked down at his lover in surprise.

"Really?!", Edward gave a shallow nod.

"I was talking to Gracia about it, she offered to pitch in to help pay for it, she said that she would talk to Officer Hues and ask if he would pitch in a little too."

Please don't let him die; he's my brother…he's the only one I will ever have…

**

Alphonse stared at the I.V. that had been placed in his arm; the sunrise was just barely bleeding red in to the horizon, making way for the sun to raise to his place in the sky. The sickling hadn't slept all night and he felt queasy because of it. He was tired but the events of the night before made it impossible to sleep so he'd laid there all night, staring at the I.V. feeding into his arm and knowing that it was just a saline drip that would be removed in a few hours when the day nurses signed into their shifts.

Brother…is it my fault that it is all happening this way? Is this equivalent exchange? Is this what I get in return for my sin?

The blonde focused on his reflection in the I.V. tube; he looked like Edward, you could tell that they were related.

Edward is more beautiful…his hair is lighter and his eyes are gold instead of gray like mine…

He looked at his fingers, clenching them and unclenching them, watching them flex as the muscles in them were pulled tight then relaxed.

I'm going to die like this aren't I…? Without him…

I'm sorry brother…I am so sorry for everything…if I could take it back…I would in a heartbeat…

I love you Edward…I love you so much…