Hiya all! Just a quick note to say that I re-started school today after summer vacation, so my updates will probably be slower from now on. Another couple of things:
Ronwixziv Barreiro; glad you like it, and I do know that this story has been posted on mf. I am a fan of that website, but I just don't want another account for something else to confuse my life so I asked JJ (soulless_serpent) to post it, knowing that not everyone on that website reads ff. Also, I do read the reviews there, and they give me great joy. Also, animeprincess_9387 says thanks for letting people know that more of this story is posted here than on mf.
princess-myu; maybe in the epilogue they'll have children. Or, if I'm feeling especially dramatic, I'll make Rin get pregnant sometime. But later.
kibo - hope
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"We'll stop here for the night."
Sesshoumaru was mildly irritated at only being able to travel during daylight hours. Had Rin not been with him, this journey could have been vastly reduced. Not only would he be able to walk non-stop, but his pace would be three times what it currently was.
Although, if he was honest with himself… he was in no hurry to return home. He was glad of Rin's presence because it gave him an excuse to prolong the journey and defer his arrival at a place where he had no wish to be. She permitted him to be suspended between two places he disliked, and it was completely understandable to everyone in both places. And he hated the way she could do something like that for him by merely existing.
Rin smiled tiredly and yawned behind her hand. She was too exhausted to start a fire, so she collapsed beside Aun and leaned her head against his scales before closing her eyes.
There was a quick breeze, and she opened her eyes to see Sesshoumaru had gone. She felt as though her heart had suddenly stopped beating.
Sesshoumaru-sama?
He had been acting so strange since they left his mother's citadel. In fact, since he had last trained with his mother. He… he had kissed her. Not that that in itself was unusual, but it… felt different. She was sure that that time something had changed in him – but she had no idea what it could be. And then… after kissing her he didn't have his way with her. That was so strange. And… in a way she missed it. But for some reason she didn't know.
It had been nearly two weeks since then, and they spent all that time traveling back to the western palace. He had touched her since, but he avoided kissing her until they were both unclothed. It reintroduced the awkwardness of undressing in front of someone, as before he had usually kissed her while sliding her kimono off her. It made the act of them coming together seem as though it was something they both wanted rather than just something they did. Which, technically it was, but… she wanted it to be more. She wanted him to care for her.
Could it be that she loved him?
That was dangerous – he was her master; he owned her. If he wished, he could get rid of her in an instant. If he ever discovered that she loved him he would send her away – or even kill her. He was a youkai, after all, and they tended to kill those in their way.
She didn't think he would.
Of course, he was fully capable of it, but… he wouldn't really, would he? Well, she supposed that loving her master was such a crime that was easily punishable by death. Especially since he was a youkai and she wasn't. It was… looked down upon by all societies.
But there was Izayoi. She must love Inu no Taisho-sama, because she was always so happy around him. And it was obvious that he loved her, because he gave her a child, allowed it to live, and treated her as though she were his wife. Then… there was hope for Rin. If Sesshoumaru-sama's father could love a human concubine, then why couldn't he?
But why would he? She was just a human of fourteen, soon to be fifteen. She wasn't particularly pretty, and had no skills to boast of. Well, she could read and write, but that was looked down upon for women. Everything about her dictated that there was nothing to love. And he was so cold and uncaring. He had seriously injured her before. Why – indeed, how could he ever love someone like her?
Tears filled her sleepy eyes in the darkness as she whispered, "Sesshoumaru-sama…" She was afraid. He had left the temporary camp, and there was no one but Aun (asleep) to protect her should a youkai happen upon her.
"What is it?"
His deep, rich, cold voice seemed to come from nowhere. Relief flooded through her like hot water.
He's nearby. He's close enough to protect me. He's near me.
Lying down again, Rin closed her eyes. As long as he was close, she was able to sleep in the tiny clearing.
Golden orbs watched her unblinkingly, hidden by the leaves of the tree Sesshoumaru was perched in. After half an hour she began shivering due to the lack of a fire, and he considered building one for her. The thought was pushed back by the desire to hold her and warm her using the heat from his own body. He could hold her close, and all she would think was that he was being considerate to her needs.
Of course, it was utterly and completely out of character for him, but even so. What were the chances that she would wake up?
Gently dropping to the ground he softly walked over to her and sat by her, his back against Aun, and tenderly coaxed her into the crook of his arm. She willingly moved toward him in her dreamy state, and cuddled onto his chest with a smile flitting across her face.
At this point I don't care that I'm acting too affectionately toward her. I just don't want her to get sick again.
…I never want her to get sick again.
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Rin woke with her head lying on something soft and warm. Whatever it was, it was definitely not Aun's scaly flank, but she liked it. She cuddled closer to the strange pillow, rubbing her face against it lightly and inhaling the soothing fragrance. It smelt like… like…
She gasped and sat up suddenly, her eyes snapping open. She had been lying on Sesshoumaru's chest!
His arm slid away from its position on her waist and his head, which had been resting back on Aun, was lifted up to look at her. Rin mentally slapped herself. Had she been quieter and less sudden in her movements, this may have been one of the extremely rare times when she would see her master asleep. She hadn't seen him that way since that night in his room when he had a fever, but she loved his face when it was so relaxed and when he had no guards up. He looked so peaceful when he slept, and almost… well, boyish. Of course, she loved how manly he looked when awake, but still. The momentary change was enchanting.
"You were shivering," he said to her surprised gaze. It took a moment for her to understand his meaning.
"Arigatou," she said in a very soft voice.
He started. Three times she had said his name, but that was the first time she had ever spoken anything else. He supposed it was good, but it sounded so… foreign. But in a good way. Her voice… it sounded pleasant to his ears.
"If you wish to eat breakfast, hurry and find something. I hope to arrive at the palace today." That was a lie. He would be perfectly content to stay with her in the forest wandering around aimlessly. But to do that he would have to admit that he felt happy in her presence, and that wasn't something he was ready to say even to himself.
Rin nodded and got up to look for berries of some sort while he put on his armor, having removed it while holding her. She quickly returned, and they resumed walking until they got to the western castle in the early evening. She didn't know what she was expecting upon their return, but what they received was definitely not a welcoming committee. No one came to greet them, and servants that they passed merely murmured a respectful, "Welcome back, Sesshoumaru-sama."
"Go directly to the wash room and bathe," Sesshoumaru said to her as he swept through the relatively empty corridors. "I will have Rika fetch your things from Aun's saddle and leave them in your room. You will not be required to wait on me again until morning tomorrow morning as usual."
Rin nodded, giving him a smile and a bow, before carrying out his orders. After a long, relaxing soak in a hot bath she felt much better and cleaner… and exhausted. However, she hadn't eaten since that morning and she was famished. Going down to the kitchens she mutely managed to ask the chef for some kind of food. He eventually understood and gave her a bowl of stew. It wasn't really hot enough, but better than she had had in almost two weeks, and she devoured it in moments. Smiling her thanks, she handed the bowl back and went straight to her room. On her way she passed Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru, who were glaring at each other tensely. Inuyasha's stance was such that it looked like he was about to begin a battle. Slipping past them and trying to seem invisible, she arrived at her sleeping room and collapsed on the futon and fell asleep without even bothering to change into her sleeping kimono.
The next morning she was so deeply asleep that it took Rika a full five minutes to wake her from slumber. Panicking slightly for her tardiness – for five minutes was enough to split her dressing time in half – she hurried into a clean kimono and ran through the corridors to the entrance to Sesshoumaru's rooms. He was already outside; a bad sign.
"You are late," he stated, and she sensed his moodiness. Clasping her hands, she bowed submissively in apology. "Do not let it happen again."
Is he being… understanding to my needs? It's true that I was tired because of all the traveling I have done recently, but is that why he didn't punish me for being so late? Her countenance brightened considerably. Is there hope for him, then, after all?
As the days passed, she noticed a change in his treatment of her. It had been evident during their travels, but she thought it merely the inconveniences of being outdoors all the time. He no longer whipped her or harmed her in any way – even accidentally. It was as though he was being extra cautious not to hurt her. Then there was how awkward he acted when he came to take her. It was… almost as if he was contemplating leaving her be. That made her uneasy – was he bored with her? Did she no longer please him? She vowed to please him more, but the next time he came he was always more awkward than before rather than less. And yet… he came to her more often than before; almost every night. He even talked to her, and she began to speak in response. Only to him, though. Outside her or his rooms she didn't breathe a word.
Some weeks later, during a mid-day meal, there was an unusually high amount of tension in the room. Rin knew that lately Sesshoumaru had been "training" with Inuyasha because she had seen and even cleaned the wounds all down his torso. A part of her marveled that she was permitted to do such an intimate gesture, but she was worried that the brothers would end up killing one another soon. In fact, the sight of her master's wounds gave her nightmares of such.
Touga attempted to ease the mood; he, too, knew of the fighting his sons had been doing. "I received another letter from your mother, Sesshoumaru."
Sesshoumaru silently raised some rice to his mouth, glaring at the hanyou opposite him.
"She said to expect a demoness within the next few days. Does this mean you have decided to take a mate?"
Forced to speak, the young taiyoukai answered, "Haha-ue thinks it best if I do."
"And you agree with her?"
"Perhaps. It is something to consider."
Rin felt her heart go cold. Sesshoumaru was going to take a mate? Then what would happen to her? Would he keep her? Not likely. Would he send her away? Probably. Would he kill her? Maybe…
I… don't want to leave him. I don't want another woman to have him! I truly do love him! But… he could never...
"Keh. As if he would choose to be tied down like that," Inuyasha said irritably.
"Inuyasha…" his father warned.
"Well it's true. The whole palace knows Rin is the first slave he's kept more than two months. He'd get bored of a mate within a year and probably kill her like the son of a bitch he is."
The waiting servants held their breath in fear, expecting Sesshoumaru to blow up in anger.
He merely stiffened, his hand frozen halfway between his mouth and his plate. Of course he knew there was truth in the phrase, but it was one thing to see himself as something and completely another thing for a hanyou to speak of him as such.
He rose to his feet, leaving his half-empty plate of food. Before going to exit the room, he calmly stated, "Better the son of a bitch than the child of a whore."
The waiting servants all gasped. Touga made to rise and go after his eldest son, but Izayoi stopped him with a hand on his arm. Inuyasha was shocked into silence by the verbal attack.
Rin looked sympathetically at him before quickly rising and going after her master.
He truly means that. I don't know what I was thinking; of course he could never love me. I'm just his concubine, nothing more. Of course he must have a mate; it is his duty. And he must have an heir, as well. A full-blooded youkai, like himself. Something I could never give him. Anyway, he would never… I mean… to give my master a child… It is unthinkable. He would probably kill me for the shame of it.
She felt like bursting into sobs at the hopelessness of her situation, but restrained herself as she went into his room through her own. He had not given her permission to enter, but she knew the stab Inuyasha had made must have cut into him.
He was on the balcony looking over the gardens, gripping the rail with white knuckles. Rin swallowed her feelings and approached him cautiously. When she was beside him and she was sure he was fully aware of her presence she inched closer, daring to raise her hand to rest lightly on his. Was it her imagination, or did his tight knuckles relax slightly under her touch?
"You are distressed," he said softly.
She didn't dare look up at him for fear of dissolving into tears. Opening her mouth, she whispered an honest, "Hai."
"Why?"
She swallowed nervously. She couldn't tell him the true reason, could she? He would be angry at her audacity – after all, what right did she have to fall in love with one such as him? With her master?
But she couldn't lie, either. Even if she wasn't a terrible liar to begin with, she was sure he would still be able to see through it.
"Ano… I am concerned that… you and Inuyasha-sama… will seriously hurt each other," she admitted softly.
"Why should you be troubled for the sake of that half-breed?"
"I am also worried… for your sake, my lord. And… I don't want… I don't want anyone to die… half-breed or not."
There was a brief pause. "You have a kind soul, Rin," Sesshoumaru blurted out.
Rin's breath caught.
Did he… just… compliment me? A beaming smile made its way onto her face, over-whelming her feelings of self-pity and misery. That's the first real nice thing he's ever said to me. She felt so warm inside knowing he thought something so well of her. Without realizing it she leaned her head on his upper arm, her height unable to quite reach his shoulder. She sprang away from him when a knock came from the door, both horrified and thankful that he didn't seem to mind her contact. Life was so different from when she had first arrived.
Sesshoumaru swept across the floor to open the shoji. Rika quickly bowed and said, "Sesshoumaru-sama, a young woman just arrived and she is asking for your presence. She said her name is Misei. She is in the gardens."
He nodded his understanding.
The servant bowed again and left.
"Rin, ikuzo."
Rin smiled and danced after him. She wanted so badly to hold his hand, or take his arm, or do something to get closer to him, but she feared rebuke. Especially when things had been going so well…
They walked out to the gardens. A beautiful young inuyoukai was staring at some bushes with distaste. Her long silver hair had a pinkish tinge to it, accented by the sakura shade of her uchikake. Her height was mere inches lower in Sesshoumaru's, and her face had a cute, peppy look when she stopped scowling.
"You must be Sesshoumaru-sama!" she gushed immediately. "Your scent is just like your mother's!"
His eyes narrowed imperceptibly, but Rin could feel him stiffen in anger. So he already didn't like her. The human felt her mood brighten at this realization.
"Misei," he greeted tensely, abandoning the use of an honorific to show his distaste. "How long are you planning on staying?"
Rin fought to keep a smile off her face at his lack of decorum responding to the youkai's. She should have waited for him to speak first, being male and her host, and comparing him to a banished female, regardless of the truth of her statement, was flat-out insulting.
Misei's forehead creased slightly. "I am only able to stay a few days, as I am returning to my home," she replied, disappointment lining her tone at his manner.
Good, I'm glad she can't stay long.
"Would you be so good as to show me a room?"
Her audacity is endless!
Sesshoumaru wordlessly turned and walked into the castle, stopping a servant and ordering a room be prepared. The servant bowed and immediately went to carry out the task.
"Do you have an indoor onsen?" Misei asked. "I would dearly like to cleanse myself. I am so dusty from my journey."
"Rin, show her the wash room," Sesshoumaru said. "I will be in the library when you have done that."
Rin bowed and turned to the demoness before taking off down the corridors.
"You are human?" the guest said with distaste.
Rin nodded.
"Do not insult me, child. Speak when it is required of you."
Tatsu, one of the servants, happened to be passing when the comment was made, and dared to interrupt.
"Forgive me for my rudeness, my lady, but I think it necessary to tell you that Rin-san is a mute."
Misei sniffed. "How dare you speak to me when I did not address you!"
"Ten thousand apologies, my lady," Tatsu bowed and hurried away, leaving the daiyoukai gaping after him in shock.
"Well, child? Hurry and show me the wash room!" she demanded Rin when she had recovered.
#~#~#
"Rin."
Rin looked up from her book at Sesshoumaru, who had just entered her room. Setting it aside, she realized it was much too dark for being so early in the evening. Assuming he wished to make use of her, she stood and began to loose her obi.
"Matte."
She stopped in surprise.
"Your futon is too small. Come to mine."
Shocked, she went into his room. Not that she was displeased with the arrangement; she did love his chambers because of the space and the lightness, but it was so strange of him. He had never desired her on his bed before.
Sesshoumaru opened the balcony doors and stepped out. Rin went with him, wind slapping their clothes and hair across their faces. Dark storm clouds blocked out what little light the setting sun should have given, and a light rain showered over them.
"Misei believes you to be mute," he said after a while, his back to her as his hands rested on the railings.
A part of her turned cold, realizing she was about to get in trouble.
"Why do you deceive her?"
She swallowed before answering timidly. "I find it… difficult to speak… after such a long… time of silence," she said.
"Yet you talk to me."
"You are… my master."
He turned around to face her as the rain got heavier. The winds were strong, and his hair blew everywhere.
"So you have not said a word that is not to me?"
She nodded, pulling her clothes tightly around her in the cold. Lightening split the sky, and was soon followed by a clap of thunder. It was because of this that she missed the flicker of emotion in Sesshoumaru's eyes.
The wind slammed one of the balcony doors closed with a bang, and Rin jumped forward in shock. It took a moment to realize how close her proximity was to her master, and she blushingly stepped away. In the next second she felt his lips on hers as he forced her back into the wet glass door. She willingly opened her mouth to allow his tongue inside, and as he tasted her he pulled her into the room again and shut the door, all without breaking his hold on her.
The next few moments were a blur of kisses, hands and heat. Rin lost her clothes quickly, and made some progress with pushing Sesshoumaru's haori off his shoulders to reveal his muscular chest. The bliss of the moment was shattered by a desperate knock on the door.
They reluctantly broke apart. Sesshoumaru was livid that someone dared to interrupt his time with Rin, and he furiously leapt to the door in a single bound, snapping it open with red tingeing his eyes.
Misei was standing there, her sleeping kimono loose around her shoulders and revealing an ample view of her bosom. Her expression was a mixture of seductiveness and terror.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, forgive me, but I am so scared of thunder," she said in a pleading voice. "Please, permit me to sleep next to you, for I must rest before I leave in the morning and it impossible that I can sleep alone during a storm such as this."
Rin unwillingly picked up her clothes and wrapped them around her, covering herself as she stood and backed away into her room. She felt tears blur her vision as she thought of someone Sesshoumaru did not even tolerate being allowed to share his bed. She put on her sleeping kimono and laid down on her futon, restlessness preventing her from falling asleep instantly. She was dozing off when she felt a hand on her shoulder and sleepily opened her eyes to see Sesshoumaru staring down at her, his chest still bare.
"Misei-sama?" she asked quietly.
"Asleep," he replied, raising her to a sitting position and pulling her clothes apart again, this time with the intent of finishing what he started.
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arigatou – thank you
hai – yes
ano – um
Misei – beautiful spirit
ikuzo – "I'm going; you follow me"; "let's go."
sakura – cherry blossoms
uchikake – a formal and expensive outer layer of a court kimono
matte – wait
And there we go! Another chapter! Review please and let me know what you think!