Disclaimer: Let's see how to make this disclaimer interesting. I know!
Russian: На следующий день я собственными Brawl этот день капитан Фальконом, змеи, и Айк признают они фактически плоскогрудый девочек.
Spanish: El día que me propio Brawl es el día Capitán Falcon, Snake, Ike y admitir que son realmente plana chested niñas.
Hindi: मैं विवाद दिन कप्तान बाज़, नाग, और Ike है अपने जिस दिन वे वास्तव में फ्लैट हैं chested लड़कियों मानता.
Japanese: 私はその日のけんかキャプテンファルコン、スネーク、アイクです自身のこの日は実際には、平らな胸の女の子を認める。
Mandarin Chinese or traditional: 的一天，我自己的那一天鬥毆上尉獵鷹，蛇，和IKE承認他們實際上是平胸女孩。
There's all the top five most spoken languages in the world. Actually, number two, reading down, is English. Here's the translation:
The day I own Brawl is the day Captain Falcon, Snake, and Ike admit they are actually flat-chested girls.
Sorry if I insulted girls everywhere, but those three seem to be the most secure in their masculinity.
Other than that, enjoy part two!
The hot hyrulian sun beat down on the two warriors as they rushed at each other. Link and Pit both raised their weapons as they approached the other. They both slashed at each other at the same time, their blades both colliding with each other.
The two withdrew their blades, and then slashed at each other three more times. The blades simply bounced off each other. When they both slashed for the third time, Pit connected his two swords.
When Link realized what Pit was planning to do a little too late, Pit let loose with an angel ring. Link was blown back, leaving Pit to jump in the air above Link and slash downwards. Link was knocked back more, leaving Pit even more of an opportunity to fire an arrow.
Link simply blocked it with his shield, leaving Pit reeling back in surprise. Link quickly charged up an arrow and fired away. Pit sidestepped only to receive a boomerang in the face. Pit fell back, while Link advanced. He jumped up and pointed his sword downwards at Pit.
Pit, however, woke up, and was able to roll away, leaving Link to stab at only ground. Pit stood up, his back towards Link, and jumped backwards. Link had to pry his sword loose from the ground, so when he got up, he got hit by Pit swinging his two blades backwards. Link got back, in time to receive a face full of blade.
At that moment, a deku nut appeared next to Link. Link picked it up and threw his boomerang at Pit. Pit dodged it and charged up an arrow, when the boomerang worked its magic. Pit was about to fire when he noticed something. 'Weird, I feel like I'm being moved towards Link.' Pit looked under him to see the boomerang engulfing him in a cyclone moving towards Link. He was holding his sword across his shoulder, and was glowing multiple flashes of color. The cyclone stopped in front of Link, and he released his slash. Pit dodged it only to be hit by the backslash.
The winged captain flew back farther than he thought was possible from a normal blow. 'What just happened?' Pit stood up and was greeted by the deku nut. Suddenly, everything seemed to distort. The ground seemed to wiggle, the sky turned puke green, and dopefish and root beer floats were flying everywhere. 'I officially know what it is like to take ecstasy.'
Link charged his up-smash and let fly, making Pit fly upwards. He then jumped up and did his spin attack in the air. Pit was hit by the attack and promptly flew away.
The green elf pulled out Navi and took the time to talk to her for a bit. "Man, Pit's not even giving that good of a fight." Navi thought otherwise. "Link, don't underestimate Pit. You know that old proverb." "Yeah, yeah, he's coming back now; now get back into the jar." "Gahh!!!" Navi screamed as she was shoved inside the jar.
Pit came back, and quickly got back on the floor. Link was now dashing towards Pit, ready to strike. Suddenly, a quick flash erupted as Pit forward smashed into Link, the first blow stunning him. Then the second blow came and Link was sent into the air as if he got shot out of a cannon. However, just before the boundary, Pit dashed to attack again with an airborne forward slash. Just like that, Link lost a life.
Navi whistled through the jar beside Link's hip. "Hey, listen! Hey, listen! Hey, listen!" Link was thinking as he came down on the revival pad. "It's times like this I wish that I can put Navi on a stick and cook her over a campfire."
Link pulled out a bomb and tossed it at Pit, who caught it. Link's eyes bugged out, when Pit threw the bomb at Link. Link was prepared to catch it, only the bomb exploded as an arrow shot through it. Link let a cry of pain pass through his lips, only for that cry to become a yell, as Pit shot through and gave an angel ring. Link's body was engulfed in the ring, when another deku nut appeared and promptly exploded.
Both warriors were caught in the explosion. More ecstasy induced pain, hooray! Pit was trying to focus on Link. 'Wonder what his ecstasy induced dream is?' At that, Link moaned. "Yes, Zelda. I want to see how much you know."
Pit raised an eyebrow. "Okay, having my own dream. I'm right now imagining Dark Magician Girl, Talim from Soul Calibur, and Mai Shiranui from King of Fighters with me now. Yeah…" "Pit, what about me?" "Huh?" Pit turned his head from his playboyish dream to see a black-haired Valkyrie.
The reddish-brown head stared at her until he recognized her. "Oh, Victoria, I'm not your Pit. Your Pit is over there." The alternate Pit was cornered by Persephone, who was coming a little too close for Pit's enjoyment. "Victoria! Get over here and save my butt, please!" Persephone was giggling as she reached out for him. "Say hello to Linkcelot for me, Piticarus." Pit was about say something when someone else shouted "In America!" Persephone, before killing Pit off, ripped off Bandit Keith's head off for being so annoying, he breaks the annoying barrier.
Pit then snapped out of it. "Wonder if the hyrulian substitute for ecstasy is a deku nut?" He then looked at Link, who was now shaking his hips back and forth. Suddenly, a thundering sound could be heard, and the audience gasped. Pit turned his head to see King Bulbin about to run them over. Quickly, Pit stabbed his two daggers into the ground and used them to kick Link upwards. Then Pit flapped his wings to dodge the fat man on the boar. Pit landed rather gracefully on his feet, but Link fell on his face and immediately got back up.
"Pit, why did you disturb me? I was having the most wonderful dream!" Pit held up two fingers. "One: I was saving your butt from getting run over and two: The most wonderful dream in your opinion was getting inside Zelda's pants." Link turned red "It was that obvious?" Pit nodded "That and the fact that the average male population usually dream about having their first tryst. Blame the hormones."
Link smelled something in the air. "Hey, Pit?" "What?" "You smell something burning?" "Yeah, I do." Both looked next to their feet to see a barrel with a lit fuse. "Gah!!!" Both of them managed to scream before they both got blown into oblivion.
"Ouch." Pit said in a statement of underrating tone. Link slapped his face as they jumped down. However, they landed on the different sides of the bridge. "Hey, how are we supposed to fight?"
Link pointed to the sky. "Look." And like that, the twilight…thing appeared with the section of bridge. "Cool." Pit whispered as he prepared to fight with everything he had.
Unfortunately, at this point, the author suddenly got a brain fart, and couldn't write up a proper fight sequence. Actually, I didn't exactly think through this so I got a generalized version.
There was hacking, slashing, and lots of attempts at tea bagging. There were a few times heart containers and deku nuts. Oh, and king Bulbin got shot.
"Enough!" Ganondorf shouted, as he appeared out of the darkness. Both Link and Pit looked at Ganondorf, and then nodded at each other. "Wait, what are you thinking?" Pit got out a cat-a-nine tails, and Link got a crowbar. "The crowbar's not for hitting, it's for dislodging that cup." Ganondorf's eyes widened. "You wouldn't…" Pit whistled and a whole battalion of angels came to hold Ganondorf down.
After one heck of a torture, the two continued the battle. Pit started to charge his forward smash on Link, who nearly just recovered from a deku nut. Just about when Pit hit him, Link rolled behind Pit's back and slashed him. Pit slid back from the impact, then recovered and tried to slash at Link as he was running. Link simply rolled forward past Pit to spin around with his sword extended. The angel got caught in the bladestrom and was knocked back.
Link advanced on Pit, who quickly got up. Pit looked ready to attack so Link rolled behind him to attack again, only to hit by Pit's down smash. The elf clad in green slid back, only for Pit to run to him. Link slashed at Pit only for Pit to skipped to Link's back and spun his bow around in a horizontal manner or was it vertical manner, it was his hold neutral attack.
Link rolled back and tried to slash, but Pit skipped to the back and tried to do the same thing. Link dodged and tried, but Pit did the same, then Link did the same. And so it went, one tried to hit the other, the other rolled to the back and tried, only for the other to dodge and try.
Finally, Pit dodged to the back again, which Link immediately unleashed a forward smash. However, Pit wasn't there to receive it. Pit was now at Link's front, charging his forward smash.
"Oh snap." Link managed to say before Pit's attack knocked him out of the stage.
"GAME!"
Most of the audience was not exactly pleased as their hometown smasher lost, but decided to put up with it. Link sighed as he came down on the revival pad. "Congratulations, you have beaten me. You are one step closer to becoming a smasher." Pit held up a hand. "That's nice and all, but I need a way to get up into space since number 7 and 8 are up there."
Link held out a big, black ball. "Hold this then. It'll help." Pit smiled. "Thanks, man… Why does something smell like it's burning?" Pit got the top off, to see a lit fuse!
"WHAT THE FREAK!?!" The bomb exploded, sending Pit flying into outer space.
Zelda appeared near Link. "Was that intended?" Link nodded. "Now for my other question: what were you dreaming about? We couldn't help but notice your behavior."
Link turned red. "Uhh… Umm…" The HOT man looked around for an excuse. Quickly, he got Navi. "What's that Navi?"
"Hey, listen!"
"Jimmy fell down a well?"
"Hey, listen!"
"And he's being tortured by Wall-e?"
"Hey, listen!"
"And he's doing it by making Jimmy watch Hello Dolly with him a hundred times?"
With that, Link put Navi away. "The fiend! Sorry Zelda, duty calls!" With that, Link whistled and Epona, his trusty came along. Link hopped on and held his sword aloft. "Hero of Time, away!" With that, Link rode off into the sunrise, and into more time to think of a good way to explain his delusion.
AN: Sorry if girls, drug addicts, Talim fans, Mai Shiranui fans, Heaven's Bad Boy fans, Yugioh abridged or Bandit Keith fans, Ganondorf fans, Hello Dolly fans, Wall-E fans, Navi fans, Link fans and Twilight Princess fans were offended by this chapter.