Wrestling God Fact # 627 - There is no such thing as sex Gods.

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Cody Rhodes sat in the locker room watching his friends Kofi and Punk play rock, paper, scissors. Each time Kofi won a round, Punk had to kiss his ass but if Punk won, Kofi had to lick his dirty boot. They played this game almost every Monday night and it kind of bothered Cody. True they were both young like him but why couldn't they act a little more mature? The door of the locker room opened for like the umpteeth time that evening and in walked Randy Orton, Cody's stable leader.

"About time you get here," Cody exclaimed. "I was afraid I was going to start growing backwards like Benjamin Button and we all know how he ended up," Cody grumbled.

"Oh shush Cody. Sometimes it pays to be around people your own age."

"But Randy, what can they do for me? You've already given me your great wisdom and even shared some of your sexiness with me. What more do I need?" Randy stared down at his favorite apprentice and smiled.

"Well, I suppose you have a point. I'm nothing but greatness…and sex. Mostly sex." Randy suddenly frowned. His eyes moved past Cody to Kofi and Punk who were still at their game of rock, paper, scissors. Why aren't they paying attention to me? They should be staring at me! Randy! The sex God! Randy stormed across the locker room and gave Kofi a shove.

"Huh? Oh hey Randy! Wanna play mon?" he asked.

"Do I wanna play? How dare you talk to the sex God like that? I don't wanna play with you unsexy boys. But you…you guys should be begging me to play with you." Kofi looked at Punk and they both shrugged.

"Uh…okay. So yeah. Will you please play with us?" Punk asked. Randy's face formed a wry smile.

"Not today boys but if you're good, you just might get lucky next week." Randy left the locker room with an awestruck Cody on his tail. Randy walked up the hall pretending not to notice how all the people were staring at his sexiness. Oh yeah! I'm sexy! They know it. They only wish they could be this sexy. Randy soon spotted a disgruntled looking Chris Jericho standing in the hall. He was sporting some brand new trunks this week that read 'Pinch Me' on the back. Randy couldn't resist. He walked behind Chris pinching him as hard as he could.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Damn that hurts!" He turned around and smacked Randy on the arm.

"Well not my fault your girly ass is walking around here with 'Pinch Me' on your butt. I was only doing what your ass asked of me," he reasoned.

"Well fuck you. My ass does not wish to be tainted by the likes of hypocrites and non followers of the faith like you."

"Oh calm down motor mouth and how does pinching your ass make me a hypocrite? Hell you should be thankful that I even graced you with my presence. I'm the very definition of sex and socializing with the likes of you goes against everything I stand for!" Chris scoffed.

"Oh please! You wouldn't even have that sexy if it wasn't for the Wrestling Gods and you know what? I used to envy you, cursing the Gods daily for not giving me your sex appeal, but if it makes me an arrogant jerk like you then keep your fucking sex appeal. I don't need it anyway since my new boyfriend is the guy that defined sex to begin with," he huffed.

"Oh really? There's no one sexier than me around here!"

"Ha! That's what you think." Chris nodded his head up the hall and what Randy saw made his insides boil. Shawn Michaels was wearing a cute little mini skirt with matching boots. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair had been pulled up into two high piggy tails with pink ribbons that bounced whenever he moved. All the Divas were going on and on about how sexy he looked and Randy hated it.

"WHAT! This is….this is madness! Shawn looks like a creepy old pedophile in that skirt!"

"Naa…I think he looks cute," Chris said dreamily.

"Why the hell is he dressed like that anyway?"

"He lost a bet and I am not inclined to give you details."

"Those girls should be fawning over me!"

"Then go over there and let them! I'm tired of your fucking complaining anyway."

"What? How dare you order the sex God around!"

"Former sex God by tomorrow. You're abusing the very gift given to you by the Gods. They will make you pay if you don't repent."

"Repent? Gods?" Randy scoffed. "What the hell are you going on about? Have you finally lost it Chris?"

"No, the Wrestling Gods are real Randy. They gave you that sex appeal just like they gave me Shawn."

"Oh really?" Randy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Roll your eyes all you want but it's the truth. Hunter denied the Gods' existence and when he did, he paid the price. The Gods took Shawn from him and gave him to me. I've been thanking the Gods ever since."

"Uh…right." He has so lost it.

"You don't sound so sure Randy," a voice crooned from behind. He turned around to see Shawn standing in front of him batting his fake eyelashes. Mickie James and Melina were at his sides, running their hands across his body and planting kisses on his arms.

"Oh Shawny please come back with us!" Melina moaned.

"Oh yes Shawn! We promise to behave," Mickie added.

"Oh God you guys are pathetic! Shawn looks absolutely disgusting in that hideous skirt and you all have the audacity to think him sexy over me?!"

"Randy, when are you going to get it through your thick skull that you are NOT – I repeat – NOT a sex God. You have what we call sex appeal and it was granted unto you by the Wrestling Gods!"

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU PEOPLE! TELL VINCE I'M SICK BECAUSE I'M LEAVING! Come on Cody!" Randy started back down the hall but stopped just as quickly. He turned to see Cody licking his lips while staring at Shawn and the girls. He started to call after him but he was too pissed to care anymore. Damn Cody. Damn Chris. Damn them all. Damn Wrestling Gods. There is no such thing. I got my sexiness by working…no… Randy laughed. That would be lying. I was born sexy. Randy went inside the empty locker room to get his things when he noticed that a shiny new mirror had been placed on the wall. It was a full length body mirror that made him squeal with delight. Now I can stand here for hours looking at my sexy physique. Randy stood in front of the mirror studying his perfect torso. Oh God…I'm so hot I turn myself on. And it was true. As Randy watched his perfect reflection in the mirror, he started to get a hard on.

"Oh man…I'm so hot. I'm just too sexy for anything," he grinned. Randy ran his hands all over his body. I could just make love to this mirror. I think I will. Randy pressed his body against the mirror and started sliding his perfectly oiled body up against it. "Oh mirror do you like that? Huh? How about some more of me?" Randy grinded his hips against the mirror. "Oh shit yes mirror," he moaned. "I'm so hot. We're so fucking hot!"

"BACK THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" a voice boomed. Randy was suddenly lifted into the air and sent sailing across the room against the wall. He hit the wall with a loud thud before hitting the floor. When Randy finally come to, he looked around the room but didn't see anyone. Hmm…that's strange. Oh well… He climbed to his feet and started back towards the mirror when all of a sudden the lights began flickering on and off.

"Okay. Funny guys," he laughed. "Stop fucking kidding around. If you had a problem with me making out with myself then too damn bad. Not my fault I was born sexy." The lights quit flickering making Randy smile. "Damn jealous wanks." Randy went back to the mirror. He placed a hand on the top and started tracing the outline of it. "Oh mirror, I'm so sorry for that interruption. I…I don't even…I wish I knew what happened but…"

"Oh stop your fucking apologizing. I threw your sexy ass across the room." Randy stared hard at the mirror. Since there was no one else in the room, the voice just HAD to be coming from it but how? Mirror can't talk…can they he wondered? Randy took a few steps back frowning.

"Can you talk Mr. Mirror?"

"Damn right I can talk." Randy's jaw just dropped. His reflection in the mirror was no longer copying his every move. Instead it was standing there with it's arms folded smirking at him.

"Uh…is this a joke? Er…a trick maybe?"

"Nope. I'm you…only not really. I'm actually one of the Wrestling Gods just in the form of your reflection. I come to tell you that you need to stop being an arrogant jerk."

"Wha…what? Are you kidding me? Is this one of Chris' jokes because if it is, you have gone way too far. I'm not going to let some hocus pocus bullshit about Gods of Wrestling kill the ego that is sexiness. I am a fucking sex God!"

"There is no sex God. There is only God and his faithful branches of Gods. That would be us Wrestling Gods. Last chance to say you'll do better."

"FU!"

"Well then. You will have to pay the piper." The reflection in the mirror began swirling around until Randy's reflection was replaced with one that made his blood run cold. "WHAT THE HELL?! WHY THE HELL IS MIKE KNOX IN THIS…? Oh God…have I been turned into the very definition of ugly?" Randy looked down at his hands and noticed that they were all white and clammy. He reached up to touch his face and could feel hairs where a beard would be. He glanced in the mirror again and just wanted to sob. "Oh my God! I've been turned into a hideous monster! Curse you Gods!" Randy quickly ran out of the locker room. He had no idea where he was going. He just ran. He kept running until he ran into Chris.

"Randy…Randy what's…"

"I've been turned into a monster!" he cried. "Look at these fat ugly hands and my pale clammy skin."

"But Randy…"

"And look at this beard. This ugly stinky beard. I'm fat and pale and…WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Randy ran down the hall sobbing uncontrollably. Shawn came up behind Chris and put his arm around him sucking his little pink lollipop.

"What's with him?" Shawn asked.

"I don't know. He was going on and on about looking like a monster."

"Looks the same to me."

"I know. Oh well. Ready to go babe?"

"Yep. Don't wanna anger the Gods," he grinned.