Wrestling God fact # 431- Fruity shampoo mixed with mock concern for others will lead to hair loss and possibly your soul

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Adam's match was finally over and he shuddered at the anticipation of what he was about to do next. It was time to have his nightly date with the Hair Gods before going out with his beautiful wife Vikki. Nothing brightened his day more than partying and sexin' up his woman…well except for washing his hair but that was neither here nor there. On his way to the showers he couldn't help but notice a disgruntled Hunter sitting in a corner all by himself. He had his trusty sledgehammer lying out front of him and he was staring at it as if daring it to speak.

"Eh…alright Hunter?" Adam asked raising his brow. Normally he wouldn't let the trivial and perverse issues of sociopaths like Hunter get to him but the way he was looking at that hammer, you'd swear it had violated him or something.

"Nothing. Just…thinking 'bout some things."

"Oh…okay. Well…anything I can do?"

"No. Only Shawn can heal my wounds." Adam laughed so hard that he thought he was going to be sick. Hunter just glared at him. "Hey man, fuck you! Don't ask about someone's feelings and then laugh in their face!" Adam held up his hand fighting hard to contain the laughter and catch his breath.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I…you…I can't…Okay. Sorry." Adam cleared his throat. "So uh…it's really true then."

"What's true?"

"That Shawn dumped you for that stripper Chris Jericho. Man you are such a loser!" he laughed, pointing his finger. Hunter lowered his head in shame. "I mean think about it. You're like the Game…The King of Kings…The Superman of Supermans…the…You're like Mighty Mouse only mightier and Chris…well…he's a short, loud-mouthed stripper boy. You've got to feel pretty damn bad about losing to him." Hunter sniffled.

"Shu…shut up man," he choked. "I…I didn't lose out to him. Shawn still loves me!"

"Yeah right," Adam laughed. "I hear he and Chris both work the clubs every now and then. Chris is a stripper and Shawn parades around in dresses waiting tables."

"WHAT?! MY SHAWNY'S ALL EXPOSED?!?" Adam shrugged.

"Yeah well, too bad for you. Vikki and I are going out tonight. Apparently they are working Club Pastel this week so we thought we'd go and check it out. You wanna come with?" Hunter glanced down at his sledgehammer and sighed.

"I don't know if I can."

"And why not?"

"I…I don't wanna be a third wheel."

"You won't be. Vikki and I don't care, plus if you bring along your sledgehammer then it will be like a double date."

"It's Mr. Sledgehammer Adam and you think they'd let me in with it?"

"Sure. I hear Chris owns the joint anyway. Well gotta run. The Hair Gods are calling my name."

"Hair Gods?"

"Yeah," he smirked. "Herbal Essence shampoo had to have been created by Hair Gods. Ahh the sweet smell of jasmine or peaches just fills my hair with greatness."

"Uh right. Hair Gods." I wonder if I should tell him the bogus story that Chris told me…Naa…he'll think I'm nuts. Hell I'm probably already nuts. I've been staring at this fucking hammer for hours trying to make it speak to me but it won't do it!

"Yep. Well I'm off. Meet me at the club in an hour."

"An hour? Why the hell does it take you so long to shower?" Adam let out a frustrated groan.

"I already told you that I have to dedicate at least thirty minutes to the Hair Gods of Herbal Essence." Adam quickly hurried off to the showers without a second thought. He grabbed his peach shampoo and conditioner then eagerly started the shower. When the water was just the right temperature he eased under the sprinkler letting the water drench his long blonde hair.

"Ahhh yes. This feels so good," he growled. He grabbed some shampoo and lathered his hair, his slender fingers massaging his scalp ever so gently. All the peachyness of the shampoo hit his nostrils and he groaned. "Oh fuck. You Hair Gods are soooo good. You make me feel so good and so pretty." Adam rolled his head around moaning loudly as the lather ran down the sides of his face and down his naked body.

"Alright. That's it. I've had about enough of this." The water in the shower turned instantly cold running Adam straight out of the shower and face first into the back wall.

"Ouch! That hurt. Why the hell is the water so cold?"

"It's cold because the Gods made it that way," a voice said softly. Adam looked around the room trying to pin point the voice. "I'm right here stupid." Adam looked towards the shelf where his conditioner sat. I know the conditioner… "Yes you fool! I'm talking to you. I wouldn't have to talk to you if you wasn't so damn thoughtless." Adam moved closer to the bottle but he was sent sailing backwards. "Don't you run up on a God! How dare you!" Adam picked himself up off the wet tile and laughed.

"A…a God? You're supposed to be a freaking God?"

"That's right. I'm not the God in Heaven. He hasn't the time for such trivial nonsense as this but that's what we Wrestling Gods are for."

"Wrestling Gods? There's no such thing."

"You believe in Hair Gods but you can't fathom the idea of a Wrestling God? Hmpf. Funny. If it wasn't for us you'd be working in a grocery store with short black hair selling melons!"

"Uh…I beg to differ," he smirked. "I got to where I am today by sheer brilliance, good looks, talent, and Hair Gods. You – whatever the hell you are – did nothing for me."

"Is that so?" The voice laughed out loud, its shrieking voice echoing through the room. "Then how do you think you managed to woo such a fine woman like Vikki? With such a small penis I can hardly believe she'd want to marry someone like you. A big beautiful woman like her needs satisfaction and quite frankly I think Paul would…"

"ENOUGH! JUST SHUT UP! LOOK GOD LADY YOU—

"No, YOU shut up! I've had it up to here with some of you wrestlers and your bad attitudes. Ungrateful little…but that's alright. I already squashed down the so called 'Sex God' today and you will be no different. For your information Mr. Adam Copeland, there is NO SUCH THING AS HAIR GODS OR SEX GODS. THERE IS A GOD AND THERE ARE WRESTLING GODS!"

"Uh…whatever," he grumbled. He was already walking away when he answered. "I'm getting out of here. I have a date with Vikki and I'm not going to let some talking bottle tell me what to do."

"Alright. Fine. Leave, but I guarantee you'll be a believer when I'm done with you."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled. Adam quickly dressed and left the locker room. As he walked up the halls, people would point and laugh at him like there was a huge spot on his face or something. He was going to say something about it but he spotted his beloved wife and decided that she was worth more of his time than the mid-card losers staring after him. He ran up behind Vikki squeezing her waist. "Mmm…baby. You ready to go?" Vikki turned around and just screamed.

"Get away from me you disgusting creature! You smell awful and your hair…your nose…your…your breath!"

"Uh…honey?" Adam looked around nervously as people stared at them from a distance. It suddenly got awful quiet and Adam wasn't sure if he liked what was going on.

"Honey? I'm not your honey! Why on earth would a catch like me be caught dead with a disgusting creature such as yourself?"

"Have I done something to you Vikki? I thought we were supposed to go out tonight?"

"Noooooo, I'm going out with my husband Adam, but you…I'd NEVER go out with you!" she shrieked. "Your teeth look like someone shit on them and your head looks greasy and disgusting! Ahhhh get away from me." Adam tried to approach his wife but she kept screaming and drawing so much attention that Adam didn't know what to do.

"Vi…Vikki baby listen to me—

"Didn't the lady tell you not to mess with her?" Adam's jaw just dropped. He blinked several times to make sure he wasn't crazy. He even reached out to poke the guy in front of him just to make sure it wasn't a mirage.

"This is…Something funny is going on around here," he stammered. "Just who the hell are you? Why the hell are you dressed like me?" he snapped. Am I losing my fucking mind? What…just who the fuck is this? This has got to be a joke. Adam laughed.

"What the hell are you talking about? I am Adam."

"No, I am dammit!" he snapped.

"Well if you're Adam then why are you bald?" Adam reached up to touch his head and he dropped to his knees. He wrapped his arms around him tightly fighting off the shudders. He was starting to sweat and he now could sense a nasty taste in his mouth. It was so nasty that he felt himself wanting to hurl.

"Oh God…Oh God what happened to my hair?"

"Uh…last time I check Snitsky, you've always had a bald head and fucked up teeth." Adam slowly got to his feet then ran wildly down the hall shoving people out of his path. I got to know. What the fuck is up with people? Adam burst through the locker room door and headed straight for a mirror.

"Oh…oh God…" And he fainted. And that's where he spent the night until the janitors found him the next day…or did he?

~xx~

"Oh Adam! That was the best sex I ever had!" Snitsky snuggled closer to his wife…er…Adam's wife kissing the back of her neck.

"And they'll be a lot more where that came from dear." A whole lot more…Thank you Wrestling Gods! He closed his eyes and had the best sleep he's ever had – and with a woman no less. (He who thought he'd never get one.)