AN: And I'm back with another chapter of silliness. It's not supposed to make sense so keep that in mind as you read this craziness. Sorry about the long hiatus but this is one I only update when I have absolutely nothing better to do, or when I need a break from all the other serious fanfics/novels that I'm writing. So have a laugh...or two or three. This is rated 'M' for a reason.

(-) Denotes mind link. In other words, it's the God's voice speaking to them inside their heads.

Wrestling God Fact #218 - Wrestling Gods do not think blondes do it better. They are impartial to the worldly hair color myths about people and tend to get really angry when introduced to such nonsense.

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For my best friend and fanfiction writer extraordinaire, Adnacia, who also happens to be a blonde :P

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Hunter entered the doors of his new Smackdown locker room and took a seat on the floor. He laid his sledgehammer beside him and sighed. Why? What did I do that was so wrong? I should be on Raw with my Shawn.

"That's why you're here Hunter." Hunter looked over at his ex favorite weapon and frowned.

"But I haven't done anything!" he snapped hotly. "I get it. I get that there are wrestling Gods so why the hell am I still being punished?"

"Oh Hunty. You're not being punished. In fact…well…*giggle* You'll see soon enough. The Gods are working their magic and soon you'll forget all about that pretty little blonde."

"I could never forget Shawn!" he sniffled. Hunter waited for the evil sledgehammer to respond but instead it remained quiet. Hunter sighed. Thanks to his partner over there he was going without sex. In fact, he hadn't had sex since the night he was raped by Mr. Sledgehammer. He almost had Cena's tight little ass but Big Bad Dave – who's no where near gay – just had to interfere. Hunter groaned. I need sex. I need to fuck the hell out of somebody or I'm going to go fucking insane! He could hear the sledgehammer laughing loudly in his head, teasing him into madness but there was nothing he could. With a frustrated sigh he stood to his feet and started changing into his gear. Suddenly his door burst wide open scaring him half to death. What the…? Jeff Hardy was in the arms of his brother and they were making out like mad.

For a minute Hunter thought he was seeing things until he heard Matt moan into Jeff's mouth. They didn't even notice Hunter in the room and proceeded to strip right in front of him. In a matter of seconds Matt was being shoved against the wall while Jeff gripped his hips easing into him slowly. The sight of it brought Hunter straight to arousal. Brothers. They were fucking brothers but one was fucking the other. It should have freaked him out but then nothing beats a talking sledgehammer so he decided to go with it. Hunter leaned back against the other wall watching with mouth hanging open as Jeff fucked his brother good. I wonder what the wrestling Gods think of this…

-The Gods did this to them. Got tired of them fighting all the time so what better way to solve the problem than to make them love each other? Of course it wasn't hard considering they had dirty thoughts of one another ever since they were teens but whatever.-

"Wow," he breathed. At that moment Jeff reached his climax and Hunter watched as Jeff filled Matt's ass with his seed. Jeff wrapped his arms around his brother.

"Mattie you're so good. I can't get enough of you."

"Jeff when do I get to top you?" Matt asked. Jeff spun him around pulling him into a kiss.

"When you can beat me in a wrestling match," he grinned.

"*gasp* Jeff…we…we have company." Jeff released his brother and turned to see Hunter watching them curiously.

"Uh…hi guys." Jeff frowned.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Jeff asked.

"Whoa! Easy tiger," Hunter laughed. "I got drafted to SD last week remember? This is my new locker room though you two are welcome to use it anytime ya like. I mean," he grinned, "must be kind of hard to get a quickie around the others. They'd probably think you guys were weird or something."

"So…wait. You don't…you don't find this…odd?" Matt asked. Hunter only shrugged.

"I've seen stranger things. Besides uh…I'd probably do either one of you if I was in your shoes." I mean really. You two are hot! Both Matt and Jeff looked at one another before mischievous grins formed across their faces.

"Now you've done it Hunter."

"Done what?" he asked out loud. The brothers' grins grew wider with every step they took towards him. Should I stay or run? Answer me you bloody hammer!

-It's still MR. Sledgehammer to you and it depends on what you want. Sex or the blonde? Mind you I think he's taken a liking to Chris and I hear he's been teasing Cena. You know what Shawn's teasing can do right?- The God laughed in his head and Hunter suddenly felt saddened.

He's going to forget me too…

"Mn…Hunter. Can I take care of that for you?" Hunter looked down to see Jeff kneeling before him with a playful look in his eye. Matt was now at his side running his hands along his torso. Hunter closed his eyes and prayed silently. Gods help me! Tell me what to do! Matt's fingers teased Hunter's nipples and he about lost it. To hell with it!

"Touch me," he breathed. Not needing to be told twice the boys went to work on making Hunter their new pet.

~xx~

Maryse stood in front of a store window combing through her perfect hair. Damn, je suis si chaud (I look so hot). Just look at my perfect blonde hair. Some American women were walking by their eyes stopping to admire her perfection. Souhaite que les femmes americaines ont cherche ce bien (American women only wished they looked this good). Maryse flicked her hair and walked by the women, twisting her face in a frown at the various hair colors that were NOT blonde. Red means you're a slut… She laughed out loud and continued to twist through the mall. She stopped in front of the Victoria's Secret store smiling at the skinny blonde manikins modeling lingerie. I look better than those manikins but alas, I cannot pretend to be a doll…even though I am one. She laughed out loud at her own thoughts. She was about to leave when something tapped the glass. She glanced up and to avoid screaming, she clasped her hand over her mouth. The manikins had moved and they both had hands on their hips as they frowned at her.

-You are wrong Frenchy. Blondes don't always do it better. Some of them are dumb as hell but we're sure you know all about that.-

Are they talking to me? Are they REALLY talking to me?

-Yes we are baby doll!-

C'est la folie! (This is madness!)

-Oh stop it blondie. You're such a bitch which is why you'll be getting yours soon. Skinny, blonde, and dollish? Oh we're going to teach you how to appreciate what you have without being a bitch. Randy found out the hard way but we're going to make sure it sinks in real good with you. The God's are on the prowl and you're our next victim.-

The lights in the mall went out…or at least it seemed that way to Maryse. She blacked out in front of the store and the Gods went to work on her.

-Just wait until she wakes up. She'll have a new perspective on life.-

~xx~

Shawn tried to pull his arms from the posts but it was no use. Chris had got him good so now he had no choice but to actually behave. At some point during the night (or early morning) Chris had tied his arms to each of the bed posts so now he couldn't move. Good thing I don't have to go potty. He began to pout. How come no one ever trusts me? It's not like anyone's here for me to mess with…except John who doesn't technically count since he's such a baby. Shawn let a sigh and went back to staring at the ceiling daydreaming about all the sweets he were going to have later.

"Dude. Why so serious?" Shawn looked away to find Cena standing at the foot of the bed with an amused look on his face. Shawn scoffed.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere with Dave?"

"Actually I was with Dave all morning. We had breakfast together."

"So you two are a pair now huh?"

"Not really. Actually, I'm not sure. Our entire morning was kind of weird. Two dominant figures can't really work. Anyway I'm thinking Dave should move in with us."

"And why?"

"Because I think he's confused about things too. He lusts after me but he went on and on about how good Chris looked in his trunks the other night."

"Oh dear. Chris certainly won't like this. Oh well…So help a partner out. Let me loose."

"Naa…Chris put you there for a reason and I should probably leave you there."

"Oh come on!" Shawn pouted. "You know I'm not going to do anything…except maybe bother you." Shawn's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oooooo! John come on! Let me up! We're finally alone so I have plenty of time to test my theory." Shawn wriggled around trying to force his arms loose but it was no use. Cena watched him with an amused look on his face then shook his head.

"Shawn, you're not popping my cherry sweetheart. The Gods told me I was a top."

"Well they lied," he grumbled. "Come on John. Let me up. I promise I'll make it worth your while," he teased. "Don't you want me to touch you John? Don't you want to feel me inside you?" he coaxed. "Don't you want to scream my name when I bring you the greatest pleasure ever known to man?" Shawn licked his lips watching Cena very closely. He could tell Cena was tempted, his eyes giving him away. Shawn smiled. He was going to have some fun tied up or not. He closed his eyes and started arching his back. "Mn…God I'm so hot for you John," he moaned. "I'm imagining you right now kissing my neck and touching my lollipop." Cena's jaw just dropped. Just what the hell was Shawn playing at? Cena had a thing for Shawn – always have but it wasn't until his run in with a God that he started having wet dreams about him. Cena cursed loudly.

"Dammit Shawn! Stop kidding around. I can't…You know I can't touch you," he whined. "Chris would—

"Oh God John! You're so good," he moaned. "Please," he whimpered. "Please touch me."

"I'm…I'm ignoring you," Cena managed but even as he said the words his shirt was being tossed to the floor and his body was crawling towards the helpless blonde. He didn't touch him – not at first. He just listened to the sounds of his moans wondering how the hell Chris could even think to leave him alone.

"John…kiss me John." John hovered over Shawn's body and kissed his lips. It was slow and Shawn's lips were so soft. He wanted more. Shawn's mouth parted allowing him to slide his tongue right in. John slowly ran his hands down Shawn's sides before tearing his lips away to kiss Shawn's neck. Shawn shuddered. There was something different about the way John kissed him. Even his touch seemed…more electrifying. Now he REALLY wanted to be touched. As if John could read his thoughts, a hand quickly found its way inside his boxers to play with his now erect member.

"So you really did want me?" Cena teased, his deep sexy voice sending more chills through Shawn. Shawn thrust into his hand.

"Make me cum," he breathed. Cena took his lips again stroking him slowly at first and then faster as Shawn's moans filled the room. Soon Shawn arched into him, gasping his name while he cummed. Cena kissed his lips one last time before rolling off of him.

"There. I made you cum now will you be quiet?"

"But John…if you untie me I'll return the favor." Plus I think I want more of him… Cena shook his head.

"No way. Chris would kill me and throw me out. I don't want to wear out my welcome just yet." Even though my cock is screaming to be inside of you…

"Come on John," Shawn pouted. "You know you want me to touch you."

"Shawn I'm—

The door suddenly burst open and in ran Chris slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the door panting heavily ignoring the concerned looks he was getting from Shawn and Cena.

"Don't," he breathed. "Do NOT open this door for any reason whatsoever." Both Shawn and Cena cut each other 'WTF' looks but didn't say anything. Instead they waited silently for an explanation. Their answer came sooner than they thought. Suddenly there was a banging on the door followed by hysterical crying.

"Chris! Chris please! You have to help me!" It sounded a lot like Maryse. "Everyone, Dave told me to come to you monsieur," she choked.

"NO! GO AWAY!" Chris yelled. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU PISSED OFF THE WRESTLING GODS!"

"But Chris," she sobbed. "I dyed my hair red and now I look like a slut," she sobbed. "Tell them I'm sorry Chris! Tell them I never meant any of it!"

"You tell them yourself now get going! If you bother me one more time today I'll tell the Gods to make you bald." She screamed loudly before they heard the sound of her running down the hall.

"I take they got her too?" Cena asked.

"Yeah and now she's losing it. She has this whole mentality that "blondes do it better"—

"We do," Shawn grinned.

"And that American women have no sense of fashion and they eat too much so all day she's been stuffing her face with American food and speaking fluent English."

"Oh so the Gods made her American?" Shawn asked.

"Something like that. But enough about her. How have you two been?" Cena cut his eyes towards his crotch and said a silent prayer to the Gods for letting Maryse's shrill voice kill his erection. He grinned.

"I've been great. Just making sure your girl over there stays out of trouble."

"Oh good. So did he?" Cena cut his eyes towards Shawn who was pleading silently at him to tell a lie. Like I'd rat him out…

"Yeah he was good…for the most part. He talks too much though. I recommend a gag next time."

"Will do. Alright baby. I'll untie you so you can give me a shower."

"Oh goody! Can John join us?"

"What?! NO!"

"But Chris—

"For the last time Shawn, you are NOT popping his cherry!" Shawn lay back against the linen pouting. I don't want to pop his cherry anymore anyway. I just want him to touch me again.

AN: Hope you had a laugh...or two...or three. Back by popular request was Hunter and Mr. Sledgehammer. Don't know why that damn hammer is so controlling. Ahh well...Next up. Probably Sir William Regal because he makes me laugh. Not really sure yet. Just depends on what pops into my head the next time I need a break from Bret muse. Ta Ta