Losing Pain

Chapter Fourteen

Harry and Draco sat on the edge of Harry's bed. Draco wanted them to sit closer together, but Harry wouldn't allow it. He wanted space between them. If they were close, Harry would be able to feel the cold air surround him if Draco left. He didn't want to feel even worse if that moment came.

"I've never been the perfect Boy-Who-Lived that everyone thought me to be." Harry started out. He kept his head down, looking at his hands that were sitting in his lap. "That boy left after our third year." Harry paused like he was waiting for a reaction, but Draco stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. "I think everything started because I was finally fed up with everything. My friends weren't really there for me, unless it involved some sort of publicity. Dumbledore was the same way. Sirius had told me I could stay with him, but I was only left with the Dursleys in the end. Nothing was going the way I wanted. For some reason, I felt like a failure." Harry put his head in his hands.

Draco placed a hand on his back, and rubbed it lightly. "You're not a failure." Harry moved to give Draco the hint that he didn't want him to touch his back. Draco took back his hand.

"I stayed in my room all day, for my first few days of the summer. The Dursleys didn't mind. I was out of their lives except for when they fed me three times a day. That was when I got my first taste of drugs." Harry explained. "They were just simple muggle pills that anyone could get, but Dudley had ground up and mixed in enough of them in my food to give me some kind of effect. I liked the feeling immediately. I was so calm and peaceful, not caring about anything happening around me." Harry looked up at nothing in particular with a small smile on his lips. When he noticed what he was doing though, his face quickly grew horrified.

"Harry." Draco tried talking to him again. "It isn't wrong for you to like the feeling. Sometimes, things like that can't be helped."

Harry shook his head at him. "No, it is wrong. It makes me seem pathetic. Even worse, when I started to become immune to the pills, I went off in search of stronger ones. Before summer ended, I was buying at least three bottles and week and had switched the type of pills four times."

"But, you quit after you went to Hogwarts, right?" Draco asked, trying to make the teen feel better. "You couldn't have kept your addiction going."

"I tried." Harry told him with a strained voice. "I really tried, but it was taking too much of a toll on me, especially since I was in the triwizard tournament. I started to depend on potions. Four nourishing potions made me go numb. Six of them made me think I could do anything. They helped me get through all of my tasks. Five truth potions make you tell only lies; you just can't help it. Give yourself four hangover helping potions and you get one of the best feelings in a lifetime. If I hadn't become immune to that too, I probably would still be chugging the things nonstop."

"But you stopped that too." Draco said. "Having the strength to do that is great!"

Harry looked at Draco with a serious face. "I didn't stop because I could, I stopped because I had to. Making potions was impossible for me to do at the Dursleys. I tried starting up muggle medication again, but it wasn't any good. My cravings got worse and worse as time went on and soon enough I was having withdrawal symptoms. At one point in time, I took a walk outside to try and feel better, but I ended up passing out in an alley. When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room, lying on a couch, with a major headache. Sitting beside me was a girl who looked only a few years older than me. Her name was Heather, and she was the worst influence of my life.

"It started off with just some basic cigarettes to get my mind off things." Harry told Draco. He started to wring his hands. "As time went on though, I was using anything I could get a hold of, weed, coke, meth, LSD. I don't think there was a time that summer where I wasn't high or tripping."

"But, didn't you leave the Dursleys early that summer?" Draco asked. "Didn't you break the underage law?"

By now, Harry was wringing his hands out like crazy. "Yes, I did." Harry whispered. "I had met Dudley on the street and thought it funny to joke about him. I was extremely high at the time, and anything seemed like a good idea. But then, all of a sudden, I felt the air around us go cold, similar to when a dementor is near. Panicking, I took my wand out and cast a patronus at what looked like a dementor."

"But you were protecting yourself and Dudley." Draco said. "What you did was right."

Harry shook his head. "There never was a dementor. What I thought was a dementor was only a hallucination. The coldness had been the wind. I really had broken the law, but Dumbledore lied at my trial to save me."

"He wanted to keep you so you could help him." Draco said softly.

Harry didn't say anything. He only looked at the blonde, but his green eyes told Draco that he was correct. "During our fifth year, I couldn't get my muggle drugs. Simple potions didn't work either, so I went to desperate means. I used wizard drugs."

Draco looked at Harry, shocked. Wizard drugs were powerful, no matter who the user was. No one was known to have stopped. Using them even once, cursed you for the rest of your life.

"If you remember, I created the DA that year. Everyone thought it was my way of getting back at Umbridge, but, really it was just a cover-up." Harry explained. "People thought that when I left places early, or came back late, I was getting ready for a DA meeting. Truthfully, I was down in Hogsmede buying powdered dragon scales infused with unicorn's blood." Harry's head went back into his hands. "I'm so horrible!" He mumbled.

Draco put a hand on Harry's knee and gripped it tightly. "You are not horrible, Harry. You accidentally went down the wrong path. People do that all the time."

Harry looked up at the Slytherin with tear filled eyes. "People snort dragon scales with unicorn's blood all the time?" Draco didn't answer that. The tears escaped Harry's eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Draco wanted to wipe them away, but he didn't know if Harry would allow him to. It pained him to see his Gryffindor so vulnerable.

"Draco." Harry finally spoke. "Why can't I get better? I do one bad thing, and it leads to a whole mess of more bad things."

"You will get better, Harry." Draco assured him. "And I'll always stay by your side."

Harry looked at Draco silently like he was trying to see if the boy was lying. "Do you promise?" He finally asked.

Draco smiled and hugged his Gryffindor tightly. He was glad that the teen never tried to pull away. "I promise, Harry."

A/N: I know this is late, and I'm very sorry, but I've been sick again. This time I had no strength to do anything at all. I also know that Harry didn't finish telling Draco about all of his school years. I will probably have that in the next chapter. Finally, as always, thank you for reading!