A/N.: Okay I hope you like this chapter more than the last one.
Noticed
I pour a mug of coffee. My glance wanders to the pool house and the shut blinds. He needs a lot of rest, if he wants to recovery fully from the accident. I only hope he'll one day. I still feel bad for what I've done, when I look at him. The door to the pool house opens. Wow, he's early. But staying in hospital beds for weeks must …Marissa? She came early. I see Ryan standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. They're talking about something and she laughs. They both wear this expression on their face. I know when I saw it on Kirsten's face. It was after our… Alright, I need to talk to him. Oh God. I…okay, I try to see it that way: she loves him and this is good, as it can…help him to recover and…with his trust issues and…wow. I let out a deep breathe. They're coming towards the main house. Ryan's still insecure on his crutches. Shit. I can't let them notice that I noticed that…hell, what shell I do? I start to get busy in the kitchen.
"Hey honey." My wife comes downstairs and gives me a kiss.
"Good morning Sandy, good morning Kirsten." Marissa says shyly.
"Morning." Ryan greets us.
"Good morning Marissa…?" My wife looks at me. But we both say nothing.
"Good morning you two. Want some coffee and breakfast?" I ask them.
"Yes, thanks." Marissa answers. Okay, my plan not letting them notice that I noticed doesn't seem to work, as both look like caught red-handed.
"Morning folks. Marissa? Where's Summer?" Our eldest asks when he enters the kitchen.
"Uh…on her way I guess." Marissa answers.
"Oh…you're early then." Seth replies. He hadn't noticed anything. Of course he … one moment. He has a girlfriend too. That means that he and Summer …oh no. I knew I was going to have this conversation one day, but not two times at the same time. Okay, I can today talk to Ryan and tomorrow to Seth…I can even wait, until I notice that Seth and Summer…I mean, when I notice that Ryan and Marissa …then I should or…hell, how do I start this conversation? I planed it, but this plan seems to be a little out of place, as I'm sure Ryan is…a little too mature in case of sexuality. Why haven't I had this conversation, when Kirsten told me to?
"Yes, a lot of school work to catch up with. So, do you come Seth?" Marissa says.
"I thought Summer…"
"She's waiting at school."
"Oh…okay, then bye folks." Our eldest says and then we're alone. I look at my wife, she looks back. I look at Ryan and although his head is ducked I clearly can see that he blushes.
"So…is my assumption that Marissa stayed over night, right?" I ask him.
"Yes." His voice doesn't sound as confident as if he was already mature enough…well, as I never was caught by my mother I don't know what happens to one in such a situation.
"Are …are…you…you two…" My wife stammers.
"Having sex? Yes." He answers. He had won back his composure. Wow that's what I call fast and painless.
"And…did…did you…" My wife goes on.
"Use contraceptives? Yes we did." Okay, he's responsible. I like that. Well I would like it more when he wouldn't…but…they're so in love with each other. I can't forbade them having sex. And better that way, as if they would do it behind our backs, or?
"And…you…know how to use…"
"How to use them yes. Listen…I don't want to talk to you about my sex life, but…hell I grew up in Chino, she wasn't my first and I'm still no father." Still no father? What does he want to tell us through that? That…oh…oh my God. That…that's not good. Oh no, not good, not good. This is too much for me.
"Okay guys, then everything's clear now and I can head to work." I say and then just leave the house. How is it possible that such a conversation is more embarrassing for me than for him? Oh my God. I hope Seth never will start with this until his eighty. I can't handle having this conversation once again. Oh my God is it embarrassing. I need to focus my thoughts on something else. My case. But wait. He was having sex with Marissa and for having sex you need to trust your partner…hell maybe in Newport. In areas like Chino they do it, because of boredom. Not that I think that Ryan would misuse a girls trust I only…think I should stop thinking about it and just pretend as if nothing had happened. Everything is okay. Nothing had happened. I'm okay.
I come home late. When I enter the house my wife is already there and I hear the boys playing videogames. I look at…them. Four. Two girls, two men. And…my eldest son hadn't noticed that I'm home, because he's kissing his girl in front of my eyes. Oh my God. This is crying for a repetition of the conversation this morning.
"Hey you four." I greet all of them.
"Hi Mr. Cohen." Summer answers.
"Hi." Marissa.
"Hey Dad, you're late." Comes from my eldest.
"Hey Sandy." Ryan answers. I would like him to call me Dad, but this won't happen in a million years. He has no Dad anymore.
"Hey honey." My wife comes down stairs. How was your day?"
"Stressful." I answer and kiss her. "And yours?"
"I…well…I decided to…step back a little. It's just too much work and I want to be there for my kids. I can't stay in the office for the whole day." She answers. I look at her. She's stepping back from her work?
"That's great." I only answer. There's something going on, but nobody tells me. But this day was more than eventful anyway. I'm glad I now have time to relax. I go upstairs and lie down on the bed, before getting into some more comfortable cloths. When I go downstairs again, the girls are gone and my eldest sets the table, while Ryan is cooling his knee. It hurts to see how fragile he is – vulnerable. Worse of all is that his knee never will recover completely. He's too young for something like that. I can only hope he deals with it.
"Okay, dinner's ready." My wife says. We all sit down at the dinner table. My wife and I have agreed that we let Ryan himself decide how much he can eat. The last time we had forced him to eat he had to carry the can for it. We only need to have a look that it's enough for a boy his age.
"So boys, I was thinking about our next summer vacation." My wife starts. Vacation? We stopped having family vacations in summer, when Seth was…I don't know, but I'm sure it's since we came here. She's stepping back from her job, she wants summer vacations. That's more than curious.
"Mum, summer is over. Until next summer it's an eternity." Seth answers. Fact, he doesn't like these winter months, although I won't call it a winter without snow.
"Yes, but we should already plan. I don't want be faced with any bad surprises." She answers. I look at her and there is a new expression on her face. No, it's not new. I've seen it, but I don't know when. Then her face turns concerned and one look at Ryan explains why. He completely withdrew from this idea: his head ducked, playing with the foot on the plate. He doesn't look too comfortable now.
"If it's like that, what did you think about: another state or leaving the country, ocean or mountains?" Our eldest starts. He's all for it, of course. He loves travelling. We used to travel more, when we have been living in Berkeley. But maybe we can start this habit from new I'm sure Ryan would like to see some new places, although he doesn't look convinced right now. No wonder. He already has problems with us being his new family. Or better: all those family issues are in somehow a problem for him. As long as he can escape from us, it's okay, but on a family vacation he won't be able to. He would be stuck with us. I don't want to impute that he doesn't like us to him. But in somehow I see that he has problems – several.
"I don't care, what do you think?" My wife looks at our eldest who's chewing pleasurably and caught in his ideas of a family vacation.
"Well I think we should leave the country or at least leave as far from California that we need a plane. I'm sure Ryan would like to fly, as he never did before, right?" He looks at Ryan who barely lifts his head.
"Dunno…just…don't…think about me in that." He answers. I look at my wife and we both feel helpless again.
"Isn't there any place you like to see?" Seth starts.
"Just…never…thought to …spend my time somewhere else than Chino." He says. He never has had a dream – not even one to escape from his situation. How was it possible that…a boy in his age hadn't any dream? I used to think about the places I was going to visit, when I was grown up and earning my own money. In my thoughts I was visiting the huge cities of Europe, Australia, even Africa. I planed to travel around the world. I…just used it to escape from the Bronx. Ryan never even tried to escape. He was caught in Chino as he was caught in his past. He wasn't able to find the exit.
"Okay, then …what do you like more: mountains or ocean?" My elder son starts. He's eager to get to know where Ryan wants to go – he's eager to make Ryan a part of this family. I'm glad he's capable to feel for his friend. I was afraid he might have become one of these cold and self-absorbed Newpsies, but he's still my son.
"Seth, I don't know." Oh, that sounds angry.
"Okay, then I would say for summer vacation we should decide for the ocean. Mountains are good in winter, when you can go skiing and snow boarding. Have you ever seen real snow?"
"Seth, I spend my whole life in California, how was I able to see real snow?" Ryan starts to feel attacked again. I need to light up the atmosphere, before something happens, we all regret later. Hell, how was it able that even the thought of summer vacation was making someone…aggressive. On the other hand this was only one more sign for all the damage that had been inflicted to him.
"Okay, I guess we just shift this topic." I start to get the conversation into another direction.
"Why? Only because Ryan is pissed? I mean it is bad that he never has had the opportunity to leave this state, but that's not our fault. We only try to help him change this. I don't understand how someone can be such an asshole towards his family. That sucks really." Seth says. A few words too much. Ryan gets up and leaves.
"Hey Ryan, your plate is still full." Seth goes on.
"Seth, stop it." I say. We watch Ryan leaving for the pool house.
"What did I say wrong?" Seth asks my wife.
"Nothing…just…I told you that Ryan isn't ready for family issues and you have pushed his buttons." She says. The dinner goes on silently.