Okay. So here it is. The long promised and long over-due chapter for It Can't Be. I hope I don't have to explain to anyone again how this story is one big crack-fic. lol.

I'm sorry if I offended or did something along those lines to KawaiiKittyChan after her comment but really what do you want? You don't necessarily need stupid people, but stupid situations and actions always make for good funnies. And that's what I'm doing in here.

Also, I'd like to thank Alastor Xaphon for the 'ghoul school' idea. That was great and too good to pass up. So I threw it in there. You'll see it.

Well anyways, I'd like to say 'Hey. Thanks. And also hope you like it, so continue on to the story.'

-Lizz

WitchCraft

"Okay. So where am I suppose to go from here, Girls?"

"Make a right at the stop sign-"

"Yep. Then go all the way to the end of that street-"

"There'll be a really big, old, fabulous mansion-"

"When you get there, stop."

"Okay. Thanks," Walter replied after receiving his orders from the two girls.

"No problemo-" (Elizabeth)

"No problem." (Mariann)

The group had been on the road for maybe fifteen minutes and they were almost to their destination. All of the elder occupants of the SUV knew that if Integra knew the whereabouts of The Girls' 'ghoul school' she'd go insane. The fact that it was practically next door to the Hellsing manor would've pissed her off immensely. Not to mention the other fact that no one had even known that there was a school for the undead and damned. Because, as the two girls had explained, this school wasn't merely a school for vampires and other undead creatures, but also a school for young werewolves, witches, warlocks, and other oddities and mythical creatures. Especially those of the night, which were the ones that they knew the best. Not undead, but damned all the same.

"Auntie Integra is not to know where our school is-"

"If she did she'd close it down-"

"Burn it to the ground with every student and 'teacher'-"

"-more like care takers-"

"-inside-"

"And it's not a bad school-"

"We learn how to use our abilities-"

"How to survive, History (of the Undead and Damned), and other such things-"

"They don't teach us how to destroy the Hellsing organization-"

"They don't even talk about it there."

"That's good. I can tell your 'aunt' this. Especially if I see the inside and such," Alucard replied to his two little girls' pleading.

At this the two perked up.

"Well you will! You have to."

"What do you mean, Elizabeth," Alucard asked, skeptically.

"You and Seras are our new guardians. You're our biological father and she's your fledgling and thus now our adopted mother-"

"Almost like a step-mom-"

"So you have to sign some papers for our school files."

"I understand Master having to sign papers. But why do I have to sign some papers?"

"Well, we're not exactly sure if you have to sign them-"

"But we know Daddy does."

"Oh. Okay. I don't have to go inside then. Good," Seras replied back, releasing a sigh of relief.

"Oh no you don't, Police Girl. If I have to go in and sign some damned papers, then you're going in with me. You are my fledgling after all," Alucard said with a self-satisfied smirk in Seras' direction.

Gaping at what her master had just told her, Seras' anger flared.

"Why would you make me go in there?! It's a school and I'm only dressed in your shirt and some boxers! I don't even have shoes! I don't want to go in there looking like your little-"

"Is this the place, Girls," Walter asked from the front seat as the SUV slowed to a crawl and then finally stopped in a parking spot close to the front of the building.

"YES," both girls yelled as their doors were thrown open and they came tumbling out; Alucard and Seras close behind.

"I'll stay here in the car. You guys go have fun," Walter called out from the front seat window.

His reply only earned him a scathing glare from Seras though. One that had him pressing the 'up' button on the window controls, cursing at its slow pace, and had Alucard chuckling inside to himself. The only sign of his mirth shown in his eyes.

--M&E--

"Okay Daddy, Ma, uh...They're all probably gonna stare at you and fumble a lot," Elizabeth stated before they entered the doors to the school.

"Oh, great. Just what I needed. Isn't that just what you wanted, Master? A whole bunch of hormonal teenage boys staring at your precious fledgling?"

"Why," Alucard asked his daughters, completely ignoring Seras' sarcastic question.

"Well for one, you're pretty scary to others, but you already know that-"

"Also, as you also already know, you're The No-Life King-"

"And you may not know this, but...We have a hierarchy-"

"Yep. And you're at the top-"

"The king. Making us princesses and Ma one too-"

"Unless..-"

"Anyways," Lizz said, cutting Mari off with a look.

"Wait. You just called me 'Ma' twice. What happened to 'Mommy'? I liked that…"

"…Mother had been seen as a queen, as we explained to Auntie earlier."

"Why would she have been seen as a queen? I have no mate. Nor do I even remember your mother," Alucard asked, a little put off that there had been an unknown (to him) queen in a place no queen should've been.

With a heavy sigh, Mari began to explain once more why the vamps had seen their mother as a queen.

"Though she was no mate of yours, she was the mother of your children. Also, within the vamp world, she was well known and successful. Where she was well known or successful, we don't know nor care-"

"We secretly believe she screwed half the people who knew and liked her and scared the living shit out of the other half with threats of getting you to kill them for her," Lizz whispered.

"Where's all the kids and staff," Seras asked aloud to herself, looking around.

The small vampiric family stood in the greeting room of the huge house the Girls had directed Walter to. It looked old and a bit run down inside, as if no one had been there for years. Tawny rays from the setting sun filtered through the windows, showing the gray dust particles dancing in the air all around them. The few scattered pieces of furniture within the abandoned home were old and decrepit. As for sound, there was none. Not a single noise could be heard. Not a tick, tat, bump, rat, mouse. Not even those small spooky sounds old houses make because of the shifting. And ironically, it made the house all that creepier.

"Oh. You thought we had our classes in here?" Mari asked with a laughing lilt to her voice.

"Well...Yeah."

"No, silly. That would be way too obvious, out in the open like that," Lizz said, giggling a bit at Seras' expense.

"So than where is the school," Alucard asked, all seriousness.

"The basement," the Girls simply replied in unison. Heading off in the direction their destination apparently was.

--E&M--

Once at the bottom of the stairs that led them down to the basement below, the Girls' pace slightly picked up in excitement. Theirs was the excitement kids get when they present their parents to their elementary class for career day. But instead of a doctor father and accountant mother, theirs was the king of vampires and his eldest princess. Eldest in age, because as Seras has only been a vamp for less than a year, the younger girls were both born vampires. Making them Seras' seniors by thirteen vamp years. But since Seras had been on this earth for nineteen years to their fourteen, she was the eldest. Which suit them all quite fine. Though it did make Alucard the oddball in age, he didn't really care. He'd gotten used to being the constant misfit, as his attire showed.

Though the two adults had never been to or seen this house or school, they could tell they were getting ever closer to their destination just by the excited tension in the air surrounding their twins. And with every step forward, Seras' panicked air rose, making Alucard smirk at her every nervous movement while the two ecstatic girls ahead kept up their quick pace. He knew eventually she wouldn't be able to take it anymore and would probably make a snide remark to him and demand to be allowed to go back to the car. But he wouldn't let her. She entertained him too much. And if she encountered any young boys at the school as bold as that cat boy, Schro, he'd be there to see it and laugh before getting the pleasure of scaring them away.

And soon enough, as first predicted, Seras stopped and made her remark.

"No. I'm not going. I'm going back to the car. I can't go in there looking like I str-"

BEEP BEEP

"…You didn't hear a word I just said did you?"

"Nope," the three other occupants of the hallway replied.

"Thank you very much, Walter."

Her sarcastic reply left the two girls giggling while they walked and Alucard chuckling a little. Well, that was until he noticed that their group of four had been reduced to a group of three. Turning around he saw Seras running back in the opposite direction. Once again, his smirk took over his face and he let loose one of his scary chuckles before taking off after her.

"Games, Seras? Is that what you want-"

"No! Not with you, Master," Seras yelled back at him over her shoulder as she picked up her speed a bit more.

"Okay, I'll play. Rules first though. There are none; except if I tag you before you make it to the car, then you come with me. But if you make it to the car before I get to you, you get to stay."

"NO! Master, no! I'm not playing any games! Especially if you and my safety are involved!"

"Oh, Seras. That hurts. I'm your protector. I'm supposed to protect you. Not harm you."

"Yeah, that's why you shot a hole through my boob right?!"

Alucard didn't reply to her question but mere released an even more psychotic laugh while increasing his speed. Looking over her shoulder, Seras saw that since her last outburst, the distance between her and her master had greatly diminished and he was almost upon her. She hadn't even reached the stairs yet! And so, she sped up a bit more, flying up the stairs and running for the big wooden door at the end of the hall. But half way down that hall,

"AH!"

A large white clad hand landed on her shoulder, throwing her balance off and causing the both of them to fall. Only to hear the sound of two girls laughing their asses off at the scene they'd just witnessed.

Elizabeth and Mariann had followed their parents the whole way, and watched as their race proceeded. All the way up 'til the two fell. The scene replaying over and over in their heads. Seras running as if the devil himself chased her, which was almost the truth. Alucard basking in his confidence of winning the race, up until Seras fell in front of him after he'd tagged her. His eyes gone wide for that last split second he was in the air before BAM. He landed on top of Seras' small form and heard her muffled cry of pain come from under him. And before he could quickly get off her, he felt a sudden weight added to his own.

"DOG PILE!"

--M&E--

Five minutes later...

The royal vampire family found themselves outside a steel enforced door all the way at the end of the basement's hall. To an outsider looking at them they would seem to be one happy family, all talking quietly to each other. But if you actually took the time to listen to what was being said, you'd see that you'd be wrong. The twin, teenage girls were looking impatiently at their adults. While the adults were whispering heated words to one another.

"God. We couldn't have stopped by my room for even a minute so I could look at least a bit decent could we?"

"Police Girl. You know very well that we couldn't have stopped for even a minute. Integra was chasing us with that damn gun of hers. And if those bullets hurt me when they pass through my head then you know very well you wouldn't survive one."

"Yeah. Whatever. Help me then. You are the one that grabbed me on your way out her office," Seras replied, running her fingers through her hair, trying her hardest to fix it a little bit while glaring at her master.

"Fine," Alucard answered as he straitened her shirt a little and had a pair of black shadow-shoes appear for her apparel.

The sound of an impatient sigh had the two newly-parented adults looking up angrily.

"What," they both asked sharply.

"If it's not too much to ask-"

"we'd like to get going."

"Master, how do I look," Seras asked, straightening up.

"Fine. Let's go."

"Finally-"

"God."

Knock Knock Knock

What happened after the Girls knocked almost had Seras laughing, but her anger suppressed it. It was like a scene ripped right out of one of those cheesy murder movies. The one where the shady detective goes to the backdoor bar, looking for the top notch mafia boss who can give him some insight for his investigation. A piece of metal was slid back to reveal green eyes staring out at them from the makeshift peep-hole. The words next spoken didn't do anything for Seras either though. They just went along with the whole cheap detective movie cliché.

"State your name and reason," Green-Eyes said.

"Students, Mariann and Elizabeth Tepes-"

"and parents."

"You're late, Girls," Green-Eye's eyes seemed to soften a little bit, looking out at the girls.

"When aren't we, Mark?"

"Yeah...Wait. Did you say...Parents?"

"Yes-"

"Of course, Mark."

"Uh-Sorry!"

Then the eyes were gone and the peep-hole was closed, soon followed by the sounds of the door being unlocked and opened. Green-Eyes, now dubbed 'Mark', bowed the royal procession in. And as soon as they were all inside, the door was closed and barricaded again. The scene of the late party entering wouldn't have been complete without the whole of what appeared to be the school's front office, all turning to stare at the new-comers. With all those people just gazing at them, the Girls simply stood there, smirking, badass-ly. Apparently they were used to being late, as was confirmed with the words from before.

Behind the two girls, where the eyes were mostly congregating, Alucard and Seras stood awkwardly. Seras had become extremely alert and embarrassed, standing closer to Alucard as if finding him her sense of comfort and protection, as she was almost hiding behind his intimidating form. Alucard's reaction had been…similar. Except for the fact that instead of embarrassment, his was an incinerating glare coupled with an almost inaudible (to us), animalistic growl. Low and deep from within the confines of his chest, directed at the other males in the vicinity. But the growl was dropped after a little bit. And soon after, Alucard slowly took his 'new' black suit-jacket-thing off. This movement, however, had all the females' eyes zoned even more closely in on him. Provoking a low and inaudible (once again, to us) growl from Seras, while her stare at the crowd had intensified into another one of her scathing glares.

After getting his jacket off, Alucard then started pushing it at Seras. Trying to get her to take it, in an effort to stop the other males from staring at her. But this turned out to be difficult, because when all the girls in the room became even more enraptured with him, Seras began pushing the coat back toward him. This only started a pushing war. Not pushing each other, but the jacket between them, at one another in an attempt to get the groups of their opposite genders from staring at the other one of the two. Whichever that one was; for both of them wished to have the other covered up as much as the other one wished it of the other, as much as possible. While the crowd wished them both to be covered as little as possible.

"Yo. Would you two stop that," Elizabeth asked, not too nicely. Gaining a gasp from the crowd, for how could she talk to 'The King' like that? Even if they are related.

Her question also got two glares from the people to whom she spoke. Then turning back to each other, they continued on with they're shoving fight. And all the while, Alucard was waiting. Waiting for his chance to execute the bomb-proof idea he'd come up with to get Seras to take the coat.

Then it came. Seras shoved toward his chest with more vehemence then before. Alucard grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him, turning her around in the process so that her arm slipped into the sleeve of the jacket and her back was to his chest. As the thing was slipped over her shoulder and her other arm, which held the hand that had previously been held captive, was sliding into the empty sleeve with her opposite hand in Alucard grasp, Alucard had another jacket form on his shoulders magically. And magically, the once huge coat on Seras was somehow shrunk to fit her perfectly. All this had only been accomplished though, because of the fact that Alucard had caught Seras off guard. But they cared little of that. As long as the other of each of their two was covered, they were both happy. In this situation.

Shrugging her shoulders, Seras felt the resistance the jacket had on them. There was none. The thing fit like it had always belonged there and was a part of her. Alucard had by this time let go of her wrists but continued to stand behind her and watch, her and the surrounding males. It was almost as if he wished to represent her dark, looming, and always present, ominous angel. A.K.A.: Guard Dog.

Looking up, over her shoulder Seras looked at Alucard with big eyes.

"It fits perfectly. And it's so snazzy. I like it. A lot. Can I keep it, Master?"

Before Alucard could answer her with the affirmative, somebody way in back where no one knew where or from whom it came from, yelled,

"Witchcraft! Devil's Black Magic!"

Well here you are.
The end of the newest chapter.
Hope you enjoyed it and don't forget to review it.
Love to hear...er...read (?) what you guys have to say about the stories.
And if you'd be so kind as to tell me if there are any mistakes in the text, that'd be great. I won't have to read it a bagillion times this way.
And I hope that if you haven't done so yet, you attempt to venture onto my page and check it out. Never know. You might like my other stories/one-shots.
And then I might get more reviews. hehehe. I'm such reviewaholic. Just not as bad as Mari. lol.
Well until next time, which should be soon,

-Lizz