Yeah, yeah. You all hate me for not updating earlier. Sorry. But, this chapter was a big deal and had to be done right. ::fingers crossed that I did it justice::
I haven't counted how many times I 'dropped the F bomb', but if you want to make a drinking game of it and take a shot every time you read one, I can guarantee you will be drunk by the end of the chapter. So, that is my way of saying, if you don't like reading the word fuck, you are reading the wrong story.
BPOV
Have you ever had one of those days where you think it would be perfect fodder for a book or movie? That is the last thought I had the night I met up with Edward after four years of being apart. Although, I was thinking more along the line of made-for-TV type of movie, possibly even Lifetime worthy without the whole kidnapped child thing.
As I looked at the naked bronze-haired man laying next to me with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist, I shook my head at how everything can change in one day. As much as I would like to just go into a detailed explanation of every inch of this living Adonis, I think I should back up and start from the beginning…
It had been 2 weeks since I saw Edward at the club and he handed me his phone number. I was doing a bang-up job of avoiding him at all costs, including a fabulous performance of running to the bathroom and pretending to throw up when Paul suggested we hang out with Edward one evening.
I worked my ass off at the club and even helped Victoria out at her restaurant in order to keep my mind busy and away from subjects beginning with E. Seriously. Anything that started with E. I wouldn't even allow people to talk about elephants in the same room as me because it made me think of Edward. Fucking pathetic, right? Did you just nod your head in the affirmative? It was a rhetorical question, asshole.
So, it was after those 2 weeks and a miserable late night at the club that I found myself waking up way too early in the morning. Obviously this meant I was tired and a complete bitch. At least that's what Victoria told me over and over again.By the way, it seems Irina's phrase of the day is now Fucking Bitch and she has even learned to use it in a sentence. Mother of the year, Victoria. Mother of the fucking year. But I digress.
As I was saying, I woke up early and was tired and pissed that I was awake at the ungodly hour of 7am. It wasn't until that morning that I even realized there was a 7am on Saturdays. I made a mental note that I hated having that knowledge and vowed to never see that time of day again. Once my mental note was completed - which took a while because it was 7 o-fucking-clock in the morning and my mental capabilities don't' start for the day until 10am on a good day - I sauntered to the kitchen, where I found Victoria and Irina cooking breakfast.
"Wow, you look like you were rode hard and put away wet." I cocked an eyebrow at Tori for her lovely way of saying 'good morning, you look like shit'. Of course, her greeting then created a source of questions for Rini to ask.
"Who rode Mama Bella hard?" and "Why was she put away wet?" and "Why does Mama Bella look so bisgusting?" were among the questions that spit out of the precocious child's mouth. I am pretty sure she was channeling her inner Alice and I wanted to bitch slap her for being so fucking perky so early in the morning. But, then I realized she was 4 years old and I would have to save the bitch slapping for at least nothing 14 years. Bella Swan does not bitch slap anyone under the age of 18. So, the little tyke better watch it on her 18th birthday. Oh, and by the way you little brat. It is DISGUSTING with a D. If you are going to talk shit, get over your little speech impediment.
See…bitchy that early in the morning.
So, at this point the day was really a normal day of me being a complete bitch and whining about how tired I was, Tori telling me to suck it up, Rini asking so many questions that I wanted to figure out a way to burst my eardrums that didn't cause me too much pain.
Don't get me wrong, I love that little booger and I know asking questions are an important part of the learning process and blah blah blah, but seriously. The questions needed to stop. Did I mention it was 7, well at this point 7:23 in the morning and I was not a happy camper?
So, here's where things became the stuff books are made of. Hmmm…maybe not books. Possibly a mediocre piece of fan fiction.
I heard the familiar lines of Jizz in my Pants coming from my room and knew three things at that moment. Emmett was calling me for some reason at fuck-me-it's-early o'clock; I apparently forgot to change his ringtone to something a little more suitable for mixed company; and Victoria was going to be pissed by the onslaught of questions sure to come out of Rini's mouth about what jizz is. Oh wait, I know something else. I will pay to have video of Tori explaining what jizz is. Funniest Home Videos here I come!
"Swan speaking." I made sure I didn't answer with my typical perky 'Sup' as if to say 'no, I don't want you to be calling this early in the morning, now what do you want.'
"Bella!" I did a doubetake when the voice that spoke to me was not Emmett, but rather Rose.
"Um. Rose. Why do you have Em's phone?" As I asked her the question, I began to attempt to do the math to determine what time it is in Seattle, but go nowhere thanks to being too tired to think. So, I did the next best thing. I asked her. "And what time is it there?"
"I have his phone because I asked to use it, dipshit. And as for what time it is here. It's the same time it is there!" She squealed into the phone at the same time I heard a 'what what' in the background.
"Elaborate." I hopped up on the kitchen island as I waited for the noise to die down and for Rose to explain what the fuck she was talking about.
"We're in New York!" She screamed, but calmed down to finish her explanation. "And that's why we're calling. We'll be at your place in about 10 minutes. Have breakfast ready." And with that she hung up, not waiting for my response.
"Shit." I whisper yelled as I put my phone down on the counter.
"OOoohhh…Bella." I turned as Irina got onto me from the doorway for my 'vulgar language'. This from the child that just learned to use Fucking Bitch in a sentence. Hypocrite!
"Really pipsquick?" I jumped off the island and began to stalk toward her like she was my prey. In a way she was because at that moment I turned into the tickle monster and there was only one way to quench my thirst.
She began to shriek when she realized what was happening and run at full speed, giggling the entire way, into the living room. She jumped onto the sofa and buried herself under the throw pillows to hide. I called out her name a few times and made a comment about not being able to find her before I sat down with a huff on the sofa. I heard her giggle and couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face. Turning quickly, I threw the pillows off of her and launched at her with my fingers ready to tickle her until she couldn't breathe.
We were both laughing hysterically when security called to let me know we had two visitors. I laughed at Quil when he said "your friends are freaking scary, Bella" after I told him they were okay to come up.
Not 2 minutes later, there was a loud banging on the door before I threw it open. There stood Rose and Emmett with huge smiles on their faces. They both pounced on me in the scariest group hug ever, throwing all three of us to the ground when I lost balance. Rose was the first to recover and jumped up to feet.
"What are you two lying around for? We have to get going!" I gaped at her with eyes wide.
"What are you talking about, Rose?" I questioned her as Emmett stood and offered me his hand.
"You need to get packed." I put my hands on my hips at her demands.
"Bella. Rosie and I are going to Vegas to get married and we're here to kidnap you and force you to come with us." Emmett shrugged when my head snapped to him, eyebrows raised.
"So, let me get this straight." I tilted my head. "You two flew all the way from Seattle to New York so you could steal me away and fly back to Vegas?" They both nodded. "Ever think about calling and saying something along the lines of 'hey Bella. Meet us in Vegas'?"
"Nope. That thought never crossed our mind. We were too busy with other things." Rose grimaced as she said this, but I chose to ignore it. "Anyway. What's done is done, so let's get you packed. We're catching our flight in 3 hours."
Victoria walked out of her room as I was pointed Rose in the direction of my closet so she could pack for me. If she wants me to fly on short notice the least she can do is pack my suitcase for me.
We discussed my need to take a few days off and she assured me that the club would be fine without me for a few days. She was planning on forcing me to take some vacation days soon anyway, so this worked out. Irina wasn't too happy that I would be leaving for a few days, but when I explained she would get more time with her mommy, she was ecstatic. I felt bad that I tended to hog Irina and Tori needed some alone time with her little girl.
Three hours later, I was being pushed into a first class seat by Rose while Emmett stood watching us and laughing his ass off. I glared at him and he tried to put on a serious face, though was unsuccessful. I rolled my eyes at the two of them and pouted as I slouched in the seat. You are probably asking why I would be in such a sour mood when I was getting to sit in first class.
They fucking made me pay for it! Not just my seat, but their seats as well. They claimed that they knew I didn't get them a wedding gift and would be willing to take first class tickets to Vegas as the gift. I argued that I would have bought them a lovely vase as a wedding gift if they could have given me more than 3 fucking hours notice, but they both put on stupid puppy faces that I couldn't say no to. I was ready to kick the puppy right off their faces as I head the total for the three tickets.
Yes, that's right. They claimed they would be lonely if I purchased coach tickets for myself. I did the only mature thing and showed them my middle finger as I handed the attendant my credit card.
During the long ass flight, I had to listen to Rose jump from topic to topic, stopping to ask me a question every now and then that she really didn't want answered, because no sooner would the question be out of her mouth than she would be switching topics.
I just sat and nodded, 'uh huh'ed and 'neato'ed at the appropriate spots and shook my head at how much she was reminding me of Alice.
ALICE!
"Uh Rose. Why isn't Alice with you?" I looked at her questioningly. I raised my eyebrows when she shifted in her seat and began to look guilty. She seemed to realize she was giving something away, although I haven't a clue what, because the suddenly had a look of indifference on her face.
"Oh, she and Jasper are meeting us in Vegas. They needed to do something before we all meet there." She looked at Emmett as if to ask if the answer was a good one. I hated the secrecy, but didn't feel like dealing with it all right now. I just wanted to relax and be happy I could have a few days away from my busy life.
We were in some huge ass hotel room a few hours later, slamming back shot after shot. Apparently, knowing I am on vacation and having both Rose and Emmett telling me to 'stop being a fucking pussy and drink already' created an instant alcoholic out of me. I was tipping back the tequila like it was water. In fact, I'm starting to think that Emmett filled the tequila bottle up with water once we ran out.
So, after getting me thoroughly sloshed, Emmett received a call and made his grand exit from the suite. I attempted to ask Rose if she was certain she was ready for marriage, but my big speech came out more along the lines of 'ahyouuuushhhhhhhhhhh' along with some true gibberish. I just shrugged and threw back another shot of tequila/water.
Alice came dancing into the suite about ten minutes later, rushing over to grab me into a hug. Unfortunately for her, the room had become a tilt-a-whirl and the hug ended up with me sprawled on the floor and Alice straddling me. Rose, of course, began to yell that it wasn't fair that we were being all lesbian without her and threw herself to the floor with us, wrapping her arms around me. Oh the money we could make off pictures of this.
"Bella! Did Rosie tell you the super duper awesome news?" Alice jumped up and down while still straddling me and I am pretty sure I am no longer able to have children. Bitch is lethal with her perkiness.
"You mean about the upcoming nuptials?" Alice nodded. "Uh yeah. Why else would I be here?" I pushed her off me and tried to stand, only to be stuck on the floor by some invisible force.
"It works out great, right?" Alice clapped and apparently didn't notice my forceful shove to get her off of me. "I mean Rose and I were arguing over who would get you as the Maid-of-Honor and it hit us that we should just have a double wedding. The boys were so relieved that we were willing to come here and save money." I am pretty sure Alice was still talking, but I was too busy trying to decipher what she just said. Drinking and thinking may rhyme, but they certainly don't mix. Ooh. A mixed drink would be awesome right about now!
"Slow down tiny girl. Double wedding?" I shook my head, then put my hands on either side to stop it from shaking. Is it possible the tequila is sitting in my head?
"Oops. I forgot to mention that part." Rose jumped up from her spot on the floor and placed her arms around Alice. "Bella. Ali and Jazz are getting married, too!"
"Hm…" I nodded, too shocked to say anything else. Then, I thought of the one thing I knew we needed to do before this whole double wedding thing happened. "When, where and what time is the wedding?" I looked between Rose and Alice.
"Well, the boys wanted to do it tonight, but wanted to give us time to get ready first." Alice smiled and I wanted to vomit when I saw the silly glint in her eyes as she thought of 'Jazz'.
"Whatever. Get dressed. We're going out for a bachelorette party." I finally got myself up from the floor once the room returned to it's normal axis and stopped spinning. "Oh, and I hope neither one of you bitches are planning on wearing white for this little shindig." I gave both a pointed look, which they returned with sheepish smiles.
The little tramps thought they could wear fucking white on their wedding day…night. Uh, huh. Yeah.
An hour later, the two brides-to-be were following me out to the clubs. I led them to a club owned by a friend of Victoria's, so I knew we would get in and be treated quite well. Carmen happened to be standing at the door of the bar, talking to the bouncer, when we walked up. As soon as she saw me, she greeted me with a huge hug and pulled us into the club.
Half-way to the VIP section, I heard the opening rift of Blister in the Sun by Violent Femmes and stopped walking. Carmen noticed me stopping and started to laugh.
"I should have mentioned it's old school night. Just wait. We have some good stuff playing tonight." She yelled over everyone in the club now singing along. I laughed and we finished making our way to VIP.
I was two, wait no, seven…yeah seven Long Island Iced Teas down when I noticed Alice looking at her phone and biting her bottom lip. I narrowed my eyes at her and waited for her to notice me. She looked up, obviously feeling the intense heat my gaze was sending her way.
"Hi Bells! Having fun?" I raised an eyebrow at her while continuing to narrow my eyes because I'm talented like that. She squirmed under my gaze.
"Cut the shit. Spill." I kept my sentences as short and sweet as possible because anything more than a few words would get jumbled together and I couldn't allow myself to look silly…well, any more silly than I already look laying lengthwise on a sofa with my legs straight up in the air. No I don't know why I was fucking doing that. It just felt cool.
"How drunk are you? Would you like another drink?" Alice motioned to waitress and let them know we needed another round of drinks.
"I'm uber drunk." I decided to do scissor kicks with my legs as I talked and listened to DJ Kool's Let Me Clear My Throat. "Why?"
"Because the boys are going to be joining us." She looked toward the club entrance and got a nervous look on her face as she nudged Rose, who had passed out about ten minutes earlier.
"The more the merrier!" I jumped up to my knees and turned on the sofa to face the entrance. "Where are the asshats?" I squinted, trying to get a better look. I couldn't see shit. Somehow they made the club super blurry and the entrance kept moving. It was a neat effect.
A few minutes later, with me still on my knees on the sofa…because I couldn't fucking move…the boys showed up. I was expected just Emmett and Jasper, but go the shock of my life when they parted and I saw a third person with them.
"The FUCK!?" I yelled, causing other club patrons to look at me. I glared at them and yelled at them to mind their fucking business. I turned to our new arrivals and pointed somewhere in their vicinity. "You need to leave!"
"It's nice to see you, too, Bella." He fucking smirked and I wanted to lick the smirk off his face and then bite his neck. Woah! Where did that come from?
I rolled my eyes and huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. I glowered at the four people watching us intently.
"Who the fuck invited this douche nozzle?" I looked straight at Jazz, knowing it had to be him.
Time to compile my shit list:
Jasper
More to be added soon, I am sure.
Jasper raised his hand in answer to the question. Before I could get up and bitch slap him, a new round of drinks were placed in front of us and a Long Island was thrust into my face. I mumbled a thank you before gulping down the delicious mixture of all things heaven. Was that number 8 or 10?
Smack My Bitch Up by The Prodigy began to play and I pointedly looked at each person to let them know I was planning on smacking all those bitches up as soon as I could control my arms again.
I turned my back on everyone and laid my head on the back of the sofa. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward move to sit on the sofa and threw my legs out to thwart his efforts. I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him when he sighed and moved to sit in an unoccupied chair next to Alice.
For the next hour at the club, I alternated between glaring at Alice, telling Jasper the many ways I was coming up with to kill him, kicking Emmett every time he laughed at the situation, flipping Rose off for the same reason, and last but not least dramatically ignoring Edward.
That's the only way to describe the over exaggerated way I would turn as to not see him and the way I would purposely order drinks for everyone in our group aside from him. Somehow he was getting drinks, though, because he was beginning to be about as coherent as myself. At one point, I heard him tell everyone he was so happy they talked him into coming to Las Angeles. This caused everyone to laugh, even me, and Alice patted his knee stating she was proud that he at least got the Las part correct.
I don't know how much longer we were there when Alice and Rose announced it was wedding time. Ten minutes later, and only one near fall on my part, we were standing at the front counter of A Little White Wedding Chapel, waiting to complete the lets-get-this-marriage-ball-rolling process. A cute little old lady with gray hair and big bottle cap glasses came from the back with paperwork and a huge smile on her face.
"You must be Miss Alice Brandon. The double-wedding." She smiled sweetly at Alice as Alice jumped up and down in excitement.
"Yes!" This was followed by a squeal and a sentence with a pitch so high, I'll have to find a dog to figure what was said.
"I have some great news!" The woman looked over our group and her smile widened at the sight of me and Edward now leaning against each other for support from all the spinning. The six of us stared at the lady waiting for her to get on with it. "We're running a buy 2 wedding packages, get a third one for free."
Silence.
We all looked around the room.
Everyone stopped looking around when their gaze landed on me…
And Edward.
Fuck!
I shook my head furiously, pushing away from Edward and pointing at everyone.
"Nope. Not going to happen. I don't fucking care if it is free. You guys are fucking insane if you think either one of us would be willing to do something that stupid." I yelled and pointed at each one of them as I spoke, including the old lady.
"I'll do it." I heard a soft voice beside me say. I whipped my head in the direction of the voice and snarled.
"No one asked you to speak Mr. Cullen." I sneered at him, causing him to grimace before straightening himself up and responding to me.
"And I didn't ask for you permission to speak Isabella." He spoke to me through gritted teeth.
"Don't worry Bella." Emmett placed a soothing hand on my shoulder. "We all know you would never take the plunge." I turned to face him, shocked by his statement.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I poked him in the chest as hard as possible.
"I just mean we all know you have commitment issues and would never tie yourself down to one person in a marriage. Hell, you can't even have a real relationship." He shrugged and moved away when he realized he was just making me angrier.
I turned to the old lady.
"I'll do it. Sign me the fuck up!" I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him to the chapel without looking at him. "Come on honey. Time to get married." I turned to the four still standing in the lobby with the old lady. "Are you morons coming?"
And hour , and a few takes on the whole repeating vows thing, later I was Mrs. Edward Cullen. I realized about three quarters of the way through the 'ceremony' that I was sobering up and this whole thing was a huge mistake in the making, but I couldn't stop myself. I wasn't that sober yet.
After our lovely ceremony, we thanked the God guy and the old lady that tricked me into getting married and split up into couples. Rose and Emmett had their own hotel room, along with Alice and Jasper. Edward and I were told to take the huge suite the girls and I partied in earlier. We grabbed a cab after I complained that I wouldn't be able to walk that far and made our way to the hotel.
The ride in the cab was quiet, the tension thick in the air. I alternated between wanting to run my hands along Edward's chest and wanting to claw his eyes out throughout the entire ride. Edward seemed like he wanted to say something, but kept sighing and shaking his head. Me glaring at him may have had something to do with it.
I was mentally patting myself on the back as we walked to the elevator to go up to the suite. Unfortunately that mental happy dance was cut short when we actually stepped into the elevator and the doors closed. Some strange electric charge filled the small enclosed space and it seemed apparent the only way to rid the area of the energy was the give into our desires. And that's what we began to do.
At the start of the elevator's assent, I turned and found Edward staring straight at me. Without another thought, I launched myself at him. The force of my movement sent Edward slamming into the wall of the elevator. My lips attached themselves to his and refused to let go. After his initial shock, Edward began to eagerly respond to my mouth, forcing his tongue into my slightly parted lips.
Moans and groans began to fill the small space as hands began to move and knead each other's bodies. The ding of the elevator reaching our floor brought us out of the elevator-induced lust. I pulled away from Edward and walked as carefully as I could into the hall in the direction of our room.
Once inside the room, I pointed out the bedroom Edward would be sleeping in and went to the bathroom for a shower and my nightly routine. When I came out, dressed in a simple pajama site from Victoria's Secret, I found a freshly showered Edward sitting on my bed.
"Need something?" I leaned against the doorframe to the bathroom.
"We need to talk." I looked at me, pleading with me to listen to him.
"Not right now. I'm really tired." I stretched my arms over my head and yawned.
"Fine, but I'm not letting you out of the talk. It will happen." Edward sounded determined and I knew I couldn't ignore him forever. I closed my eyes while thinking of what to say back to him. Before I could respond, I felt his presence come closer to me. He was so close he was able to whisper in my ear. "After all you are my wife now." I shivered at his close contact.
"Edward…" What was meant to come out as a warning for him to leave me alone became a low moan when he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me to him.
His lips meant mine again forcefully. This kiss was urgent and intense. I let him take the lead, not quite sure where he wanted to go with this. I got my answer quickly when we made our way over to the bed and he gently laid me down. The contrast of the rough kiss and the gentleness of his hands was driving me crazy.
I quickly reached for his shirt and pulled in over his head in a swift movement. While he was still up from the movement of removing his shirt, I flipped us so I was straddling him and began placing kisses down his neck to his chest. I continued my downward movement and stopped at his pajama pants. I hooked my hands into his waistband and lowered his pants, springing my old friend from his confines. Hello not-so-little one!
I grasped him tightly in my hand and roughly stroked him a few times before leaning down and flicking my tongue over the tip of his rock hard erection. He hissed at the sensation and I smiled. Without giving him any warning, I took him completely in my mouth. His hands immediately flew to fist themselves in my hair as I bobbed up and down on his thick cock.
I was mid-bob when I heard it. I halted my movements unsure if I was just imagining things, but knew by the sharp intake of Edward's breath that I had indeed heard it. I pulled away from him.
"What did you just say?" I rocked back to a sitting position on my heels. He sighed and leaned back on his elbows.
"I said I love you." He looked me in my eyes as if to show his sincerity. "I have for a while."
I stood and sat next to him, unsure of what I should do or say. I was too overwhelmed to speak. I started to stand up, but Edward grabbed me and pulled me to him.
"Please don't go." He begged. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was only going to grab his pants for him because the look on his face was making it hard for me to even speak.
"Let's just lay down." I crawled to the right-side of the bed and Edward laid on the left. "We have a lot to discuss tomorrow." I laid on my back looking up at the ceiling.
"I know." Edward said quietly. "I want you to know I meant it." I felt him turn in the bed, but didn't look to see what he was doing.
"I know." I did know that he meant it when he said he loves me. I was just shocked that he chose to say it to me now when we had so much to get past before thinking about the love aspect.
He moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And that is how I found myself laying next to a naked bronze-haired man, wrapped tightly around me, sleeping as I thought about when my life became a bad made-for-tv movie or mediocre fan fiction.
A/N: ::Looks around whistling:: So…well this is awkward.
You are all welcome to tell me what you think of THIS little twist. I hope that all of you know by now that I love to keep people guessing. Next chapter - EDWARD 'SPLAINS HIMSELF!!!!!!!! I promise!
Peace out!