Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.
Sorry for the delay…not going to give excuses because, really, who fucking cares. Let's just get on with things already. (Thank you to those who PM'd me to give me a kick in the ass to stop being lazy and get my writing on.)
And a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Glad you enjoyed the present I gave you and it seems everyone wasn't as angry with Edward after hearing his side of things. But really, how could we stay mad at Mr. Cullen?
BPOV
After a quick nap thanks to my exhaustion from Edward's explanation, confession, excuses…whatever you want to call it…along with the extreme sexin' we partook in, I knew I needed to call Victoria and fill in on the events of this morning. In my haste to get to my phone, still laying on the floor by the door from my throwing it at Edward, I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings.
I had been on the phone with Tori for about five minutes when I walked into the kitchen area and found the coffee maker on the floor, the glass from the shattered pot everywhere. My gasp led to me explaining my findings to Tori as I looked toward the living area to find even more broken glass. I quickly surmised that this was once the coffee table and again filled Tori in on what was seeing. I left out the details on why things were broken…I didn't think she would be happy with me for that.
I finished my call to Victoria with her telling me I need to go home and sort my head out before calling our lawyer and getting the divorce process going. She told me she would have her friend's plane waiting for me and heavily suggested I leave before I did something stupid. Hi. Victoria. Have you not been paying attention? I fucking got married while plastered…oh, yeah and my wedding song is fucking I'm Too Sexy. And I may not have mentioned this, but I fucked the shit out of him. Yeah, I think I am past the doing something stupid stage.
Placing the phone down, I took a tour of the ruined suite and knew we had damaged quite a bit of nice shit. In fact, the suite looked like a rock star convention had been in town and had a contest on who could trash their room the most. I'm pretty sure we won. I quickly called down to the front desk and let them know there was some minor damage done to the room, gave them my credit card and let them know they can just charge that and send me a detailed bill of the damages. I wish I had a camera to see their faces when they see the "minor" damage.
I walked back into the bedroom and carefully stepped around the large plasma television laying on the floor as I made my way to where my luggage was sitting. I knew what I needed to do and I needed to do it before Edward decided to wake up and attempt to stop me.
He may have the ability to be a cold-hearted bastard, but I knew the only way I could leave him would be if he was sleeping and I didn't have to look in those expressive eyes. I couldn't lie to him and tell him I felt nothing for him and he was just a distraction. That's just not me. Once packed and changed, I leaned down and gave him a feather light kiss on his forehead, rushing from the room and to the airport.
Half-way to the airport, I received a call from Alice. I ignored it while I was still organizing my thoughts on whether I was talking to her or not. They purposely tricked me into getting married, knowing my thoughts on both Edward and commitment.
But, she probably thought she was doing something good. She always has the best intention at heart, as misguided as they may be.
Who's side are you fucking on?
Um, yours?
Fuck. I'm going batshit crazy. When do sane people have disagreements with their internal monologue?
I was brought out of my, um inner debate, by my phone ringing yet again. Well, I shouldn't say ringing. It was chiming sound of Tinkerbell…Alice.
"Hey twat." I answered flatly.
"Oh Bella! I was worried when you weren't answering." She breathed a sigh of relief. "Especially with the state of the suite."
"Al. Are you guys back at the hotel?" I questioned.
"Yeah. We thought we should come check on you and make sure everything…" Alice was cut off by Rosalie's loud shrieking in the background.
"Em! Hurry! We're going to need a rug, a shovel, some lighter fluid, and some tequila. Alice, who are you talking to? That better not be the police! Is it Bella?" I heard her voice get closer to the phone, then rustling on their end before my ears began to bleed from Rose yelling into the receiver. "Where's the fucking body, Bella?"
Huh?
"What body?" I whispered back when I saw my cab driver look back at me, obviously having heard what Rose asked me.
"Edward's body, fuckface. Shit Bella! You're a widow after less than 48 hours! And I have to figure out how to cover this up for you. You are too pretty for jail. Orange and stripes are not your friends. Plus, I can't let you be someone's bitch." Rosalie continued to rant about needing to stock up on cigarettes to use as bribes, but I tuned most of it out when she moved on to me needing to create a tattoo that will have the map of how to escape, a la Prison Break. Mmmm…there were some yummy guys on that show….shit…focus Bella.
"Shut the fuck up for a second Rose!" I yelled into the phone while glaring at the nosy driver. "Go into the bedroom and look on the bed." I waited as I heard her sigh and could tell she was hurriedly walking to the bedroom. I was hoping this would put an end to whatever craziness was going on in her head.
"Holy fuck Bella! Rigor mortis has already set in." I was puzzled by her loud wail.
"Jesus Horatio Christ! He's not fucking dead!" I screeched, exasperated that she was not listening to me.
"Fuck you B! I know a crime scene when I see one." Not gonna ask! "And this…"
I waited patiently for her to finish her rant, but all I heard was some soft talking in the background before Alice took over the phone again.
"Hey sweetie. All is well. Uh…Edward is up…and I mean UP. Apparently, Rose mistook his morning wood for um, rigor mortis and he wasn't too happy when she pulled the cover off of him and his…uh…periscope was taking a peek at us from his boxers. Nice job, by the way. That is one nice looking vagina viper. Seriously, if I had known he was hiding a pet elephant down there, I may have tried to make a pass at him myself." Alice was clearly embarrassed by the events that occurred during this phone call and was trying to deflect the fact that they thought I committed murder.
"Alice! Am I free to go?" I huffed and threw money at the cabbie as he pulled up to the airport and I jumped out of the cab. "I have a plane to catch."
"What? Oh." I heard the phone get covered, and rolled my eyes knowing she was telling everyone that I was running away. "Hey B. Um, King Dong. Oopsie. Edward wants to know if you guys will have a chance to talk again."
"Tell him I will call him soon. Now, I really need to go." I hung up the phone before I could start feeling guilty for leaving. I needed to clear my head and I couldn't do it with my meddlesome friends or my darling husband around.
*********************************
Three weeks after I arrived back from Vegas, I set up an appointment with Dr Carlisle, knowing I would need to discuss my large alcohol consumption and the consequences during my trip. It had been a while since I felt the need to really talk things out with him, but seeing Edward again really started messing with my head. I had spent all three weeks avoiding everyone in my life, other than Victoria and Irina. Work was the only thing I did and I ignored everything and everyone else.
"Good afternoon, Bella. How are you?" Dr Carlisle greeted me as I walked into his spacious office.
"Just peachy Doc." I said with a hint of sarcasm. Really Carlise? How do you think I am? I am meeting with a therapist for fuck's sake! Next question dumbass.
"Ah yes. I forgot you aren't a fan of pleasantries when you come in for a session." He paused and I looked at him confused that he seemed to read my mind. "And apparently you forgot your habit of voicing your thoughts in my presence."
I smacked my head before smiling at him sheepishly. "Um. Whoops."
"No worries Bella. At least I always know where I stand with you." He grinned and motioned for me to take my spot laying on his couch. I always get a kick out of being super cliché and laying down while he sits behind me doing his shrink thing and trying to figure out how to work in mommy issues into every little problem I tell him about.
"So, let's get right to it." He grabbed his trusty notepad and leaned back into his super comfy leather chair, making it squeak as he moved. This in turned caused me to giggle since fart sounds make me laugh. Carlisle rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. My cue to get this party started.
"Do you remember the guy that tore my heart out of my chest, ripped it into shreds, then burned the pieces?" I heard him chuckle at my question.
"Always one for the dramatic, huh, Bella?" Carlisle teased before answering. "Yes, I remember the older man whom you have a relationship with who cruelly broke your heart."
"Ding ding ding! That's the one!" I clapped, then rolled my eyes.
"Go on. I'm assuming you brought him up for a reason." He prodded me to continue.
"See, that right there is why you get the big bucks, Doc. You figured out the reason I brought him up. Kudos." I turned my head slightly so I would be able to see Carlisle's reaction to my next little statement. "Well, anyway. We got married. Hey, is that a new painting?"
Cue the choking on air and the pen sliding harshly across the notebook.
Carlisle attempted to compose himself, clearing his throat multiple times and taking deep breaths while digesting the words I just spoke.
"Can you repeat that for me?" He questioned in his super professional I'm-a-big-shot-doctor voice.
"I asked if that's a new painting. I don't remember seeing it here last time." I asked him innocently, knowing that wasn't really the part he was having trouble wrapping his brain around.
"Nope, the other part. I need you to elaborate on the marriage statement." He spoke slowly, and quite frankly, his tone made me want to pee in my pants. "Are we talking about a dream again?"
"Nope." I popped the 'p' as I raised my left hand and wiggled my ring finger.
"Damn it Bella!" He exclaimed before realizing that was slightly unprofessional. "Please tell me exactly what happened."
So I told him everything. I started with the surprise trip to Vegas that I thought was to see my friends tie the knot, then I moved on to me drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and spoke of the wedding. I explained that the wedding had been a trick to get the two of us back together or some sick shit concocted by my so-called friends. He didn't interrupt me or lecture me when I went on to tell him about our quite destructive tryst in the hotel room, which ended up costing me $14,346.76. And finally I gave him a quick run down of the reasons he told me he ended things. It was quiet for a while before Carlisle began speaking.
"So, now where is he living?" Carlisle questioned me.
"New York." I answered quickly.
"And he's here because of you?" I noted that he was writing furiously in his notebook as he asked me questions. I wanted to warn him that he would get carpal tunnel, but thought I should just stick with answering his questions.
"Yeah. He said he decided to come here once he knew this is where I had gone." I shrugged. One thing Carlisle always stressed was that I didn't go into extreme specifics unless they were vital to the therapy. For example, he didn't know Edward's name because he didn't feel it was an important part of me getting better. So, with that in mind, I left out that Edward came here to go to medical school. It was of no relevance to the major fuck up that is my life.
"Okay." Carlisle set his notepad down and rested his elbows on his knees as he contemplated his next words. "What have you been doing for the last three weeks?"
"Um. Working." I shrugged and turned so he couldn't see my face. He had a strange knack for telling what I was feeling just by looking at my eyes.
"You mean avoiding." He sighed, knowing I always throw myself into work when I need to forget about something going on in my life. "What are you planning on doing?"
"Well, Victoria's lawyer had divorce papers ready before I even stepped foot off the plane." I rolled my eyes remembering that moment.
"That's not what I asked. I asked what you are planning on doing." He scolded.
"I really don't know. I tried to sign the divorce papers, but my hands and brain had a falling out and I couldn't get the pen to move in order to write my name or even my initials on the document." I huffed.
"Okay. So, obviously you aren't sure you really want to dissolve the marriage." He stood up and walked to the coffee table by the couch, sitting down, facing me. "Now, here's an important question that I need to think about and answer honestly." He made eye contact with me. "How do you feel about him?"
I closed my eyes, unable to stand the intense nature of Carlisle when he was in full doctor mode. I searched my brain and my heart, hell I even searched my punani, in hopes of one of those places having all the answers. Eventually I found my answer, but it didn't give me any insight, so I opened my eyes and looked at Carlisle.
"I love him and I hate him." I grimaced at the thought that my feelings were on such opposite sides of the spectrum and knowing this couldn't possibly be what Carlisle was wanting me to say.
"That's actually really good to hear, Bella." I furrowed by eyebrows in confusion of his enthusiasm for my contradicting answer. "What I mean is that your feelings for him, either way, are passionate. You didn't just shrug and say you don't know. Your answer shows me that you really are putting thought into this. What we need to do is delve deeper and see which feeling comes out on top and then decide what you are going to do about it." Carlisle smiled at me to show he really was proud of my answer, but all I could do was nod at his explanation.
"But, I think it might be really helpful for us to get him in here for some couples-type therapy." He stopped talking, waiting for my answer.
"Um…why? Isn't this about me and my feelings?" I asked. He chuckled and shook his head.
"Yes, and no." He leaned toward me. "You two have a lot to work through, and the fact that you haven't signed the divorce papers proves that somewhere deep down you want to be with him. I want to help you both discuss everything and see where this is meant to lead." He leaned back again, considering his next statement. "Plus, he really fucked you up. I finally got you fixed and I don't want some pussy ruining all of my brilliant work. If I facilitate your meetings, I think the outcome will be much more positive."
I thought about what he was saying and agreed that it made sense for us to meet with Carlisle together. I would obviously have to see if Edward would be okay with it, but after thinking about it I agreed with Carlisle.
"One thing I would suggest is limiting contact with each other to therapy sessions only for now. That is, if he agrees to come. Call him to ask him to join our next session, but that should be the only words that are exchanged. At least until we get some things worked out." He patted my knee before getting up and heading to the door.
I took that as my cue to leave and jumped up from the couch quickly. I said my goodbyes to Dr Carlisle and the office staff before leaving, feeling as though nothing at all was accomplished during our session.
I stopped at a small deli, picking up lunch to take with me to the club. We had so many big names coming to perform in the next few months at the club and I had a log of planning to do to make sure they were happy and well taken care of while here. I also had to meet with my new assistant, Heidi, to get her up to speed on all the new projects I was working on and to get me organized.
Walking into the club, I was confronted with someone I had been avoiding since my return from Vegas. I had managed to be so busy while at the club that, apart from a quick wave, I had not seen Paul. I had also kept our phone conversations extremely short, claiming I was either busy or exhausted. Unfortunately, it seems he decided there would be no more avoidance and was waiting by my office door.
"Hi." I smiled at Paul as I greeted him, awkwardly standing in front of him by my office door.
"Hey." He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. "Can we talk?" he looked up, pleading with his eyes and I immediately felt like a huge bitch. Paul has always been a perfect friend and I knew I needed to be honest with him. It was only fair.
"Sure. Come on in. Hope you don't mind watching me eat. I'm starving." I held up my bag of food as I opened the door and led him into my office.
"Not at all. I understand how busy you are and that you have to fit your meals in when you can." He gave me a sweet smile as he sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. After getting myself situated, I turned to him.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, not wanting to beat around the bush.
"I wanted to see what's going on with you." He sighed as he looked at me with a pained expression. "Something happened to you while you were away and I knew you have been avoiding me since your return. What I don't know is why." I started to speak, but he held up a hand silently asking me to allow him to continue. He took a deep breath and began speaking again. "Don't say you haven't been avoiding me, because we both know you have. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. As whatever you want or need me to be. You don't owe me anything because I know we aren't a couple, but I consider you one of my closest friends and I care for you greatly."
I took his pause as I sign that I was to talk, and decided he was right. I could talk to him. Hell, maybe he would have all the answers for me and I could stop giving Carlisle all my money for therapy.
"Look Paul. I never explained everything about my past. I dated an older man, whom I thought I would be with, hell, forever. He had other plans and ripped my heart out in one of the most cruel ways imaginable. So, imagine my surprise when he shows up in Vegas. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but I was trashed, we got married, he explained everything that caused him to break up with me and here I am." I spoke the last little bit quickly in hopes of Paul missing the married tidbit. Unfortunately, when he glanced down at my left hand, I knew he heard every last word.
"Huh." He furrowed his brow, raising his eyes to meet mine.
"What? That's it? Huh? That's all you have to say after what I just told you?" I asked, feeling like maybe he wasn't getting it after all.
"It's just a lot to process, Bella." He ran his hands over his face as he mumbled something.
"I'm sorry. Especially for avoiding you. I just…this is just….fuck, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm thinking. I just don't want you to hate me." I pleaded with my eyes to him that he would understand.
"I could never hate you, Bella." He gave me a small smile. "Like I said, I will always be here for you whether we are friends or more. Admittedly, I had always hoped we would be more, but I see that's not in the cards for us." He stood up and walked to my side of my desk, reaching his hand down to me. I took it and he pulled me into him in an embrace.
"What are you going to do?" He questioned as we wrapped our arms around each other tightly.
"I don't have a clue. My therapist has suggested couples counseling of sorts, but I haven't asked my dear husband about it. And I don't even know if it will do any good. I have so much shit going on in this head of mine, I just think it would be easier sometimes to just forget about this whole thing." I shrugged.
"Honestly, my dear. I think you know you want to work things out. You wouldn't be this stressed about it if you didn't." He paused as he tightened his hold on me. "So, I take it he lives in New York?"
"Um yeah. He's here for school." I decided to omit the part where I tell him it is his friend Edward, here for medical school.
"Well, if you think there is a possibility you would want to work things out with him, listen to your therapist. He hasn't led you astray before. Call this guy and give him the option." Paul stroked my hair before his hand settled on my shoulder. He gave me a light squeeze and pulled away.
"I'm going to head out to get the bar ready for tonight. My boss lady is a real hard ass and wants everything perfect as soon as we open for the night." I scoffed.
"She sounds like a real bitch to me." I winked when he smirked before walking to the door to leave my office. He turned before opening it and gave me a meaningful look.
"I'm here if you need me." With that, he opened the door, walking out just as my new assistant, Heidi, approached. I watched in amusement as they stared at each other and almost burst out laughing when Paul tripped over a box in the hallway as he ogled the beautiful blonde woman. His blush was the final straw and I couldn't help but giggle.
After a few hours with Heidi, I knew we made the perfect decision to hire her. She was organized, highly intelligent, and willing to do anything. We went over the agenda for the next few weeks and she made a list of all of the phone calls she needed to make. My life would definitely be simpler with her around.
I decided we had done enough work when I realized it was around the time the club is at it's busiest and invited Heidi to join me for drinks to celebrate her joining the team. We made our way to the main bar, where Paul was stationed and ordered our drinks.
While Heidi and I sipped on our drinks, we chatted about her life and I couldn't help but notice the sly glances she was giving to Paul, who seemed to be doing the same thing. During one rather long look in Heidi's direction, Paul noticed me watching him and smiled apologetically. I was happy that it seemed he was really okay with everything we talked about and was already eyeing a new conquest. I gave him a wink and thumbs up, nodding in Heidi's direction, causing him to scowl at me before returning his attention to the customers in front of him.
My phone began to vibrate, so I excused myself from Heidi and rushed back to my office to take the call. I looked at the caller ID and was excited to see it happened to be the one person I actually tried to get in tough with for the last three weeks.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Um. Is this Bella?" The quiet voice on the other end sounded nothing like I remembered.
"Yes, this is she." I replied, waiting for the caller to confirm who she was. I heard her breathe what sounded like a sigh of relief.
"Hi Bella. This is Tanya."
A/N: Just thought I would let you all know - there are three definite chapters left…possibly 4, plus an Epilogue. And I am going to try my very hardest to get the next chapter out quickly. Um…if you would be so kind, I would absolutely love some reviews…even if it just to tell me how much I suck for making you wait so long for this chapter.