10. MANLY BURGERS
[In GALLEY-LA PARK. TASHIGI sitting on a bench, holding an envelope.]
TASHIGI: Oh, I wonder what this is… [Opens envelope. Reads letter out loud.] "Dear Tashigi, I think you're a great – prison? No wait, person - but you really need to get… classes? Oh, glasses. You can be very… um…" [Squint] Ah. "Scary sometimes." [Pause] Huh. No signature. Aww, what cute smiley faces!
[TASHIGI gets up to leave. Trips on a weed. Runs into a tree.]
TASHIGI: Ouch…
SOGEKING: [Appearing randomly] You should've looked inside your heart.
[Inside POLICESTATION.]
GARP: Now listen here! I present to you, my ballet instructor!
BON CLAY: Bonjour! [Pirouettes]
COBY: Ack!
GARP: Starting from today, Mr. 2 will be teaching you how to dance!
HELMEPPO: Wait, what?
BON CLAY: This ain't no joke! [Laughs]
GARP: Right you are, Mr. 2! Gwahahaha!
COBY: Sir! Why does Helmeppo have to suffer too? He's not the Sugarbum fairy!
BON CLAY: What a beautiful friendship. [Sniff]
COBY: Shut up, you!
GARP: Gwahahaha! Helmeppo is your understudy!
HELMEPPO: Wait, what?
GARP: Anyways, we should start, eh?
BON CLAY: Oui, monsieur!
GARP: Then I'll leave you to it, Mr. 2! [Exits]
BON CLAY: Mes élèves! The only way to be successful in ballet is to follow the Okama Way! As-tu compris?
HELMEPPO: Wait, what?
BON CLAY: Now repeat after me: Un, deux, ORAAAA! OH COME MY WAAAAAAY!
COBY: … We're doomed.
[Inside SMOKER'S BEDROOM. TASHIGI enters clumsily.]
TASHIGI: Sir, you've received a letter!
SMOKER: Hnn.
[TASHIGI accidentally slits SMOKER's wrist with envelope.]
SMOKER: Argh!
TASHIGI: Egad! Don't worry sir, I'll get a Band-Aid!
SMOKER: No, no, just… just leave. [Unwraps random bandage off his neck and puts it on his wrist. Reduce, reuse, and recycle!]
TASHIGI: Yes sir, sorry sir! [Exits through wall.]
SMOKER: [Sigh] Let's see what this says… [Opens envelope] "Dear Mr. Wayne, I am concerned about your… unnatural behaviour. I advise you to go to a different pharmacist?" What! Stupid Two-Face, je ne suis pas fou!
[WHITEBEARD'S fastfood restaurant. ACE enters and prepares for work.]
ACE: G'morning… [Yawn]
JOZU: Ace, it's almost four in the afternoon.
ACE: [Blink] Really?
JOZU: Yes. [Twirls spatula.]
ACE: I see… (Suspicious) It's quiet… too quiet…
MARCO: [Bursts out of refrigerator] AAAAAAAAACE!
ACE: (Enlightened) Ah, no wonder it was quiet. [Screams in terror]
MARCO: Hi Ace! [Grin]
ACE: (Strained) Marco… you're crushing me…
MARCO: [Gasp] You have a crush on me? [Squeals]
ACE: Wait, what? No! Now get off!
[MARCO cries]
ACE: [Sigh] Why do you always go in there, anyways?
BB: Ahpairuntleh aht'z nahs ahn thahr.
ACE: Pardon?
BB: Nehvah mahnd, ambahsahl…
ACE: Pardon?
BB: Ahwsahm, ah cahn sahy wahtevah ah wahnt tew ahnd yew wahn't ahndahstahnd mah.
ACE: Pardon? Ah, whatever. [Goes to close fridge]
BB: ZEHAHAHAHAHA! Gas wahtt? Ah kahlled Thahtch ahnd naoh wahn wail evah fahnd awt! [Laughs maniacally]
ACE: Oh! I get it now. [Laughs] Blackbeard, you and your silly jokes… killing Thatch, pfft!
[THATCH's body falls out of the fridge and lands on ACE.]
BB: Dahyum.
ACE: ! [Flings corpse off of himself.] W-what was Thatch doing in there? [Spins around to stare at BB] Blackbeard!
[BB inching away slowly]
ACE: He's escaping! Someone get him!
[JOZU throws a boomespatularang into BB's head. BB collapses near the exit, unconscious.]
MARCO: Ah! Thatch died! [Wail]
ACE: Poor guy…
[MARCO cries]
JOZU: Yeah, I just called the old man. He'll be here soon. I'll take care of Blackbeard. [Flips BB into backroom with mega-spatula. Exits.]
ACE: Wait a minute, Marco… you were in the fridge! Why didn't you notice him earlier? How the heck did you not notice a dead body in the same refrigerator as you?
MARCO: Don't get angry, you and Jozu use it too… [Sniffles]
ACE: Yeah, but we don't go inside of it.
MARCO: I just thought he was another ingredient for the Manly Burgers! [Wibble]
ACE: How?
MARCO: (Contemplatively) Well, it looked exactly like all the other things in there!
ACE: Erk. [Throws up]