Heading down the hallway he hesitated at the infirmary doors. It would only take a moment to peak in but the more he debated the heavier his body grew. Giving in to his body, the screaming exhaustion sapping the last of this strength he wandered away somehow finding himself stood outside his quarters.

Slipping inside he flopped onto his bed the messy mass of sheets and blankets wrapping themselves around him. Piece by piece he tugged off his clothing letting them pile up beside him on the floor. His arms felt like lead making him fumble through every motion.

Slipping back on the bed he collapsed down pulling the sheets from under his legs. The cool sheets eased the ache from his body. His eyes slipped shut of their own accord his body relaxing into the bed with each passing second.

Like switching on a light his mind suddenly jerked awake snapping his eyes open to reveal the darkness around him. His mind fumbled trying to think what had awakened him. Reaching out his hand he tried to find his earpiece before realising it was still in his ear. Sloppily removing it he tossed it in the vague direction of the table beside his bed, the clattering that followed clearly meaning he had missed.

Turning to his side he flipped his pillow letting the coolness lull him to sleep again when he felt something against his leg. With his eyes still closed he reached out slipping the offending item free. Assuming it was one of the sheets bundled up he pulled it free of the bed intent on tossing it away when he noticed something. There was the faintest hint of the heady vanilla scent she always wore. With two hands now gripping the item he quickly realised it was his shirt, the shirt she had worn just a few hours before.

Despite his exhaustion he slipped out of bed stumbling in the darkness to the nearby chair where he placed the shirt before heading back to bed. Finding his usual comfy spot with ease he son nodded off embracing the quiet soft darkness that surrounded him.

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Sitting in the conference room's table the following morning the usual faces spread throughout, he was beyond pleased to know the majority of the city's female population were back to normal.

"There doesn't seem to be any side effects although there have been a few reports of severe headaches." Dr Beckett's voice sounded as sure and confident as it always did

"And a major case of embarrassment." Colonel Sheppard gestured with his hand as he spoke, his coffee cup waving around wildly.

"Well that to be expected in most cases. They did act very much out of character"

"And the most severe cases?" Woolsey barely looked up from his notebook as he asked.

"Mer…Dr Briggs and Lt Cadman are still sleeping. In both cases the fevers broke a few hours ago. They should be awake and well in the next few hours although the prospect of the headaches in their cases will be most probable and most likely quite severe. Both of their blood work came back clear however Dr Briggs is an anomaly so far."

"How so?"

"Assuming the pollen was in her system when she returned the vaccination she had shortly after would have set the reaction into action almost immediately yet she was one of the last to show any signs. And when Major Lorne brought her to the infirmary in the early hours her body had already begun to break it down. She was almost clear."

"That's why I didn't need the sedative, she was lucid."

"Enough to comprehend what you were saying but if it had been a stranger the outcome may not have been the same."

"When will Dr Keller be returning to her duties?"

"It should be late afternoon. She woke as I was leaving."

"Very well. Now the security response within the city." Woolsey's head whipped around to look at Sheppard and himself. Thankfully Sheppard started talking.

He could have groaned as the conversation went on and on. Between himself and Sheppard they had already assessed the speed with which the city reacted and had already set in motion new procedures but having them gone over and over again it was beyond dull.

Casting a glance around the room he almost chuckled when he saw Ronon dozing off at the far end of the table. The fact that no one noticed was a definite miracle. At that moment he envied him. Even with the few hours sleep he had gotten he still felt the ache of exhaustion. But he was well aware of the fact that duty calls.

When Woolsey finally called the meeting to a close he lingered in his seat giving himself a moment. But when he opened his eyes he found himself looking at the face of his CO.

"You look like hell." The smirk really adding to his delivery.

"Thank you sir." He wasn't too tired for sarcasm.

"Did you get any sleep at all?"

"A few hours. I was called to deal with an issue with Captain Tressa." He didn't add that the Captain had taken an hour to calm.

"Why didn't they call me?" His voice showed how puzzled he was even if his face didn't.

"You were sorting out Lieutenant Oxlodge at the time sir."

"She sure can shout I'll give her that. Could hear her two hallways away," He looked to be debating something with himself before he spoke again "Make it a short shift Major. The paperwork can wait."

"Yes sir."

Leaving his seat he lazily headed for his office feeling nothing like himself. The moment he stepped through the door he realised just how much work he had to do.

Shrugging he sat in his chair pulling the first task up with a deep sigh. The lines blurred, words merging together for a moment before he rubbed his eyes. They felt dry like his eyelids were scratching away at them. Pulling the chair in tighter he forced himself to see every word ignoring the yawns that continued to escape.

It was sometime later that he managed to send out the last few emails that he had. Resting his head into his hands he allowed himself a moment. In the small room the only thing he could hear was the gentle humming of the city lulling him towards the darkness. It was oddly comforting like an old blanket.

Somewhere in the depths of the darkness he could hear someone calling his name. He knew the voice. It was Sheppard plain as day. That was when everything crashed into him; the jungle, the reaction, the search through the city, the never ending paperwork and meetings. And the fact he had undoubtedly fallen asleep in his office. Snapping his eyes open he peered through his fingers seeing Sheppard sat in the chair opposite him, his feet perched on the edge of his desk.

"Sir?" Clearing his throat he did his best to look awake and alert.

"What time is it Major?" Looking down at his watch he couldn't stop the slip.

"Oh fu….Sorry sir. I must have dozed off." It was late. A lot later than the last time he had looked.

"Don't worry Major. Just go. It's passed the end of your normal day. When is your next scheduled day?"

"Day after tomorrow sir."

"Take tomorrow aswell," he opened his mouth about to protest but Sheppard held up his hand." You've already done all the paperwork for more than the next few days. I've actually nothing do to so neither do you. And I don't need you dropping on me in the middle of the next crisis. Go. Sleep. Enjoy. And Major?"

"Yes sir."

"It's an order."

"Yes sir!" He couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face. He liked his CO.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Regardless of the almost full nights sleep he had gotten he still felt tired as he trudged him was to breakfast. He had woken just before his alarm would have set off his body perfectly tuned in to his routine.

Sitting down at one of the furthest tables he spied his breakfast not truly wanting to eat any of it. His stomach protested that fact. He couldn't actually remember the last time he ate anything. Digging in his spoon he was pleased to find the porridge actually tasted like porridge this morning. The Chief obviously had her mojo back.

"She's awake Major." Parrish's overly gleeful voice stopped his spoon in midair. Looking up he wasn't surprised to watch him slide into the space opposite the rest of the team just steps behind. "I went into the infirmary yesterday afternoon and she was sat there wide awake. Cadman too."

"I stopped in last night and they were chatting away, mainly about you sir." Looking up from his bowl he looked to Michaels' smirking face. The thought of them talking about him was both terrifying and intriguing at the same time.

"Dr Keller is releasing them both today."

"You've all been to see her, them?" He waved his spoon in the group's general direction feeling a little bad at being the only one that hadn't seen her.

"Yes sir, whilst you were in meetings and battling paperwork. Figured she would want some company. She did a whole lot of apologising."

"So did Parrish." Michaels cut in around his mouthful of food.

"It was my plant that…."

"Like she said, not your fault." With that simple statement they all settled into their breakfast the small tidbit here and there being discussed. He however was several floors away thinking of his mountain of problems.

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Walking into the mess hall he looked around. It was late but there were still quite a few people in there but not her. As no one was sitting at their usual table he decided to wait and see if she would come by later. Turning for a coffee he sauntered over to the table sitting so he could see her regardless of how she entered.

Having been so busy he hadn't thought over everything that had happened, his mind being too exhausted to do anything the passed few days. Finding her had quelled some of the fear he had felt but not entirely, not until he had heard she was awake and chatting with Cadman. He couldn't help the thrill he felt when Michaels had told him they were talking about him when he went to visit. He didn't know what was being said and knowing Cadman it was everything he didn't want said.

In the corner of his eye he could see Parrish talking with a couple of other scientists. When he had first gone off world with him he could have shot him after barely ten minutes had passed. Even now he would catch himself before muttering something about stupid scientists but not with her. She was like Teyla: she had an air of calm about her that just instantly set him at ease. He knew she would be fine even on her first trip as pointless as that had turned out to be. He realised until she came along he hated the ones where they found nothing and did nothing but kill time. She changed that. A small smile or a light laugh and it made the journey worth it.

But it was the moments in the mess hall over a drink in the late evenings that he found his solace. So much had been taken away out here that he was starting to feel the balance was tipping. He had feared for so long that he would lose himself with the pain and the loss and the never ending struggle. His own family had barely recognised him when they were on Earth. His sister had been delighted to see him but even she told him he was different and it wasn't in a good way. The boys had made him laugh and made him play games with them. Only then did he realise how much he had missed and how much he had changed.

There was no one waiting for him back home aside from his family and each of them had their own lives to live. He had always been career military but having seen all the things he had he was beginning to second guess himself. No woman would want to play second fiddle to a military career but he wanted a life away from all this more than anything. Something to hold on to that wasn't a P-90. And for just a brief moment a few days ago he had it in his hands. He had almost felt like his old self and it had felt good.

Now the guilt at having possibly taking advantage of a friend was eating him up inside. She hadn't come searching for him since she was released from the infirmary and to be honest he wasn't surprised. He knew from Beckett that the events were a blur for both herself and Cadman only hints of what had gone on coming to light as time wore on. If she remembered what had gone on between them, what had almost happened would she really want to see him so soon?

The question of what it meant still lingered for him. If it truly had just been her mind overshadowed by hormones would she want to continue the close companionship they shared or would she blame him? He was guilty regardless of whether she was there to be with him willingly or not. Even taking everything into account, even the fact that at that point he didn't know what was going on he should still have put a stop to it, stopping it from becoming what it had for the sake of their professional relationship more than anything.

Looking around he realised he was alone. Glancing at his watch he realised it was late. She hadn't come. If she had he wasn't sure what he would have said to her anyway but at least he tried. Heading towards his room shoulders slumped he realised he didn't have the energy for this anymore.

He was steps away from his quarters when he caught sight of a figure stood outside his door. Approaching he stepped up behind her only to have her turn letting out a yelp of surprise when she found him there.

"Sorry."

"It's ok. I'm still a little jumpy." Her hand was pressed into her chest a small embarrassed smile gracing her face.

"Understandable given what's happened."

"I suppose. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure." Leaning around her he swiped his hand allowing her to go first as the doors opened.

At a few paces from his bed she stopped her gaze swinging to the other side of the room. He had never seen her nervous or fidget but when she turned to look at him he could see just how much she wanted to get away. The moment of silence between them was awkward making his toes want to curl.

"I've spent most of the day going around all the people I caused any trouble. Aside from my brothers the only person I actually hurt was Colonel Sheppard and he seemed more amused than hurt. Not really sure whether that was because I actually hit him or because I was apologising for it. But I saved you for last." Her fingers were twisting around and around as she spoke a mindless action that made the moment even worse.

"You don't have to…"

"I do. You are probably one of the people I'm closest to and I put you in a very awkward position and I shouldn't have done that. I can't explain what I was thinking because honestly I have no clue. Most of it is a blur at best but I remember you."

"It wasn't you."

"It was. It's hard to explain but it was. It's like there was no filter between what I thought and what I did."

"That's the reaction. Your hormones were all over the place. Can you honestly say that anything that you did you would do right now."

"No. I guess not," The moment the words left her mouth he felt like someone had just sucker punched him in the gut. There was his answer plain as day. She didn't want him. She couldn't even look at him finding the pattern on the door much more interesting. "I should go."

He watched her practically run from the room her fingers still twisting around themselves as she left. Everything he had worried over, every minute little fear that he was in the wrong smacked him in the face. Reaching for one of the empty glasses beside his bed he threw it across the room, the sound of it shattering as it struck the wall oddly comforting. Walking over he let the crunch of the glass beneath his boots seep into him.

Crouching down he lifted the largest piece only for its jagged edge to cut into his thumb. Instinctively dropping it he looked at the trickle of blood now forming. Sucking it he looked down thinking the broken glass looked a lot like his life. Cold, empty and in pieces.

"Fine mess you got yourself into, Evan."

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A/N: Well there you go. It was interesting reading through this again and changing a few bits. I hope those who have read it enjoyed it. There will be more from these two as I write and rewrite some other pieces for them. They may get their happy ever after.