Chapter Eleven

They found him all sphinxish and haughty in his usual morning spot, in the kitchen making tea. They had taken the precaution of entering the building separately, but now they approached Jane together as he lazily dipped his tea bag in his cup.

Rigsby spoke first. "Jane? We want to ask you a question."

He didn't turn around from the counter. "You went out on Friday, got drunk, had crazy monkey sex and have decided that you're made for each other. Now you need advice on how to break it to Lisbon. Am I warm?"

They both flinched. All his arrows hit their mark with dizzying accuracy and stung just as badly. "Jesus, Jane. You make it sound so sleazy. And we weren't that drunk."

With that, he turned and smiled kindly. "Ah, l'amour."

Grace tapped her foot and whispered hotly. "Look, just shut up and help us."

"Was I right?"

She squinted. "About what?"

"Rigsby being an excellent lover?"

"You knew he would be."

Jane shrugged as he sat at the kitchenette. "Doesn't mean I don't like vindication."

"Fine. He's unbelievable. Incredible. Magnificent. Insatiable. Happy?"

Rigsby looked at Grace with embarrassed pride. "Really? You think I'm magnificent?"

Grace shot him stern glare and he lowered his head to hide his grin. Jane laughed and slapped his knee lightly. "Excellent. So, sexy synonyms aside, what's your plan?"

Grace and Rigsby sat down with him, keeping their voices as low as possible. "Well," Grace said. "We don't want to lie to the boss, but we don't want to leave either. We thought you might know how best to handle this."

"Liars." There was no accusation in the statement.

Grace bristled. "We're not lying, Jane. We really don't want to go. And Lisbon does listen to you."

He chuckled. "That, dear Grace, is only one aspect. The truth is that you both knew I'd deduce your relationship the minute you walked in the door. Now you're cutting me off at the pass to make sure I don't say anything damaging to our dear lady leader. True?"

Rigsby grimaced. "Okay, yeah. That too. You can't blame us, can you? I mean, we figured we'd try and get you on our side first. You've been hassling me to ask Grace out for months. The least you can do is back me up."

"What?" Grace looked startled as she swung a glance between them.

Jane sipped his tea. "It doesn't matter. So, you want me to waltz in there and inform Lisbon that you're sleeping together, but that it won't compromise your work despite the inevitable emotional strain that comes with police work, and you don't feel the CBI rules should apply to you. Does that sum it up?"

Grace and Rigsby looked at each other. Okay, yeah. It sounded bad when you put it like that. Rigsby cleared his throat. "Yes."

Jane set his cup down, his eyes twinkling merrily. "I accept."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, Lisbon. You knew this was inevitable. Why make a big deal about it? Just let them date discreetly. No one outside the unit need ever know."

Jane stood relaxed and playful in the middle of Lisbon's office as the petite brunette glared daggers at him. His news was most unwelcome, and his defense of it was acutely irritating.

"Rules are rules, Jane."

"I break them all the time, you don't throw me out."

Her hands made a choking motion as she spoke. "You're not an agent, I don't hold you to the same standard as I do the rest of my team. And the day is young, I may throw you out yet."

Jane waved a dismissive hand as if the idea of him getting booted was ridiculous. "Look, we both know you're just going through the indignant motions here. You'll wax angry and bossy for a few hours, capitulate and finally acquiesce. Why don't we just skip to that part? Rigsby and Van Pelt are perfect for each other. They're both professionals, they'll ensure their work doesn't suffer. You know this better than anyone, so why threaten them with expulsion?"

"Why are you talking about it like I'm an overprotective mom, Jane? I didn't write the CBI protocol, nor do I get to cherry pick which rules I follow and which ones I write off as polite suggestions. Team members who become romantically involved become liabilities to the rest of us. They can't be trusted to make rational decisions."

"Hogwash."

"Reality. If Rigsby had a choice to send Cho or Van Pelt into a shootout, who do you think he'd choose?"

"Either would be an acceptable choice. And Cho has more experience. Sending Cho would make as much sense if not more. Next hypothetical?"

"You're missing the point. He'd protect Van Pelt, no matter what."

"He does that anyway and you've yet to reprimand him. And you're not giving Van Pelt her due. You think she'd allow herself to be sidelined by her boyfriend? She's not here on a cheerleading scholarship. She's here to work. I'm not hearing any serious problems here, Teresa."

Lisbon threw up her hands in exasperation.

Jane's demeanor softened. "They love each other, Lisbon. Real, honest-to-God love. How often to people get that chance?"

"They can have it, Jane, but one of them has to leave. I'm not stopping their relationship, I'm just protecting the integrity of my team."

"Come on. Just talk to them about it and give them a chance. Make it clear that you won't tolerate preferential treatment in the field or smooching in the office. Be big and bad and scary, but let them stay. They both love you dearly. It would kill either one of them to leave."

Lisbon sighed and buried her face in her hands. "And why exactly are you in front of me instead of them?"

Jane smiled and shrugged. "They felt it wise to employ a consigliere. They fear and revere you on a normal day, never mind on a day when they've broken the rules. No doubt they felt they wouldn't be able to verbalize or defend their situation as well as I can. Plus," he gave her a flirty wink. "They know you can't say no to me."

"God, save me from these people." She groaned into her hands. At last she looked up to him and he knew with absolutely certainty. He'd won.

"Send them in here, Jane."

"Right away, ma'am."

"Shut up with ma'am business and just do it."

Jane went in search of the lovebirds.