UNPLANNED PARENTHOOD

--

"You know," Aaron began as his hands rubbed his wife's shoulders. "AJ's eighteen months old."

"I know," Emily agreed, dragging out the end of her words on a moan.

"We should think about which one of us is going to leave the BAU. We can't keep leaving AJ with Fran while we're off travelling," he replied. In reality, he didn't want to talk about this with her. He didn't want to think about either of them leaving the BAU. He couldn't imagine the team without either of them or one of them. The dynamic of the team was well honed. They were comfortable with each other. The thought of screwing with the team dynamics, the well-honed beauty of their team, made his skin crawl.

Emily sighed. "I know," she replied. "I don't know what to do."

"Me either," he replied softly. "Why do we have to leave?"

"Because AJ needs someone here for her. So does anyone else who may come along."

Aaron's hands stopped. "Any one else who comes along? Is there something you're not telling me?"

She rolled over as he fell to the side so they faced each other. "We've never talked about more kids," she said, almost as if she was scared.

"I never thought about it," he admitted. "Jack and Annie... I never thought of another kid."

"Another little you?"

"Or a little you," she replied.

Aaron had to think about it. It wasn't all that long ago, or didn't feel like that long ago, that AJ had started sleeping through the night. He loved his daughter, dearly and with everything in him, but he liked time with his wife too. He had to decide if he wanted to wait. Emily wasn't getting any younger and he knew that if she wanted another child, it would have to be soon.

Her sigh brought him back. "Never mind," she said. "Forget I even mentioned it."

"If you want another child, then we have to talk about this, Emily," he said, reaching out to brush his fingertips over the soft skin of her cheek.

"I don't want to force you into a decision," she replied. "I don't want you to feel pressure because of what I want. I love AJ and I adore Jack and I can be happy with or without another child."

But Aaron knew how rewarding motherhood had been for Emily. There were times he was sure she found it more rewarding than her job. He could see it in the look on her face as she watched AJ and Jack play in the backyard through the kitchen window. It wasn't that he didn't want another child, it was that he felt like he had to choose between breaking up the BAU family and adding to his own. His gut was telling him that if Emily had another child, she would be much more insistent about being more accessible to her children. As much as Aaron admired that about her, he feared drastic change just as much as the rest of the team.

--

Emily watched the emotions play across her husband's face with trepidation. This conversation had the potential to shatter her heart into a million tiny pieces. It was important to her that he want another child before she told him the possibility of it coming true in about eight months. She'd first noticed it almost two weeks ago when she'd gone into the break room for her morning cup of coffee only to bolt out of the room straight to the bathroom. Once again, Derek was the first to know, worriedly knocking on the bathroom door. Emily had sighed and confided in her best friend that the last time she had emptied her stomach at the smell of coffee had been the early months of her pregnancy with AJ Derek had sat with her while she made an appointment with her doctor. It had been confirmed a few days later and while Emily was elated, she was a little nervous about what Aaron's reaction would be, especially since they hadn't talked about more children.

She found herself holding her breath as his hand stroked her head through her hair. "Emily..."

Her eyes closed. She knew that tone of voice and it didn't bode well for her baby. But there was nothing she was wiling to do to change her baby. Which meant that she had to find some way to make him see that this life inside of her was worth it. "Don't."

"Listen," he pleaded. He cupped her face in his hands. "Emily, do you want another child? Honestly?"

She couldn't stop the tear that leaked out of her eyes and he cursed herself for allowing them to slip. "Aaron, we don't get the choice anymore."

She refused to open her eyes when his hand stopped carding through her hair. "Emily..."

She turned her head away dislodging his hand from her hair as she rolled over. Her hand went to her stomach as she stood. She couldn't stay lying in bed with him knowing that there was the serious possibility that he didn't want the life growing inside of her. She made her way down the hall to her daughter's room, to the same rocking chair she'd gotten with Aaron at AJ's birth. Since AJ's birth, the rocking chair, rocking her daughter sleep, was the only place she could think, the only place she truly felt at ease. It was the place where she could think.

AJ was asleep had been since story time at about 7:30. Emily's hand went to her unborn child. The baby she was carrying was her little girl's brother or sister. She didn't know what she was going to do now. She didn't know. AJ's bed had been converted so it had bars. Emily removed them quickly, just enough that she could crawl in with AJ. The little girl whimpered, but cuddled into her mother as Emily wrapped her arms around AJ' little body. She buried her head in AJ's hair and held on.

--

Aaron felt like a right idiot.

He'd been too shocked to say anything when Emily implied she was pregnant. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He'd never, in a million years, regret a child. But all of a sudden, to have that child already growing, to know there's a person living that there was a sibling there for Jack and AJ, picturing Emily pregnant again...

But those worries came back to him again. He remembered those torturous weeks away from her with a new aent, even if they were temporary. AJ was worth every minute, there was no doubt about it. And AJ still interrupted the little time he had with his wife.

So he hadn't followed her. Between shock and needing time to absorb the news of his impending fatherhood, there was no way he was moving. Now he had to figure out what to say to Emily. Because now that he'd had time to consider his new child, the rest of it didn't seem to matter anymore. It didn't matter if Emily would want to leave the BAU permanently. It didn't matter that the dynamics of his well-oiled machine would be inreevocably changed. What mattered was his family. What mattered was that right now, Emily thought he didn't want the child growing within her. And now that he'd had time to absorb it, he wanted to make it clear to Emily that this baby was a surprise, yes, but he would never want a child with a woman that continually approved not only to be a gorgeous woman, and an exceptionally competent agent, but a fantastic mother on top of it.

And he knew exactly where she was.

It broke his heart to see Emily curled around AJ. They were adorable like that, almost his entire world curled up under a bright yellow comforter. Aaron sat down on the edge, his hand coming out to brush his hand over her cheek. "Emily, I know you're not asleep."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said stubbornly.

"We have to talk about it, sweetheart," he replied. "I need you to listen to me."

"I don't need to hear you say you don't want this baby. I can't."

"It was a surprise, that's all. I've never really thought about having another baby. Just because it was a shock, doesn't mean I don't want it to exist."

Emily sniffled. "But you don't want it."

"I don't want to have this conversation over Annie's sleeping body, Emily."

It was with reluctance that she uncurled herself from AJ's bed and tucked the blankets back around the year-and-a-half-old girl. They made their way downstairs the room they both considered neutral ground in their home. Aaron turned to her, having led the way downstairs, and took both of her hands.

"I need you to listen, Emily. What I'm going to say is important."

"I'm not six, Aaron."

"No, but you're being stubborn," Aaron replied. "And I know you. You're not always open-minded when you're being stubborn."

She rolled her eyes.

"Emily, I mean it."

--

She met his eyes. They were pleading with her to listen and she took a deep breath, tamping down her emotions and pulling up the infinite trust she had in him. "I'm listening."

"You can't assume I don't want this baby, honey," he said quickly.

"You didn't sound like you wanted it," she replied, voice extremely soft.

"You didn't give me a chance to absorb the news. I want this baby, if you don't believe anything else, believe that."

The truth was right in his eyes, the brutal honesty bare for her to see. "I believe you," she promised. "But I don't understand."

"I hadn't thought about another baby. Annie's still a baby herself. But still, another little life..." His hand came to rest on her still-flat stomach.

"Why would you make it sound like you didn't want another baby?"

"Because I was being selfish," he said, apology written all over his face. "This means so many things for us."

"What are you thinking?" she asked, squeezing the hand she still held.

"That this makes it even less likely you'll come back to the team after this baby. That we're going to go back to sleepless nights," he replied.

Emily took a deep breath. "One of us will always need to be there. Two young children... They need a parent here full time. It makes sense for me to start in a new position after returning from maternity leave," she replied.

"Or I can be here for them," Aaron proposed. "Emily, let me be here for my kids."

"Being away from AJ is difficult enough," she argued back. "And I'm going to have to come out anyway to give birth."

He sighed and she stepped easily into his outstretched arms. "Can we discuss it later?"

Emily chuckled. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said, kissing her brow.

"Me too," she replied. She breathed deep allowing his scent to relax her body like it usually did.

"Let's go upstairs," he said, his hand threading through her hair as he cupped the back of his head.

She laughed, but submitted to his kiss. "I'm in the mood for a bath." She took his hand and made it to the bottom of the stairs before he tugged her back.

"Tell me again," he requested.

Her smile was secretive and a little shy. "I'm pregnant."

Aaron's smile stretched across his face as he kissed her.